1. Sexuality Education Programs for Parents: Helping Children Develop a Reverence for Life University Faculty for Life, Life and Learning XV Ann Arbor, MI – June 4, 2005 Mary Lee O’Connell, C.R.N.P.

2. Evangelium Vitae It is an illusion to think that we can build a true culture of human life if we do not help the young to accept and experience sexuality and love and the whole of life according to their true meaning and in their close interconnection. Pope John Paul II

3. The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality The Pontifical Council on the Family makes it clear that parents should be the “original and primary, irreplaceable and inalienable, educators of the children.”

4. What research tells us Close to nine out of ten adults who want to talk with their child about sex don’t know what to say, how to say it, or when to start. 59% of teens (age 12-19) named their parents as their role models for “healthy, responsible relationships.” National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

5. Children learn by what you do, not by what you tell them.

6. Parents: Missing an Opportunity? 88% of teens said it would be easier to postpone sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have” more open, honest conversations with parents.” Less than half of teens strongly agreed they are getting a clear message that teen pregnancy is wrong. National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

7. Children are more likely to delay sexual activity if mothers….. Take a firm, unequivocal line against premarital sex Have a good relationship with teen - If satisfied with mother’s relationship, teen is twice as likely to abstain than teens with a low level of satisfaction Avoid discussing birth control 1996 Family Planning Perspectives, 28(4), 159-165

8. Parents’ Key Message: The Goodness of the Body God only gives good gifts The creation of man and woman – God “found it very good” (Gen 1:31 ) The Theology of the Body - Pope John Paul II Our Power to Love ― God’s Gift of Our Sexuality by Family Honor

9. How we learn to love

10. Parents to Kids: The Gift is Good Hail Mary – “Blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.” “…you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works” (Ps.139:13-14). “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. The man and his wife were both naked, yet they felt no shame.” (Gen. 2: 24-25)

11. The Virtue of Modesty God’s wonderful gift deserves respect and protection Virtue includes language, reading, conduct, gestures and thought The message that clothing choices give Establish a good habit early, 6 or 7 yrs old, with both sons and daughters when you control shopping.

12. Why 15-17 year olds don’t ask parents? Concern about parents’ reaction (83%) Worry parents would think they are having sex (78%) Don’t know how to bring up the subject (77%) Believe parents would not understand (64% ) Kaiser Family Foundation (2002)

13. Elements of Programs 1. Parents’ Memories – were values shared? Plan what you will teach 2. When to start – “age appropriate” 3. How to be an “askable” parent –know frequently asked questions & answers 4. Terminology – message from slang 5. Parents vs. the Media – how to be a “media manager”

14. Elements of Programs 1. Parents’ Memories Many instinctively “parent” their children the same way they were raised. Without looking back, the same negative things may be repeated. Small group discussions let parents realize they are not alone in their concerns. Learn how to share personal values and beliefs as well as the factual information.

15. Elements of Programs 2. When to start ? Parents have the right & responsibility to be their child’s primary sexuality educator. You are normal - “designed by loving God” Easier to talk before embarrassing puberty changes begin. Learn “age appropriate” puberty education and sex education. Use natural teaching moments.

16. Every night a prayer can be said for the new baby growing in mommy’s tummy Jamie Kalowsky

17. Elements of Programs 3. Being an “askable” parent Parents can create an atmosphere that gives “permission to ask” questions. Never want the child to think he/she made a mistake asking their parents. Know frequently asked questions. Learn what is an age-appropriate answer. Role-play how to answer the questions.

18. Elements of Programs 4. Terminology Most important body parts are the parts that make us a girl or boy. We cover these parts out of respect. Correct anatomical terms are more respectful than slang. If not taught correct terms for sexual body parts, the child may conclude some body parts are bad or dirty.

19. Elements of Programs 5. Parents vs. the Media Alert parents to internet, TV, video game, music and movie dangers How to have age-appropriate talks with sons & daughters about pornography Have small groups role-play how to explain, “What does the church have against porn? Web resources to help parents become – “media managers”

20. Next Step: Parent-Child Programs Encourage parent-child communication and help child develop virtues & skills Questions and concerns are normal Other families believe sexuality is a gift from God that deserves respect 5 th & 6 th grade – puberty education 7 th & 8 th grade – abstinence/chastity ed. Form a supportive parent network

21. Parent-Child Workshops (Project Genesis Family Workshops) Fertility appreciation (Puberty Education) shares God’s plan for the gift of sexuality, prepares child for physical and psychological changes of puberty and answers age-appropriate questions. How to save sex for marriage (Sexuality Education) focuses on abstinence/chastity, falsehoods behind media’s “safe sex” message, encourages parent- child communication and help teens develop virtues and skills needed to make right decisions Leaflet Missal Company, St. Paul, MN, USA

22. Activities from “How to Save Sex for Marriage: A Family Workshop” Communication - How well do you know your parent? How well do you know your teen? Family Values Interview; The Readiness Questions; Setting Standards Skills Building – The Trouble Rule (the questions to ask if you’re not sure); Refusal Skills Model; Effective Ways to Say “No” Leaflet Missal Company, St. Paul, MN, USA

23. Family Honor (www.familyhonor.org) Learning & Loving (for parents only) Changes & Challenges (for parents with their 6 th grade son or daughter) Real Love & Real Life (for parents with their 7 th or 8 th grade son or daughter) Created to Love: Honoring God’ Gift (for parents with their high school teens) CD-ROM-based teacher training program

24. Family Honor’s SPICE Flower

25. Sexuality Education Programs for Parents: Develop Reverence for Life Churches & schools have the responsibility to assist parents in guiding children to develop a reverence for life, the right to life for every human person. Increase parent-child communication What to say, how to say it and when to start PLUS how to integrate values and beliefs into child’s education

26. www.ParentsAndKidsTalking.com

27. What are kids asking AbstinenceFriendsPornography AIDS/STDsGod & SexPregnancy Asking Parents?HomosexualityPremarital sex Bad TouchHow to say noPuberty BirthIntercourseRelationships BullyingLoveSex CondomsMasturbationSexual Pressure ContraceptionModestyVirginity DatingOral sex