1. Dating Relationships

2. Love Lessons from kids 4:18
What is Love- kids answer 2:10

3. What do you think? Is there pressure to “date”? Why do people date?
What are the BEST things about dating?
What are the WORST things about dating?
Answer on own and then talk about as a class

4. In your packet: List some words we use for “dating”

5. Others to add if you did not already
“courting” “going steady” having a “thing” “seeing” each other “going together” “Interested” in

6. Why do we date?
By definition: Dating is the evaluation process for making a bigger, lifelong commitment. It doesn’t require the same commitment as marriage.

7. Intelligent Dating vs. Brainless Dating
Intelligent Dating: Being selective about who you date. Having a set of standards for what you want in a relationship. Brainless Dating: Dating anyone who wants to date you-Becoming focused only on that person and forgetting about everything/everyone else in your life. You never know what you want.
Intelligent Dating vs. Brainless Dating

8. Big MISTAKES when dating
Becoming too centered on your boyfriend/girlfriend. You have nothing else you care about.
Becoming too possessive and jealous
No longer spending any time with your family and/or friends

9. WARNING: Watch out for these RED Flags
Ultimatums: They make threats and try to manipulate and control you. “If you loved me you would _____________ .“
“ You better not talk to ___________ or I will _____________.”
The Savior Complex: You wan to help them change or save them and make their life better.
Lies: You can not always believe/trust them and can’t tell if they are being honest
“You’ll never find anyone else who will love you.”
If you hear these words it is a big red flag
“If you leave me, I will hurt myself.”
Threats are not a part of a healthy relationship.

10. DATING GUIDELINES
Read each guideline write down at least one benefit for following this guidelines. When you have completed the above-share your thoughts with a partner.

11. How to Explain What LOVE is
3 min

12. LOVE
List 20 things that you love Share a few with a partner

13. Love is Love is not
Fill in the following LOVE IS LOVE IS NOT Share with a partner . . .

14. Definitions for the word LOVE
A warm attachment
To adore
To hold dear
To “fancy”
A strong affection
Unselfish loyal concern for another
A tenderness for
To take pleasure in
To treasure
To be enchanted by
To long for
To “flip” over
Devoted to

15. “I LOVE YOU” When you say “I love you” . . . Keep these things in mind
Your partner may not define love the way that you do. They may have different expectations once those words are said.
Don’t just say it when you want something from them.
Saying “I love you” does not always mean a commitment - but as soon as they are said, the relationship will change.
Don’t just say it because the other person said it.
Don’t just say it in the “heat of the moment”

16. Love is NOT Sex . . . Sex is NOT always Love
Read from the book-Don’t Take Love Lying Down - pages Explain in your own words The 10 week Test
Love is NOT Sex Sex is NOT always Love

17. The LOVE Song Assignment
Find a song that you think represents “love”
Find and print a copy of the lyrics
Try to find the song on you tube - a version with the lyrics written out.
Copy the link and send to your teacher.
Read the lyrics, analyze how they reflect what LOVE is and complete the questions.
Turn in the assignment sheet with lyrics stapled to it.

18. Who should I go out with? How to decide . . . . .
The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make- Pages

19. Fill out “Your Dating Wish List” on page ____
Think of the things that you “Gotta have” What are the things that you can do without but would be nice You will also make a list of the things that you “Can’t have”

20. Is jealousy a sign of love?
What do you think?
Is jealousy a sign of love?

21. “Breaking Up”

22. When it is time to end a relationship?
When your time together seems pointless, lacks meaning and direction
When arguing seems to dominate your conversations
When sports or activities become constantly more important than the relationship.
When the other person is constantly hurting you
When they have cheated on you
When you are mentally, sexually, or physically being abused

23. When it is time to end a relationship?
When they keep pushing you for sex
When they have a drug and/or alcohol abuse problem
When you find yourself constantly apologizing for their behavior
When you make you feel guilty for wanting to do things without them
When the relationship is based ONLY on physical attraction
When you have different beliefs and values

24. It is time to end the relationship if . . .
When you can not trust them
When you no longer have fun when you are together
When you do not see a future with him/her
When your friends recognize the fact that you don’t seem happy anymore
When you have bad communication between you
When you can not be your real self with them
It is time to end the relationship if . . .

25. Tips when ending a relationship
Be clear about what your expectations are for the future (How will you act when you see each other at school, calling each other, etc.)
Do not bad-mouth them to other people
Do not post messages directed at the person or about the relationship on social media for all to see.
Tips when ending a relationship

26. Getting over someone…
Most everyone will at some time in their life be in a relationship that ends. This can be tough. You don’t need to forget all about them. You can have great memories. The real objective is to move on with your life and not obsess about them.

27. How to stop obsessing… and move forward
If you are trying to move on-you cannot stare at pictures of them-don’t throw them away just put them away
Get involved in activities-sports, hobbies, hanging out with friends or family.
Less time sitting around bored with give you less time to obsess about the relationship

28. Learn something from the dating relationship
What qualities do you want in the next person you date?
What qualities do you NOT want again?
What can you learn about yourself?
What was good about the relationship?
What would you like to NOT repeat?
We can learn so much while dating and in the ending of relationships.

