1. First Borns
Chapters 4, 5, and 6

2. Quick Review of Chapter 4
“Four Corner” birth order exercise
Two Kinds… explained more later
Aggressive
Caring nurturers
First borns are exact, precise, and… picky
The very traits and abilities that enable you to succeed at work, at church, etc. will often work against you in your close personal relationships.
Attention, the spotlight, and responsibility adds to pressure!!

3. Strengths and weaknesses  1st Borns
P. 95
Which are strengths? Weaknesses?
Leadership ability
Aggressive
Compliant
Perfectionist
Organized
Driver
List maker
Logical
Scholarly

4. Be Honest With Your First Born Self
Answer these questions … first born or not.
Am I involved in too many activities? Which ones could I give up?
Do I know how to say no? Give an example of when you said no graciously, but firmly.
How big of a problem is perfectionism for me? Do I see the difference between perfectionism and excellence?
Am I a slave to my to-do lists or do I just use them to keep my life organized?
Have I forgiven my parents for putting any pressure on me? Can I see the privileges as well as pressures to being a first born?

5. Am I a compliant or aggressive first born
Am I a compliant or aggressive first born? What are my key faults concerning this? How can I improve?
If I feel resentment towards my siblings, am I willing to resolve the issue?
Do I care too much about what others think of me?
How good am I at spotting flaws in others? Do I then compare them to myself to make myself feel better?

6. Chapter 5
Just How Serious a Problem is Perfectionism?

8. Middlies, Onlies, and Babies!
Chapter 4 may have been a bore, but chapter 5 discusses a problem any birth order could have… perfectionism!
It is discussed in the “first born” section because it is typically, but not limited to being, a first born problem.
And yes! It IS a problem!

9. Which of the following is Perfectionism for you?
A. a burden
B. a cause of stress
C. slow suicide (yikes!)
D. a strength

10. Perfectionism is Not A Strength.

11. Are you a perfectionist???
Answer #1-11 on pgs and use the perfectionist scoring guide to determine the answer for you.
Be honest! This is just for you!
Check out the EXTREME perfectionist ad on page 99.

12. Beware of the Ultra-critical Perfectionist!!
From the time you can talk, you are developing habits that will determine your personality for the rest of your life.
Realize that you can never please an ultra-critical perfectionist, because they can never please themselves.
They are objective
Their motto is: “The good is the enemy of the best.”

13. The Cycle of Perfectionism
Motto: “It’s all or nothing”
Biting off more than they can chew
They cannot accomplish want they want: PANIC
Maximize failures; minimize success
Eventually fails or quits
Is disappointed with themselves so is harder on himself

14. Avis Complex “Yeah we’re in second place, but we try harder.”
Abraham Lincoln said the Gettysburg Address was a “flat failure”.
Leonardo Di Vinci said, “I have disappointed God and his creations because my work never reached what it should have.”

15. Another Cycle…

16. Can You Believe It?
Perfectionists not only have the problem of perfectionism, but of procrastination as well!
“When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough”
A Blurb:

17. The First Step to Solving A Problem…
Is RECOGNIZING IT! You’re half way there!
Commit to finishing one thing, before
starting another.

18. Is THIS Perfectionism?

19. THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID FAILURE IS TO SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING.

20. How To Solve It! Refuse negative self-talk Don’t listen to naysayers
Refuse to feel guilty

22. Perfect – Or Excellent??
Chapter 6

24. Perfection vs. Excellence What’s the dif??
SOME examples… read the rest in your book!

25. How to control Perfectionism by Seeking Excellence
1. Take perfectionism seriously
2. Recognize that you have an almost desperate need to be perfect
3. Make a conscious effort to go easy on criticizing yourself
4. Have the courage to admit out loud: “I was wrong.”
5. Work on developing a thicker skin
6. Bite off smaller chunks in life
7. Expect less of yourself
8. Become skilled at saying no
9. Work on becoming an optimist
10. Change your self-talk
11. Get rid of grudges

26. THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

27. Keep in Mind: Important vocab, Key Points, main Ideas, Lists, and Graphic organizers

28. Know… When your test is: _____________________ How to study Vocab
Checkpoints
Main ideas
Lists
Graphic organizers

29. 1. What is a First-Born?

30. 2. What is a Functional First-Born?

31. 3. Up to how many first borns can there be in a family?

32. 4. What are the two kinds of first borns
4. What are the two kinds of first borns? Why are first borns categorized this way?

33. 5. Which are strengths of first borns? Weaknesses?
Leadership ability
Aggressive
Compliant
Perfectionist
Organized
Driver
List maker
Logical
Scholarly

34. 6. T/F Perfectionism is a strength.

35. 7. T/F Perfectionism is a problem.

36. 8. What is the Avis Complex?

37. 9. Who says: “The good is the enemy of the Best.”?

38. 10. Draw the Cycle of Perfectionism
10. Draw the Cycle of Perfectionism. Remember: No need for full sentences… Just key points.

39. 11. What other problem typically comes with Perfectionism?

40. 12. How do you solve Perfectionism?

41. Answers: The child born first in a family.
The child who inherits typical first-born characteristics because of placement and/or variables in the family.
Typically 2 (the actual first born and a functional first born)
Aggressive or Nurturing  depending on variables
SWSWSSSSS (however, this can be changed depending on the extremity of the strengths) F T
Not perfectionism; they try hard and accept what they are
Ultra-critical perfectionist
See slide 13
Procrastination
See slides 20 and 25