1. Bob Brinker, M.A. Parent and Community Education Specialist
Engaging Fathers
Bob Brinker, M.A.
Parent and Community Education
Specialist

2. “Childrearing advice has always been dispensed as if men and women look at parenting through the same lens – or with the basic assumption that only mothers would be listening anyway..…. Parenting advice is really a euphemism for ‘mothering advice.”
Why Parents Disagree
Dr. Ron Taffel

3. Golden Rule
“If we hope to attract, engage, and retain fathers we must honor the differences between moms and dads, acknowledging these differences as just that, differences without implying that one style of parenting should be preferred over the other.”

4. Parenting Styles Stronger focus on behavior Rough and tumble play
Dad's Style
Mom’s Style
Stronger focus on behavior
Rough and tumble play
Big Picture/down the road
Teaching about life(problem solving approach)
Stronger focus on the relationship
Calmer, relaxed form of play
Details/here and now
Teaching about emotions and empathy

5. Father Friendly Programming
Why – critical to program success
Why – leads to happy, well-adjusted children and families
Why – you will more effectively engage fathers and strengthen families and communities
Why – children are less likely to engage in drugs, drop out of school, live in poverty,
engage in sexual activity.

6. Father Friendly Check-Up
National Fatherhood Initiative
Leadership development
Organizational development
Program development
Community engagement

7. Keys to Effective Father Engagement

8. “What I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand.”
Confucius

9. Belief System Dads matter. Dads and moms are different
Children want and need their fathers.
Fathers come in different situations and
circumstances.
Father’s role is greatly influenced by culture.
An absent/noninvolved father does not necessarily. indicate a lack of love towards his children.

10. Dad’s Matter
“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” George Herbert “Like father, like son.” Latin Proverb “You have to dig deep to bury your father.” Gypsy Proverb

11. Dad’s Matter
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Theodore Hesburg “Don’t be the man you think you should be. Be the father you wished you had.” Letty C. Pogrebin

12. Divorced/separated dads Deployed/military dads
Fathers
Single dads
Married dads
Divorced/separated dads
Incarcerated dads
Deployed/military dads
Foster/adoptive dads
Stepdads
Teen dads

13. Barriers to Father Involvement
What keeps dads away?

14. Roadblocks to Father Involvement
Mothers as gatekeepers
Lack of confidence in parenting skills
Children to other relationships
Culture/societal expectations
Lack of problems
Incarceration
Personal problems
Finances
Distance
Deployment
Emotional pain

15. Papa’s got a brand new excuse
Fresh Prince
Papa’s got a brand new excuse

17. Inadequate Fathering Absent father Disengaged/uninvolved father
Abusive father
Critical father

18. A Father’s Job Description
Defining fatherhood

19. The Good Father

20. The Bad Father

21. Fathers
Provide
Protect
Nurture
Teach

22. Working with Fathers
What works?

23. Five Principles
The ability to parent successfully is a learned set of behaviors.
Mothers and fathers parent differently using their unique gifts that can be referred to as mothering and fathering.
There all universal aspects of fathering that exist in all cultures.
Any father, given a chance, can be a great father and parent.
The facilitator is critical to the program’s success.

24. Bob’s Guide for Working with Dads

25. Honor their Knowledge and Strengths
Life experiences.
Dealt with adversity (hear their stories).
Use a strength-based solution-focused model (what’s working).
Help them know that they are important.
Create a vision (“I have a dream!”).
Support them in their quest.
Celebrate their successes.

26. Make it Fun and Interactive
Men disclose and share more while doing!

27. It’s More than a Parenting Program
Redefining Fatherhood

28. The Great Santini

30. Healing the father wounds Satisfying our father hunger
Help Men Heal
Healing the father wounds
Satisfying our father hunger

31. “If you build it, he will come!”
Field of Dreams
“If you build it, he will come!”

34. “Forgiveness is giving up your hope for a different past.”
There’s wisdom in the wound.

35. Sharing Our Wisdom

36. Bob Brinker
ParentWISE of FSWP
211 Huff Ave., Suite 1
Greensburg, PA 15601
ext. 704