Marriage and Family …God’s Way

Marriage and Family …God’s Way
by Charlie Brackett

Godly marriage is rare….
Lesson 1: The Marriage Relationship Godly marriage is rare…. Divorce rate increased since 70’s Annual U.S. rate is almost half the number of marriages Second marriages even more likely to fail Some marriage counsellors say we can’t know how marriage began Best marriage counsel is in the Bible

Upon what divine relationship did God institute the home?
1. Upon what divine relationship did God institute the home? “Scriptural” marriage between one man and one woman Genesis 2:21-24 “Be fruitful and multiply” Genesis 1:28 Family begun Genesis 4:1, 2

Who are parties to every marriage contract? Gen 1:27; 2:18, 21-24
2. Who are parties to every marriage contract? Gen 1:27; 2:18, 21-24 God is Designer and Creator - Gen 2:20‑23 He is marriage's authority and instructor Matthew 19:3‑9; Mark 10:2‑12 God is Partner with man and woman to every legitimate marriage contract G H W Marriage contract Therefore, God must agree to join or dissolve

3. List the scriptural qualifications for two people to enter into a God- approved marriage. Give scriptures. Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6 One man… And one woman, Who have left parents… And who were not previously joined but not separated by God

4. Must there be a proper purpose or pledge to constitute a valid marriage contract? Without a verbal commitment regarding the marital union, living together in a sexual relationship would be nothing more than fornication.

5. Study Genesis 1 and 2. What purposes for marriage can be found there? List them in order of their importance. Form “one flesh” complementary relationship Gen 2:24 Create a home Gen 2:24 Produce offspring Gen 1:28; 4:1, 2 Foster other homes Gen 5 Join with others to create societies Gen 11:1-4

6. What other purposes for or functions of marriage and the home can be found in – 1 Timothy 5:14? Provide a place and resources to manage; give no opportunity for reproach 1 Timothy 5:16? Take care of family members 1 Timothy 3:5? Maintain order; train for leadership in the Lord’s church

6. What other purposes for or functions of marriage and the home can be found in – Luke 2:52? To foster increase in wisdom, stature and favor with God Ephesians 6:4? Bring up children in the training and admonition of the Lord

What is God's law of marriage in the latter part of Genesis 2?
7. What is God's law of marriage in the latter part of Genesis 2? Leave parents, be joined together (cleave) and become one flesh Genesis 2:24

State as many applications of this law as you can.
8. State as many applications of this law as you can. No running back to parents (or anyone else) when things go bad No longing for mom’s cooking or dad’s ability to earn Work at staying together (cleaving) through thick and thin “Leave” your own children enough “cleave” Build “oneness” in all of its aspects Parents, leave them alone!

What is meant by "and they shall become one flesh?”
9. What is meant by "and they shall become one flesh?” Sexual union (reserved for each other) Different, but complementary nature of male and female Anatomical or biological Emotional Viewpoint Approach to protecting and nurturing

10. Is this the same as the "one flesh" of 1 Corinthians 6:16? If so, does fornication make a marriage? Explain. The intimacy of sexual union is reserved for marriage Sexual joining is so close that individuality of the two is lost in the oneness of the union Paul uses this to illustrate the desecration done to the body of Christ when a member is joined to a harlot – a sin so dramatically opposed to God

11. Of all relationships designed by God, in which is the greatest happiness possible? Give reasons for your answer. Saving relationship with God in Christ. Marriage relationship Parents and children Brothers and sisters in Christ Brothers and sisters in earthly family

11. Of all relationships designed by God, in which is the greatest happiness possible? Give reasons for your answer. Are there exceptions that should be noted? Marriage gone bad Family discord; disrespectful children Strife and discord in the church Estrangement between siblings

Marriage is a lifelong commitment
Lesson 2: Building a Peaceful Home Marriage is a lifelong commitment God wants us to partner like eagles… God is like an eagle to us - Exodus 19:4 We are to be like eagles - Isaiah 40:31 Those who wait on the Lord shall be strong; will mount up like eagles

1. In any system or organization, the various parts cannot exist and function together harmoniously unless each part occupies its assigned place and functions in its assigned way. True False In any system or organization, the various parts cannot exist and function together harmoniously unless each part occupies its assigned place and functions in its assigned way. True False

2. Identify and describe something outside the family that illustrates this principle. Clock or watch Computer Sewing machine Airplane Automobile Any precision device or system

3. What contribution to a peaceful family is made by the man in Psalms 128? Fears the Lord; walks in His ways (v. 1) Labors to provide his family’s needs (v. 2) Cares for his wife; she is fruitful (v. 3) Cares for his children; they thrive (v. 3) He is blessed and is a blessing to others (v. 4, 1)

4. From the woman's standpoint, what attributes in Proverb's 31:28-31 contribute to peaceful, harmonious relationships? She is trustworthy (v. 11) Does her husband good, not evil (v. 12) Willing worker going to lengths to provide for her family (vs ) Business-minded without neglecting her household (v. 16) Takes care of her mind and body (v. 17)

4. From the woman's standpoint, what attributes in Proverb's 31:28-31 contribute to peaceful, harmonious relationships? Strives for excellence - until late (v. 18) Develops skills needed to provide for others (vs. 19, 21, 22) Compassionate toward needy (v. 20) Industrious (v. 24) She is strong and honorable (v. 25) Wise, kind, watchful, not lazy (vs. 26, 27)

4. From the woman's standpoint, what attributes in Proverb's 31:28-31 contribute to peaceful, harmonious relationships? She is praiseworthy to the family (v. 28) She excels in what she does (v. 29) Does not trust in beauty and charm, but trusts in fear of the Lord (v. 30) Her efforts are rewarded with fruit and praise (v. 31)

What is the basic attitude toward God found in each of these homes?
5. What is the basic attitude toward God found in each of these homes? “Fear” of the Lord; respect and willingness to walk in His ways

6. Later lessons in this course will deal with proper roles of husband and wife, parents and children; but, for now, what lessons for every family member do the following passages teach? Ephesians 5:20, 21 Thankfulness to God, submitting to one another in the fear of God

6. Later lessons in this course will deal with proper roles of husband and wife, parents and children; but, for now, what lessons for every family member do the following passages teach? Philippians 2:2-4 Be of the same mind and love, unselfish, counting the other better than self

6. Later lessons in this course will deal with proper roles of husband and wife, parents and children; but, for now, what lessons for every family member do the following passages teach? 1 Peter 4:8 Fervent love for one another, willing to overlook faults and slights

6. Later lessons in this course will deal with proper roles of husband and wife, parents and children; but, for now, what lessons for every family member do the following passages teach? Hebrews 10:24 Conscious thought toward finding ways to stir up love and good works in each other

6. Later lessons in this course will deal with proper roles of husband and wife, parents and children; but, for now, what lessons for every family member do the following passages teach? Colossians 3:17 Do all by the authority of Jesus Christ, giving thanks to the Father

6. Later lessons in this course will deal with proper roles of husband and wife, parents and children; but, for now, what lessons for every family member do the following passages teach? Colossians 3:23 Do everything as if to the Lord, with enthusiasm

7. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 1 Thessalonians 5:17
What other passages, which state general principles promoting happy, peaceful family relationships, would you add to the above list? 1 Thessalonians 5:15 Do not repay evil with evil; always do what is good for yourselves and others 1 Thessalonians 5:17 …pray without ceasing

8. Which home pictured in the Bible would you offer as an example of an unhappy home, disrupted by discord and disunity? Adam and Eve’s family Genesis 4:1-15 Isaac and Rebekah’s family Genesis 27

9. What Biblical principle(s) that would have promoted peace were violated? Cain was selfish, not willing to obey God Philippians 2:3, 4 Colossians 3:17 Isaac and Rebekah promoted favoritism, envy and dishonesty, without love Ephesians 4:15 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

10. Identify a home in the Bible which stands as a model of a peaceful home today. Proverbs 31 – most detailed record Home in which Jesus grew up Joseph feared the Lord Matt 1:18-25 Mary submitted to God Luke 1:38 Home environment fostered physical and spiritual growth in the children Luke 2:52

What Bible principle(s) were at work promoting peace in that home?
11. What Bible principle(s) were at work promoting peace in that home? Fear of the Lord Total submission to God even in matters that did not make sense Willingness to obey God even when it flew in the face of the popular view A desire to learn and grow in faith and service to God

12 Obstacles To Godly Marriage
Inability to resolve conflicts Ungodly communication Immaturity Leaving God out Other relationships Pride, Selfishness Low self esteem Deception Lack of trust Lack of commitment Laziness about the relationship Role confusion

The Challenge of Staying in Role
Marriage’s Challenges… The Challenge of Staying in Role The part of any system, which is out of its assigned place, is the beginning of disaster for that system

Lesson 3: The Husband's Role
To be head of his own wife as Eph 5:23 ..Christ is head of the church ‑ LEADER To love his own wife as Christ loved the church ‑ LOVER Eph 5:25 Christ gave Himself ‑ SACRIFICER Eph 5:25 Christ is Savior of the church ‑ SAVIOR v.23 Husband loves his body – NOURISHER 5:28 Husband loves himself – CHERISHER 5:28, 29 A. To be head of his own wife. 1. As Christ is head of the church ‑ LEADER 2. As Christ is Savior of the church ‑ SACRIFICER B. To love his own wife. 1. As Christ loved the church ‑ LOVER 2. As Christ gave Himself ‑ SACRIFICER 3. As husband loves his own body. 4. As husband loves himself. 5. Without bitterness. 6. Fulfilling his duty as a husband. C. To dwell with her according to knowledge. D. To give her honor. 1. As unto the weaker vessel. 2. As being joint‑heirs of the grace of life. 3. That prayers not be hindered.

The Husband’s Role cont…
Without bitterness Colossians 3:19 To dwell with her with understanding 1 Peter 3:7 To give her honor.. 1 Peter 3:7 ..As unto the weaker vessel ..As being joint‑heirs of the grace of life ..That prayers not be hindered Fulfilling duty as a husband 1 Cor 7:3-5 A. To be head of his own wife. 1. As Christ is head of the church ‑ LEADER 2. As Christ is Savior of the church ‑ SACRIFICER B. To love his own wife. 1. As Christ loved the church ‑ LOVER 2. As Christ gave Himself ‑ SACRIFICER 3. As husband loves his own body. 4. As husband loves himself. 5. Without bitterness. 6. Fulfilling his duty as a husband. C. To dwell with her according to knowledge. D. To give her honor. 1. As unto the weaker vessel. 2. As being joint‑heirs of the grace of life. 3. That prayers not be hindered.

1. Since Christ is the husband's example, what conclusion about a husband's love toward his wife can be drawn from Romans 5:6 and 8? He should be willing to sacrifice to extreme lengths for her well-being even if she has demonstrated that she is not worthy.

2. Again, with Christ as the example, identify some specific areas in which a husband should exercise the headship over his wife. Just as Christ is head over all things to the church (Ephesians 1:22, 23) the husband is head over his wife in all things.

3. Should a husband be willing to establish a 50/50 relationship with his wife? If so, in what areas? Explain. No. In terms of giving to the marriage, they should each be willing to sacrifice 100% for the good of the family. He should not be willing to give his wife any of the leadership responsibility; it was given to him by God.

4. What is bitterness? Vine’s Dictionary of NT Words: Greek “pikria” from the root “pik” means “to cut, to prick,” hence, literally “pointed, sharp, keen, pungent to the sense of taste, smell, etc.” Mirriam-Webster: “…distasteful or distressing to the mind.” Dictionary.com: “Difficult or distasteful to accept, admit, or bear.”

Can a wife's behavior be such as to justify a man becoming bitter?
5. Can a wife's behavior be such as to justify a man becoming bitter? No!