29. The difference between healthy and unhealthy love Katie Hood | TED2019 (12:13)
How does abuse sneak up on people in relationships?
What are 5 markers of unhealthy love?
What can we practice each day to love people better?

30. By Gary Chapman

31. Everyone needs to know they are loved.
It starts as a child…. …and continues through adulthood.

32. Being “in love” fills this need
At least for a while! During the “in love” phase, you minimize your partners flaws. You think about them all the time. You want to be with them all the time.

33. Then reality enters in. what are other examples that may impact teen relationships?
Should the toilet lid be up or down? Who does what chores? Why do they have those annoying habits? Where do you spend the holidays? Decisions on how to spend the money? The average romantic “in love” experience lasts about two years or a bit more.

34. The average romantic “in love” experience lasts about two years or a bit more.
What do you do when the “love” leaves? “they don’t care about me.” “we’ve changed” “we’ve grown apart” “we don’t have fun anymore” “we don’t understand each other”
Live unhappily in a relationship? Never be with anyone again? Have an affair? Break up/Divorce?

35. Or is there a different and better way?
The better way is to learn what YOUR love language is, learn what THEIR beloved’s is, and then learn to speak a different language if necessary!
BUT – WHAT ARE
LOVE LANGUAGES???

36. There are many different languages in the world.
Ek is lief vir jou (Afrikaans) Ngo oi ney (Catonese) Ik hou van jou (Dutch) Tora dust midaram (Farsi) Je t'aime(French) Ta gra agam ort (Gaelic) Ich liebe dich (German) Ayor anosh'ni (Navajo)

37. If you do not understand the language…..
Then what you mean to say is lost.

38. It is the same with LOVE LANGUAGES.
Gary Chapman came to the conclusion that people speak five different emotional love languages. In order to communicate well with those we love – we need to learn their LOVE LANGUAGE. This applies to any relationship – dating, marriage, friends, siblings, parents/children…

39. Sometimes we reach out to each other in a way (language) that the other does not understand.
Someone wants a hug and their partner brings them a gift.
Someone plans an elaborate evening out with a group of friends, when their partner really just wants to stay home and spend time one on one.
One person is missing the other and wants to spend time with them, but the other is working overtime to afford a special birthday gift….
This even works with parents and kids…
Dad works long hours to provide nice things, but the kid wishes he would come to their sporting events.
Mom makes dinner and cleans the house for the kids to have a nice home, but the kid wishes the mom would notice their good grades….

40. Come up with some examples like on the previous slide of how good intentions may not get the results a person wants or the meaning may be lost if people are speaking different “languages”
Be ready to share some examples….

41. In all relationships…
Everyone wants to feel loved and cared about, but when we speak different Love Language it is easy for these messages to get lost and go unnoticed.

42. There are five love languages.
Words of Affirmation Quality Time Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch Let’s look at each one.

43. What is YOUR Love Language?
The simple test…. We are having you take the “teen” and the “child” version of this test. Record your results on the page in your packet. Primary: ________________ Secondary: __________________

44. Language #1 Words of affirmation
Compliments
Words of appreciation
Words of encouragement.
Kind words – tone of voice matters a lot!
Positive notes, cards

45. Language #2: Quality time
Quality time is spending time with each other, without being distracted by other things around you.
The focus is on being together
Talk long walks together
Take trips
One on one
No interruptions, put the phone down
Conversation

46. Language #3: Receiving Gifts
Cost doesn’t matter
The thought and effort are what shows love
Could be homemade etc…
Give gifts on special occasions and “just because”
Gifts are visual, tangible representations of caring

47. Language #4: Acts of Service
Acts of service is love expressed by actions.
Helping with chores
Acts of kindness
Doing something nice for a person to help them
Takes time and effort

48. Language #5: Physical Touch
No, it’s not just about sex.
Hugs
Holding hands
Pat on the back
High five, fist bump
Shoulder rub
We all have a need to have physical touch in our lives, from the time we are infants People who express love in this way have a greater need than others.

49. What if you feel loved by EVERYTHING!
If you found that you responded well to all of the love languages that is SUPER COOL!
You are an easier person to show love too and you are probably pretty good at showing love to others in a variety of ways.
Pay attention to the languages of those around you and don’t just assume that everyone will feel loved by the things that you feel loved by – you need to be sure to be aware of those differences 

50. No matter what the form of love you show,
It’s not really love if you are expecting something in return.
Love is freely given, in a way that the other person can understand, with no demands on the other person to give back in the same way.
Real love is not as much an emotion as it is a choice and a series of actions to express that choice

51. This works in any relationship between two people.
HOMEWORK!! This week:
Have one other person in your life take the love languages quiz and discuss with this what the concept of love languages means and how it impacts all relationships.. You will then turn in a reflection paragraph – what were the results of the test? What did you discuss or learn from the conversation?
(you could choose a sibling, parent, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, aunt, uncle, anyone you feel close to…. (that isn’t in this class or another period!)