1. Give & Take The choice we all make Relationship Seminar #1 2010-03-19

2. Scenario 1 Are you a giver or taker? Are you a giver or taker?

3. When one meets the other When two givers meet? When two givers meet? When two takers meet? When two takers meet? When a taker and a giver meet? When a taker and a giver meet?

4. When one meets the other When two givers meet? When two givers meet? Idealistic? Idealistic? When two takers meet? When two takers meet? Power struggle Power struggle When a taker and a giver meet? When a taker and a giver meet? Perfect? Sooner or later problems will arise. Perfect? Sooner or later problems will arise.

5. Song – You can’t hurry love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw5RkzbHb-w http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw5RkzbHb-w http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw5RkzbHb-w You can't hurry love No, you just have to wait She said love don't come easy It's a game of give and take You can't hurry love No, you just have to wait You got to trust, give it time No matter how long it takes You can't hurry love No, you just have to wait She said love don't come easy It's a game of give and take You can't hurry love No, you just have to wait You got to trust, give it time No matter how long it takes

6. Discussion She said love don't come easy It's a game of give and take Do you agree? How much % do you give and how much % do you take? Is it good to give 100%? Do you agree? How much % do you give and how much % do you take? Is it good to give 100%?

7. 90%? 100%? "Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. “ - Anthony Robbins "Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. “ - Anthony Robbins

8. Give-and-take? Many people will tell you that for a happy relationship, you need what they describe as "give-and-take". Many people will tell you that for a happy relationship, you need what they describe as "give-and-take". What you need is "give and give." And give again. And again. What you need is "give and give." And give again. And again. That's the royal road to happiness. That's the royal road to happiness.

9. 2 Corinthians 8:1-2 Now I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, what God in his kindness has done through the churches in Macedonia. They are being tested by many troubles, and they are very poor. But they are also filled with abundant joy, which has overflowed in rich generosity. Now I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, what God in his kindness has done through the churches in Macedonia. They are being tested by many troubles, and they are very poor. But they are also filled with abundant joy, which has overflowed in rich generosity.

10. Generation Me? Takers? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8Tv3e8ZVeo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8Tv3e8ZVeo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8Tv3e8ZVeo This is not the same thing as being selfish – it is captured, instead, in the phrases we so often hear: "Be yourself," "Believe in yourself," "You must love yourself before you can love someone else." These are some of our culture's most deeply entrenched beliefs, and Generation Me has grown up hearing them whispered in our ears like the subliminally conditioned children in Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. This is not the same thing as being selfish – it is captured, instead, in the phrases we so often hear: "Be yourself," "Believe in yourself," "You must love yourself before you can love someone else." These are some of our culture's most deeply entrenched beliefs, and Generation Me has grown up hearing them whispered in our ears like the subliminally conditioned children in Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

11. The Problem? We appear to be givers, but in actual truth we are mostly takers. We appear to be givers, but in actual truth we are mostly takers. We only give 10%. Only give when we are abundant, not when we are lacking. We only give 10%. Only give when we are abundant, not when we are lacking. There is an element missing: Jesus ’ Sacrificial Love. There is an element missing: Jesus ’ Sacrificial Love. Example: bath Esther even when I am exhausted myself. Example: bath Esther even when I am exhausted myself.

12. When do I give? Scenario 2: A girl who starts her first date. She ponders: “ The bible says love never fails, so I should keep on giving. I don ’ t want to be selfish, I will give whatever he wants, within or out of my ability. I will give him everything I have …. including myself … and I will give him.. NOW! ” Problem? Scenario 2: A girl who starts her first date. She ponders: “ The bible says love never fails, so I should keep on giving. I don ’ t want to be selfish, I will give whatever he wants, within or out of my ability. I will give him everything I have …. including myself … and I will give him.. NOW! ” Problem?

