1. Dealing With Difficult People
RAY SILVERSTEIN
PRO, PRESIDENT’S ORGANIZATION 
SCOTTSDALE, AZ
CHICAGO, IL

2. INFORMATION RESOURCES
EXPERIENCE, FACILITATION & OBSERVATION OF WORKING WITH BUSINESS OWNERS IN PEER ADVISORY BOARDS “DEALING WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND” Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner TTI SUCCESS INSIGHTS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 2.0 Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

3. Objectives Understand Yourself Understand Others
More Productive Workplace
Objectives of the session and setting the stage for the upcoming segment
“As charming as we think we are there is someone who can’t stand being around us!” Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner   
“Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies” Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

4. MINIMIZE WORKPLACE TRAUMA
HIRE MORE EFFECTIVELY: VALUES, VISION, CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: EQ
PERSONALITY ASSESSMENTS: DiSC AND OTHER TOOLS
Quote from Bill Bonnsteter to support Objective #1

5. HIRE MORE EFFECTIVELY MATCH VALUES
AGREE ON EXPECTATIONS – DEFINE WHAT IS A GOOD JOB AND HOW THEIR POSITION HELPS FULFILL THE CULTURE AND BUSINESS GOALS
COMPLEMENT GOOD WORK AND DISCUSS LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
To explain the DISC theory ask people to move about the room by making choices of the words given above:
Thoughtful or Active
Questioning or Accepting
Depending on their choice of words they should end up in a DIS or C corner of the room
Suggest descriptors for each of the 4 styles.

6. Understanding yourself
Objective 1 – Understanding Yourself
“SELF-AWARENESS is not about discovering deep, dark secrets and unconscious motivations, but rather, it comes from developing a straightforward and honest understanding of what makes you tick.” Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

7. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.
People with average EQ’s out perform people with high IQ’s 70% of the time.
There is No known connection between IQ and EQ. IQ and Personality are stable over a lifetime.

8. SELF AWARENESS, SELF MANAGEMENT SOCIAL COMPETENCE =
PERSONAL COMPETENCE =
SELF AWARENESS, SELF MANAGEMENT
SOCIAL COMPETENCE =
SOCIAL AWARENESS, RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
As a result of goals, fears and motivators, our response to conflict changes our behavior. Typical responses are described in this model.

9. PERSONAL COMPETENCE
SELF-AWARENESS—Is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations. A high degree of self-awareness requires a willingness to tolerate the discomfort of focusing on feelings that may be negative.
This is a foundational skill. When you have it, it makes other emotional intelligence skills much easier to use.
SELF-MANAGEMENT---Is what happens when you act, or do not act. It is dependent on your self-awareness.
This slide introduces the second objective: Understanding Others.

10. Understanding Others

11. SOCIAL COMPENTENCE
SOCIAL-AWARENESS—Is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them. Listening and observing are the most important element of Social Awareness. This is a foundational skill.
SELF-MANAGEMENT --- Is what happens when you act or do not act. Self-Management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively.
Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold and manage their tendencies.

12. “Conflicts at work tend to fester when people passively avoid problems, because people lack the skills to initiate a direct, yet constructive conversation.” Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
Problems are like old sweat socks in a locker. They do not improve with age.

13. D is for Dominant Determined Demanding Aggressive Egocentric Driving
Ambitious
Pioneering
Strong-Willed
Forceful
Determined
Aggressive
Competitive
Decisive
Venturesome
Inquisitive
Responsible

14. I is for Influence Effusive Inspiring Magnetic Political Enthusiastic
Demonstrative
Persuasive
Warm
Convincing
Polished
Poised
Optimistic
Trusting
Sociable

15. S is for Steadiness Possessive Predictable Consistent Deliberate
Steady
Stable
Phlegmatic
Relaxed
Resistant to Change
Non demonstrative
Passive
Patient

16. C is for Compliance Evasive Worrisome Careful Dependent Cautious
Conventional
Exacting
Open-Minded
Balanced Judgment
Diplomatic
Systematic
Neat
Accurate
Tactful

17. Representation of Theory

18. Responses to Conflict

19. Lens of Understanding C D S I
The Lens of Understanding comes from the book: Dealing With People You Can’t Stand. Using the DISC theory. It is built on two axis. One being passive-aggressive and the other task-people. Thus it overlays the DISC model.
The inner green circle explains the goal of each style in their normal state. The yellow circle gives us their motivation and the capitalized words gives us 10 difficult personalities that we deal with in the workplace.
The following slides describe the difficult personalities related to the DISC model. S I

20. D BEHAVIORS Hostile-aggressive behaviors: Get it done!
“If you need to get it done, you focus on the task at hand. Any awareness of people is peripheral or unnecessary to accomplishing the task. You tend to speed up…, to act…, to assert… You may even become careless and aggressive.”
Beginning with D behaviors as a combination of task and aggressive behaviors.

