1. Development of Self

2. Attachment, connectedness Autonomy, independence

3. Biological birth Psychological birth

4. Margaret Mahler Separation-Individuation Process The psychological birth (the birth of the self) is a slowly unfolding intra-psychic process

5. Intra-psychic processes

6. Separation - Individuation 1- symbiotic phase0-3 months 2- differentiation phase4-10 months 3- early practicing phase10-12 months 4- practicing phase12-18 months 5- rapprochement phase18-24 months 6- consolidation phase24-48 months

7. Symbiotic Phase (0 - 3 months) Infant cannot differentiate between “I” and “not I”

8. Differentiation Phase (4 - 10 months) Infants begins learning about own body and mother’s body Infant begins making distinctions between: – internal sensations and perceptions of the external world –“I” and “not I” Hatching

9. Early Practicing Phase (10 – 12 months) crawling - walking Can initiate separations from mom Increased body differentiation Special bond w/mom is formed

10. Transitional Objects It is not the object that is important It is the nature of the child’s relationship to the object An intermediate station between the world of illusion and the world of reality

11. Practicing Phase (12 – 18 months)  Walking Discovering the world, mastering Exhilaration, delight, thrill Focus on own expanding abilities “I am POWERFUL”

12. Practicing Phase (12 - 18 months) PARENTS’ job: Allow and enjoy child’s increasing capacity to operate at a distance from them

13. Self-Recognition Perception of self as a separate being, distinct from other people

14. Self-Recognition It presupposes a basic sense of identity

15. The Emerging Self in Toddlerhood Recognize themselves in photographs Use their own name & personal pronouns Self-conscious emotions (e.g., shame, embarrassment, pride)

16. The Emerging Self in Toddlerhood “MINE! MINE! MINE!” Establishing boundaries between self and other

17. Towards end of practicing phase (15-18 months) World expands + I can do it all = = I’m great, life is great! …but, oh my, I can’t really do it all, and where is my MOMMY??!!

18. Rapprochement Phase (18-24 months) Increased sense of separateness   Will my mom be here for me…? Reappearance of separation anxiety, clinginess Need to consolidate separation & individuation Ambivalence Neediness and clinging -Escalating demands for autonomy -Screaming and tears Rapprochement crisis

19. Rapprochement Phase (18 - 24 months) PARENTS’ JOB: If parent gives in to clinginess  stifles child’s need for independence If parent rejects clinginess  overlooks child’s need for connection and security So what’s a parent to do…?

20. Rapprochement Phase (18 - 24 months) Tolerate ambivalence and negativism Respond flexibly to conflicting demands

21. GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER

22. Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.) sense of separateness sense of individuality need to assert own will wish to please parent Early separation anxiety   Anxiety over losing mom’s love/approval

23. PARENTING TODDLERS The challenges of toddlerhood—negativism, defiance, temper tantrums, no-win situations— are not only inevitable but valuable experiences for toddlers, in the process of becoming individuals aware of their own needs and the needs of others

24. NOOOOOO !! Parents: you can’t eat the dirt from the plants no matter how yummy it tastes you can’t fed pancakes to the VCR you can’t pull the cat’s tail you can’t hit me when I tell you “no”

25. NOOOOOO !! Toddlers: I’m not your clone I won’t relinquish my sense of myself to do what you want me to do

26. “I wannit, I needit” Toddlers desire things w/passion & urgency The world doesn’t always yield

27. Temper Tantrums Oh no, my will does not reign supreme!!!! This realization is essential for living within a family

28. Temper Tantrums Healthy development: help toddler learn that frustration, anger, and despair are part of the human experience and do not lead to lasting emotional collapse. Emotional cost: toddlers are scared of displeasing parents (losing their love & approval).  Parent as the secure base from which toddler explores not only “the world”, but also the wide range of feelings.

29. “Even when I am angry with you, I still love you!” CYCLES OF DISAGREEMENT AND RECONCILIATION

30. Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.) PARENTS’ job: Cycles of disagreement and reconciliation: the cornerstone of the toddler’s psychological growth

31. from “SECURE BASE” to “PARTNERSHIP”

32. PARTNERSHIP Partnership is unequal: the parent is raising the child. Parental firmness and boundaries give toddler the freedom to explore. Partnership results in more complex sense of security.

33. Self Concept A set of beliefs about one’s own characteristics

34. Self-Concept

35. In sum… Categorical Comparative Interpersonal Implications Make few generalizations Unrealistically positive self-descriptions Use higher-order concepts that integrate more specific behavioral features Coordinate opposing self-representations Think about how they affect others and others affect them Focus on abstract characteristics Conceive of multiple selves