What are the consequences of bitterness? Give scriptures.
6. What are the consequences of bitterness? Give scriptures. Acts 8:23 – “poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity” resulting in seeking powers beyond God’s intentions Romans 3:14 – associated with “a mouth full of cursing” coming from unrighteousness Ephesians 4:31 – leading to wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking Hebrews 12:15 – a root capable of producing trouble and defiling many

7. What is the most important factor you can think of for keeping a husband's life free of bitterness toward his wife? Focus on the good and positive things about her; dwell on those things Philippians 4:8 Actively love (agapaō) her Corinthians 13:4-7

8. How can a husband dwell with his wife according to knowledge? Be specific. Listen to her Be empathetic; try to put yourself in her place

9. What characteristics of a husband's love for his wife can you find in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? “Suffers long” – Be patient, willing to put up with more than should be endured “Is kind” – Do kind things; say kind things; bring her gifts “Does not envy” – Supportive, uncompetitive “Does not parade itself” – Does not act with superiority “Is not puffed up” – Cool your male ego

9. What characteristics of a husband's love for his wife can you find in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? “Does not behave rudely” – Politeness can be learned and is always in vogue “Does not seek its own” – Be unselfish “Is not provoked” – Does not take offense; is slow to anger “Thinks no evil” – Always thinks positively; does not put the worst construction on what she says and does

9. What characteristics of a husband's love for his wife can you find in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? “Does not rejoice in iniquity” – Mistakes and sins are never a source of pleasure “Rejoices in the truth” – Finds joy in that which is true, never in lies and deception “Bears all things” – Endures whatever comes without wavering from what is right “Believes all things” – Maintains a “can do” attitude

9. What characteristics of a husband's love for his wife can you find in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? “Hopes all things” – Not given to despair, but always looks for and expects the best “Endures all things” – Can be depended upon to continue doing what is right in the face of every challenge

10. When Paul said in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives,..." was he speaking of love as an action, an emotional feeling, or both? Action

10. Consider 1 John 5:2, 3. Is love in this passage an action or a feeling? Action

10. Consider 2 John 1:5, 6. Action or a feeling? Action

10. Was the love of God toward man in John 3:16 action or feeling?

10. What is commanded in Matthew 5:44? Action or feeling? Action

11. The "love" of John 16:26, 27 comes from the Greek Phileō, while the "love" of John 3:16 and Romans 5:8 is translated from Agapaō. Using a Bible dictionary, identify and describe the distinction between these two Greek words. Phileō – tender affection; it is conditional Agapaō – unconditional, unselfish love that values and esteems; love that is ready to serve to the point of sacrifice. This love can be commanded, phileō not.

12. What response would you give to a Christian who says, "I no longer love my wife?” “You may not feel love (phileō), but God has commanded you to love (agapaō) her actively, sacrificially and unconditionally.”

Comment on the meaning of Proverbs 5:18-20.
13. Comment on the meaning of Proverbs 5:18-20. Be happy with the wife of your youth Though she grows older, always be satisfied with her sexually “Always be enraptured with her love” – delighted, emotionally moved by her love

14. Christ loved the church to the point of dying for her. List some ways a husband can "give himself up" for his wife. Spend time with her doing things she wants to do Help her with her chores Place her interests and enjoyment above your own See that she gets the attention and gratitude she deserves for all she does

15. Explain 1 Peter 3:7's instruction for husbands to give honor to their wives. Honor = Greek timē, primarily “a valuing” Grows from understanding them Given as to the weaker vessel, a reference to their lesser physical strength (they are stronger in many other aspects) or maybe their position of submission Given because they are “heirs together of the grace of life” – precious souls Wife properly honored should not suffer from low self-esteem

List some special ways a husband can give honor to his wife. Privately
16. List some special ways a husband can give honor to his wife. Privately Praise her accomplishments and appearance See that she gets time for herself away from the kids and household duties Show her acts of kindness; bring flowers In short, treat her like a queen

List some special ways a husband can give honor to his wife. Publicly
16. List some special ways a husband can give honor to his wife. Publicly Speak well of her to others Defend her to others who may unjustly speak ill of her or seek to do her harm Open the car door and do other similar kindnesses for her In short, treat her like a queen

Does a husband need to understand his wife's needs and feelings?
17. Does a husband need to understand his wife's needs and feelings? Yes – 1 Peter 3:7 KJV: “dwell with them according to knowledge” NKJ: “dwell with them with understanding” ASV: “dwell with your wives according to knowledge” NAS: “live with your wives in an understanding way” RSV: “live considerately with your wives” NIV: “be considerate as you live with your wives”

How is he to be aware of them?
17. How is he to be aware of them? Listen to her Be empathetic; try to put yourself in her place

Should a husband be to his wife a good listener?
18. Should a husband be to his wife a good listener? Yes! Attentive? Yes! Good-looking? Maybe…☺ Neat? Mature?

“A trustworthy rock to lean on”
19. The most important thing for a husband to be for his wife is _______________________________. “A loving leader” “A trustworthy rock to lean on”

Lesson 4: The Husband's Analysis
In this lesson, each husband should analyze himself prayerfully and honestly Wives, analyze your husbands prayerfully and objectively Compare and discuss your answers together if your marriage is strong Husbands, make changes in your behavior as needed

To be subject to her husband as…
Lesson 5: The Wife's Role To be subject to her husband as… …As unto the Lord - Disciple Eph 5:22 …As church is to Christ - Follower Eph 5:24 …As servant is to master - Server Pet 3:1 (see also 1 Pet 2:18, 21) …As Sarah obeyed Abraham Peter 3:6 …As fitting in the Lord Col 3:18 The Bible is plain about the wife's place in the marriage relationship and how she should conduct herself toward her husband. Consider the following outline. Primarily using Genesis 2 & 3, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Timothy 2 & 5, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 2 & 3, please assign at least one Bible reference to the individual points of this outline. Add verses from other passages where you can. WIFE'S ROLE A. To be in subjection to her own husband. 1. As unto the Lord. 2. As the church is to Christ. 3. As servant is to master. 4. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. 5. As fitting in the Lord. B. To be a helper suitable for her husband. 1. Created for the man. 2. Workers at home. 3. Looking well to the ways of her household. 4. Her desire is for her husband. C. To bear children. 1. Given by God as a special function of woman. 2. Taught by Paul as a practical matter. 3. Related to salvation. D. To love her husband. 1. A matter of training. 2. Fulfilling her duty as a wife.

The Wife’s Role… A helper suitable for her husband Genesis 2:18
…Created for the man – Complement Corinthians 11:9 …Worker at home - Homemaker Titus 2:5 …Looking well to ways of her household Proverbs 31:27 …Her desire is for her husband Gen 3:16 The Bible is plain about the wife's place in the marriage relationship and how she should conduct herself toward her husband. Consider the following outline. Primarily using Genesis 2 & 3, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Timothy 2 & 5, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 2 & 3, please assign at least one Bible reference to the individual points of this outline. Add verses from other passages where you can. WIFE'S ROLE A. To be in subjection to her own husband. 1. As unto the Lord. 2. As the church is to Christ. 3. As servant is to master. 4. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. 5. As fitting in the Lord. B. To be a helper suitable for her husband. 1. Created for the man. 2. Workers at home. 3. Looking well to the ways of her household. 4. Her desire is for her husband. C. To bear children. 1. Given by God as a special function of woman. 2. Taught by Paul as a practical matter. 3. Related to salvation. D. To love her husband. 1. A matter of training. 2. Fulfilling her duty as a wife.

The Wife’s Role cont… To bear children - Mother Gen 1:28; 3:16; 1 Tim 2:15 …God’s special function for woman …Taught by Paul as a practical matter Tim 5:13, 14 To love her husband Titus 2:4 …A matter of training Titus 2:4 …Fulfilling her duty as a wife 1 Cor 7:3-5 The Bible is plain about the wife's place in the marriage relationship and how she should conduct herself toward her husband. Consider the following outline. Primarily using Genesis 2 & 3, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Timothy 2 & 5, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 2 & 3, please assign at least one Bible reference to the individual points of this outline. Add verses from other passages where you can. WIFE'S ROLE A. To be in subjection to her own husband. 1. As unto the Lord. 2. As the church is to Christ. 3. As servant is to master. 4. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. 5. As fitting in the Lord. B. To be a helper suitable for her husband. 1. Created for the man. 2. Workers at home. 3. Looking well to the ways of her household. 4. Her desire is for her husband. C. To bear children. 1. Given by God as a special function of woman. 2. Taught by Paul as a practical matter. 3. Related to salvation. D. To love her husband. 1. A matter of training. 2. Fulfilling her duty as a wife.

1. What is a “help-meet?” A helper that is suitable Gen 2:18
KJV: “an help meet for him” NKJ: “a helper comparable to him” ASV: “a help meet for him” NAS: “a helper suitable for him” RSV: “a helper fit for him” NIV: “a helper suitable for him”

In what ways can a wife be a “help-meet?”
1. In what ways can a wife be a “help-meet?” Provide what she can of what he lacks in all aspects of life Be his willing friend and lover Encourage and build him up in all he attempts, which is righteous

2. Please list five things that older women are to teach the younger women. Titus 2:4,5 Love their husbands and children Be discrete – self-controlled, sober, temperate Be chaste – clean, pure Be homemakers Be good Be obedient to their husbands

3. Who, specifically, is to be doing this teaching and how is it to be done today? Older women who are… Reverent in behavior Not slanderers Not given to much wine Teachers of good things

4. After reading Proverbs 31:10-31, please give at least six words that identify a proper wife. Virtuous Trustworthy Willing-worker Strong Honorable Wise Kind

Can a wife work outside the home and be acceptable to God? Explain.
5. Can a wife work outside the home and be acceptable to God? Explain. If she can do so while staying in her God-given role If she can be submissive to her husband If she can fulfill the duties of a homemaker

6. To what extent should a wife be interested in her husband's occupation? It depends upon his occupation and their unique complementary nature Enough to be supportive and encouraging to him “…let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

7. In what ways can a wife work to create in the home an emotionally stable and peaceful haven where family members can be renewed and encouraged to meet the difficulties of the outside world? Maintain an organized home Provide for routine family needs without going into crisis mode Be dependable, one who can be counted upon

7. In what ways can a wife work to create in the home an emotionally stable and peaceful haven where family members can be renewed and encouraged to meet the difficulties of the outside world? Be calm and work at having a calming affect on each family member Learn to be an effective mediator Be positive; instill hope and enthusiasm

8. Using a good Bible dictionary define the word translated "subject" or "subjection" as found in Ephesians 5:24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1,5. “Subject” is from Gr. “Hupotassō” A military term meaning to voluntarily arrange oneself under the authority of another

9. Explain the meaning of the thought in 1 Peter 3:1, "In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;...” “In like manner” or “likewise” in verse 1 directs attention back to chapter 2 Christ’s example in 2:21-25 Arguably all the way back to the instructions to servants in 2:18-20

10. Identify the specific areas in which a wife is to be in subjection to her husband. Generally, in all things just as the church is subject to Christ in all things Exception: “We must obey God rather than man.” Acts 5:29 “Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord.” Col. 3:19

Identify some problems women face in being in subjection.
11. Identify some problems women face in being in subjection. A husband that is not working at staying in his God-given role A husband she finds hard to respect A husband who is overbearing, slovenly, untrustworthy, unloving (agapē) and uncommunicative Living with a major decision, which she doesn’t agree with, though made by a godly husband

12. How can a husband make the role of subjection more pleasant, productive and desirable? In general, work at staying in his God-given role Specifically, he can agapaō her as Christ does the church, and Communicate; Include her in decision-making …work at earning her respect As a bonus for both, cultivate “romantic love”

Name some advantages to being in subjection.
13. Name some advantages to being in subjection. Someone else bears the burden of decision-making and decisions gone wrong Good leadership is hard work; who wants more of that? God wants all of us to learn submission; wives have a unique opportunity Major advantage: It pleases God

14. Describe the “fear” commanded of wives toward husbands in Ephesians 5:33. KJV: “that she reverence her husband” NKJ: “that she respects her husband” ASV: “that she fear her husband” NAS: “that she respect her husband” RSV: “that she respects her husband” NIV: “the wife must respect her husband”

14. Describe the fear commanded of wives toward husbands in Ephesians 5:33. Vine’s: Greek “phobeō” meaning – “to fear, be afraid” “to show reverential fear” Used regarding both God and men See 1 John 4:18

15. List several ways a wife's “fear” toward her husband will be manifested in her life. Fulfill her God-given role Respect and support his decisions Be a cheerful homemaker As his “complement,” supply what she can of that which he lacks

Should a wife be to her husband a good listener?
16. Should a wife be to her husband a good listener? Yes! Budget-minded? Yes! A good cook? Works for me…☺ Hospitable? Should she be beautiful? Why not?!

