1. Conflict Resolution Managing Emotions

2. Identifying Motions and their Effects

3. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Think of a recent conflict in which you felt intense emotion. Think of a recent conflict in which you felt intense emotion.

4. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Now think about what part of your body you experienced them with. These may included things such as: Now think about what part of your body you experienced them with. These may included things such as: Butterflies and churning in the stomach. Butterflies and churning in the stomach. Stiffness or tight muscles and even tension in your neck, shoulders, jaw or chest. Stiffness or tight muscles and even tension in your neck, shoulders, jaw or chest. Possibly even a headache. Possibly even a headache.

5. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Emotions effect the progress and outcome of a conflict such as: Emotions effect the progress and outcome of a conflict such as: It may impede it by causing attention to shift from the issue to the emotion. It may impede it by causing attention to shift from the issue to the emotion. It inhibits listening and expression of concerns. It inhibits listening and expression of concerns. It can lead to suppression and avoidance of the issue because it is to uncomfortable. It can lead to suppression and avoidance of the issue because it is to uncomfortable.

6. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects When emotions become overwhelming, you may face: When emotions become overwhelming, you may face: Emotions taking over the situation. Emotions taking over the situation. It may result in screaming, crying, physical and/or verbal abuse. It may result in screaming, crying, physical and/or verbal abuse. There may be complete avoidance of the issue due to fear of repeating the scene. There may be complete avoidance of the issue due to fear of repeating the scene.

7. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects There are some emotions that are more significant than others in regard to conflict. These are: There are some emotions that are more significant than others in regard to conflict. These are: Anger Anger Resentment Resentment Hurt Hurt Guilt Guilt Regret Regret Fear Fear

8. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Anger When appropriately expressed, anger can be a fire for change. When it is misdirected or inappropriately expressed it can be destructive. When appropriately expressed, anger can be a fire for change. When it is misdirected or inappropriately expressed it can be destructive. Recognizing and accepting our own anger will provide the driving force for change. Recognizing and accepting our own anger will provide the driving force for change. Offloading it onto others, gives away our power an often leaves us stuck with the problem. Offloading it onto others, gives away our power an often leaves us stuck with the problem.

9. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Resentment This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that blames others for a situation or a hurt we feel. This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that blames others for a situation or a hurt we feel. It’s a way of holding others apart from us, to maintain a position of being right, superior or self righteous. It’s a way of holding others apart from us, to maintain a position of being right, superior or self righteous. It is often easier to feel resentment rather than take responsibility for other feelings, or for changing the situation. It is often easier to feel resentment rather than take responsibility for other feelings, or for changing the situation.

10. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Hurt Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering. Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering. The alternatives are to withdraw, to seek revenge or to feel resentment; all of which contribute to the escalation of conflict. The alternatives are to withdraw, to seek revenge or to feel resentment; all of which contribute to the escalation of conflict. Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt rather than our anger. When talking about our anger we may be better received if we also talk about our hurt. Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt rather than our anger. When talking about our anger we may be better received if we also talk about our hurt.

11. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Guilt Guilt can be very destructive when we allow it to gnaw away at us. Guilt can be very destructive when we allow it to gnaw away at us. It can be very productive when we allow ourselves to feel it fully, and than move on by seeking to understand its source. It can be very productive when we allow ourselves to feel it fully, and than move on by seeking to understand its source. It is then that we can move on to resolve it, either by refraining from the action that produced it or maybe finding a different behavior. It is then that we can move on to resolve it, either by refraining from the action that produced it or maybe finding a different behavior.

12. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Regret Often we show anger or resentment we are also hiding regret. Often we show anger or resentment we are also hiding regret. We have great difficulty in expressing the pain and sorrow under anger and resentment. We have great difficulty in expressing the pain and sorrow under anger and resentment. Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression of regret. Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression of regret. It is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the unfilled potential of a situation. It is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the unfilled potential of a situation. It is often the last emotion before we let go of the “if only’s” and reach a place of acceptance. It is often the last emotion before we let go of the “if only’s” and reach a place of acceptance.

13. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear We often experience this when we feel out of control of a situation. We often experience this when we feel out of control of a situation. Fear arises from our interpretation of what the outcome will be: Physical or emotional hurt, or consequences that will diminish us or our circumstances in some way. Fear arises from our interpretation of what the outcome will be: Physical or emotional hurt, or consequences that will diminish us or our circumstances in some way.

14. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear Fantasy Fantasy Experienced Experienced As As Reality RealityOr

15. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear False False Evidence Evidence Appearing Appearing Real Real

16. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear By separating the interpretation from the reality and becoming centered within ourselves; it will allow us to choose an appropriate action. By separating the interpretation from the reality and becoming centered within ourselves; it will allow us to choose an appropriate action.

17. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions

18. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions There are two categories when we look at techniques for expressing or dealing with our emotions: There are two categories when we look at techniques for expressing or dealing with our emotions:

19. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Short Term – Useful when we are unable to deal with the emotion at the time, such as in a meeting, or at a social function or other setting where it is inappropriate. Short Term – Useful when we are unable to deal with the emotion at the time, such as in a meeting, or at a social function or other setting where it is inappropriate.Or

20. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Long Term – Those techniques which we build into our daily lives to release tension. Long Term – Those techniques which we build into our daily lives to release tension.

21. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Some examples of short term techniques are: Some examples of short term techniques are: Taking deep breaths Taking deep breaths Taking time out Taking time out Doodling Doodling Stamping your feet Stamping your feet Snapping a pencil Snapping a pencil Having a cup of tea Having a cup of tea

22. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Some examples of long term techniques are: Some examples of long term techniques are: Exercising Exercising Talking Talking Listening Listening Meditating Meditating Cuddling Cuddling Keeping a journal Keeping a journal

23. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions It is always important to deal with our emotions in some way as they are recognized. Failure to respond in an appropriate manner can result in: It is always important to deal with our emotions in some way as they are recognized. Failure to respond in an appropriate manner can result in:

24. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Poor Health Poor Health Stress Stress Withdrawal Withdrawal Explosion Explosion Diminished capacity to experience pleasure and happiness. Diminished capacity to experience pleasure and happiness.

25. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions When a person suppresses (does not express) emotions properly it will eventually build to an explosive state. When a person suppresses (does not express) emotions properly it will eventually build to an explosive state. Suppression Explosion

26. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Explosion is usually unproductive and often misdirected. Explosion is usually unproductive and often misdirected. Suppression Explosion

27. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions A small incident can often be a trigger for discharging suppressed feelings. A small incident can often be a trigger for discharging suppressed feelings. Suppression Explosion

28. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions We may dump these feelings inappropriately, for example, on a shop assistant processing a sale more slowly than we would like. We may dump these feelings inappropriately, for example, on a shop assistant processing a sale more slowly than we would like. Suppression Explosion

29. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Some of the reasons we may not be able to express emotions properly could be: Some of the reasons we may not be able to express emotions properly could be: Cultural expectations Cultural expectations Family Background Family Background Workplace and social decorum Workplace and social decorum Self image Self image

30. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions There is an alternative to this scenario however: There is an alternative to this scenario however: Containment Expression

31. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions In Suppressing our feelings we: In Suppressing our feelings we: Containment Expression

32. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions May feel tense, and stressful. May feel tense, and stressful. may avoid dealing with the conflict. may avoid dealing with the conflict. May be fearful of the emotion and try to sidestep it. May be fearful of the emotion and try to sidestep it. Containment Expression

33. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand: Containment on the other hand: Is releasing some tension through acknowledging the feeling and putting it on hold temporarily. Is releasing some tension through acknowledging the feeling and putting it on hold temporarily. Containment Expression

34. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand: Containment on the other hand: Is breathing deeply Is breathing deeply Containment Expression

35. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand: Containment on the other hand: Leads to confidence to deal with conflict, less stress, empowerment and better health. Leads to confidence to deal with conflict, less stress, empowerment and better health. Containment Expression

36. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand: Containment on the other hand: Is holding the emotion, feeling it and choosing not to make it public. Is holding the emotion, feeling it and choosing not to make it public. Containment Expression

37. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions On the end result side, Exploding: On the end result side, Exploding: Feels like losing control. Feels like losing control. ContainmentExpression Suppression Explosion

38. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions On the end result side, Exploding: On the end result side, Exploding: May result in residual tension from guilt. May result in residual tension from guilt. ContainmentExpression Suppression Explosion

39. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions We can then view expression as: We can then view expression as: A letting go, a release of stored tension. A letting go, a release of stored tension. ContainmentExpression Suppression Explosion

40. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions We can then view expression as: We can then view expression as: Leading to feelings of relief and completion. Leading to feelings of relief and completion. ContainmentExpression Suppression Explosion

41. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions We can then view expression as: We can then view expression as: Finally, it is a component of the constructive resolution of conflict. Finally, it is a component of the constructive resolution of conflict. ContainmentExpression Suppression Explosion

42. Managing Emotions Handling Difficult Emotions in Others When confronted by a person with difficult emotions you should try: When confronted by a person with difficult emotions you should try: Managing your own reaction, by not becoming inflamed, defensive, etc. Managing your own reaction, by not becoming inflamed, defensive, etc. Making “I” statements Making “I” statements Focusing on the issue not the person. Focusing on the issue not the person.

43. Managing Emotions Handling Difficult Emotions in Others When confronted by a person with difficult emotions you should try: When confronted by a person with difficult emotions you should try: Asking open-ended, clarifying questions. Asking open-ended, clarifying questions. Negotiating a solution that takes account of both your needs and theirs. Negotiating a solution that takes account of both your needs and theirs. Expressing support and reassurance. Expressing support and reassurance.

44. Managing Emotions Conclusion We experience emotions in our bodies and in our minds, so we need to deal with them in a variety of ways. We experience emotions in our bodies and in our minds, so we need to deal with them in a variety of ways. We need to accept our emotions, not deny or indulge them. We just need to know that they exist and to use them to build richer relationships. We need to accept our emotions, not deny or indulge them. We just need to know that they exist and to use them to build richer relationships.

45. Managing Emotions Conclusion We need ways of safely releasing and appropriately expressing our emotions for our well being and the well being of our relationships. We need ways of safely releasing and appropriately expressing our emotions for our well being and the well being of our relationships.

46. Managing Emotions Conclusion We need to practice ways of handling difficult emotions in others by: We need to practice ways of handling difficult emotions in others by: Active listening Active listening Giving support and reassurance Giving support and reassurance Redirecting statements that create or inflame conflict, towards positive possibilities in the situation. Redirecting statements that create or inflame conflict, towards positive possibilities in the situation.

47. Credit We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this presentation. We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this presentation. Conflict Resolution Network Conflict Resolution Network PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057 Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500 Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148 Email: crn@crnhq.org Website: www.crnhq.org crn@crnhq.orgwww.crnhq.orgcrn@crnhq.orgwww.crnhq.org

48. Credit This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee members. This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee members. Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local. Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local. This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has been extended to use this material providing credit remains intact on all modules. This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has been extended to use this material providing credit remains intact on all modules.