1. Session 8: Revising to Reveal the Internal and External Details
Concept:
Revising and Editing a Memoir

2. Teaching Point
Copy in your NB:
Memoirists explore the internal and external details of an event. They revise to identify emotions and meanings for the event as well as explore its deeper meaning, and connect the relationship of these parallel journeys.

3. Let’s look at a model… Kelle James’ “Smile for the Camera”
Read it silently as I read it aloud…
Where are the discoveries? Let’s track his:
INTERNAL THOUGHTS (use one color)
NARRATOR COMMENTARY (another color)
EXTERNAL ACTIONS and/or DIALOGUE (another color)
WHAT DO YOU NOTICE? WHAT IS THE BALANCE OF INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL DETAILS?

4. Independent Practice Mini-Task #1:
Reread the typed memoir draft you selected to revise in Session 7.
Ask yourself: Where are my discoveries? Annotate it to identify the internal and external details that explore or reveal the idea of the event and expose the personal discoveries about you (the writer) and the world you live in.
USE THREE COLORS to track:
Internal thoughts, Narrator Commentary, External Actions/Dialogue

5. Reflect… On your typed copy, answer the following questions:
What do I notice about my balance of internal and external details?
What am I doing really well?
What do I need to improve upon?
How is my word choice/diction? Is there vivid imagery?

6. Turn & Talk Share your typed copy with a partner
State again why you are connected to this entry
Tell your partner your plans for revision based on what you discovered about your piece today

7. Reflection #7 Answer the following questions in your NB (10 minutes):
Do I Tell or Discover?
Name and explain 2-3 techniques you are using to engage a reader.
Evaluate your decisions. Do you tell a story or reveal a self-awareness of the event, you, and the world? Do you have both internal and external details that gradually reveal this self-awareness?
What can you do to write a more powerful memoir?

8. HOMEWORK
Revise (retype or make corrections by hand) your essay making revisions based on today’s session. Highlight the changes you made using a different color or ink or with a marker/colored pencil. Points: 25 points Out-of-Class Writing (big one!)