Should she keep herself clean, neat and desirable for her husband?
17. Should she keep herself clean, neat and desirable for her husband? Yes! Emotional love feeds and grows on those things which attract us through the five senses

Should a wife trust and support her husband without question?
18. Should a wife trust and support her husband without question? Probably not without question, but… If she practices agapē love toward her husband, she will “think no evil” “believe all things” (positive)

“A respecter; an encourager”
The most important thing for a wife to be for her husband is _______________________________. 19. “A respecter; an encourager”

Lesson 6: The Wife's Analysis
Lesson 4 was an analysis of the husband; now it is the wife’s turn In this lesson, each wife should analyze herself prayerfully and honestly Husbands, analyze your wives prayerfully and objectively Compare and discuss if your marriage is strong Wives, make changes in behavior as needed

Unique power of each role…
Two striking attributes of our Savior are: LOVING LEADERSHIP – Seen in the Husband’s role SUBMISSION – Seen in the Wife’s role Remember: “..submitting one to another in the fear of God.” Ephesians 5:21 The Bible is plain about the wife's place in the marriage relationship and how she should conduct herself toward her husband. Consider the following outline. Primarily using Genesis 2 & 3, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Timothy 2 & 5, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 2 & 3, please assign at least one Bible reference to the individual points of this outline. Add verses from other passages where you can. WIFE'S ROLE A. To be in subjection to her own husband. 1. As unto the Lord. 2. As the church is to Christ. 3. As servant is to master. 4. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. 5. As fitting in the Lord. B. To be a helper suitable for her husband. 1. Created for the man. 2. Workers at home. 3. Looking well to the ways of her household. 4. Her desire is for her husband. C. To bear children. 1. Given by God as a special function of woman. 2. Taught by Paul as a practical matter. 3. Related to salvation. D. To love her husband. 1. A matter of training. 2. Fulfilling her duty as a wife.

Marriage’s Challenges…
Lesson 7: Obstacles to a Happy Marriage

Why is the divorce rate so high?…
What are the obstacles that can destroy a marriage? Every obstacle can be overcome by following the Bible, which… …is the best guide to good behavior …is the best guide to happy marriage …eliminates all reasons for divorce

Unresolved conflicts Ungodly communication Immaturity Leaving God out Other relationships Pride, Selfishness Low self esteem Deception Lack of trust Lack of commitment Laziness about relationship Role confusion

Wholesome Communication is…
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 8: Difficulties in Communicating Arguably, nothing is more essential to good family relationships than effective, wholesome communication Wholesome Communication is… The transfer of edifying meaning between two or more individuals according to godly principles

How we spend our time… A 40 year old IBM survey concluded that the average person spends: 70% of waking hours communicating 30% of waking hours speaking 45% of communication time listening One survey concluded that we spend 70% of our time communicating. a. No wonder that, almost without exception, marriages in trouble are plagued with poor communication. b. Many marriage counseling services rate faulty communications as the greatest danger to a marriage. God made man and woman. a. He created them with the ability to communicate. b. God invented language, reason, understanding, and intimacy. c. It is reasonable to look for the "what" and "how" of good communication in God's Book. SPEAKING The survey cited above reported that the average person spends 30% of his time speaking. LISTENING The average person spends 45% of his communication time listening, and most of us, when we listen, are just doin' what comes naturally. The Bible has interesting, profitable things to say about good listening.

No wonder that, almost without exception, marriages in trouble are plagued with poor communication.
Many marriage counseling services rate faulty communications as the greatest danger to a marriage. Effective communication does not come easily or naturally, but must be carefully studied and diligently practiced.

The problem… Good communication is vital to healthy relationships, but…. Many natural obstacles get in the way Different backgrounds, education, views Conflicting body language, tones, expressions Incorrect or lazy use of language Emotions: anger, depression, etc. Almost all marriages, even good ones, have trouble with communication 1. I would like you each to do what I SAY. a. Hold up right hand; put left hand by your side; b. Now, bring right hand down and touch forefinger to cheek. 2. Personal communication is transfer of meaning between two people. a. Effective communication is vital to good relationships. b. Truest in regard to healthy, intimate relationship. 3. There are a number on natural obstacles to effective, verbal verbal communication between two people. a. Witness our problem with a simple set of instructions. b. Differences in education, background, viewpoint, etc. c. Body language, tone, expression. d. "Six Messages in Every Communication," by Dr. Norman Wright. e. Good communication does not come easily or naturally, but must be studied and practiced diligently. 4. One survey concluded that we spend 70% of our time communicating. a. No wonder that, almost without exception, marriages in trouble are plagued with poor communication. b. Many marriage counselling services rate faulty communications as the greatest danger to a marriage. 5. God made man and woman. a. He created them with the ability to communicate. b. God invented language, reason, understanding, and intimacy. c. Is it not reasonable to look for the "what" and "how" of good communication in God's Book?

1. Spend several minutes considering obstacles to good, verbal communication between two people, obstacles which you know from personal experience to be harmful. List as many as you can in the left-hand column. Across from each, identify a helpful attitude or communication skill for overcoming that obstacle.

Obstacles Helps Ex: Lazy listening Ask questions; take notes
Speaking in anger Never speak in anger Failing to listen first Clarify before answering Faulty assumptions Operate from facts Angry spouse Defuse anger with humor or wait until calm Poor timing Choose best time for talk Being too serious Loosen up a bit Using only “halo data” Read body talk cautiously

2. Of the many books on the market, please recommend one that would surpass others as a guide to good, effective communication and tell why you chose the one you did? The Bible

The solution to our communication problem is at hand…
God is the One who created our ability to communicate God invented language, reason, understanding and intimacy Isn’t it reasonable to let God tell us how to communicate effectively? 1. I would like you each to do what I SAY. a. Hold up right hand; put left hand by your side; b. Now, bring right hand down and touch forefinger to cheek. 2. Personal communication is transfer of meaning between two people. a. Effective communication is vital to good relationships. b. Truest in regard to healthy, intimate relationship. 3. There are a number on natural obstacles to effective, verbal verbal communication between two people. a. Witness our problem with a simple set of instructions. b. Differences in education, background, viewpoint, etc. c. Body language, tone, expression. d. "Six Messages in Every Communication," by Dr. Norman Wright. e. Good communication does not come easily or naturally, but must be studied and practiced diligently. 4. One survey concluded that we spend 70% of our time communicating. a. No wonder that, almost without exception, marriages in trouble are plagued with poor communication. b. Many marriage counselling services rate faulty communications as the greatest danger to a marriage. 5. God made man and woman. a. He created them with the ability to communicate. b. God invented language, reason, understanding, and intimacy. c. Is it not reasonable to look for the "what" and "how" of good communication in God's Book?

3. The survey cited above reported that the average person spends 30% of his time speaking. Proverbs 17 and 18 have some thoughts on speaking. Please study them and answer these questions: Proverbs 17:27, 28. List reasons given for being a person of few words.

Reasons To Say Little Knowledgeable people are not wordy
Understanding brings calm; lack of understanding often produces wordiness and agitation Too many words may reveal your ignorance, lack of wisdom and perception

3. The survey cited above reported that the average person spends 30% of his time speaking. Proverbs 17 and 18 have some thoughts on speaking. Please study them and answer these questions: Proverbs 18:4. How do words reveal the quality of a person's thinking?

Words Reveal Thinking Words are linked to our thinking; we will be judged by them. Matt. 12:34-37; Luke 6:45 Lies originate in the heart. Isaiah 59:13 As a man thinks in his heart, so is he Proverbs 23:7 It is important that we think positive and pure thoughts. Philippians 4:8

Ambiguity and Truth “’Make it clear.’ This fundamental assumption of communication would seem to be an attainable goal. Objectify the audience, understand their desires – appeal to their interests, eliminate the extraneous, and presto, ‘effective communication.’ Well, maybe not.” by Milton Glaser

3. The survey cited above reported that the average person spends 30% of his time speaking. Proverbs 17 and 18 have some thoughts on speaking. Please study them and answer these questions:

Consequences of Foolish Words
3. Proverbs 18:6, 7. List consequences of a foolish mouth. Consequences of Foolish Words Foolish words invite contention They can even invite physical blows A foolish mouth can result in destroyed, physical resources, relationships and lives Worst of all, a foolish mouth can cost a person his or her soul

Words Reveal One’s Thinking
3. Proverbs 18:4. How do words reveal the quality of a person's thinking? Words Reveal One’s Thinking By our words we are judged to be foolish or wise, petty or forgiving, bitter or content, angry or cool-spirited, shallow or thought-ful, cautious or impetuous, ignorant or learned, arrogant or humble, courageous or timid. Words reveal convictions and intentions Words will justify or condemn Matt 12:33-37

3. Proverbs 18:20, 21. Explain the power of the tongue expressed in these verses. The Power of the Tongue Many make their living from their words: teachers, preachers, salespersons, politicians, statesmen, etc. Death and life are in the tongue’s power Words have a dramatic affect on the quality, i.e., joy and sorrow of life “For I’m not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation…”

3. Proverbs 18:20, 21. What affect can speech have upon material blessings? The Power of the Tongue Many make their living from their words. The degree of their success or failure is directly related to their words. Arguably, those whose speech is positive and edifying will be more successful. Prayer is all about words of the heart, and prayer affects the flow of God’s blessings

Lesson 9: Better Listening
The average person is said to spend 45% of his communication time listening, and most of us, when we listen, are just "doin' what comes naturally.” The Bible has some interesting, profitable things to say about listening. Proverbs 18 has at least five rules for better listening. Please study the verses given below, answer the questions on each and formulate a rule for good listening from the message of each passage.

1. Proverbs 18:2 What does it mean, "that his heart may discover itself" (KJV)? So proud he wants only to hear himself If this is the way of a fool, what is the course of wisdom? To hear what others have to say State a rule for good listening from this verse. Rule 1: Stop talking and listen

2. Proverbs 18:13 What is the ultimate purpose for listening given here? To give an answer State in your own words the idea, "It is a folly and a shame unto him.” It is vain, without purpose, maybe shameful What are the lessons here for the speaker? Speak clearly, interestingly; help the listener State a rule for good listening from this text. Rule 2: Listen responsibly to give answer

3. Proverbs 18:15 For what are we to listen? Information and answers
How is this to be done? Actively, by acquisition and seeking With what words would you describe much of the listening done in family relationships? Lazy, aimless, careless State a listening rule from this verse. Rule 3: Listen in order to learn

4. Proverbs 18:17 What is inherent in every "cause" or "case" presented? There is more than one side to hear What are the responsibilities of the hearer? To get all the facts before judging a case Formulate this thought into a rule for good listening. Rule 4: Listen to all sides before deciding

5. Proverbs 18:8 What kind of speech is under consideration in this verse. Before answering, read the King James Version as well as one of the later translations such as the NAS or NKJ. Gossip, flattery or hurtful speech What is the Christian to do with such words? Support your answer with NT scripture. Don’t listen Tim 2:16; 4:3, 4; Eph 4:29 THE ISSUE

5. Proverbs 18:8 What rule for good listening would you suggest from this verse? Rule 5: Don’t listen to unwholesome or untrue words

6. These rules for good listening apply in all areas of personal communication, but the application does vary somewhat depending on the level at which communi-cation is taking place. Of these three levels of verbal communication -- small-talk, fact-finding and ideas or judgment -- at which level would each of these rules most apply? Fact-finding Ideas/judgment Small-talk

7 Types of Communication
Eph 4:15; 29; Proverbs 17:27,28; 18; 25 Information / Instruction Fact-finding / Decision-making Accusation / Disagreement Serious Conversation Kidding / Verbal Play Idle Conversation Intimate talk

7. Do you engage in one type or level of communication more than another? Which? What about your spouse? Information / instruction / verbal play Information / conversation

Friendship “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep that which is worth keeping, and then with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” Author Unknown

Lesson 10: Biblical Communication
Having considered rules for good listening from Proverbs 18, this lesson turns to Ephesians 4, another great chapter on communication. Carefully notice verses with the theme of communication in mind. First, remember the lessons on godly speech we found in Proverbs 17 and 18.

Godly speech… Proverbs 17:27, 28 - Be a person of few words
Proverbs 18:4 ‑ The words of the mouth reveal the quality of a person's thinking Proverbs 18:6, 7 ‑ A foolish mouth will suffer consequences Proverbs 18:20, 21 ‑ The power of the tongue is mighty. See also James 3:2‑12 Proverbs 17 and 18 have some thoughts about Biblical speech. a. Prov. 17:27,28 ‑ Be a person of few words. b. Prov. 18:4 ‑ The words of the mouth reveal the quality of a person's thinking. c. Prov. 18:6,7 ‑ A foolish mouth will suffer consequences. d. Prov. 18:20,21 ‑ Power of the tongue is mighty. James 3:2‑12

Explain what is involved in putting away falsehood and speaking truth.
1. Explain what is involved in putting away falsehood and speaking truth. Two steps: stop lying; start telling the truth. v. 25 Does this make one a “truth-teller?” Only if the truth is told about the matters previously lied about

Is the truth to be spoken even when it hurts?
2. Is the truth to be spoken even when it hurts? We should never be guilty of deception If it will build up (edify), the truth needs to be told even if it hurts

How does verse 15 bear on this point?
2. How does verse 15 bear on this point? “Speak the truth in love.” God is love. Jesus is truth. Our speech should always be the truth with love, i.e., couched in love.

