1. REVISING FOR CLARITY Wordiness

2. When a writer uses more words than necessary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DmE8-Xg0Kg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DmE8-Xg0Kg Repetitive and rambling language can make it difficult for your reader to follow your point. Reduce wordiness by:  1) Using active voice  2) Cutting out unnecessary words or phrases

3. 1) Active Voice Passive voice often requires more words and can be confusing and awkward:  Passive: The ice cream was eaten by Roland.  Active: Roland ate the ice cream. Key difference: Active voice has a clear agent that carries out the action.  Passive: It is believed by the candidate that a ceiling must be placed on the budget by Congress.  Active: The candidate believes that Congress must place a ceiling on the budget.  Avoid beginning sentences with weak phrases like “There is/are” and “It is” because they can hide your agent.

4. Changing Passive Voice to Active Voice Passive: It is widely accepted throughout society that Edgar Allan Poe was the first detective writer. Active: Passive: Because the monster was created by Dr. Frankenstein, the monster was made in his image. Active:

5. Changing Passive Voice to Active Voice Purposeful use of passive voice in “The Great Camouflage” by Suzanne Césaire:  “There are, melded into the isles, beautiful green waves of water and of silence. There is purity of sea salt all around the the Caribbean. There is before my eyes, the pretty square of Pétonville, planted with pines and hibiscus. There is my island Martinique...” (39)

6. 2) Unnecessary words/phrases Extra words can cloud your meaning and weaken the impact of your writing:  1) In light of the fact that the trip was cancelled, we’re considering alternative projects for the spring.  Revision: Because the trip was cancelled...  2) It is absolutely and totally essential that people who enjoy murder mysteries have an admiration for the human faculty of logic.  Revision:

7. Reduce wordy phrases to one or two words: In this day and age. Has the ability to sing. Was of the opinion that. In a serious manner. Prior to the time that.

8. Revising for Clarity From the Purdue Owl:  To such people the murder mystery is realistic fantasy. It is realistic because the people in the murder mystery are as a general rule believable as people. They are not just made up pasteboard figures. It is also realistic because the character who is the hero, the character who solves the murder mystery, solves it not usually by trial and error and haphazard methods but by exercising a high degree of logic and reason. It is absolutely and totally essential that people who enjoy murder mysteries have an admiration for the human faculty of logic.

9. Revising for Clarity In your drafts, identify sentences that you think could use some revision. Look for instances of passive voice or use of unnecessary words or phrases.