21. Hostile-aggressive behaviors: Get it done!
D Behaviors
Hostile-aggressive behaviors: Get it done!
Sniper
Know-It-All (The Expert)
Tank
These are typical behaviors identified by those with a high D tendency.

22. SNIPER
Whether through rude comments, biting sarcasm, or a well timed roll of the eyes, making you look foolish is the Sniper’s specialty.
ACTION PLAN
STOP, LOOK, BACKTRACK
USE SEARCHIGHT QUESTIONS
GO ON A GRIEVANCE PATROL
SUGGEST A CIVIL FUTURE

23. D’s Value to the Team Bottom line organizer Self Starter
Forward Looking
Initiates Activity
Tenacious
Innovative
Challenges Status Quo

24. D’s Limitations Task oriented Too Direct Impatient with others
Argumentative
May not listen well
Take on too many tasks
Push rather than lead
Lack tact and diplomacy
May overstep authority

25. Lens of Understanding C D S I
The Lens of Understanding comes from the book: Dealing With People You Can’t Stand. Using the DISC theory. It is built on two axis. One being passive-aggressive and the other task-people. Thus it overlays the DISC model.
The inner green circle explains the goal of each style in their normal state. The yellow circle gives us their motivation and the capitalized words gives us 10 difficult personalities that we deal with in the workplace.
The following slides describe the difficult personalities related to the DISC model. S I

26. I Behaviors Get appreciated
“The desire to contribute to others and to be appreciated for it is one of the most powerful motivational forces known.”
High I behaviors are aggressive and people focused. Their strength is persuasion and high verbal skills. Used to an extreme we get the following behaviors: (next slide)

27. I Behaviors Get appreciated Exploder (Grenade) Think They Know-It-All
Sniper
These styles are exihibited when I tendencies are angry or stressed out. Describe each personality briefly.

28. Think They Know It All
The Think-They-Know–It-Alls can’t fool all of the people all of the time, but they can fool some of the people enough of the time, and enough of the people all of the time---all for the sake of getting some
ACTION PLAN
GIVE THEM A LITTLE ATTENTION
CLARIFY FOR SPECIFICS
TELL IT LIKE IT IS
GIVE THEM A BREAK
BREAK THE CYCLE

29. I’s Value to the Organization
Optimistic and Enthusiasm
Creative Problem Solving
Motivates others
Positive Sense of Humor
Team Player
Negotiates Conflict
Verbalizes and is articulate

30. I’s Limitations Oversell Tends to over trust Inattentive to detail
Situational listener
Impulsive, heart over mind
Unrealistic expectations of ability to influence others
Difficulty planning and controlling time
Under instruct over delegate
Overly animated when talking

31. Lens of Understanding C D S I
The Lens of Understanding comes from the book: Dealing With People You Can’t Stand. Using the DISC theory. It is built on two axis. One being passive-aggressive and the other task-people. Thus it overlays the DISC model.
The inner green circle explains the goal of each style in their normal state. The yellow circle gives us their motivation and the capitalized words gives us 10 difficult personalities that we deal with in the workplace.
The following slides describe the difficult personalities related to the DISC model. S I

32. S Behaviors
Get AlongS
“If getting along is your top priority…, personal desires are less important than the intent to get along with another person.”
Get Alongs is a combination of people focus with passive behaviors. They resist conflict and often comply just to get past this uncomfortable situation. Leading to the following type of people as explained on the next slide.

33. S Behaviors Get AlongS Super-Agreeable Maybe (Indecisive) Yes Person
This type of person who wishes to do anything to get along with other, get others to get along and to get appreciated by others exhibit these behaviors. Some may not seem to be a problem behavior, but they do nothing to improve any situation.