Who is your neighbor (verse 25)?
3. Who is your neighbor (verse 25)? Primary application: those in close relationship: family, church Secondarily, everyone with whom we have contact

Define anger that is without sin (verse 26).
4. Define anger that is without sin (verse 26). Anger is a good, God-given emotion The purpose is to motivate to action

5. Are there circumstances in which a Christian should be angry? When? Please support your answer with scripture. We should be angry about sin and its circumstances Nehemiah showed his anger and how to use it. Nehemiah 5:6, 7 Jesus also. John 2:13-17 Anger driven action should be controlled and godly, not an out-of-control tirade

In your own words, express the thought of verse 27.
6. In your own words, express the thought of verse 27. Anger, if nurtured, gives the devil a foothold into our lives. The admonition is to not let the sun go down on our wrath thus giving Satan a chance to take over.

7. In what way does taking or working to be able to give have any bearing on communication in a family? There is often a “giver” and a “taker” in a marriage, which is reflected in their communication Our speech can rob another of time, energy, joy, peace, a good reputation, even salvation

8. Considering the thought of verse 29, in two columns, please list the characteristics of - Edifying Speech Corrupt Speech Builds up Encourages Imparts grace Lit. “rotten, worthless” Devoid of love Tears down

9. Is it ever proper to engage in "verbal fighting?” If so, what is a proper "fight?" When is it inappropriate for Christians? (See also Col. 4:6; James 3:1-12) There will be legitimate disagreement about problems, issues to be resolved “Verbal fighting” should be directed toward the issue Always with love ☺ THE ISSUE

10. How does the putting away and putting on of verses 31 and 32 contribute to better communication? All in verse 31 are detractors from good communications, wholesome relations Kindness, tenderness and forgiveness smooth the rough spots. These are at the core of being like God.

11. Rule 1 – Don’t lie, speak the truth Rule 2 – Do not harbor anger
Based on your study of Ephesians 4:25-32, please formulate five, practical Communication Rules and write them in your own words. Rule 1 – Don’t lie, speak the truth Rule 2 – Do not harbor anger Rule 3 – Be a giver, not a taker Rule 4 – Be up-building in speech Rule 5 – Put away bitter anger and malice; be kind, tender and forgiving as God in Christ has forgiven you

“Six Messages In Every Communication” by Dr. Norman Wright
What you mean to say What you actually say What the other person hears What the other person thinks he hears What the other person says about what you said What you think the other person said about what you said 1. I would like you each to do what I SAY. a. Hold up right hand; put left hand by your side; b. Now, bring right hand down and touch forefinger to cheek. 2. Personal communication is transfer of meaning between two people. a. Effective communication is vital to good relationships. b. Truest in regard to healthy, intimate relationship. 3. There are a number on natural obstacles to effective, verbal verbal communication between two people. a. Witness our problem with a simple set of instructions. b. Differences in education, background, viewpoint, etc. c. Body language, tone, expression. d. "Six Messages in Every Communication," by Dr. Norman Wright. e. Good communication does not come easily or naturally, but must be studied and practiced diligently. 4. One survey concluded that we spend 70% of our time communicating. a. No wonder that, almost without exception, marriages in trouble are plagued with poor communication. b. Many marriage counselling services rate faulty communications as the greatest danger to a marriage. 5. God made man and woman. a. He created them with the ability to communicate. b. God invented language, reason, understanding, and intimacy. c. Is it not reasonable to look for the "what" and "how" of good communication in God's Book?

Words fitly spoken… Proverbs 25:11
Speak only what you have a right to speak (v. 9) Speak honestly about yourself (v. 14) Speak honestly about others (v. 18) Speak convictions with due wisdom and forethought (v. 8) C. WORDS FITLY SPOKEN Prov. 25:11 1. Speak only what you have a right to speak. (v. 9) 2. Speak honestly about yourself. (v. 14) 3. Speak honestly about others. (v. 18) 4. Speak convictions with due wisdom and forethought. (v.8).

Lesson 11: Financial Challenges
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 11: Financial Challenges Extra credit question... Which couple is having money problems?

1. Which of the following reasons for marital problems are more common? Place a number next to each ordering them from 1 (most common) to 5 (least common). Infidelity Lack of commitment Financial problems Poor communication Change in priorities Poor communication Financial problems Lack of commitment Change in priorities Infidelity

2. When and how do most individuals receive their education about money management? Attitudes toward money are learned in childhood Most never receive additional training Those who study business finance often do not apply the techniques to home finances

3. Since each partner probably learned money management in a different time and place, and from a different teacher (if not by simply doing what comes naturally), how likely is it that even in the best marriage there will be conflicts over money from time to time? Conflict is inevitable. The key is for the husband to lead in discussing their views on money and to decide together the way they will make decisions about how family money will be controlled.

4. What do the following scriptures teach about earning, controlling and using monetary resources? Proverbs 11:4, 28 – V. 4 - Riches are not profitable in the long run; righteousness delivers from (spiritual) death V. 28 – Those who trust in riches will fail, but the righteous will flourish (prosper)

4. Luke 19:11-27 – V. 26 is key – “to everyone who has will be given; and from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away…” Protect and improve what the Lord gives you.

4. 1 Timothy 5:8 – Those who are able must provide for themselves and “their own, …especially for those of his household.” This seems to include the extended family Note that the context is speaking of church support of those in need (v.16)

4. Proverbs 12:24, 27 – V Diligence is generally rewarded with more responsibility; those who are lazy will be ruled over by others V. 27 – Laziness will rob a person of even what he has; diligence is precious in protecting what one has and acquiring more

4. Matthew 6:19-21 – It is far better to use our money to lay up spiritual treasures in heaven than to accumulate wealth here on earth where treasures will not last. This is one of the best ways to develop and maintain spiritual desire

4. Matthew 6:24 – All things regarding our money are to be subservient to serving God. Such priorities should be reflected in our attitude toward money as well as our use of it. Giving to the Lord’s work and the needs of others will then come easy.

4. 1 Corinthians 16:1, 2 – On the 1st day each one is to lay something aside for God. What is laid aside must be given so there be no collections when funds are needed. Please note that this is commanded.

4. 2 Corinthians 8:10-12 – Financial planning (as the Macedonians did) is a good thing Must follow through on what is planned Be guided by the principle that giving is to be according to what we have; not give beyond our ability to give

4. Proverbs 20:23 – Deal honestly in all matters pertaining to money or anything else of value. Married couples should never hide from one another their expenditures The Lord is displeased with financial dishonesty, as he is displeased with any dishonesty. (See Psalm 15)

Jesus spoke of stewardship in Luke 16:10-13
Jesus spoke of stewardship in Luke 16: Into what areas of our lives does this responsibility of stewardship extend? 5. Applies to all that God has given us.

6. In view of the Lord’s teaching in Matthew 6:25-34 what defense would you make for financial planning and saving for the future (if any)? There are scriptural reasons to plan and prepare for the future Be good stewards, even increase what is given to us Provide for our own Support the Lord’s work Have excess to help those who are in need Matthew 6 is not in conflict; it is teaching us not to trust in the things of this world

7. What reasons come to mind for the Savior saying that it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)? It is one way we lay up for ourselves treasures in heaven Luke 18:22 There is REAL joy in giving to alleviate the need of another Christ was a sacrificial Giver; we must learn to be as He.

8. In your own words, describe the attitude of the Macedonians which the apostle Paul commended in 2 Corinthians 8:1-5. Their desire to give prompted them to plead with Paul for the opportunity and to give even beyond their ability to give.

What practical advice on how to manage marital money would you give a newly wed couple?
9. Regardless of who earns it, pool resources Husband is to lead in all financial decisions Fairly divide responsibility for all finances: utilities, groceries, house, car, etc. Set short- and long-term goals together; stick to them unless both agree to changes. Be sure each has some personal spending money. Amount depends on circumstances.

9. What practical advice on how to manage marital money would you give a newly wed couple? If you spend more than you earn, work out an annual budget together, and do not deviate from it unless you both agree. If you can't work out your own budget, see a financial planner. Pray about financial matters.

Lesson 12: Including God in the Home
One of greatest benefits to happy relationships is including God in family activities Attending worship services of the local church together is fundamental Family togetherness in spiritual matters must go beyond simply worshipping together. The truly happy family consciously weaves the things of God into the fabric of daily family living.

1. Read Romans 12:1, 2. What is the impact of this passage on family life? Be specific. Every word, every deed would be as a sacrifice offered up to God. You would truly be “set apart” from the world, not conformed but transformed Attitude would not be self-righteous You would resist the world’s influences You would be feeding yourself on God’s word daily allowing it to transform you

2. Read 1 Timothy 4:7-10 and reflect on your family's daily activities in the past month. In one column make a list of bodily exercises engaged in by family members. In another column list the spiritual activities which exercised them to godliness. Bodily Exercise Exercise in Godliness

2. Bodily Exercise Exercise in Godliness Carrying luggage Worshipping
Yardwork Stretching Walking Helping son paint a house Worshipping Praying Studying Bible Discussing Bible topics Encouraging others in spiritual work

3. Identify the three profitable exercises in godliness your family could most easily add to its daily schedule throughout the week. Reject (put away) all things untrue. V. 7 Do some task for the Lord’s cause each day. V. 10 Make a conscious effort to pray often in trial and during suffering. V. 10 Seek ways to trust God as the solution to each problem or challenge. V. 10 Sing hymns around the house.

4. What other similar, spiritual activities for the family would be profitable? Daily Bible reading and prayer together Weekly discussion of specific ways to encourage others (notes, cards, calls to encourage, etc.) Song practice together (can be done in the car or at home)

5. Some have found family Bible study programs difficult to initiate and sustain. Toward this end, what practical ideas do you have for the family who wants to study the Bible together at home? Plan a specific time and place Get agreement of all family members Have a definite plan for each study period Establish a “penalty” for failing to meet and study as planned

6. What is the most important thing you could say to the family that does not feel a strong desire to study together? Support it with scripture if possible. Getting yourself and your family to heaven is the most important thing in life, more than the nuances of sports or the earning of degrees or the attainment of high places, and the Bible is our only guide to achieving eternal success and happiness.

7. Though children are among the very special of God's creation, they must be taught how to communicate to their Maker. What do you want your child to learn about prayer? Proper form in respect, address, etc. Proper things for which to pray To be specific To pray sincerely, believing in the result To be humble, willing to accept God’s will

8. If you were the only one who would ever teach him or her, what would he or she learn? We tried to teach our children spiritual values, but looking back causes me to wish I had given it greater attention.

9. Name some methods of daily teaching children that will create and maintain a spiritual atmosphere in the home. Making a practice of attaching spiritual lessons and/or scriptural references to the daily events in the home.

10. List some ways the home environment, in general, can be made more spiritual. Songs, hymns and spiritual songs either sung or listened to on CSs Brief daily family devotion Frequent references to Jesus and how He would do some task or meet some challenge Prayer at the table and at other times

11. Who bears the responsibility for including God in your home, i.e., where does "the buck" stop? You and I are responsible Husbands and fathers must take the lead

The best defense….Godly principles:
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 13: Solving Family Problems The best defense….Godly principles: Walk wisely, redeeming the time Eph 5:15-17 No selfish ambition or conceit Phil 2:3-4 Always speak the truth in love Eph 4:15 Speak no corrupt word, only edify Eph 4:29 God Wants Us to Partner Like Eagles We can learn how to live better from the courtship habits of eagles. In 1st few years an eagle molts; changes feathers for prettier with different colors; early on, someone knowledgeable can tell the age of an eagle by its feathers. By 2nd-4th year, an eagle is ready for courtship and marriage. She finds potential mate, dives to valley, gets stick, carries to 3K m, him following. She drops; he dives down at up to 200 mph and brings it back to her. She repeats. If he gets all sticks and drops none, she drops rock big as she can carry from 70 m. He catches on his back in a ritual like drop the handkerchief practiced years ago. One day she will sit on eggs in nest high up; must depend upon her partner for food. Then she will push an eaglet out of nest; he will dive down to rocks below and catch eaglet on his back, bring it back to the nest for another turn. During courtship she is testing to see what kind of father he will be. "If you can't catch sticks and rocks, what will you do when I start dropping eaglets?" Marriage ceremony marks the beginning of a lifelong commitment. Eagles live years; marriage is to the same partner for life. Wedding ceremony at 3K m: eagles lock talons and do aerial flips screaming loudly. God wants us to court and marry like the eagles. Unfortunately, marriage commitments in the 20th century are made to be broken. God says marry for life. Rom 7:1-3 There is only one reason for divorce. Matt 19:9 Eagles follow their God-given commitment to marriage; why can't we?

1. Reports from Class Members
Describe the method of solving problems in the home that you use or would like to use. Tell how it works. Add scriptures where appropriate. Some questions to ask: Should all members participate? Who should lead? Should the Bible be part of the process? Try to incorporate some of the things we have discussed about husband and wife roles and better communication.

