1. Constructive Communication
Dealing with conflict
Sandy Anderson
Libby Mahaffy
November 7, 2011

2. Goals At the end of this session, you will have:
Seen everyday use of negotiation skills
Been exposed to a negotiation framework
Observed asking, listening and reflecting
Practiced a new approach
Received a list of helpful resources

3. We communicate all the time
Sometimes it doesn’t work as we expect
The consequences can be significant
Miscommunication can lead to conflict

4. We negotiate every day It’s not just for diplomats or lawyers
We all do it frequently and without conflict… most of the time
We all have emotions, bias and history that we bring to a negotiation
Every conflict has within itself the seeds of resolution

5. Negotiating successfully
Copywrite 2011, Anderson & Mahaffy

6. Mediation – assisted negotiation
Sometimes we need outside help
Neutral 3rd party who facilitates negotiation
Useful in working through organizational, public and private negotiations and conflicts

7. Role play Notice how you feel watching this Capture your observations
How do we figure out how to do this differently?

8. A framework for negotiation
Positions
What someone says they want, their “demand”
Interests
What is really important to a party, the deeper “need”
Options
The possible ways the parties could have their needs met
Solutions
The agreement negotiated between parties, that meets their needs and allows them to move forward

9. The “sweet spot” From positions to interests Strategies mediators use
Asking open-ended questions
Listening
Clarifying
Focus on moving forward, not on the past
Take time – slow down

10. Nonviolent Communication
Seeks to understand motivations and remove judgment
Encourages empathy for yourself and others
Observations
Taking in the situation – what someone sees, hears, remembers, imagines
Feelings
The feelings that emerge from the observations
Needs
The needs connected to this feeling – universal, personal
Requests
Strategy to meet your own or others’ needs – a specific request of yourself or another – action to take
Source: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

11. Role play
Another possible outcome

12. Resources
Contact Info
Sandy Anderson
sandy-anderson.com
Libby Mahaffy
Books
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most – Stone, Patton & Heen (1999)
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In -- Fisher, Ury & Patton (1991)
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life – Marshall B. Rosenberg (2003)
The Power of Nice – Shapiro, Jankowski & Dale (2001)
Training
Contact Sandy or Libby
Mediation Works, Inc – (reference this presentation)
NVC Boston –

13. Q&A