34. THE MAYBE PERSON
In a moment of decision, the Maybe Person procrastinates in the hope that a better choice will present itself. There comes a point when it is too little, too late, and the decision makes itself.
ACTION PLAN
ESTABLISH AND MAINTAIN A COMFORT ZONE
SURFACE CONFLICTS AND CLARIFY OPTIONS
USE A DECISION MAKING SYSTEM—BEN FRANKLIN
REASSURE THEM, AND ENSURE FOLLOW THROUGH
STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP

35. S’s Value to Organization
Dependable Team Player
Work hard for a leader and a cause
Great listener
Patient and Empathetic
Calming and stabilizing
Logical thinker
Goal oriented
Builds long term relationships

36. S’s Limitations Takes criticism personally Resistant to change
Need help beginning new assignments
Has difficulty establishing priorities
Internalize instead of talking through issues
Wait for others before beginning projects
Give a false sense of compliance
Tough on themselves
May not project a sense of urgency

37. Lens of Understanding C D S I
The Lens of Understanding comes from the book: Dealing With People You Can’t Stand. Using the DISC theory. It is built on two axis. One being passive-aggressive and the other task-people. Thus it overlays the DISC model.
The inner green circle explains the goal of each style in their normal state. The yellow circle gives us their motivation and the capitalized words gives us 10 difficult personalities that we deal with in the workplace.
The following slides describe the difficult personalities related to the DISC model. S I

38. C Behaviors Get it right
“When getting it right is your highest priority, you will likely slow things down enough to see the details…You may even refuse to take action because of a particular doubt about the consequences.”
The C behaviors are passive and task oriented. Their goal is to get it right! Their greatest fear is to be incorrect. This leads to the following behaviors:

39. C Behaviors Get it right Complainer (Whiner) Negative No Person
C Behaviors want so badly to be correct they see nothing to be right. With a tendency to be pessimistic, and unlike the super-agreeable “S” behaviors, these folks seldom see the good in any situation when angered or stressful.

40. THE WHINER
Whiners feel helpless and overwhelmed by an unfair world. Their standard is perfection, and no one and nothing measures up to it. But misery loves company, so they bring their problems to you. Offering solutions makes you bad company, so their whining escalates.

41. ACTION PLAN for THE WHINER
Your Goal: Form a Problem Solving Alliance
 LISTEN FOR THE MAIN POINTS
INTERRUPT AND GET SPECIFIC
SHIFT THE FOCUS TO SOLUTIONS
SHOW THEM THE FUTURE
DRAW THE LINE

42. C’s Value to Organization
Objective Thinker
Conscientious
Task oriented
Digs deeper
Diplomatic
Maintains high standards
Attention to detail
Expects and explores for clarity
Respects boundaries

43. C’s Limitations Analysis paralysis Overly critical
Overly self critical
Lost in the cornflakes
Internalizes feelings
Defensive when questioned
Yield their position to avoid conflict
Hesitant to act without precedent
Tells instead of sells

44. THE NO PERSON
More deadly to morale than a speeding bullet, more powerful than hope, able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable.

45. ACTION PLAN for THE NO PERSON
Your Goal: Transition to Problem Solving
 USE THE WHINER STRATEGY
USE THEM AS RESOURCES
BUY SOME TIME
GO FOR THE POLARITY RESPONSE
ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR GOOD INTENT

46. more productive workplace
Now for the 3rd Objective: How can this help us to be more productive in the workplace?

47. Reach a Deeper Understanding
Communicate more effectively
Prevent future conflict
Resolve current conflict before it gets out of hand
Closely examine the difficult behavior until you can see the motive behind it
Once you recognize the style of a co-worker, take the next step to understand them better. Use what you know about DISC to identify their goals and fears. With an identification of their style you gain a better understanding of their perspective. Difficult behaviors are all about them and seldom about you.
Use your knowledge of DISC to overcome and possibly prevent conflict so everyone can focus on the work to be done. Utilize other assessment tools to evaluate motivators and Emotional Intelligence to strengthen your ability to better understand those you work with and even those you life with.

48. Assessments to Consider
Strengthen your understanding of others:
DISC Behaviors: What we do: on teams, as management, as leaders
Motivators/Values – Why we do what we do
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) – How we respond
Use your knowledge of DISC to overcome and possibly prevent conflict so everyone can focus on the work to be done. Utilize other assessment tools to evaluate motivators and Emotional Intelligence to strengthen your ability to better understand those you work with and even those with whom you live.

49. A VERY PRACTICAL VIEW   ORGANIZATIONAL DESTROYER   WHOSE BUSINESS IS IT ANYWAY?

50. PRO, PRESIDENT’S ORGANIZATION
Thank You!
RAY SILVERSTEIN
PRO, PRESIDENT’S ORGANIZATION
 SCOTTSDALE, AZ
CHICAGO, IL