1. One practical idea… Have a special place for family training, admonition and solving problems Confront problems, find solutions and set discipline – parents too? Agree with child on a Code of Conduct If possible let child set own punishment Teach child to decide conduct and resolve guilt based on biblical principles “The place” - a place of frequent prayer INTRODUCTION 1. ”Benjamin Spock:• "The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children, the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is the best after all." a. Said by one who didn't advocate discipline of children. b. The Bible advocates divine wisdom rather than human instinct. 2. ”The behavior of children to parents• - and parents to children has a way of dramatically affecting the quality of family relationships. 3. ”God intended for us to have children and holds parents responsible ”for their rearing, disciplining.• 4. ”Two purposes for this lesson: a. Establish that parents must manage, discipline children. b. To present some practical ideas from God's instruction book.

2. What lessons, which will help in conflict resolution, can be learned from Ephesians 4:29? An overriding goal in every conflict should be edification of the other Personalities should never be confused with issues Past mistakes have no place in current problems

3. During Class Discussion
During the reports and class discussion, list here the characteristics of a problem solving system that makes sense to you and would be helpful to you and your family.

How to resolve conflict…
Inventory attitudes and motivations Am I motivated by love for the Lord? Am I motivated by love for my spouse? Do I have a positive attitude about my spouse? Philippians 4:8; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Do I have a positive attitude about resolving our conflict? Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 4:6 Is my conduct Spiritual? Romans 8:5-9 Am I being Selfless? Philippians 2:3,4 What Skills do I need to resolve this conflict?

How to resolve conflict…
Find answers based on scriptural principles.. Recreation? 1 Cor 15:33; Rom 14:13; Heb 10:25 Money? 1 Tim 5:8; 6:6-10 Place to live? Heb 10:25 Must pray together! Have we prayed together at every step? Do we know what to ask of the Lord? Have we asked Him to help us understand the problem?

Lesson 14: Forgiveness Forgiveness is at the very foundation of our faith. We each should understand this so well that no questions have been provided with this lesson’s questions. A concordance will help you support your answers with scripture.

1. Who is our example in forgiveness? Cite some scriptures that indicate this is so. God in Christ. Ephesians 4:32 Christ. Colossians 3:13

What does it mean to forgive. Be specific. Give scriptures.
2. What does it mean to forgive. Be specific. Give scriptures. It is a fourfold promise (Eph 4:32; Heb 8:12): I will never speak to you again about the matter. I will never tell anyone else about it. I will never hold it over your head in a non-verbal way. I will never allow my mind to dwell on it.

When should we forgive others? What is your authority?
3. When should we forgive others? What is your authority? When they say, “I repent.” Luke 17:3, 4 If we have a forgiving spirit as Christ has, we will be quick to forgive

How many times must I be willing to forgive the same infraction?
4. How many times must I be willing to forgive the same infraction? Jesus said, “…up to seventy times seven.” Clearly, he meant without end.

5. Is it possible to forget when someone has sinned against you, repented and asked for forgiveness? Can you back your answer with scripture? Yes We expect God to forget our sins, so we must also if were are to forgive as God does. Ephesians 4:32 David expresses our desires in Psalm 25:7

Biblical forgiveness leads to reconciliation. What does that mean?
6. Biblical forgiveness leads to reconciliation. What does that mean?

7. Could Matt 18:15-18 be considered a proper biblical procedure for reconciliation? If so, list the steps below. If not, please explain why not. Yes Determine that brother/sister has sinned Go to admonish them privately If he/she will not listen, take 2-3 with you to establish every word If still unreconciled, take it to the church If still will not hear, withdraw fellowship

Explain the meaning of Proverbs 19:11.
8. Explain the meaning of Proverbs 19:11. Being slow to take offense when slighted or crossed will make one slow to anger, a virtue.

9. Identify some New Testament principles which, if practiced, will help us be more successful at forgiving and reconciling with family members as well as our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Lesson 15: Confession

1. Confession is an important part of being a Christian. What do the following passages teach us about confession? Matthew 10:32 John 9:1-38 John 12:42, 43 Romans 10:8-11 1 John 1:6

1. Confession is an important part of being a Christian. What do the following passages teach us about confession? 1 John 2:4 Acts 8:35-37 1 John 1:8-10 James 5:16 Proverbs 28:13

2. David is a prime example of a child of God whose overall well-being was dramatically affected by confession. Read the story of David's sin in 2 Samuel 11 and of his being confronted by Nathan in chapter 12. List the sins David committed.

Was he forgiven by God? How long after his sins?
3. Was he forgiven by God? How long after his sins?

4. It is thought that Psalm 38 was written by David after he committed his sins, as he approached the time of his confession. Read the whole psalm but especially notice verses What was David's condition?

5. In addition to his spiritual problems did he have any physical or emotional problems? If so, identify them and their causes.

Which of David's words indicate his turning and his confession?
6. Which of David's words indicate his turning and his confession?

Do you see a connection between David's condition and James 5:13-16?
7. Do you see a connection between David's condition and James 5:13-16?

8. Psalm 51 is David's plea to the Lord for forgiveness for his sins. In his confession and subsequent forgiveness, what did David expect to obtain?

Notice Psalm 32:1-5, 10 and 11 which is believed to be written about the same events. What is the focal point of the change in David's life from sickness and depression to gladness and joy? 9.

10. What important conclusions about our own confession can be drawn from David's experience?

11. Can family relationships be happy and peaceful without regular, open confession of sins? Why, or why not?

12. Does being parents immunize parents from confessing their sins against their children?

Lesson 16: Parents and children
Birth A husband’s transition to father is not great Wife’s transition to mother is dramatic Discipline Col 3:21; Eph 6:4 If parents disagree, children will manipulate Teen years Must teach children respect for authority early Parents must finally release them to adult responsibilities Departure All growing years should prepare for this exit Failure could spell disaster for your marriage, and theirs A. PARENTS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY 1. Parents are parents, not just friends to their kids. 2. The responsibility is clearly stated in few words. Col 3:21; Eph 6:4 3. Addressed to fathers, but includes both fathers and mothers. a. Father is the head of household. Eph 5:26; 1 Tim 3:4 b. Authority given to father is delegated. 1 Cor. 11:3 c. Father delegates to mother as the Lord delegates to father. 4. Two sides stated in "not/but" construction of put away and put on. a. "Provoke not your children to anger.." b. "Nurture in the chastening and admonition of the Lord".

What obligations do children have toward parents? Cite scripture.
1. What obligations do children have toward parents? Cite scripture. Obey – Eph 6:1; Col 3:20 Honor – Eph 6:1; Ex 20:12; Deut 6:16 Heed instruction – Prov 1:8,9; 4:1-7

2. What reasons are given in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3 for children obeying their parents? That it may be well with you That you may live long on the earth To be well pleasing to the Lord (Col 3:20)

What does Ephesians 6:2 mean by "Honor thy father and mother...?”
3. What does Ephesians 6:2 mean by "Honor thy father and mother...?” Timeō – primarily to value; esteem Hence a price paid Used of valuing Christ at a price Matthew 27:9 Also of the preciousness of Christ to believers – 1 Peter 2:7

4. Considering the consequences of honoring parents, what is implied about the consequences of dishonoring them? Things will not go well Short life

Why are Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 addressed to fathers?
5. Why are Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 addressed to fathers? Father is the head of the family Ephesians 5:23, 24; 1 Cor. 11:3

5. Does this mean that mothers are not to be concerned about provoking children or that they have no responsibility to nurture? Explain. Mothers should not provoke and are responsible to nurture due to the law of delegated authority; fathers to mothers as God, the Father, to Christ and Christ to the man

6. Name some families in the Bible which demonstrated poor relations between parents and children. What was the problem in each case? Adam’s family – strife between siblings indicates strife in the family (Principle: top down, inside out) Isaac’s family – favoritism resulted in jealousy, dishonesty, treachery, intended murder and flight (separation) - Genesis 27

6. Name some families in the Bible which demonstrated poor relations between parents and children. What was the problem in each case? Jacob’s family – jealousy and rivalry, attempted murder among brothers due to parental favoritism – Genesis 29-30

Which families in scripture are worthy of our emulation.
7. Which families in scripture are worthy of our emulation. Zacharias & Elizabeth, parents of John the Baptist – Luke 1 Righteous parents trained their son in the right way with a spiritual purpose for life Remained committed to their goal and followed through

Which families in scripture are worthy of our emulation.
7. Which families in scripture are worthy of our emulation. Timothy’s grandmother, Lois, and mother, Eunice (no mention of men) – 2 Timothy 1:5 Their deep faith motivated their training of Timothy and instilled in him a deep faith also

Four steps which guarantee absolute failure for parents:
The wrong example, A lack of correction, A breakdown in communication, and No teaching of God’s word. James R. Cope

Lesson 17: Correcting children
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 17: Correcting children Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord."

What does the word translated "provoke" mean?
1. What does the word translated "provoke" mean? Parargizō ‑ from pikrainō (to make bitter) It means to arouse to anger; to stir up; to arouse intensely

Is it possible to know that a child has been provoked? How?
2. Is it possible to know that a child has been provoked? How? Yes Anger is a frequently displayed characteristic of their behavior Easily angered; seem angry at the world Discouraged; think negatively

What does the word "wrath" mean?
3. What does the word "wrath" mean? Remember: Parargizo = “to provoke to wrath;” intensive arousal, stimulation to – Parorgismos, a strengthened from of Orge Orge is strongest of all human passions Contrasted with Thumos, an outburst of temporary wrath from inward indignation Orge is settled, seething anger and discouragement (see Col. 3:21), often with a view to taking revenge

Identify some specific practices of parents that provoke children.
4. Identify some specific practices of parents that provoke children.

Ways we provoke… No Walls ‑ under‑disciplined
Kids need guidance, boundaries All Walls ‑ over‑disciplined Too many rules; “heat of battle” rules Punishment that does not fit the crime Refusal to hear child Mountains from molehills “You never..”, “You always..” Over‑protection INTRODUCTION 1. ”Benjamin Spock:• "The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children, the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is the best after all." a. Said by one who didn't advocate discipline of children. b. The Bible advocates divine wisdom rather than human instinct. 2. ”The behavior of children to parents• - and parents to children has a way of dramatically affecting the quality of family relationships. 3. ”God intended for us to have children and holds parents responsible ”for their rearing, disciplining.• 4. ”Two purposes for this lesson: a. Establish that parents must manage, discipline children. b. To present some practical ideas from God's instruction book.

How we provoke… Moving Walls ‑ inconsistent discipline
Lazy parents and hectic lifestyle Parents unwilling to adapt punishment Divided parents ‑ Fathers must lead in a united plan Saying “maybe” when you mean “no” Saying “no” when you really mean “yes” Black Walls ‑ depressing, negative discipline INTRODUCTION 1. ”Benjamin Spock:• "The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children, the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is the best after all." a. Said by one who didn't advocate discipline of children. b. The Bible advocates divine wisdom rather than human instinct. 2. ”The behavior of children to parents• - and parents to children has a way of dramatically affecting the quality of family relationships. 3. ”God intended for us to have children and holds parents responsible ”for their rearing, disciplining.• 4. ”Two purposes for this lesson: a. Establish that parents must manage, discipline children. b. To present some practical ideas from God's instruction book.

Black Walls… Two men looked out from prison bars;
What's Your Point Of View By Frederick Langbridge Two men looked out from prison bars; One saw the mud, the other the stars. INTRODUCTION 1. ”Benjamin Spock:• "The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children, the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is the best after all." a. Said by one who didn't advocate discipline of children. b. The Bible advocates divine wisdom rather than human instinct. 2. ”The behavior of children to parents• - and parents to children has a way of dramatically affecting the quality of family relationships. 3. ”God intended for us to have children and holds parents responsible ”for their rearing, disciplining.• 4. ”Two purposes for this lesson: a. Establish that parents must manage, discipline children. b. To present some practical ideas from God's instruction book.

