1. “When They’re in Your Face and How to Deal With It”
Dealing with Coaches
Information from:
“When They’re in Your Face and How to Deal With It”
“The Ultimate Guide for Officials to Managing Coaches, Players and Fans”
Referee Magazine
©2015 by Referee Enterprises, Inc.

2. Before the Blowup To hear or not to hear:
Respond to questions, not comments.
Vulgarity & personal attacks require immediate, appropriate response.
Recognize the difference between hearing and listening.
Recognize and control your own anger:
Anger is a secondary emotion, usually to stress and frustration.
Mental preparation.

3. Argue Effectively Don’t try to win the argument:
Permit the coach to talk without interrupting.
Limit discussion only to the immediate issue.
Choose the optimal time to bring up and discuss problems.
Avoid the coach’s personal vulnerabilities or sensitivities.
Regularly touch base with the coach, if appropriate.

4. Argue Effectively (con’t)
Defuse your instinct to argue:
Answer the emotion with empathy.
Take the edge off the emotions.
Let it trickle like water off your back.
Accept that you will continue to argue in some situations.

5. Argue Effectively (con’t)
How to handle different types of arguers:
The Chipper – Constant remarks to his “assistant coach” Firmly inform him that you’ve heard his comments and that you will answer any questions he may have. Diffuse the problem more decisively if needed.
The Intimidator – Tries to win by being louder or more “in-your-face” Take the opposite demeanor; non-aggressive; repeat words back to them. If they cross the line, take appropriate action.
The Clasher – Coach that just doesn’t like you; always confrontational. Prepare mentally; keep emotional under control. Best tools are professionalism and courtesy.
The Legitimate Arguer – Coach that has a point; usually more professional. Listen; Do not escalate the confrontation. Admit your mistake, if applicable.

6. Argue Effectively (con’t)
Don’t Go There:
Don’t deliver an ultimatum.
Don’t be a jerk.
Don’t be cute.
Prepared responses don’t always fit the situation.
Don’t do it the same way every time.

7. How to Take Control of a Conflict
Let the coach talk – and don’t interrupt.
Using own words to repeat the issue back to the coach.
Don’t debate judgements.
Limit discussion only to the most recent call.
Remain assertive and decisive.
If possible, don’t engage in discussion when you’re angry.
Focus on solutions.

8. Tips to Deal with Coaches
What we see with our eyes, coaches see with their hearts.
Answer questions, not comments. Deal with behavior when it crosses the line.
Answer for yourself; Get an answer from co-official.
React to the message, not the delivery – until the delivery interrupts the game.
Accept that it helps to give a little when the conflict is insignificant.
Accept that your style needs to be flexible. Allow teams to set the tone. Take charge to avert conflict, not create it.

9. What would you do?