1. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing in Elementary Grades (3-5) OSPI Elementary Instructional Support Materials for Writing These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing.

2. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. To the Teacher  Slides 1-11 are for teacher use. They include alignment with the GLEs, links to the WASL, and purpose of the units. Thereafter, the slides are meant for the students. The teacher directions are in the notes. You must download this document to print notes.  To use any unit, you must print and review the notes pages for the unit. This is done in the print menu. It is different for PCs and Macs, but you will need to find “Notes Pages” or “Notes” respectively in the print menu.The notes pages contain crucial instructions and supplementary materials for successful implementation.  Most of these units include partner and/or group work. A system needs to be in place for partner and group work (e.g., what are the rules and expectations). Units in these modules need to have extended practice. They are not meant to be individual, one day lessons.

3. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. OSPI Writing Instructional Support Materials Core Development Team Nikki Elliott-Schuman – OSPI, Project Director Charlotte Carr – Retired Seattle SD, Facilitator Tanya Cicero – Auburn SD Lydia-Laquatra Fesler – Spokane SD Sharon Schilperoort – OSPI, Writing Assessment TOSA Cec Carmack – Selah SD Nancy Spane – Puyallup SD Karen Kearns – Seattle SD

4. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Purpose To share teaching strategies that will help students develop writing that elaborates on a single idea and addresses the needs and interests of a particular audience. Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing.

5. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Link to the WASL The quality of elaboration is directly related to scores on the Content, Organization, and Style portion of the Writing WASL. The best writing has multiple layers of relevant elaboration. When WASL papers were analyzed, specific layered elaboration was the most critical element that differentiated between scores of “2” and “3” and scores of “3” and “4.” Thoughtful elaboration is guided by the needs of the audience. Top scoring WASL papers show clear audience awareness. Source: WASL scoring team, OSPI Standards Review Committee report

6. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Alignment with GLEs - Writing EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively. Component 3.1.1 Develops ideas and organizes writing. GLE 3.1.1 from 3.1.1 - 3rd Gradefrom 3.1.1 - 4th Gradefrom 3.1.1 - 5th Grade Analyzes ideas, selects topic, adds detail, and elaborates.  Selects from a wide range of topics (e.g., friendship, volcanoes).  Maintains focus on specific topic.  Provides details and/or support (e.g., examples, descriptions, reasons).  Uses personal experience and observation to support ideas.  Develops characters, setting, and events in narratives.  Selects appropriate title for a piece of writing. Analyzes ideas, selects a narrow topic, and elaborates using specific details and/or examples.  Narrows topic (e.g., from general topic, such as “pets,” to specific topic, such as “My dog is smart.”).  Selects details relevant to the topic to elaborate (e.g., adds detail to each main point using more than one sentence; uses specific words and phrases, reasons, anecdotes, facts, descriptions, and examples).  Uses personal experiences, observations, and/or research to support opinions and ideas (e.g., collects, organizes, and uses data to support conclusions in math, science, or social studies).  Develops character, setting, and events within plot when writing a narrative. Analyzes ideas, selects a narrow topic, and elaborates using specific details and/or example   Narrows topic with controlling idea (e.g., from general topic, such as baseball, to specific topic, such as “The Mariners are my favorite baseball team.”).Selects details relevant to the topic to extend ideas and develop elaboration (e.g., specific words and phrases, reasons, anecdotes, facts, descriptions, examples).  Uses personal experiences, observations, and research to support opinions and ideas (e.g., data relevant to the topic to support conclusions in math, science, or social studies; appropriate anecdotes to explain or persuade).  Varies method of developing character (e.g., dialogue) and setting (e.g., through the eyes of a character) in narratives.

7. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Alignment with GLEs – Writing continued EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively. Component 3.2 Uses appropriate style. GLE 3.2.2 3.2.2 - 3rd grade3.2.2 - 4th grade3.2.2 - 5th grade Uses language appropriate for a specific audience and purpose.  Selects specific words (e.g., hollered vs. said) and specialized vocabulary (e.g., transparent vs. clear).  Selects interesting and effective words from various sources (e.g., multicultural literature, television, environmental print, cultural background).  Uses literary devices (e.g., onomatopoeia, alliteration). Uses language appropriate for a specific audience and purpose.  Uses precise words (e.g., vivid verbs — screeched, hovered, absorbed; specific nouns — granite, longhouse, cedar).  Uses specialized vocabulary in informational writing (e.g., tessellate, parallelogram, butte, carbohydrate).  Uses literary and sound devices (e.g., similes, personification, alliteration). Uses language appropriate for a specific audience and purpose.  Uses precise language (e.g., powerful verbs, specific descriptors).  Uses formal, informal, and specialized language (e.g., photosynthesis, ratio, expedition) appropriate for audience and purpose.  Uses literary and sound devices (e.g., similes, personification, rhythm).  Selects words for effect.

8. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Alignment with GLEs Across the Curriculum Reading 2.2.1 Understands sequence in informational/expository text and literary/narrative text. (3rd/4th) 2.2.1 Applies understanding to time, order, and/or sequence to comprehend text. (5th) 2.2.3 Understands story elements. (3rd) 2.2.3 Understands and analyzes story elements. (4th/5th) 2.4.5 Understands how to generalize from a text. (3rd/4th) 2.4.5 Understands how to extend information beyond the text to another text or to a broader idea or concept by generalizing. (5th)

9. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Alignment with GLEs Across the Curriculum Math 2.1.1 - Analyzes a situation to define a problem. 3.1.1 - Analyzes information presented in familiar situations. 3.2.2 - Applies the skills of drawing conclusions and supports the conclusions with evidence. Science 2.1.3 - Understands how to conduct a reasonable explanation using evidence. 2.1.5 - Understands how to report investigations and explanations of objects, events, systems, and processes. 3.1.3 - Analyzes how well a design or a product solves a problem.

10. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Bibliography Calkins, L. Units of Study for Teaching Writing, Grades 3-5, Heinemann, 2006. Gere, A., Christenbury, L., Sassi, K. Writing on Demand, Heinemann, 2005. Graves, D. A Fresh Look at Writing, Heinemann, 1998. Routman, R. Writing Essentials, Heinemann, 2005. Zemelman, S., Daniels, H., Hyde, A. Best Practice: New Standards for Teaching and Learning in America’s Schools, Third edition, Heinemann, 2005. OSPI website - www.k12.wa.us/assessment/WASL/WritingAssessment.aspx www.k12.wa.us/assessment/WASL/WritingAssessment.aspx

11. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Elaboration Units Table of Contents Defining Elaboration Using Questions to Elaborate Using Precise Language to Elaborate Using Reasons to Elaborate Using Examples to Elaborate Using Definitions to Elaborate Using Description to Elaborate Using Anecdotes to Elaborate Layering vs. Listing Show, Don't Tell Recognizing Elaboration Criteria for Assessment

12. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. DEFINING ELABORATION

13. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Students respond with… “Tell me more!”

14. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Definition of Elaboration Elaboration means to tell the reader more about an idea using Answers to a reader’s questions Specific words Onion-like layering of detail Specific strategies, such as reasons, examples, definitions, descriptions, and anecdotes

15. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. To elaborate, you need to… Dig, Dig!

16. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Elaboration – example one This paragraph has little elaboration. These are the things you need to know about being in fourth grade. First the work will be a lot harder. You will have to name solids and do lots of math work. Next you will have to do writing assignments.

17. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Elaboration – example two This paragraph has interesting elaboration. I want to tell you about what type of projects you’ll have to do. Two things are dissecting a salmon and an owl pellet. An owl pellet is mostly like a fur ball. It’s something an owl chokes up after eating a large meal. You get my drift?

18. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Questions to Elaborate

19. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Questions the Audience (Reader) Might Ask All kids have problems. What problems?

20. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Questions the Audience (Reader) Might Ask All kids have problems. For example, kids don’t always get what they want. Hmmm...what do kids want?

21. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Questions the Audience (Reader) Might Ask Kids have problems. For example, kids don’t always get what they want, like staying up late. Oh…now I understand. Kids want to stay up late. Why is that a problem?

22. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Questions for Elaboration Think of ways to answer the question, “Why is not being able to stay up as late as you want a problem for you?” Discuss with a partner possible answers.

23. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Reader’s Questions Did this writer answer the reader’s questions? I have nice friends. They make me laugh and they teach me things at recess. My friends are Jay, Emily, Ann, and Andy. They taught me how to do tricks on the bars.

24. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Questions Asked by the Writer I have nice friends. What makes them nice? They make me laugh and they teach me things at recess. Who are your friends and what do they teach you? My friends are Jay, Emily, Ann, and Andy. They taught me how to do tricks on the bars.

25. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Reader’s Questions Did this writer answer the reader’s questions? When I learned how to roller skate, I was only five years old. My mom taught me how to roller skate, but she kept on falling down. Soon I was the best roller skater in my family. And when I went on a field trip in second grade to Roller Valley, almost everyone was falling down.

26. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Questions Not Answered by the Writer When I learned how to roller skate, I was only five years old. My mom taught me how to roller skate, but she kept on falling down. Then how did you learn? Soon I was the best roller skater in my family. So how did this happen? And when I went on a field trip in second grade to Roller Valley, almost everyone was falling down. What does this have to do with learning? How does it tie to your learning to skate?

27. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Reader’s Questions I like it when it rains. Let’s finish writing this paragraph together by thinking about what the reader would ask and answering the reader’s questions.

28. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Reader’s Questions I like when it snows. You are now going to get a chance to finish writing this paragraph with a partner. Think about what the reader would ask and then answer the reader’s questions.

29. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Questions for Elaboration – your turn _____ makes a good pet. Using this statement, think about what questions the audience might ask. Write several sentences that elaborate and answer the questions you think the audience might ask.

30. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate In order to select precise words, we need to broaden our vocabulary. We need to have lots of words from which we can choose. We need specific nouns, verbs, and adjectives.

31. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate When we write, we need to select words that are related to the topic and tell EXACTLY what we mean. GeneralPrecise We had fun this weekend. On Saturday, Manuel, Sue, and I had a blast bike riding down Main Street. Afterward, we stopped for ice cream.

32. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate If you were going to write about basketball, there would be many precise words that you might use, such as foul, court, hoop. Brainstorm more words you might use to write about basketball.

33. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate Choose your own topic from these: soccer, drawing, school lunch, playground games With a partner make a list of precise words that you might use to write about the topic you chose. Find another student pair who chose the same topic and combine your lists.

34. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Alphabetic Taxonomies

35. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate  Work with a partner for 5 minutes to make a list of words that mean “to get from one place to another.” For example, I walk. What other words can you find? How many can you find?

36. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate Look at the example below. Help me underline words that are not precise. Let’s substitute with more precise language. We can go to the game room and play video games. We can play two player games. We can play up to four player games. There are tons and tons of games there.

37. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Precise Language to Elaborate – your turn Read the example below. Think about words that are not precise. Rewrite the paragraph using more precise language. Remember to think about questions your audience might ask. You can learn. You can learn stuff that you didn’t know about. You can learn about dinosaurs. The science center is awesome.

38. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Reasons to Elaborate REASONS – are pieces of information that help support your idea. Smoking is bad for you. Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life. I think the class should go to the Pacific Science Center because you can learn and have fun at the same time.

39. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Idea that May Need a Reason My dog is important to me. Our neighbors sometimes call him Clifford. (One question the reader might ask is “Why do they call him Clifford?)

40. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Reasons to Elaborate My dog is important to me. Our neighbors sometimes call him Clifford because he keeps growing and growing and growing. He’s still a puppy, but he’s a big one. He’s almost 40 pounds.

41. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Reasons to Elaborate It’s important to have friends. Think of some reasons that we value friends. Let’s write some reasons together.

42. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Reasons to Elaborate – your turn It’s important to have friends. Brainstorm a list of possible reasons. Write about what makes your friends important to you. Answer questions your audience might ask. Use precise language.

43. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Examples to Elaborate EXAMPLES – provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like... The dogs were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped… Last week we had all kinds of weather like rain, wind, snow, and sleet. I love to do tricks when I jump rope. For instance, I can…

44. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. An Idea Without an Example When I go to the skate park, I do tricks my uncle taught me how to do on the skateboard.

45. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. When I go to the skate park, I do tricks my uncle taught me how to do on the skateboard. I grind on a ramp. I do 180’s and ollies. Using Examples to Elaborate

46. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Examples to Elaborate Think of some examples of a variety of things to do at recess. Let’s write an example together. There are many different things we do at recess.

47. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Examples to Elaborate A great friend does many things. With a partner, think of some examples of what a great friend does. Write an example together.

48. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Examples to Elaborate – your turn There are many different things we do at recess. Brainstorm a list of possible examples. Write about what you like to do at recess. Answer questions your audience might ask. Use precise language.

49. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Definitions to Elaborate DEFINITIONS – are explanations of an unfamiliar word, person, or abbreviation to tell what it means. This sounds like… Max is a labradoodle, which means he is half Labrador retriever and half standard poodle. Mr. Thurston, my generous soccer coach, took us to KFC, in other words, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

50. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. An Idea that May Need a Definition The thing I like most about the computer is the internet. My favorite websites are nick.com, amandaplease.com, and nike.com.

51. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Definitions to Elaborate The thing I like most about the computer is the internet. The internet is a place where you go to different websites. Websites are places on the internet where you can buy things, play games, and listen to music. My favorite websites are nick.com, amandaplease.com, and nike.com.

52. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Add definitions to this example. When I go to the skate park, I do tricks my uncle taught me how to do on the skateboard. I grind on a ramp. I do 180’s and ollies. Using Definitions to Elaborate

53. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Definitions to Elaborate There are many different things we do at recess. Think of some examples of a variety of things to do at recess. Let’s write an example together.

54. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Definitions to Elaborate – your turn There are many different things we do at recess. Brainstorm a list of possible examples Write about what you like to do at recess. Answer questions your audience might have. Use precise language

55. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Descriptions to Elaborate DESCRIPTIONS – are ways to create vivid images for the reader. [One of grandma’s hats] was box-shaped and covered with a veil. The veil was sprinkled with lots of glittery stars.

56. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Idea that May Need a Description The kittens were a beautiful sight.

57. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Descriptions to Elaborate The kittens were a beautiful sight. They were all different colors. Each one had brownish gold, black, white, and tan in blotches on their fur.

58. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Descriptions to Elaborate The School Playground Think of how you would describe your playground. Let’s write an example together.

59. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Descriptions to Elaborate With a partner, pick an object in the classroom. Without naming it, write a description of it. Find another partner group and read your description to them. See if they can guess the object. Reverse roles.

60. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Description to Elaborate – your turn Description can take many forms and still be effective. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create a picture in your reader’s mind. Write a description of an object you can hold in your hand.

61. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Descriptions to Elaborate – follow-up Read through your paper and substitute “it” for the name of the object. Read your paper to another student. See if he or she can guess what the object is from your description.

62. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using Anecdotes to Elaborate ANECDOTES – An anecdote is a short story based on personal experience inserted into writing that explains an idea. This sounds like... Pets can sometimes be big trouble. I remember the time when my friend’s … The students at this school are so polite. Once when I was in second grade, a kid …

63. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Idea without an Anecdote My crystal rock means a lot to me. I got it when I went to Yellowstone. It was the most beautiful purple crystal my eyes have ever seen.

64. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using an Anecdote for Elaboration My crystal rock means a lot to me. I got it when I went to Yellowstone. So at Yellowstone my grandma and mom took me shopping. Suddenly I saw the most beautiful rocks. It was a rock store! My mom took me in the store. Then I saw purple crystals. So I asked my mom if I could get one. She said, “Yes!” Then I looked at every one carefully to make sure I got the one I wanted. Suddenly I saw it, the most beautiful purple crystal my eyes have ever seen.

65. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using an Anecdote for Elaboration The first day of school is sometimes scary. I will tell you about a story of mine. Let’s write it together.

66. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using an Anecdote for Elaboration The first day of school is sometimes scary. Think of an anecdote (story) based on a personal experience that would help to explain this idea.

67. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Using an Anecdote for Elaboration – your turn Write your anecdote about a scary time on the first day of school.

68. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering vs. Listing

69. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering Elaboration A thoughtful writer layers one sentence after another. Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought like rings around a bull’s-eye.

70. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering Elaboration Each idea is carefully stacked on the next like bricks in a wall or rings on a tall tree.

71. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering Elaboration Every sentence and detail fits with the rest of the topic like a set of nesting dolls.

72. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering vs. Listing You and a partner will receive an envelope with sentence strips in it. Take the yellow sentence strips out of the envelope and put them in the order you think they should be arranged.

73. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering vs. Listing Now take the red sentence strips out of the envelope and put them in the order you think they should be arranged.

74. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Listing My bracelet is special to me. The bracelet means a lot to me because it gives me good memories of my friend. And because it is very special to me. It’s special in another way. It gives me good luck. That’s why my bracelet is special to me.

75. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering My bracelet is the object that means the most to me. It means a lot because my bracelet brings me good luck. It brought me luck on the first day I went to my new school. When I entered my classroom I saw a girl with a bracelet just like mine. Her name was Talli. Now we are best friends and we wear our bracelets wherever we go. When I wear it, I think of all of fun times Talli and I have had and it reminds me that I have a great friend.

76. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering Read the following topic sentence. Together we will add sentences that develop the topic by layering. Remember that each sentence must build on the previous one. The field trip was fantastic.

77. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering Read the following topic sentence. With a partner take turns adding sentences that develop the topic by layering. Dessert is my favorite part of the meal.

78. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Layering – your turn Read the following topic sentence. Write a paragraph and practice adding sentences that develop the main idea by layering. The subject (in the “blank”) can be anything (rain, homework, my pet, commercials, etc.), but it can’t be a person. ________is very annoying.

79. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Show, Don’t Tell

80. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Show, Don’t Tell What is the difference between these two sentences? Which one is better and why? A. The room was a mess. B. Rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way into the room.

81. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Definition of Telling and Showing Telling is the basic idea. Showing is the use of details, reasons, examples, definition, description, and anecdotes – elaboration – to create a picture in the reader’s mind.

82. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Show with Description Telling Today is a great day. Showing The sparkling sun is shining and breakfast is my favorite -- waffles, drenched with strawberries and whipped cream! My 100% math paper is stuck to the front of the fridge. I feel a win coming, with me as hero, at today’s game.

83. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Show, Don’t Tell – your turn With a partner, discuss how to make these sentences show, rather than tell. Pick one and rewrite it on your own. You may not use the underlined words. Make the audience (reader) see, hear, feel, touch, or taste the idea. The dog was big. I was tired last night. The food was delicious. The desk is a mess.

84. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration

85. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration I think the class should go to the Pacific Science Center because you can learn and have fun at the same time. I think this is because as you walk through the door you see hermit crabs, and there is a whole bunch of fact poles. REASON - The writer is giving a reason why you can learn and it is fun as well.

86. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration Almost everybody last year wanted to go there again. Most of the girls were terrorized touching the hermit crabs, but I wasn’t. They were disgusting! EXAMPLE AND ANECDOTE - The writer gives an example why maybe some wouldn’t want to go back as well as a personal observation.

87. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration Currently, you can go into this little room where you can learn facts about bugs you hadn’t even known there were on earth. As you are getting out, there are big spiders, small spiders, and the ones you are going to be scared of. EXAMPLES AND DECRIPTIONS - The writer describes and gives examples of different spiders.

88. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration Don’t stop reading now because you will walk into this room shaped like a box. You will see hundreds and hundreds of butterflies. DESCRIPTION - The writer continues to elaborate on bugs by describing what else you will see.

89. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration You can’t touch them because the person in charge doesn’t want you to break their wings. REASON - The writer tells us WHY we can’t touch the butterflies.

90. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration Before you leave you have to have a partner check to see if you don’t have any of the butterflies on you. DETAILED EXPLANATION - The writer gives us additional detail about the exhibit.

91. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration Last year when I went to the Pacific Science Center the whole class got to play in the park. It was so much fun. When we were done playing in the park we went to go gaze at the beautiful and colorful art. Out teacher last year went into the pretend space ship. It could hold up to six people inside of it. I think the class would like it a whole bunch. Maybe we will go, maybe we won’t. You never know. ANECDOTE - The writer includes an anecdote about a previous trip to the Science Center.

92. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration N I think the class should go to the Pacific Science Center because you can learn and have fun at the same time. I think this is because as you walk through the door you see hermit crabs, and there is a whole bunch of fact poles. Almost everybody last year wanted to go there again. Most of the girls were terrorized touching the hermit crabs, but I wasn’t. They were disgusting! Currently, you can go into this little room where you can learn facts about bugs you hadn’t even known there were on earth. As you are getting out, there are big spiders, small spiders, and the ones you are going to be scared of. Don’t stop reading now because you will walk into this room shaped like a box. You will see hundreds

93. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration – part 2 and hundreds of butterflies. You can’t touch them because the person in charge doesn’t want you to break their wings. Before you leave you have to have a partner check to see if you don’t have any of the butterflies on you. Last year when I went to the Pacific Science Center the whole class got to play in the park. It was so much fun. When we were done playing in the park we went to go gaze at the beautiful and colorful art. Our teacher last year went into the pretend space ship. It could hold up to six people inside of it. I think the class would like it a whole bunch. Maybe we will go, maybe we won’t. You never know.

94. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration If you can find elaboration strategies in someone else’s writing, you become more aware of them. If you are more aware of them, you will become more thoughtful about threading it into your writing to... TELL THE READER MORE.

95. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration – your turn Look through several papers that you have written. See if you can find different kinds of elaboration. Look for precise language, details, reasons, examples, definitions, description, and anecdotes. Choose one paper that could have more elaboration. Revise the writing with several kinds of elaboration.

96. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. ASSESSMENT

97. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Putting it all together – your turn Now that you have learned about elaboration, you will have a chance to use what you’ve learned. With a partner, write the nine strategies you have learned that can help you to elaborate. Meet with another pair to compare and combine lists.

98. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Elaboration strategies Questioning Layering versus listing Show, don’t tell Anecdotes Reasons Definition Examples Description Precise language

99. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Assessment Look at the assessment papers and highlight or underline examples of elaboration. Label the kind of elaboration that you find in the margin.

100. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Putting it all together Prompt Think of something that is important to you that you learned in school or outside of school. In several paragraphs, write a letter to your teacher explaining what you learned and why it is important to you.

101. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Assessment – your turn Get out your final draft. Erase your name. Choose a number and a symbol. Write this number and symbol in place of your name. Turn in your paper.

102. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Assessment – your turn Write both partner names at the bottom of each paper. With your partner, read one of the two papers you just received. While you are reading, look for evidence of the elaboration strategies we learned, and use a highlighter to mark the elaboration each time you find it. Talk with your partner to decide what elaboration strategy the writer used for the elaboration you just highlighted. (You may refer to your Elaboration Strategies sheet.) In the margin, write the name of the strategy. Do these same things with the second paper.

103. Copyright © 2007 Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction. All rights reserved. Assessment – your turn Today we will celebrate different ways we used elaboration in our writing.