5. Locate some Bible passages that indicate children will need to be corrected from time to time, and then make a list of situations in which it is Biblical to apply corrective action. Gen 4:5 – Cain’s anger admonished by God 1 Sam 2:22-3:13 – Eli should have restrained sons who were guilty of fornication

Is corporal punishment, i.e, spanking, ever called for? When?
6. Is corporal punishment, i.e, spanking, ever called for? When? Prov. 13:14 Serious crimes. Some possibilities: Disrespect for authority Rebellion Lying Stealing

7. What recommendations would you make to young parents about what makes for proper corrective discipline? Emphasize good behavior; let them know that you are pleased; reward good when appropriate Take away privileges until behavior improves; try not to punish yourself Explain why behavior is bad; show them alternatives Be consistent

Lesson 18: Positive discipline
1. In your own words, state the positive side of Ephesians 6:4 without using the words "nurture", "chastening" or "admonition.” Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (NIV) Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (RSV)

1. In your own words, state the positive side of Ephesians 6:4 without using the words "nurture", "chastening" or "admonition.” Bring them up in the loving discipline the Lord Himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice (Tyndale’s Living Bible & Living Letters) Bring them up in the training and correction of the Lord

2. Identify some ways this can be accomplished
Regular participation with the local church Careful training in God’s word Consistent, loving discipline Be authoritative, but not an authoritarian Set a good example Spend time with them, affirm your love

3. What would you want your children to understand about:
Rules at home? Rules are for temporary restraint God expects parents to discipline Distinguish failure to perform versus rebellion “He who spares the rod” Prov 13:24; 23:13,14 Punishment should not replace retribution Do not punish with work; teach work’s dignity/joy Punishment should not be for the parent Base rules on Bible study/prayer with child

3. How to achieve worthwhile goals
What would you want your children to understand about: Personal goals? How to achieve worthwhile goals How to choose and set goals How to plan getting from here to there That the end doesn’t justify the means To complete what is started To change plans and goals when needed How to handle both success and failure

3. When and how to pray, and for what
What would you want your children to understand about: Prayer? When and how to pray, and for what To pray to the Father thru Jesus To pray from the heart, believing To know for what to pray To understand the Spirit’s role To accept the Lord’s answer

3. To be an effective Bible student
What would you want your children to understand about: Bible study? To be an effective Bible student To rightly divide scripture To be able to seek scriptural answers To be able to give defense for beliefs To feel the need to teach others To be a doer, not a hearer only To love truth

3. What it is, its value and how to get it
What would you want your children to understand about: Wisdom? What it is, its value and how to get it To value heavenly above human wisdom Proverbs 4:1‑10 To distinguish between wisdom & knowledge To realize knowledge comes from study To know God’s wisdom comes by asking over time James 1:5

3. To be confident in who they are, but seek to become better
What would you want your children to understand about: Self-control? To be confident in who they are, but seek to become better To have the courage of their convictions Willing to sacrifice to achieve what is good To learn to restrain themselves from that which it harmful or lustful

3. What would you want your children to understand about: Influence?
To realize the value and power of influence To desire the respect of others To have and protect a good name To value the good family name they have been given To make use of liberties in a way that influences others for good

3. Its divine nature and human failings
What would you want your children to understand about: The church? Its divine nature and human failings To always follow Christ as Head, rather than good, but fallible men To be a responsible and effective member of the body To be the solution rather than a problem To value the family, taking and giving

3. What would you want your children to understand about:
Commitment to the Lord’s cause? How to faithfully contribute for His glory To give time and money How to prioritize To work with others without competing To be humble, work for God’s glory

4. Father and mother, with father taking the lead
Who has responsibility for teaching these matters? Father and mother, with father taking the lead

Positive, instructive discipline
Set goals for developing your children Use temporary rules to restrain them Teach principles Give them room to grow Luke 2:52 Teach to apply principles, make decisions Teach getting wisdom Prov 4:1‑10; Jas. 1:5 POSITIVE, INSTRUCTIVE DISCIPLINE 1. Set goals for developing your children; what should they be? 2. Use temporary rules to restrain while teaching guiding principles. a. Do not over use rules. 1) Rules are for guiding toward a greater lasting principle. 2) Distinguish between major and minor rules. 3) Rules only check behavior until principles firmly ingrained. 4) May need to compromise rules as child learns the principles. b. Be intelligent about punishment when it is needed. 1) Should fit the crime in intensity and kind. Never yell! 2) Distinguish between failure to perform chores and rebellion. 3) Sparing the rod is NOT loving the child. Prov 13:24; 23:13,14 4) Punishment should not replace retribution. 5) Work should not be equated with punishment. a) Maintain the dignity of work; teach its joy. 6) Punishment should not be punishment for the parent. 7) Clarity, consistency, regularity, enforcebility, fairness. 8) Child must understand that God expects parents to discipline. 9) Study the Bible and pray about the matter with the child. 3. Give them room to grow. Luke 2:52 a. Help them learn to apply principles, make their own decisions. b. Making decisions means making mistakes. Can you allow them to make poor choices as they learn to make decisions? 4. Teach them to GET wisdom. Proverbs 4:1‑10 5. Shape attitudes. a. Positive thinking Phil. 4:8 b. Respect for authority Rom. 13:1‑ ; Heb. 13:17; Eph. 6:1 c. Compassion for others James 1:27 d. Love for the truth Psm. 19:7‑10 e. Love for God, above all else Matt. 10:37‑39 f. Love for others Rom. 13:8,10 6. Help them develop spiritual as well as temporal skills. a. Good communications b. Putting away/putting on Eph. 4:20‑24 c. Telling the truth Eph. 4:15 d. Bible study e. Prayer f. Telling others the Gospel message. 7. Reinforce good habits. Positive thinking on your part. Phil. 4:8 8. Teach them, yes, even allow them to suffer pain, persecution, loss and deprivation. James 1 says, "Count it all joy..." 9. Teach them to redeem the time. Eph. 5:16 a. To appreciate the value and brevity of time. James 4:14 b. To recognize essential versus important things to do. c. To work hard at whatever is chosen to do. Eccl. 9:10 10. Instill in them lofty aspirations. a. Teach them to plan wisely and set goals. b. Encourage excitement rather than fear of a challenge. c. Help them to learn to reach for the worthwhile "unreachables". 11. Teach them how to deal with both success and failure. a. Humility rather than pride. James 4:6 b. Uncomplaining acceptance of present circumstances. Phil. 4:11‑13 c. All things for Christ. Phil 3:7, 8 12. Teach by word and example. a. Be careful to practice what you preach. b. Admit your mistakes and inconsistencies. 1) You cannot hide them. 2) Honesty will build love; bridge the generation gap. CONCLUSION 1. We parents have a serious charge from the Lord to bring up our children to serve him and be responsible, happy people. 2. It is time we stopped listening to the world about how to do that. 3. And, time we stopped turning the problem over to schools, etc. 4. Some of us will answer as did Eli (judge and high priest) because we have not sternly rebuked, disciplined when it needed. Eli's sons went down in Bible history as "worthless" Samuel 1,2 5. May the Lord help us to be better parents and children!

Shape attitudes Positive thinking Philippians 4:8 Respect for authority Rom 13:1‑7; Eph 6:1 Love for God, above all else Matthew 10:37‑39 Love for the truth Psalm 19:7‑10 Love for others Romans 13:8,10 Mercy & compassion toward others James 1:27 POSITIVE, INSTRUCTIVE DISCIPLINE 1. Set goals for developing your children; what should they be? 2. Use temporary rules to restrain while teaching guiding principles. a. Do not over use rules. 1) Rules are for guiding toward a greater lasting principle. 2) Distinguish between major and minor rules. 3) Rules only check behavior until principles firmly ingrained. 4) May need to compromise rules as child learns the principles. b. Be intelligent about punishment when it is needed. 1) Should fit the crime in intensity and kind. Never yell! 2) Distinguish between failure to perform chores and rebellion. 3) Sparing the rod is NOT loving the child. Prov 13:24; 23:13,14 4) Punishment should not replace retribution. 5) Work should not be equated with punishment. a) Maintain the dignity of work; teach its joy. 6) Punishment should not be punishment for the parent. 7) Clarity, consistency, regularity, enforcebility, fairness. 8) Child must understand that God expects parents to discipline. 9) Study the Bible and pray about the matter with the child. 3. Give them room to grow. Luke 2:52 a. Help them learn to apply principles, make their own decisions. b. Making decisions means making mistakes. Can you allow them to make poor choices as they learn to make decisions? 4. Teach them to GET wisdom. Proverbs 4:1‑10 5. Shape attitudes. a. Positive thinking Phil. 4:8 b. Respect for authority Rom. 13:1‑ ; Heb. 13:17; Eph. 6:1 c. Compassion for others James 1:27 d. Love for the truth Psm. 19:7‑10 e. Love for God, above all else Matt. 10:37‑39 f. Love for others Rom. 13:8,10 6. Help them develop spiritual as well as temporal skills. a. Good communications b. Putting away/putting on Eph. 4:20‑24 c. Telling the truth Eph. 4:15 d. Bible study e. Prayer f. Telling others the Gospel message. 7. Reinforce good habits. Positive thinking on your part. Phil. 4:8 8. Teach them, yes, even allow them to suffer pain, persecution, loss and deprivation. James 1 says, "Count it all joy..." 9. Teach them to redeem the time. Eph. 5:16 a. To appreciate the value and brevity of time. James 4:14 b. To recognize essential versus important things to do. c. To work hard at whatever is chosen to do. Eccl. 9:10 10. Instill in them lofty aspirations. a. Teach them to plan wisely and set goals. b. Encourage excitement rather than fear of a challenge. c. Help them to learn to reach for the worthwhile "unreachables". 11. Teach them how to deal with both success and failure. a. Humility rather than pride. James 4:6 b. Uncomplaining acceptance of present circumstances. Phil. 4:11‑13 c. All things for Christ. Phil 3:7, 8 12. Teach by word and example. a. Be careful to practice what you preach. b. Admit your mistakes and inconsistencies. 1) You cannot hide them. 2) Honesty will build love; bridge the generation gap. CONCLUSION 1. We parents have a serious charge from the Lord to bring up our children to serve him and be responsible, happy people. 2. It is time we stopped listening to the world about how to do that. 3. And, time we stopped turning the problem over to schools, etc. 4. Some of us will answer as did Eli (judge and high priest) because we have not sternly rebuked, disciplined when it needed. Eli's sons went down in Bible history as "worthless" Samuel 1,2 5. May the Lord help us to be better parents and children!

Teach spiritual as well as temporal skills Good communications Putting away/putting on Ephesians 4:20‑24 Telling the truth Ephesians 4:15 Bible study Prayer Telling others the Gospel message Reinforce good habits Teach how to handle pain and loss James 1:2 Teach them to redeem time Eph 5:16; Jas 4:13, 14 To recognize essential versus important things POSITIVE, INSTRUCTIVE DISCIPLINE 1. Set goals for developing your children; what should they be? 2. Use temporary rules to restrain while teaching guiding principles. a. Do not over use rules. 1) Rules are for guiding toward a greater lasting principle. 2) Distinguish between major and minor rules. 3) Rules only check behavior until principles firmly ingrained. 4) May need to compromise rules as child learns the principles. b. Be intelligent about punishment when it is needed. 1) Should fit the crime in intensity and kind. Never yell! 2) Distinguish between failure to perform chores and rebellion. 3) Sparing the rod is NOT loving the child. Prov 13:24; 23:13,14 4) Punishment should not replace retribution. 5) Work should not be equated with punishment. a) Maintain the dignity of work; teach its joy. 6) Punishment should not be punishment for the parent. 7) Clarity, consistency, regularity, enforcebility, fairness. 8) Child must understand that God expects parents to discipline. 9) Study the Bible and pray about the matter with the child. 3. Give them room to grow. Luke 2:52 a. Help them learn to apply principles, make their own decisions. b. Making decisions means making mistakes. Can you allow them to make poor choices as they learn to make decisions? 4. Teach them to GET wisdom. Proverbs 4:1‑10 5. Shape attitudes. a. Positive thinking Phil. 4:8 b. Respect for authority Rom. 13:1‑ ; Heb. 13:17; Eph. 6:1 c. Compassion for others James 1:27 d. Love for the truth Psm. 19:7‑10 e. Love for God, above all else Matt. 10:37‑39 f. Love for others Rom. 13:8,10 6. Help them develop spiritual as well as temporal skills. a. Good communications b. Putting away/putting on Eph. 4:20‑24 c. Telling the truth Eph. 4:15 d. Bible study e. Prayer f. Telling others the Gospel message. 7. Reinforce good habits. Positive thinking on your part. Phil. 4:8 8. Teach them, yes, even allow them to suffer pain, persecution, loss and deprivation. James 1 says, "Count it all joy..." 9. Teach them to redeem the time. Eph. 5:16 a. To appreciate the value and brevity of time. James 4:14 b. To recognize essential versus important things to do. c. To work hard at whatever is chosen to do. Eccl. 9:10 10. Instill in them lofty aspirations. a. Teach them to plan wisely and set goals. b. Encourage excitement rather than fear of a challenge. c. Help them to learn to reach for the worthwhile "unreachables". 11. Teach them how to deal with both success and failure. a. Humility rather than pride. James 4:6 b. Uncomplaining acceptance of present circumstances. Phil. 4:11‑13 c. All things for Christ. Phil 3:7, 8 12. Teach by word and example. a. Be careful to practice what you preach. b. Admit your mistakes and inconsistencies. 1) You cannot hide them. 2) Honesty will build love; bridge the generation gap. CONCLUSION 1. We parents have a serious charge from the Lord to bring up our children to serve him and be responsible, happy people. 2. It is time we stopped listening to the world about how to do that. 3. And, time we stopped turning the problem over to schools, etc. 4. Some of us will answer as did Eli (judge and high priest) because we have not sternly rebuked, disciplined when it needed. Eli's sons went down in Bible history as "worthless" Samuel 1,2 5. May the Lord help us to be better parents and children!