13. When do I take? Scenario 3. I had 2 relationships in the past. Both of my ex are younger than me. I have always been the one who gives. I am tired of it. I also wish I can be spoiled a bit. I will be a taker in my next relationship. I will not reveal too much of myself this time, or put lots of affection in. I will be Extra, Exceeding, and Extreme cautious. I will not trust anyone easily anymore. Problem? Scenario 3. I had 2 relationships in the past. Both of my ex are younger than me. I have always been the one who gives. I am tired of it. I also wish I can be spoiled a bit. I will be a taker in my next relationship. I will not reveal too much of myself this time, or put lots of affection in. I will be Extra, Exceeding, and Extreme cautious. I will not trust anyone easily anymore. Problem?

14. Solution Giving requires wisdom. Giving requires wisdom. Give what they need – fulfilling sense of security & value. Give what they need – fulfilling sense of security & value. People take time to receive. People take time to receive. Too many spoiled kids. Too many spoiled kids. Taking requires wisdom. Taking requires wisdom. Take to give. Take to give. Take to show trust. Take to show trust. Take to express your need. Take to express your need.

15. Paul’s Give & Take policy Ask for prayer – give or take? Ask for prayer – give or take? Ask for help – give or take? Ask for help – give or take? Share each other ’ s burdens – give or take? Share each other ’ s burdens – give or take?

16. Paul’s Give & Take policy The good receiver will take and give. The good receiver will take and give. Acts 20:35 says " It is more blessed to give than to receive". Acts 20:35 says " It is more blessed to give than to receive". In the bible relationships are reciprocal. In the bible relationships are reciprocal.

17. How do you give & take? Motive matters? 撒母耳記上 1 Samuel 16:7 撒母耳記上 1 Samuel 16:7 耶和華卻對撒母耳說, 不要看他的外貌和他身 材高大, 我不揀選他. 因為, 耶和華不像人看 人, 人是看外貌. 耶和華是看內心. 耶和華卻對撒母耳說, 不要看他的外貌和他身 材高大, 我不揀選他. 因為, 耶和華不像人看 人, 人是看外貌. 耶和華是看內心. But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

18. Wrong motives of give and take Give or take in a selfish way? Give or take in a selfish way? I give because I look better. I give because I look better. I take because I need. I take because I need. Give or take in a boastful way? Give or take in a boastful way? I give because you can ’ t. I give because you can ’ t. I take because I deserve. I take because I deserve. Give or take in a greedy way? Give or take in a greedy way? I give because I want to get more back. I give because I want to get more back. I take because the more the better. I take because the more the better.

19. What if? I just can’t give or take Can ’ t give Can ’ t give Repent – ask God to forgive you. Repent – ask God to forgive you. Restore – ask God to restore love in you. Restore – ask God to restore love in you. Restart – do it and enjoy the blessings of giving Restart – do it and enjoy the blessings of giving Can ’ t take Can ’ t take Examine why I can ’ t take. Pride? Selfishness? Greed? Examine why I can ’ t take. Pride? Selfishness? Greed? Repent, Restore, Restart. Repent, Restore, Restart.

20. Is God a giver or taker? God is the ultimate giver. He gives 100%, even died for us on the cross for us. God is the ultimate giver. He gives 100%, even died for us on the cross for us. Our needs of security and value are satisfied in Him. Our needs of security and value are satisfied in Him. We should learn to be like God the giver. We should learn to be like God the giver.

21. Conclusion Learn to be like Jesus, try to give 100% Learn to be like Jesus, try to give 100% Learn that you cannot give 100%, only God can. Learn that you cannot give 100%, only God can. GenMe, learn to give when you are poor. GenMe, learn to give when you are poor. Learn to take so others can be blessed. Learn to take so others can be blessed. Learn to take & give. Learn to take & give. Be wise when you give or take. Be wise when you give or take. Repent, Restore, Restart. Repent, Restore, Restart. Examine yourself constantly with 1 Cor 13. Examine yourself constantly with 1 Cor 13.

22. What is love? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV)

23. Questions?