1. The North Carolina 4th Grade Writing Test: FOCUS LESSON
The Mall of America-
You Can’t Tell It All
Kathy Bumgardner

2. The Mall of America…You Can’t Tell It ALL…

3. It is the morning of the North Carolina Fourth Grade Writing Test
It is the morning of the North Carolina Fourth Grade Writing Test. A 4th grade student opens up her writing test to find the following prompt that she will need to respond to:

4. NC 4th Grade Writing Prompt
Tell about a time that you had fun with a friend or a relative. Write a story about a fun time with a friend or a relative.

5. The 4th Grade girl began to think: I have had many fun times.
What should I write about?
I think maybe my trip to see my friend Lauren last year.
But we did SO MANY fun things that weekend!

6. My teacher has told us we have to write about ONE MAIN EVENT.
I think I will write about the MALL of AMERICA….but that is TOO BIG to focus on as one WOW Moment!
What are the things we did at the Mall of America?

7. The Mall of America:
It is a really BIG place!

8. We walked around and saw many wonderful stores and lots of people…
We walked around and saw many wonderful stores and lots of people….I could write about one of those…OR…

9. We even saw a live show with real singers and a band. It was cool
We even saw a live show with real singers and a band. It was cool. I could write about that….OR….

10. There was even an amusement park that was IN the mall
There was even an amusement park that was IN the mall! It was called Camp Snoopy and we spent almost 2 hours just in the park!

11. In Camp Snoopy we saw a ferris wheel, some swings, the log flumes.
We even went shopping in the SNOOPSHOP and bought some hats.

12. But when we went up on this bridge in the park we could see all around
But when we went up on this bridge in the park we could see all around. That's when we saw the roller coaster that went all the way around the park and way up into the air. WOW! We ran straight to get a ride on that coaster!

13. Things we did that were fun:
The Mall of America:
Things we did that were fun:
Went shopping in stores
Saw lots of people
Watched a real band on stage
Went into an amusement park inside of the mall called Camp Snoopy

14. I liked Camp Snoopy…the amusement park… the best:
Shopped for hats in the Snoop Shop
Rode some great rides

15. I can narrow it to the rides….
Ferris Wheel
Swings
Log Flumes
Roller Coaster 

16. That is it! I remembered the ROLLER COASTER RIDE. Wow….!
That is something I could write my story about!!
Roller Coaster

17.  I am going to write about the ride that Lauren and I took on that ROLLER COASTER at the Mall of America. That will make a great WOW Moment!
I can put the ride into SLOW MOTION REPLAY and show my readers why it was so much fun!

18. My story is going to be about….
MY FOCUS STATEMENT:
My story is going to be about….
…the time that I had fun with my friend Lauren when we rode the roller coaster at the Mall of America…

19. What did I see? What did I hear? What did I think? What did I feel?
What was my body doing?
What was I saying?
SLOW MOTION REPLAY

20. MY PLAN: Rising Actions:
Who: Lauren and me
What: a fun time on the roller coaster at Mall of America
When: Cold February
Where: Minnesota- Mall of America
Rising Actions:
Arrive at mall
Head to amusement park
Describe- huge, lots of rides
See roller coaster- goes around whole park

21. MAIN EVENT: The Roller Coaster Ride
Getting on
Jerking forward
Zooming and screaming
Dark tunnel- see statues
Going up and down hills- tipping in-ward
Scared of falling out
Everyone frozen with fear
Lights blinking high up

22. We tell each other that we had fun We go to next ride
CLOSING ACTIONS:
Pull back in
We hop out
CONCLUSION:
We tell each other that we had fun
We go to next ride

23. Introduction
A time I had fun with a friend was when I went to Minneapolis, Minnesota on a chilly February morning to visit the great Mall of America. I was 10 years old and had come to visit one of my best friends Lauren. Lauren had moved with her family to Minnesota from Greensboro, and I was happy to get to visit her again. That morning we decided to go to the huge Mall of America. We had quite a time!

24. Rising Actions
At about 11:00 we were out the door and almost there. When we arrived, we jumped out of the car and headed for the door. We went in and ran straight to the giant amusement park. It was a huge place, with huge rides! There was a ferris wheel, a roller coaster, a log flume, giant swings and much, much more! Of course we ran straight for the roller coaster. It was a huge roller coaster with steel green tracks that went swiftly around the whole amusement park.

25. Main Event
When it was finally our turn to get on, Lauren and I hopped into the first seat. My mom and Lauren’s mom were right behind us. My heart was pounding as we awaited the ride. Then, all of a sudden the ride jerked us forward and off we were! We were zooming across the place with our arms in the air and screaming our head off! Boy were we speeding! We were going as fast as a speeding bullet! Suddenly, we were in a dark tunnel, with Paul Bunyan moving statues spinning all around us.