Encourage in them lofty aspirations Teach them to plan wisely and set goals Encourage excitement not fear of a challenge Teach reaching for worthwhile "unreachables" Teach them to deal with success and failure Humility rather than pride James 4:6 Uncomplaining acceptance of circumstances Phil 4:11‑13 Teach by word and example Try to practice what you preach Admit your mistakes and inconsistencies POSITIVE, INSTRUCTIVE DISCIPLINE 1. Set goals for developing your children; what should they be? 2. Use temporary rules to restrain while teaching guiding principles. a. Do not over use rules. 1) Rules are for guiding toward a greater lasting principle. 2) Distinguish between major and minor rules. 3) Rules only check behavior until principles firmly ingrained. 4) May need to compromise rules as child learns the principles. b. Be intelligent about punishment when it is needed. 1) Should fit the crime in intensity and kind. Never yell! 2) Distinguish between failure to perform chores and rebellion. 3) Sparing the rod is NOT loving the child. Prov 13:24; 23:13,14 4) Punishment should not replace retribution. 5) Work should not be equated with punishment. a) Maintain the dignity of work; teach its joy. 6) Punishment should not be punishment for the parent. 7) Clarity, consistency, regularity, enforcebility, fairness. 8) Child must understand that God expects parents to discipline. 9) Study the Bible and pray about the matter with the child. 3. Give them room to grow. Luke 2:52 a. Help them learn to apply principles, make their own decisions. b. Making decisions means making mistakes. Can you allow them to make poor choices as they learn to make decisions? 4. Teach them to GET wisdom. Proverbs 4:1‑10 5. Shape attitudes. a. Positive thinking Phil. 4:8 b. Respect for authority Rom. 13:1‑ ; Heb. 13:17; Eph. 6:1 c. Compassion for others James 1:27 d. Love for the truth Psm. 19:7‑10 e. Love for God, above all else Matt. 10:37‑39 f. Love for others Rom. 13:8,10 6. Help them develop spiritual as well as temporal skills. a. Good communications b. Putting away/putting on Eph. 4:20‑24 c. Telling the truth Eph. 4:15 d. Bible study e. Prayer f. Telling others the Gospel message. 7. Reinforce good habits. Positive thinking on your part. Phil. 4:8 8. Teach them, yes, even allow them to suffer pain, persecution, loss and deprivation. James 1 says, "Count it all joy..." 9. Teach them to redeem the time. Eph. 5:16 a. To appreciate the value and brevity of time. James 4:14 b. To recognize essential versus important things to do. c. To work hard at whatever is chosen to do. Eccl. 9:10 10. Instill in them lofty aspirations. a. Teach them to plan wisely and set goals. b. Encourage excitement rather than fear of a challenge. c. Help them to learn to reach for the worthwhile "unreachables". 11. Teach them how to deal with both success and failure. a. Humility rather than pride. James 4:6 b. Uncomplaining acceptance of present circumstances. Phil. 4:11‑13 c. All things for Christ. Phil 3:7, 8 12. Teach by word and example. a. Be careful to practice what you preach. b. Admit your mistakes and inconsistencies. 1) You cannot hide them. 2) Honesty will build love; bridge the generation gap. CONCLUSION 1. We parents have a serious charge from the Lord to bring up our children to serve him and be responsible, happy people. 2. It is time we stopped listening to the world about how to do that. 3. And, time we stopped turning the problem over to schools, etc. 4. Some of us will answer as did Eli (judge and high priest) because we have not sternly rebuked, disciplined when it needed. Eli's sons went down in Bible history as "worthless" Samuel 1,2 5. May the Lord help us to be better parents and children!

Nurturing our children in Christ
Parents have a God-given responsibility to bring up children to serve Him Don’t listen to the world about how And, don’t leave education to schools POSITIVE, INSTRUCTIVE DISCIPLINE 1. Set goals for developing your children; what should they be? 2. Use temporary rules to restrain while teaching guiding principles. a. Do not over use rules. 1) Rules are for guiding toward a greater lasting principle. 2) Distinguish between major and minor rules. 3) Rules only check behavior until principles firmly ingrained. 4) May need to compromise rules as child learns the principles. b. Be intelligent about punishment when it is needed. 1) Should fit the crime in intensity and kind. Never yell! 2) Distinguish between failure to perform chores and rebellion. 3) Sparing the rod is NOT loving the child. Prov 13:24; 23:13,14 4) Punishment should not replace retribution. 5) Work should not be equated with punishment. a) Maintain the dignity of work; teach its joy. 6) Punishment should not be punishment for the parent. 7) Clarity, consistency, regularity, enforcebility, fairness. 8) Child must understand that God expects parents to discipline. 9) Study the Bible and pray about the matter with the child. 3. Give them room to grow. Luke 2:52 a. Help them learn to apply principles, make their own decisions. b. Making decisions means making mistakes. Can you allow them to make poor choices as they learn to make decisions? 4. Teach them to GET wisdom. Proverbs 4:1‑10 5. Shape attitudes. a. Positive thinking Phil. 4:8 b. Respect for authority Rom. 13:1‑ ; Heb. 13:17; Eph. 6:1 c. Compassion for others James 1:27 d. Love for the truth Psm. 19:7‑10 e. Love for God, above all else Matt. 10:37‑39 f. Love for others Rom. 13:8,10 6. Help them develop spiritual as well as temporal skills. a. Good communications b. Putting away/putting on Eph. 4:20‑24 c. Telling the truth Eph. 4:15 d. Bible study e. Prayer f. Telling others the Gospel message. 7. Reinforce good habits. Positive thinking on your part. Phil. 4:8 8. Teach them, yes, even allow them to suffer pain, persecution, loss and deprivation. James 1 says, "Count it all joy..." 9. Teach them to redeem the time. Eph. 5:16 a. To appreciate the value and brevity of time. James 4:14 b. To recognize essential versus important things to do. c. To work hard at whatever is chosen to do. Eccl. 9:10 10. Instill in them lofty aspirations. a. Teach them to plan wisely and set goals. b. Encourage excitement rather than fear of a challenge. c. Help them to learn to reach for the worthwhile "unreachables". 11. Teach them how to deal with both success and failure. a. Humility rather than pride. James 4:6 b. Uncomplaining acceptance of present circumstances. Phil. 4:11‑13 c. All things for Christ. Phil 3:7, 8 12. Teach by word and example. a. Be careful to practice what you preach. b. Admit your mistakes and inconsistencies. 1) You cannot hide them. 2) Honesty will build love; bridge the generation gap. CONCLUSION 1. We parents have a serious charge from the Lord to bring up our children to serve him and be responsible, happy people. 2. It is time we stopped listening to the world about how to do that. 3. And, time we stopped turning the problem over to schools, etc. 4. Some of us will answer as did Eli (judge and high priest) because we have not sternly rebuked, disciplined when it needed. Eli's sons went down in Bible history as "worthless" Samuel 1,2 5. May the Lord help us to be better parents and children! Parents, raise children like eagles!

Lesson 19: Keeping romance alive
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 19: Keeping romance alive Marriage is like an empty bowl; it will remain empty unless you put more into it than you take out. Although it is possible to give without loving, you cannot truly love without giving.

Understanding Love Agape Philĕō Storge Eros
Romantic love – may be a combination of Philĕō and Eros 5 Facets of Love

Agape Commandable Unconditional Active Sacrificial

What is required of the object of love to warrant this love?
1. What is required of the object of love to warrant this love? Nothing

2. This is the love of John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25, the love we are to have even for enemies (Matthew 5:44). What justifiable reasons might there be for a husband not to love his wife with this kind of love? There are none

Philĕō Tender affection Conditional Emotional Cannot be commanded

Can emotional love be turned off at will?
3. Can emotional love be turned off at will? No, no more than it can be turned on.

Is tender affection, which we all crave, a matter of will?
4. Is tender affection, which we all crave, a matter of will? To some degree, perhaps, but it is largely a matter of emotion, not will How is it produced? It is created and sustained by the way the object of love behaves

Whose primary responsibility is it to develop philĕō?
5. Whose primary responsibility is it to develop philĕō? The object of love, i.e., the one who wants to be loved

Philĕō in John 16:27 God does not love everyone with this love
He philĕō us because We love His Son, and We believe that He came from God

Storge Very strong Unconditional in child’s early years
May become more conditional as child becomes an adult

Describe some benefits of strong family love.
6. Describe some benefits of strong family love. Support Training Encouragement Self-confidence Affection A “home” to go back to

7. Describe some negative effects on a marriage, which might result from strong family love. Too much time spent or siding with parents or siblings to the detriment of spouse and children Too much time spent or siding with children to the detriment of spouse Interference in immediate family affairs by extended family members

How is the storge in a person’s life to change when entering marriage?
8. How is the storge in a person’s life to change when entering marriage? It must be refocused. Immediate family has higher priority over blood family The family left for a spouse is always loved, but not as strongly, i.e., the married person will not give them as much time, resources and affection as before.

Philĕō Titus 2:4 “commands” philandros, a wife’s affection toward her husband Titus 2:4 also uses philoteknos in reference to fondness of children 1 Pet 3:8; Heb 13:1: philandelphos, i.e., brotherly love is enjoined 1 Tim 6:10: philarquria – fond of money

Eros The most intimate expression of love
Can also be a purely physical, selfish act without love Forbidden by God before and outside of marriage An honorable, beautiful thing within marriage

9. What purposes for eros are stated in the following scriptures - Genesis 1:28? Multiplication, procreation

9. What purposes for eros are stated in the following scriptures - 1 Corinthians 7:1, 2? To keep a spouse satisfied within the marriage thus reducing temptation to commit fornication

9. What purposes for eros are stated in the following scriptures - Hebrews 13:4? To provide for sexual release within marriage that there be no reason for fornication and adultery. Sexual intimacy inside of marriage makes the union special , to be honored uniquely above all other human relationships.

Can you think of other scriptural purposes?
10. Can you think of other scriptural purposes? To fulfill the complementary nature of male and female. Genesis 2:18 To fulfill God’s intent that two become “one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

Within what context does God approve of sexual intimacy of any kind?
11. Within what context does God approve of sexual intimacy of any kind? Only within marriage.

Romantic Love Defined as a love affair; ardent emotional attachment
An emotional feeling, largely philĕō, Adds to philĕō sexual attraction, if not eros The “super glue” of marriage

What we call “romantic love” may be a combination of “phileo” and “eros.” It cannot be commanded because it so much involves the emotions. It is a feeling that grows out of attraction. Name some attributes of a person that might provoke romantic love in another. 12. Attractive, clean Pleasant to be with Humorous Good conversationalist Kind Intelligent Common interests Interest in a relationship

Describe what happens when two people “fall in love.”
13. “Falling in love” is a process of moving from independence to interdependence In three steps: Attraction Acceptance (equates to feeling love) Fulfillment (of emotional needs) Joe Beam, “Love, Sex & Marriage,” Family Dynamics Institute, Franklin, TN

14. What part do the five senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell) play in this process, if any?

The Five Love Languages
by Gary D. Chapman Words of affirmation Quality time Receiving gifts Acts of service Physical touch

8 Languages of Love Looks/Appearance Words/Sounds Touch/Caress
Appealing Scent Pleasant Taste Quality Time Gifts Kind Deeds 5 Senses Sight Hearing Touch Smell Taste

Working on your relationship
“Falling in love” is a process of moving from independence to interdependence Three stages: Attraction (function of the 5 senses) Acceptance (equates to feeling love) Fulfillment (of emotional needs) Joe Beam, “Love, Sex & Marriage,” Family Dynamics Institute, Franklin, TN

15. How important is it for an “old” married couple to keep romantic love alive? Extremely important. After the kids are gone, there are many years left for just the two to live together. Romantic love makes it fun, makes life together worth living. Romance is the “super glue” of marriage!

15. List some activities that would help keep romance alive through-out marriage. Men, help her with domestic chores and the kids Have dates – be romantic, like kids Give gifts, maybe “Mrs. Robison” gifts ☺ Special looks across the room A stolen touch or caress Be creative, find ways to say, “I love you!”

Lesson 20: courtship 1. Name some important things in life for which extensive preparation is absolutely necessary. Playing the piano well Playing on a college sports team Career in medicine, law, or in computer or physical sciences Teaching

2. What are the possible results of failing to adequately prepare for marriage? Divorce, separation, or at least unhappiness in the relationship.

