1. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 1 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care Jerral Sapienza Author, URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dying Chaplain, Unity of the Valley - Eugene, Oregon

2. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 2 Introduction 1 of 2 Brief biographical sketch –Childhood hospital taught one side of compassion –Childhood friendship with elders taught another. –Family Cancer, Alz and AIDS of the 1980s, –Learning, Growing, Sharing in the process…

3. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 3 Introduction 2 of 2 Birth of the book: URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dying –Origins: AIDS hospice, family support. –Vigil Sitters needed guidance, Map & Compass. –Family Mentor and Guide in Elder Care facilities –Volunteer Training for hospice volunteers

4. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 4 Evolving Compassion How do the Puzzle Pieces of End of Life Care fit? To start: You must be involved to start to evolve in caregiving. Must be aware of variation and diversity of situations and cases Must commit to help guide the inexperienced Create and share a Vigil Record for your friend, yourself, others. Now, to Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying excerpts… but first... an exercise …

5. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 5 Workshop Hands-On Exercise Looking at the exercise page… The phrases represent end-of-life caregiving roles / development. Allocate the 20 points between each of twelve boxes shown on page 2. ~5 mins

6. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 6 Discussion of Exercise Individual and Group responses to the allocation exercise… ~8 mins

7. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 7 Urgent Whispers Examples Excerpts of 12 example whispers from the 52 in the book... Some practical examples of Evolving Compassion Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying

8. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 8 The Breath Budget Mindfulness of how we communicate at the bedside. Respecting and Honoring Silence Truly listening with an intent to hear Feel free to ask me what I want, what I feel, what I need. Then honor and respect my answer, or my silence. p39 1

9. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 9 The Gatekeeper The Symbolic Duties of the gatekeeper: –Sergeant at Arms –Appointment Secretary –Overseer / Manager Before I built a wall, Id ask to know what I was walling in or walling out… --Robert Frosts Mending Wall I may have need of a gatekeeper now but I also need to have time with my family and friends p43 2

10. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 10 Dignity in Care End of life progressions can significantly change a person. Weakening, degeneration, dependence is hard. How you relate and are able to show your compassion is important This whole and wonderful being has a body which is ill and weakening. Treat my body with dignity. It is part, not all, of me. p47 3

11. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 11 Pity vs. Compassion Pity is a closed contagion of Fear we have to shrink in order to fit into, focusing attention on the self and worrying about everything. Compassion is an open gift of commitment and awareness we agree to live in, an acceptance and willingness to try to understand. Do not bring me your pity. Bring me your honest compassion and expression of love, or bring me nothing. p51 4

12. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 12 Seeing as Equals Hearing is the last of the senses to let go. Sight is often one of the first. Being near, saving energy. Sharing a special bond. Come sit down here with me instead of so far away. I can see and hear you better if you are at my level. p65 5

13. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 13 Honoring Beliefs Perhaps the single most sacred of respects we can offer the dying is letting them determine their own spiritual practices and beliefs. Paying attention to the details is critical-- knowing the history, the story, the people. Please respect my own religious beliefs, whether they are consistent with yours or not Please do not demean nor mock nor cry out against my own views and practices of Spirit. They are mine. p75-77 6

14. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 14 Tuning In to the Process Dying is a very difficult process in some ways, and an extremely simple process in others. Not everyone dies the same. Be present now. Breathing in unison can help tune in / reflect. Tune into what Im going through here. Be present with me here and now. p87 7

15. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 15 What Time is it? Semi-conscious states at the end of life. Discussions of desired plans and process. Be mindful of the Breath Budget when discerning when… Day? Night? Early? Late? I may like to choose the day and hour of my death… What time is it now? p99 8

16. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 16 Importance of Touch Human connectedness touches. Respecting Giving vs. Taking in touch. Appropriate loving touch is self-worth, value, love, kindness. Touch me gently (but not distractingly) as I die. Be with me but do not demand that I be with you. p101 9

17. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 17 Cathedral of the Soul Must we go see Aunt Millie? Each person has a history, beingness, unique and everlasting. But only one body. Encourage the visit by children. They need to say their goodbyes, too. Please remember me as a Personal Being with history and not just as the fragment you may find me to be now. p107 10

18. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 18 Death as Teacher If Death is a teacher, many of us in the West are always trying to skip that class! Yin Yang says that in all darkness there is light and in all light, darkness. As we are present to support, so they are present with their torch. Realize that I go before you now, at least in part, as Teacher and Reflector for where you one day will follow. p113 11

19. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 19 Letting Go Isnt Saying Goodbye The call to Death is a strong one. The call to Life is a strong one, too. Giving permission to go is a gift you give. Let go of attachments, fears, worries. Dont try to hold onto me beyond my time. Dont keep my physical body here beyond its will. p117 12

20. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 20 Once you Understand about Evolving Compassion… Share Your Wisdom With Others Sharing your Stories and Wisdom goes a long way to helping others discover the loving gift of Evolving Compassion in their lives. End of Life Care is a gift we give ourselves and others. Lessons abound... Where from here? Other ways to share?

21. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 21 Sharing Your Wisdom 2 of 2 Developing outreach projects around End of Life care to assist in community awareness for evolving compassion: Help setup CodPod groups in your area (Care of Dying Public Outreach Discussion) groups. You can download Participant and Facilitator manuals from LLX Press web. Activate Church Groups, Civic Organizations, Hospices. Start Library / Book Discussions around EOL issues. Other ideas YOU have? How will YOU reach out?

22. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 22 Training Materials to assist with classes: Available online from LLX Press: http:// WWW.LLX.COM / UW / Train / –T–This PowerPoint presentation and handout available. –7–7-Week extended Discussion / Training materials –D–Downloadable manuals for facilitator and participants. –1–12-Powers of End of Life Care based on Charles Fillmores The Twelve Powers of Man. –S–Short story, poetry, writings on End of Life topics.

23. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 23 URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dying by Jerral Sapienza © 2002 LLX Press, Eugene, Oregon USA ISBN 0971710708:Paper / 0971710759:Spiral / $14.95 152 pg Available here today for purchase / autograph; also available online, at booksellers everywhere, and direct from LLX Press.

24. 7061204 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 24 Thank You for Coming I am Jerral Sapienza and I approved this message.