26. Main Event (continued….)
The roller coaster was going up a hill-like thing and then it started speeding downward again. Wow!I felt like I would fall off because the roller coaster was tipping in-ward pulling my body foward. I’m going to fall out I thought while terror gripped my stomach. My hands were clenching the slippery bar with excitement. Suddenly I felt wild and free as we raced down the gigantic tracks.
“This is so much fun!” I screamed. No one else answered. I think they were frozen with fear.

27. Main Event (continued….)
In the blink of an eye we were on the other side of the amusement park passing by a store. Lights shone in our eyes as we squinted because they were as bright as the afternoon sun. We were above everything there and high in the air.

28. Closing Actions
When we pulled back into the place where you get on, we all hopped out. Lauren and I almost fell over as we stumbled together dizzily.

29. Conclusion
“That was so fun!” we both screamed with excitement as we hugged each other. Giggling, we skipped merrily over to the next ride. That was a time I had fun with a friend.

30. Was there a beginning, a middle, and an end? Was the story complete?
Was this story focused?
Was there a beginning, a middle, and an end? Was the story complete?
Did most of the details and elaboration fit the story and help the reader “see” the story?
Did she choose interesting words that fit and use a variety of sentences?
Did she use mostly correct spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and complete sentences in this story?

31. Did her Mall of America story have all of these?
Parts of a narrative:
AN INTRODUCTION
RISING ACTIONS
MAIN EVENT
CLOSING ACTIONS
CONCLUSION
Did her Mall of America story have all of these?

32. FEATURES of GOOD WRITING
Focus
Organization
Support & Elaboration
Style
Conventions

33. Remember that when planning a narrative that you must be able to choose a topic that you can manage in that “Moment in time”.
It must be “narrow” enough to be able to focus on in one story. It should be focused on one “Moment in Time”…one WOW Moment….one MAIN EVENT.

34. What is a MAIN EVENT?

35. *This is what a story is building up to.
What is a MAIN EVENT?
*This is what a story is building up to.
*The main event is what the story is really all about.
*It is unfolded as the story is told.
*It is the CENTRAL PROBLEM, CONFLICT, DILEMMA, or MAJOR PART OF THE ADVENTURE.
*It may even be the STRUGGLE.

36. The MAIN EVENT changes the main character in some way:
*They will never forget it.
*They have learned a lesson.
*They have had a change of heart.
*They have gained something new.

37. The MAIN EVENT carries significance.
*It is something worth writing about.
*It is the major scene in a play.
*It is the major part of a chapter.
*It is that one vacation or field trip picture that highlights the best part of the whole trip.
*It is that WOW moment in time
frame by frame.
*It is the “slow motion replay”….

38. A Main Event
Should Contain Some or
All of the Following:
ACTION-What are you doing? What is going on around you? Show your reader.
DESCRIPTION-What does it look like? What do you see? What do you smell? How does it feel to your skin?

39. Use conversation strategically!
THOUGHTS / FEELINGS-What are you thinking? How are you feeling?
DIALOGUE-What are you saying? What are others saying? (Caution: Do not list… “he said…I said…he said…” )
Use conversation strategically!

40. Stretching It Out See Hear Think Feel
Saying
To Others
What do you see around you at this moment?
What do you hear around you at this moment?
What are you thinking?
How are you feeling at this moment?
What are you saying to others around you?

41. Spicing Up My Writing Style
How it’s said…
Substitute Words
In a happy way…..
laughed, joked, rejoiced, giggled, lilted, sang out…
In a sad way…..
Cried, agonized, sobbed, groaned, sniveled, wept, lamented, mourned…
In an angry way….
Raged, miffed, fumed, seethed, thundered, retorted, blurted….

42. Remember to STAY FOCUSED !!!
Above all….
Remember to STAY
FOCUSED !!!

43. What’s the MAIN EVENT?
Trip to Disney World or The Scary Roller Coaster Ride?
Fun at the Beach or Finding a Special Shell?
The Best Field Day Ever or Winning the Tug of War Event with My Class
My Favorite Christmas or a Surprise Bike for Christmas

44. ORGANIZE with a beginning, middle, and end
Remember….that when planning to write to a prompt that you should choose a topic and plan your story so that you can:
FOCUS on a whole story
ORGANIZE with a beginning, middle, and end
SUPPORT and ELABORATE with details that help your reader SEE your story….bring your story to life!
Add STYLE- wise word choice/variety
Use correct CONVENTIONS

45. Happy Writing !