1. Supporting your child with relationships at school A briefing for parents and carers Karin Hutchinson Lead Adviser for Wellbeing, Herts for Learning
Anti-bullying is relevant to the school’s responsibilities
in service delivery (i.e. to pupils)
and
As an employer
This presentation focuses primarily on pupil issues but most of the principles are relevant across both.
Where bullying exists in an organisation the culture will affect the whole organisation

2. Children and teenagers are learning to be social beings
and they will make
mistakes!

3. These behaviours are not bullying…
Teasing between friends where there is no deliberate intention to cause hurt.
Conflicts and disputes involving ‘tit for tat’ hurtful behaviour.
Falling out between friends after a quarrel or disagreement.
Unacceptable behaviour that all parties have consented to and enjoy.
But they do set in place circumstances where bullying could develop if things are not checked and resolved

4. Most hurtful behaviour in schools is not bullying
Most hurtful behaviour in schools is not bullying. Schools want to catch problems early so they don’t escalate. Encourage your child to report incidents they cannot resolve quickly and help them to report problems in school themselves.

5. If your child is upset about an incident…
Find out as much as you can about how they feel, what happened, where and when, who has been told and what has been done. (Please remember you only have part of the story)
Ask them what happened before that, that might have led or contributed to the incident.
Ask them what they think the other child/children might be feeling
Reassure them that it can be sorted out
Help your child report it or contact the school yourself with your concerns – don’t assume that the school knows what you know!
Give the school time to investigate and respond
Expect some feedback on what has happened,
but not necessarily all the details
Some important things for parents to realise when addressing bullying issues with schools and clubs…

6. What can you do while you are waiting?
Try to be measured and calm
Avoid communicating that your child is helpless or a victim… it makes it harder for them to recover
Avoid labelling another child as a bully… it makes it harder to repair relationships!
Do not directly approach the other child or their family members – it is important things are dealt with by the school
Don’t be tempted to go onto social media to offload.

7. Once the incident has been dealt with:
Be positive about moving forward and fresh starts. Help your child to reconcile, repair relationships and put resolved incidents behind her/him
Avoid asking leading questions that tell your child that you are still worried. It also teaches them to get your attention by having a problem.
Help your child to rebuild self esteem and self worth
Help her/him to practise or implement any agreed strategy
Sometimes bad things happen but
you can BOUNCE BACK
Sometimes we make mistakes but

8. Guidance to our children: Helping others with upsets and conflicts
Be a friend to everyone –
don’t take sides or try to
judge who is right or wrong
Don’t tell anyone what to do
Encourage friends with problems to talk to each other to try to talk it out
Don’t gossip about friends with friendship problems
If they can’t sort things out, help them to get help from a member of staff

9. Ensure your children know:
“If you are worried, hurt or in trouble
there is nothing so bad or so trivial that we can’t talk about it…
if you can’t talk to me, you must talk to someone…who else can you identify to talk to?
if you can’t talk face to face:
Childline
Again there are preventative strategies that families can have in place. These are from Preventative behaviours approach…
Now going to have a look at some photos and think about bullying stereotypes. Have a look at these and think about what assumptions about bullying relationships that people might bring to these photos and what else might be going on….

10. Cyberbullying Think B4 U Post Who can see this?
Could someone misinterpret what I am saying?
Am I showing a bad side of myself?
Am I giving away personal information?
Am I angry?
Could this upset someone?
Could this cause problems now or in the future?

11. Cyber-bullying - How to help
Talk about cyberbullying- listen
Offer support and reassurance
Keep the evidence
Do not reply
Block people
Report to the website
Report it at school if appropriate
Report it the police if appropriate
Rebuild confidence
Mention your child could be the bully
Work with the school not in opposition to school

12. Encourage your child to
Try to resolve friendship problems
Report problems they can’t resolve
Take responsibility for their behaviour – most problems involve hurt on both sides
Learn to change problem behaviours
Be and value themselves and not compare themselves with others (positively or negatively)
Put resolved issues into the past
and move on