1. Resolving Conflict as a Small Group Leader Mark Naylor mark.naylor@twu.ca Fellowship International Northwest Baptist Seminary

2. 1.Ministers of Reconciliation 2.What is a crucial conversation:  Opinions vary  Stakes are high  Emotions run strong 3.Flight or fight; silence or violence Crucial conversations

4. 1.Ministers of Reconciliation 2.What is a crucial conversation:  Opinions vary  Stakes are high  Emotions run strong 3.Flight or fight; silence or violence 4.Key skill: Dialogue Crucial conversations

5. 1.Who is responsible to hold a crucial conversation? I am 2.When should I hold a crucial conversation? Whenever possible. Instead of saying “That’s not that important,” get into the practice of looking for, welcoming and addressing any and all issues to practice. 3.Have crucial conversations about crucial conversations. Take ownership and encourage each other to hold crucial conversations. Practices to Cultivate

6.  Work on yourself first  Be self-aware  Step Back (Mentally)  Acknowledge the reality (Mentally)  Focus on what you really want  Avoid the fool’s choice  The elusive “AND” Start with Heart

7. Style under stress

8. My Crucial Conversations Skills Score

9.  GOAL: Keep in dialogue  Learn to Look: Interpret conflict and tension as lack of safety  Tool 1: Step out of the conversation  Decide Which Condition of Safety Is at Risk  Mutual Purpose.  Mutual Respect  Apologize When Appropriate  Tool 2: Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding Creating Safety

10. Retrace Your Path  Notice your behavior.  Get in touch with your feelings.  Analyze your stories  Tell the rest of the story  Turn victims into actors.  Turn villains into humans.  Turn the helpless into the able. Master your Stories

11.  Share your facts  Tell your story  Ask for others' paths  Talk tentatively  Encourage testing Tool 3: STATE your path

12.  AMPP:  Ask  Mirror  Paraphrase  Prime Tool 4: Listening with AMPP

13.  ABC: Agree, build, contrast 1.Remember your goal – which is what? 2.Agree: Not with what you disagree with, but find common ground. 3.Build: Discuss the bigger issues that encompass both the areas you agree and disagree. 4.Contrast: NOT disagree. Tool 5: Listening with ABC

14. 1.Who is responsible to hold a crucial conversation? I am 2.When should I hold a crucial conversation? Whenever possible. Instead of saying “That’s not that important,” get into the practice of looking for, welcoming and addressing any and all issues to practice. 3.Have crucial conversations about crucial conversations. Take ownership and encourage each other to hold crucial conversations. Practices to Cultivate