1. Raising
Resilient Kids
Deborah Gilboa, MD

2. hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy
INGREDIENTS:
Confidence
Competence
Relationships
hap·pi· ness: noun

3. “Happiness Now” Pressure
Unattainable
Conflicts with resilience
Removes opportunity for resilience “practice”
Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok
Limits the resources we offer
We’re terrible at predicting it for others

4. WHY DO ADULTS SAY NO? Love Fear Guilt Genuine enjoyment responsibility
Future consequences
Relationship rupture
Guilt

5. CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIES
Myth:
“Only I can fix this!”
Truth:
Failure must be experienced.

6. SOURCE: Journal of Child and Family Studies, Feb 2013

7. THE COST
“Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.”

8. HOW DOES FAILURE HELP? independence → confidence Leads to competence
Builds relationship
Teaches resilience. 8

10. RESILIENCE CHALLENGES
Mistakes
Accidents
Pain
Social consequences
Judgment
11:00 News…

11. WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? Doing = learning. When not if language
Life skills
Relationship skills
Problem-solving
Expectation of failure
Look for chances to take one step back.

12. RESILIENCE
Mistakes
Praise
Life lessons
Choices
Risk-taking
Resources!

13. WHAT ADULTS NEED TO REMEMBER
Adult involvement supports
Safety
Growth
Learning
Adult involvement harms
Confidence
Competence
Relationships

14. 5 protective factors in resilience
social competence
problem-solving skills
Autonomy
sense of purpose
use of storytelling
5 protective factors in resilience

15. Resilience in Practice
Build trust
Demonstrate gratitude
Express empathy
Connect resources
Offer solutions
Resilience in Practice

16. Resilience requires trust.
FINDING RESILIENCE
Resilience requires trust.
“I’ll be interested to see what you do!”

17. When-not-if Language Set Remove Model Set expectations
Model the cycle
Remove
Remove the premise of failure
Set
Set expectations
When-not-if Language

18. WHAT ADULTS NEED TO REMEMBER
Adult involvement supports
Safety
Growth
Learning
Adult involvement harms
Confidence
Competence
Relationships

19. Questions? Feedback? Looking for a speaker? 
/AskDoctorG
/AskDocG
@AskDocG