2. Couples’ Recovery from Sexual Addiction Mark Laaser, PhD, BPCCC 952-746-3880 www.faithfulandtrueministries.com mlaaser@faithfulandtrueministries.com

5. Recovering as a Couple Presuppositions 1. Couples Are a Oneness 2. Couples Are Heat-Seeking Missiles 3. Couples Suffer From Intimacy Disorder 4. Couples Suffer From Insecure Attachment 5. Couples Suffer From Couple Shame 6. Couples Must Accept Mutual Responsibility for Developing Intimacy

6. A Wife’s Recovery...her needs Individual support for healing To be heard about her pain/loss A safe community of other women who are struggling with the same issues Information about addiction Full disclosure To know she didn’t cause it, can’t control it, or cure it To examine her own life—to participate Someone to ‘hold the hope’

7. Post Traumatic Growth An increased appreciation of life in general and a sense of what is really important. Closer and more meaningful relationships. A general sense of greater personal strength. An identification of new possibilities for a person’s life. Deeper spiritual growth.

8. Post Traumatic Growth “The positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances. (Tedeschi and Calhoun) many people can have significant emotional health issues as a result of suffering and trauma but that, “in the developing literature on posttraumatic growth, we have been finding that reports of growth experiences in the aftermath of traumatic events far outnumber reports of psychiatric disorders. (Tesdeschi and Calhoun).

9. Post Traumatic Growth Managing Distressing Emotions. A person learns to express all feelings relating to the trauma including anger, anxiety, and sadness. In reality this is grief work. Support and Disclosure. The person learns how to be honest about the experience and all feelings relating to it. This must involve a system of social support including the possibility of a therapy group. Cognitive Processing. As most therapists know, the experience of trauma leads to feelings of shame and other core beliefs about God, self, and others. Cognitive restructuring is a function of helping a person “reframe” the experience in light of God’s truth. This includes helping the person discover how they are stronger today because of the trauma.

10. Post Traumatic Growth Forgiveness. In the process of religious and spiritual maturity, a person will learn how to embrace the process of forgiving the people and circumstances who caused the harm.

11. Post Traumatic Growth Trauma Reliving-----------------Healthy Growth---------------Trauma Denial If we concentrate on the left end, the person will stay stuck in being a victim. If we concentrate on the right side, the person will experience the destructive emotional and physical consequences of stress and maladaptive emotional illness. In the middle is the healthy growth that is possible when the person can find meaning in the pain and discover how he or she has matured.

12. ADD and Addiction According to the Center for Disease Control, One-Half of All Cases Go Unreported. Undiagnosed Teenagers Are Twice As Likely to Develop an Addiction As Adults.

13. PFC Functions Attention span Judgment Impulse control Organization Forward thinking Internal supervision

14. Brain Chemistry Normal Kip

15. Alcohol Heroin

16. Marijuana

17. Internet Pornography

18. Alzheimer’s Disease

19. Prefrontal Cortex Problems Short attention span Impulsivity Procrastination Disorganization Poor judgment Lack of empathy and insight

20. ADHD, rest and concentration

21. Anterior Cingulate Problems  Gets stuck  Worries  Holds grudges  Obsesses  Compulsions  Addictions  Oppositional/argumentative

22. OCD/AlcoholOCD/Alcohol

23. Basal Ganglia Problems Increased Anxiety, panic Anxiety, panic Conflict avoidant Conflict avoidant Predicts worst Predicts worst Excess motivation Excess motivation Decreased motivation Decreased motivation

24. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Diamond Pattern Increased anterior cingulate Increased basal ganglia Increased thalamus (limbic) Increased right lateral temporal lobe

25. ADD…off and on Adderall

26. Kriya Kirtan Meditation

27. After treatment Domestic Violence underside view of the brain Before treatment

28. BRAIN IMAGING CLUES Whenever there are marital troubles, there are sexual troubles! Wife Overfocused Husband ADD

32. When an electrode is inserted in the nucleus accumbens, rats will repeatedly push a lever to receive the pleasurable electrical stimulus, which boosts their dopamine levels.

33. Dopamine: Key in Brain’s Reward System Alcohol boosts dopamine Smoking boosts dopamine Sexual activity boosts dopamine

34. Sexual thought and activity boosts…. Catecholamines Dopamine Serotonin Oxytocin Adrenaline

36. Rebuilding Trust Couple centered Committed Continuing Consistent Communicating Considerate Control is surrendered

38. The Seven Desires

39. BUILDING A COUPLES’ VISION FIND MEANING AND PURPOSE IN YOUR PAIN. UNDERSTAND MATCHING STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES. SURRENDER OLD COPING AND REPLACE WITH NEW SHARED EXPERIENCES. UNDERSTAND INDIVIDUAL “MISSIONS” NEGOTIATE SHARED VISION. PLAN STRATEGIES FOR THAT VISION. FIND COUPLE’S ACCOUNTABILITYY.