2. What Should Have Happened… The Cycle (over and over and over again) “All those Yeses” Giving Voice Felt Safety Needs Met Preciousness!

3. What Our Kids Got…. Neglect Abuse Stressful Pregnancy Difficult Birth Early Hospitalization

4.  Fight  Flight  Freeze  Note: obvious and not so obvious behavioral fight, flight or freeze

5.  Earned Secure Attachment  Sensory Integration  Felt Safety

6.  Addresses readiness  Primes child for connection  Proactive principles

7.  Physical Needs › Physical Activity › Nuerotransmitters › Sensory Input  Physiological Needs › Hydration › Nutrition › Deep Breathing  Ecological Needs › Predictability › Transitions › Rituals/Artifacts

8. The Goal: CONNECTION  Disarm your child’s fear response  Establish clear and sensitive parental authority  Provide a sensory-rich environment  Teach appropriate social skills  Support healthy brain chemistry  Help your child connect with his or her own feelings  Forge a strong emotional bond between you and your child

9.  Valuing Eye Contact  Authoritative Voice (tone, volume, cadence)  Healthy Touch  Behavioral Matching  Playful Interaction  Mindfulness › Attunement/Aware ness › Calm Presence › Creative Problem Solving › Flexible Responding

10.  Life Value Terms › Using Words › With Respect › Accepting NO › Listen and Obey (1 st time)  Behavioral Scripts › Choices › Compromise › Redos

11.  Prime the Pump for Success  Shared Power: Wardens vs. Coaches  Time-In vs. Time-Out  IDEAL Approach › Immediate (initiated within 3 seconds) › Direct (eye contact, proximity) › Efficient (least amount of force necessary) › Action-based (physically led through a “do-over”) › Leveled at behavior (NOT at the child)  Total Voice Control  Natural & Logical Consequences  Expectations  Levels of Response › Level 1 – mild challenge = use playful engagement › Level 2 – moderate challenge = firmly provide choices (structured engagement) › Level 3 – strong challenge = calming engagement/time-in › Level 4 – physical aggression = protective engagement, ending with positive reconnection

12.  Alert children to upcoming activities; make their day as predictable as possible  Give appropriate choices for shared control  Speak simply  Be an effective leader  Prevent sensory overload  Don’t corner the child  Help identify safe people  Handle food issues gently  Help the child meet new challenges  Be approachable  Introduce the child to new environments  Don’t catastrophize  Honor emotions  Respect your child’s story