3. What are some common reasons for which people marry a particular person? “In love” Fun to be with Sexual attraction Money or social advantage Common interests Christian One dedicated to making a godly union Responsible person Afraid they won’t find another to marry

Of this list, which are wise and which are foolish? Why? Wise Foolish
4. Of this list, which are wise and which are foolish? Why? Wise Foolish Christian Responsible person Common interests One dedicated to making a godly union “In love” Sexual attraction Fun to be with Money or social advantage Afraid they won’t find another to marry

If you were choosing the “ideal” mate, for what would you look?
5. First, one who is fully committed to serving God and growing in faith, i.e., one who could help me get to heaven Then, one who is committed to making a good marriage Next, one with whom I am compatible Next, one with whom is fun to be Lastly, one who is attractive.

6. What is good about the system of having parents choose marriage partners for their children? If they are wise parents, their criteria would be more dedication to God, maturity, responsibility and compatibility than sexual attraction, being “in love” and other such superficial and short-lived reasons for marriage.

What is good about the way young people in our country choose today?
7. What is good about the way young people in our country choose today? They are waiting until a later age to get married so they are probably more mature.

How important is being “in love.”
8. How important is being “in love.” It is not the most important thing. If “being in love” is primarily emotional, as we have said, it is based on what appeals to the five senses, things which will change over time.

How long should two people know each other before becoming engaged?
9. How long should two people know each other before becoming engaged? Long enough to know their convictions, interests, integrity and aspirations Before tying the knot? Why? Long enough to know how they will behave in their worst moments

10. What things should they understand about each other before the wedding? Make a list of subjects. Convictions and their bases Their level of commitment to the Lord Level of maturity Attitudes and management of money Desire for a family, number of kids Dependency on family members Aspirations

11. Would it be wise for a young couple to get some kind of marriage counseling before the nuptials? If so, how extensive should it be? How detailed? Yes Several hours of training in the scriptures governing marriage and practicalities of building a happy union Should include a written examination of attitudes, skills and convictions that will impact the other partner No subject should be off limits

Where can two young Christians go for help in getting ready for marriage?
12. To godly Christians, knowledgeable of scriptures, who have been married many years

Lesson 21: The value of a godly home
1. What is the greatest value in this life of a godly home to – The father? Provides a place of peaceful rest and recharging of his “batteries” for facing the challenges and stress of work. Encourages him in his role as head of the family knowing that all is well on his watch.

1. What is the greatest value in this life of a godly home to – The mother? Satisfies her need for peace and security. Accrues to her self-esteem; makes her feel needed, successful as the “homemaker” (Titus 2:5), appreciated. Makes serving the Lord by being obedient to her husband a joyful thing.

1. What is the greatest value in this life of a godly home to – Individual children? Provides an environment where they can be trained and nurtured in the Lord’s ways without hypocrisy and variance. Increases their effectiveness in learning both secular and spiritual lessons. Equips them for later life with happy memories and confidence to do well.

1. What is the greatest value in this life of a godly home to – The church? Encourages married members to make their homes godly as well. Sets an example to the young of what their future homes should be like. Is the backdrop for effective heartfelt worship and service Is the seedbed for growing the church’s future leaders

1. What is the greatest value in this life of a godly home to – Friends and neighbors? Serves as an example to all. The godly influence it projects invites others to partake of the rich blessings of serving a loving Lord. Contributes to the overall well-being of the community.

2. What makes a home godly? First, a godly marriage where both husband and wife are focused on serving God and making their marriage what God wants it to be. Children who learn to respect and obey God and parents G G H W Marriage contract F M C

Which home in the Bible is, for you, the best example of a godly home?
3. Which home in the Bible is, for you, the best example of a godly home? The home of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31.

4. List all of the characteristics which make this Bible home stand out to you as one to be emulated today. Her attributes and activities are listed in Proverbs 31:12-27. Arguably, the character of the husband and father is reflected in her behavior. He is obviously well respected in the land – he “sits among the elders.” v. 23 He appreciates her goodness. v. 11, 28

5. Are there things about this home’s spiritual-ity that were peculiar to the time in which they lived or can all of the important things they did be done by us today? Some of the specific things she did (weaving, for example) would not be done by women today, but they could be busy for the good of home and family. Most men would not be “sitting at the gate,” but they would be in positions of influence, praising her for her support.

Identify the one thing that would draw your family closer to God.
6. Identify the one thing that would draw your family closer to God. More humility toward each other and before God.

7. Write out your plan for incorporating this one godly thing in the environment of your home. More readily confess every fault without making defense for questionable actions. Find a way everyday to show through words and actions that we esteem the other better than self. Philippians 2:3, 4

Lesson 22: Putting it all into perspective
1. Of all the things we have discussed from the first lesson until now, what one thing you could put effort into would most assure good relations with your family? Better communications without any trace of bitterness, sarcasm, criticism, temper, arrogance or impatience.

2. What are the greatest problems that you see that families who really want to do God’s will must overcome? Lack of time to devote to study, prayer and other spiritual matters Taking care of and pleasing family members, which may detract from pleasing God. 1 Corinthians 7:32, 33 Worldly influences diverting our attention

What solutions do you recommend?
2. What solutions do you recommend? Distinguish between those things important and those things essential. Set priorities accordingly and schedule time for only one of the neglected essentials. Begin doing “what is needful.” Lk 10:42 Follow through until the practice is habit. Add the next essential on your list.

Marriage and Family …God’s Way
N. Terrace church of Christ Chattanooga, TN 1st & 2nd Quarter, 2005 Week 20, Sunday

3. If, at this point, your family is not praying and studying the Bible together as a family on some regular basis, write out here what is needed to remove any doubt from your mind or any roadblock in your way. Belief that it is important…or Time to do it…or A decision to do it…or Agreement from family members…or Resolution rather than intentions…or ???

4. What other areas of study, in your opinion, are needed by families of this congregation?

5. Besides “going to heaven when you die,” what reason would you give any family of Christians for working at living according to God’s rules for family life? It would make your life more peaceful, happy and productive than living selfishly according to the wisdom of the world.

What reason would you give to a family of non-Christians?
6. What reason would you give to a family of non-Christians? The same reason, but I would stress the value of being in Christ, being able to pray through Him to the Father for help and enjoying the inner peace that comes from belonging to a merciful God.

Course Summary

Draw closer to God… ...to draw closer to each other
Husband Wife Keeping God in your family assures a successful, happy home! Husband Wife Husband Wife

Godly marriages are rare, but achievable….
Lesson 1: The Marriage Relationship Godly marriages are rare, but achievable…. The Bible’s marriage counsel is best God wants us to partner like eagles… Marriage is a lifelong commitment Lesson 2: Building a Peaceful Home

The Challenge of Staying in Role
Marriage’s Challenges… The Challenge of Staying in Role The part of any system, which is out of its assigned place, is the beginning of disaster for that system

Lesson 3: The Husband's Role Lesson 4: The Husband's Analysis Lesson 5: The Wife's Role Lesson 6: The Wife's Analysis A. To be head of his own wife. 1. As Christ is head of the church ‑ LEADER 2. As Christ is Savior of the church ‑ SACRIFICER B. To love his own wife. 1. As Christ loved the church ‑ LOVER 2. As Christ gave Himself ‑ SACRIFICER 3. As husband loves his own body. 4. As husband loves himself. 5. Without bitterness. 6. Fulfilling his duty as a husband. C. To dwell with her according to knowledge. D. To give her honor. 1. As unto the weaker vessel. 2. As being joint‑heirs of the grace of life. 3. That prayers not be hindered.

Unique power of each role…
Two striking attributes of our Savior are: LOVING LEADERSHIP – Seen in the Husband’s role SUBMISSION – Seen in the Wife’s role Remember: “..submitting one to another in the fear of God.” Ephesians 5:21 The Bible is plain about the wife's place in the marriage relationship and how she should conduct herself toward her husband. Consider the following outline. Primarily using Genesis 2 & 3, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Timothy 2 & 5, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 2 & 3, please assign at least one Bible reference to the individual points of this outline. Add verses from other passages where you can. WIFE'S ROLE A. To be in subjection to her own husband. 1. As unto the Lord. 2. As the church is to Christ. 3. As servant is to master. 4. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. 5. As fitting in the Lord. B. To be a helper suitable for her husband. 1. Created for the man. 2. Workers at home. 3. Looking well to the ways of her household. 4. Her desire is for her husband. C. To bear children. 1. Given by God as a special function of woman. 2. Taught by Paul as a practical matter. 3. Related to salvation. D. To love her husband. 1. A matter of training. 2. Fulfilling her duty as a wife.

Lesson 7: Obstacles to a Happy Marriage 12 Obstacles To Godly Marriage Pride, Selfishness Low self esteem Deception Lack of trust Lack of commitment Laziness about the relationship Role confusion Inability to resolve conflicts Ungodly communication Immaturity Leaving God out Other relationships

Lesson 9: Better Listening Lesson 10: Biblical Communication
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 8: Difficulties in Communicating Arguably, nothing is more essential to good family relationships than effective, wholesome communication Lesson 9: Better Listening Lesson 10: Biblical Communication What scriptures help us communicate? What emotion most hinders effective communications?

Lesson 11: Financial Challenges
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 11: Financial Challenges Is money a major or minor challenge?

Lesson 12: Including God in the Home
One of greatest benefits to happy relationships is including God in the family Attending worship services of the local church together is fundamental Family togetherness in spiritual matters must go beyond simply worshipping together. The truly happy family consciously weaves the things of God into the fabric of daily family living.

The best defense….Godly principles:
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 13: Solving Family Problems Develop and follow an intelligent, thought out, agreed to plan for conflict resolution The best defense….Godly principles: Walk wisely, redeeming the time Eph 5:15-17 No selfish ambition or conceit Phil 2:3-4 Always speak the truth in love Eph 4:15 Speak no corrupt word, only edify Eph 4:29 God Wants Us to Partner Like Eagles We can learn how to live better from the courtship habits of eagles. In 1st few years an eagle molts; changes feathers for prettier with different colors; early on, someone knowledgeable can tell the age of an eagle by its feathers. By 2nd-4th year, an eagle is ready for courtship and marriage. She finds potential mate, dives to valley, gets stick, carries to 3K m, him following. She drops; he dives down at up to 200 mph and brings it back to her. She repeats. If he gets all sticks and drops none, she drops rock big as she can carry from 70 m. He catches on his back in a ritual like drop the handkerchief practiced years ago. One day she will sit on eggs in nest high up; must depend upon her partner for food. Then she will push an eaglet out of nest; he will dive down to rocks below and catch eaglet on his back, bring it back to the nest for another turn. During courtship she is testing to see what kind of father he will be. "If you can't catch sticks and rocks, what will you do when I start dropping eaglets?" Marriage ceremony marks the beginning of a lifelong commitment. Eagles live years; marriage is to the same partner for life. Wedding ceremony at 3K m: eagles lock talons and do aerial flips screaming loudly. God wants us to court and marry like the eagles. Unfortunately, marriage commitments in the 20th century are made to be broken. God says marry for life. Rom 7:1-3 There is only one reason for divorce. Matt 19:9 Eagles follow their God-given commitment to marriage; why can't we?

Biblical forgiveness is a fourfold promise to never… Ephesians 4:29
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 14: Forgiveness Biblical forgiveness is a fourfold promise to never… Ephesians 4:29 Speak to you again about the matter. Tell anyone else about it. Hold it over your head in a non-verbal way. Allow my mind to dwell on it.

Lesson 15: Confession Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16

Lesson 16: Parents and children Lesson 17: Correcting children Lesson 18: Positive discipline Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord."

Lesson 19: Keeping romance alive ☺
Marriage’s Challenges… Lesson 19: Keeping romance alive ☺ Marriage is like an empty bowl; it will remain empty unless you put more into it than you take out. Although it is possible to give without loving, you cannot truly love without giving.

Understanding Love Agape Philĕō Storge Eros
Romantic love – may be a combination of Philĕō and Eros 5 Facets of Love

Lesson 21: The value of a godly home
Lesson 20: courtship Lesson 21: The value of a godly home Lesson 22: Putting it all into perspective

Important Notice This file contains content which is not copyrighted. You are free to use this presentation in your teaching program, however, in exchange I request that you use it in conjunction with my student booklet by the same title and that you respect the following: Please do not use my material under your name as if it was created by you; please leave my name on the title screen. If you make modifications, please include on the title screen a clear statement that you have revised my content with a brief indication of the extent of revision. You may freely share this file with anyone, however, please keep this notice as well as my name as author with every copy you make.

Marriage and Family …God’s Way

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