1. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Healing Young Hearts: The Team Approach April 7, 2010 New Orleans, LA Presenter: Ruby L. Taylor, M.S.W.

2. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. INTRODUCTION Who am I? (Ruby Taylor) Who am I? (Ruby Taylor) If I Can Help Somebody If I can help somebody, as I pass along, If I can cheer somebody, with a word or song, If I can show somebody, how they're traveling wrong, Then my living shall not be in vain. Chorus: My living shall not be in vain, Then my living shall not be in vain If I can help somebody, as I pass along, Then my living shall not be in vain. If I Can Help Somebody If I can help somebody, as I pass along, If I can cheer somebody, with a word or song, If I can show somebody, how they're traveling wrong, Then my living shall not be in vain. Chorus: My living shall not be in vain, Then my living shall not be in vain If I can help somebody, as I pass along, Then my living shall not be in vain. Written in 1945 by Alma Bazel Androzzo, made famous by Mahalia Jackson Who are you? Why did you come to this workshop? Who are you? Why did you come to this workshop?

3. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Overview The importance of addressing the needs of grieving students and families of incarcerated parents The importance of addressing the needs of grieving students and families of incarcerated parents Keywords Keywords Why support is needed Why support is needed When children grieve When children grieve What are the needs? What are the needs? What resources are available? What resources are available? How can mentoring agencies help? How can mentoring agencies help? Individuals / Small Groups Create an action plan (in groups or individually) Create an action plan (in groups or individually) Discuss action plans Discuss action plans Putting it all together Putting it all together

4. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. KEYWORDS Grief–A personal reaction to loss. Grief–A personal reaction to loss. Resiliency–The ability to bounce back and move on after dramatic change. Resiliency–The ability to bounce back and move on after dramatic change. Coping Skills–Behavioral tools used by individuals, families and groups to overcome stress and cope with change. Coping skills enhance our resiliency. Coping Skills–Behavioral tools used by individuals, families and groups to overcome stress and cope with change. Coping skills enhance our resiliency. Family–A group of people sharing a common bond that creates lasting relationships. Family–A group of people sharing a common bond that creates lasting relationships. Team Approach–A diverse group of individuals joining together to accomplish a shared purpose or goal. Team Approach–A diverse group of individuals joining together to accomplish a shared purpose or goal.

5. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Why Support Is Needed The Statistics: One in 40 Children in the United States has a parent in prison One in 40 Children in the United States has a parent in prison In The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness, Erich Fromm theorized that the increase in violence in society is directly related to our inability to grieve. Although Fromm stated this over 30 years ago, it still rings true today. Even though the crime rate has steadily decreased since 1994, juvenile crime has reached epidemic proportions. According to Americas Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 2005, in 2003 juveniles between the age of 12 and 17 committed 346,000 serious violent crimes–a statistic that removes any cause for celebration that might be generated by the decrease in the overall crime rate. In The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness, Erich Fromm theorized that the increase in violence in society is directly related to our inability to grieve. Although Fromm stated this over 30 years ago, it still rings true today. Even though the crime rate has steadily decreased since 1994, juvenile crime has reached epidemic proportions. According to Americas Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 2005, in 2003 juveniles between the age of 12 and 17 committed 346,000 serious violent crimes–a statistic that removes any cause for celebration that might be generated by the decrease in the overall crime rate. According to Bertha Simos, from 1960 through 1975 juvenile crime tripled. The juvenile crime increase and divorce rate had a direct correlation during that period. Societal problems such as divorce and other forms of parent-child separation have caused many children to experience grief and loss in the past, and they continue to plague society in the twenty-first century. By increasing awareness and providing support to grieving families of incarcerated parents, we will begin to make a difference–one mentor at a time. According to Bertha Simos, from 1960 through 1975 juvenile crime tripled. The juvenile crime increase and divorce rate had a direct correlation during that period. Societal problems such as divorce and other forms of parent-child separation have caused many children to experience grief and loss in the past, and they continue to plague society in the twenty-first century. By increasing awareness and providing support to grieving families of incarcerated parents, we will begin to make a difference–one mentor at a time. Story of C.M. and D.N. Story of C.M. and D.N. Your Story Your Story

6. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. How Children Grieve Although individual children grieve differently, almost all children exhibit certain reactions to loss. Although individual children grieve differently, almost all children exhibit certain reactions to loss. Many children from age 3 to 6 feel they have magical powers–they believe that whatever they wish for will come true. They may blame themselves that a parent is in prison because they harbored bad thoughts about that parent. They need to know that nothing they have done caused the parent to go to prison. Many children from age 3 to 6 feel they have magical powers–they believe that whatever they wish for will come true. They may blame themselves that a parent is in prison because they harbored bad thoughts about that parent. They need to know that nothing they have done caused the parent to go to prison.

7. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. How Children Grieve Children from age 5 to 7 view prison subjectively–they believe that although others may go to prison, prison is avoidable. The childs efforts to help in caring for the family should be accepted with appreciation. Think before saying no to a childs offer to help. Children from age 5 to 7 view prison subjectively–they believe that although others may go to prison, prison is avoidable. The childs efforts to help in caring for the family should be accepted with appreciation. Think before saying no to a childs offer to help.

8. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. How Children Grieve Children from age 6 to 11 can become overly concerned about the treatment of the parent in prison. Beware: Avoid detailed discussions of prison life, which can cause children to worry. Children from age 6 to 11 can become overly concerned about the treatment of the parent in prison. Beware: Avoid detailed discussions of prison life, which can cause children to worry. Children from age 8 to 12 view prison as universal and personal. For many reasons, students can blame themselves for the parent being in prison (they should have aided the parent in some way; they were not nice enough to the parent). Children from age 8 to 12 view prison as universal and personal. For many reasons, students can blame themselves for the parent being in prison (they should have aided the parent in some way; they were not nice enough to the parent). Children from age 13 to 17 exhibit two different reactions, depending on the family, community and educational system. Reaction 1: Prison is a great place to be because it proves you are a thug–children want to go to prison to be with their parent. Reaction 2: Students are embarrassed that a parent is in prison and will not acknowledge the truth. Children from age 13 to 17 exhibit two different reactions, depending on the family, community and educational system. Reaction 1: Prison is a great place to be because it proves you are a thug–children want to go to prison to be with their parent. Reaction 2: Students are embarrassed that a parent is in prison and will not acknowledge the truth.

9. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. How Children Express Grief Bedwetting Bedwetting Thumb sucking Thumb sucking Clinging to adults Clinging to adults Exaggerated fears Exaggerated fears Excessive crying Excessive crying Temper tantrums Temper tantrums Regression Regression Stubbornness Stubbornness School and learning problems School and learning problems Preoccupation with the loss and related worries; daydreaming; trouble paying attention Preoccupation with the loss and related worries; daydreaming; trouble paying attention Bedwetting; regression; developmental delays Bedwetting; regression; developmental delays Eating and sleeping problems (overeating; refusing to eat; nightmares; sleepiness) Eating and sleeping problems (overeating; refusing to eat; nightmares; sleepiness) Fighting; anger Fighting; anger Physical symptoms (headaches; stomachaches; sleeping and eating disorders; hypochondria; wide mood swings) Physical symptoms (headaches; stomachaches; sleeping and eating disorders; hypochondria; wide mood swings) Ability to verbally expresses emotions Ability to verbally expresses emotions Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness Increase in risk-taking and self- destructive behavior Increase in risk-taking and self- destructive behavior Anger; aggression; fighting: oppositional behavior Anger; aggression; fighting: oppositional behavior Withdrawal from adults Withdrawal from adults Depression; sadness Depression; sadness Lack of concentration and attention Lack of concentration and attention Identity confusion; testing limits Identity confusion; testing limits

10. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. What Are the Needs? What are the needs of grieving students and families of incarcerated parents? What are the needs of grieving students and families of incarcerated parents?

11. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Resources in the Community What resources are in the community to assist children and families of incarcerated parents? What resources are in the community to assist children and families of incarcerated parents?

12. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. What Resources Can Mentoring Agencies Provide? Resource Guides Resource Guides Referral Services Referral Services Newsletters for Children and Parents Newsletters for Children and Parents Art Events (students express their thoughts and feelings through art) Art Events (students express their thoughts and feelings through art) Life Planning (mentors help students to set goals and discover a vision for the future) Life Planning (mentors help students to set goals and discover a vision for the future) Script Creation Script Creation Bus Trips to Prison Bus Trips to Prison

13. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. What Can You Make Possible? What services and resources can your mentoring agency provide? What services and resources can your mentoring agency provide?

14. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Create Your Action Plan Break into small groups Break into small groups

15. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Discussion What will your plan of action be? What will your plan of action be?

16. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Putting It All Together Closing Remarks Closing Remarks Survey Survey

17. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Presenter Information Ruby L. Taylor, M.S.W. Education Howard University School of Social Work Virginia Union University University of Scranton Career School Social Worker Professional Speaker: Grief and Healing–Youth Development–Urban Youth and Special Education Grief & Bereavement Consultant Film Director Program Developer Websites http://RubyTaylor.org http://JoyWillCome.com http://MadBeliever.com Contact Information To learn more about The Team Approach to Healing Young Hearts, please contact me at Ruby@RubyTaylor.org

18. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Resources: Websites Center for Children with Incarcerated Parents http://www.e- ccip.org Center for Children with Incarcerated Parents http://www.e- ccip.orghttp://www.e- ccip.orghttp://www.e- ccip.org The National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated, Family & Corrections Network http://fcnetwork.org The National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated, Family & Corrections Network http://fcnetwork.orghttp://fcnetwork.org The Mid-Atlantic Network of Youth & Family Services (MANY) http://manynet.org The Mid-Atlantic Network of Youth & Family Services (MANY) http://manynet.org http://manynet.org Children's Grief Education Association http://childgrief.org Children's Grief Education Association http://childgrief.orghttp://childgrief.org The Wendt Center http://www.wendtcenter.org The Wendt Center http://www.wendtcenter.orghttp://www.wendtcenter.org Beyond Indigo http://www.beyondindigo.com/children Beyond Indigo http://www.beyondindigo.com/childrenhttp://www.beyondindigo.com/children

19. Copyright © 2010 Ruby L. Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Resources: Books Books for Children of Incarcerated Parents When Andys Father Went to Prison, Martha Hickman When Andys Father Went to Prison, Martha Hickman A Trip to the Big House, Oliver Butterworth A Trip to the Big House, Oliver Butterworth My Mother and I Are Growing Stronger, Inez Maury My Mother and I Are Growing Stronger, Inez Maury Two in Every Hundred: a special workbook for children with a parent in prison Two in Every Hundred: a special workbook for children with a parent in prison Keeping in Touch by Long Distance, Ann Kerniski Keeping in Touch by Long Distance, Ann Kerniski A Visit With Daddy, Frank M. Black A Visit With Daddy, Frank M. Black My Mom Went to Jail, Kathleen Hodgkins and Suzanne Bergen My Mom Went to Jail, Kathleen Hodgkins and Suzanne Bergen Dads in Prison, Sandra Cain and Margaret Speed Dads in Prison, Sandra Cain and Margaret Speed My Dad Loves Me, My Dad Has A Disease, Claudia Black My Dad Loves Me, My Dad Has A Disease, Claudia Black