1. Healthy Relationships
Self-Esteem
Relationships
Dating & intimate relationships
Grades 7-8
Adapted From: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexuality and Reproductive Education.
Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.

2. Self-Esteem

3. Self-Esteem:
Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. It is the knowledge that we are lovable, we are capable, and we are unique.
Good self-esteem means:
having a healthy view of yourself,
having a sense of self-worth,
having a positive outlook,
feeling satisfied with yourself most of the time,
setting realistic goals.

4. Points about Self-Esteem:
Self-esteem is crucial to our personal wellness.
Self-esteem is based on life experiences and personal relationships.
Self-esteem changes over time depending on life circumstances.
Can anyone think of examples
to prove these points?

5. Healthy Self-Esteem Includes:
The ability to develop healthy relationships
Having healthy thoughts and feelings about your body
Awareness/acceptance of personal strengths and weaknesses
The acceptance of one’s sexuality
The ability to accept responsibility for one’s behaviour
Feelings of competence, independence, self- control and respect for others
The ability to set limits for oneself and to create boundaries

6. How is Self-Esteem Developed?
By our environment?
How others see us?
Personal awareness of strengths?
Support from significant others (family, friends)?
Body image?
Mental health?
Physical abilities?
Stereotypes?
Culture?
Gender?

7. How Does Self-Esteem Contribute to Healthy Relationships?
Self-esteem and relationships are really two sides of the same coin. . .
Having healthy self-esteem allows you to develop healthy relationships
And
Having healthy relationships helps to develop healthy self-esteem.

8. Relationships

9. Relationships Defined:
A relationship is simply a connection between two or more people.
A relationship does not have to be a romantic relationship.
Relationships are based on some commonly accepted values (e.g., respect, honesty, fairness, consideration, commitment).
A healthy relationship is a shared responsibility and requires effective communication.
A relationship can be affected by controllable and uncontrollable factors.

10. Types of Relationships:
There are many different types of relationships that serve many different purposes.
Can you name some different types of relationships?

11. Examples of Relationships:
Friendship
Acquaintance
Parent-Child
Teammate
Mentor
Sibling
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Neighbor
Teacher-Student
Boss-Worker
Co-worker
Classmate
What do you think these people get out of their relationships?

12. Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship:
Closeness
You are caring and loyal
You trust each other
You share your feelings
You support each other
Shared Goals & Beliefs
You share beliefs & values
You recognize & respect each other’s differences
Shared Experiences
Share interests & friends
Talk about your experiences; accept & respect each other’s differences
Communication
You are honest with each other
You listen to each other
Respect
You use respectful language and actions with one another
You understand each other’s wishes and feelings
You can compromise
Humour
You enjoy being with each other and can laugh together
Caring
You show each other you care

13. Unhealthy Characteristics in a Relationship:
No trust
No respect
Jealousy
Abuse: emotional/physical
Low self-esteem
Power issues
Fear
Lies
Unfair fights
Lack of understanding
Little or bad communication
Manipulation
Based only on physical attraction
Partner tries to change you

14. Qualities of a Relationship
Class Activity
Adapted from: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexual and Reproductive Health Education. Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.

15. Stress and Pressure in Relationships:
Unhealthy characteristics in a relationship will lead to stress and possible pressures in a relationship.
Some of these characteristics may only apply in a dating relationship, but many can apply in all sorts of relationships (best friends, acquaintances, siblings).
Remember, if you find yourself feeling pressured or controlled in a relationship, talk to someone you trust about the situation. Always ask for help when you need it.

16. Making Positive Decisions:
If you are faced with stress or pressure in a relationship, it is important to make positive decisions:
Think of all your choices
Think of the most likely results of those choices
Think of the risks involved with each choice
After you have made a decision, learn from it. Did it work? Why or why not?

17. Case Study 1:
You have an agreement with your parents that you are to go home every day after school and do your homework until one of them gets home from work. Since this is an opportunity to get homework done, you are not allowed to have friends over after school. Today, however, a couple of friends try to talk you into hanging out with them after school. Since neither of your parents get home until almost 6:00 pm, you could hang out with your friends and then go home without your parents knowing. What should you do?
Grades 5 to 7

18. Case Study 2:
Tina is out with her friend Cheryl, Cheryl’s boyfriend Tony, and another friend named Chris. After a while, Cheryl and Tony start to kiss. Chris then starts kissing Tina. This feels pretty good to Tina. But then Chris tries to get Tina to go into the bedroom. Tina says “NO”, but her friend Cheryl tells Tina not to be so lame. What should Tina do?
Grade 8

19. Communication Skills:
Communication is an important part of all relationships.
We all communicate verbally and non-verbally. Listening is also an important part of communicating.
It is important that we all learn to communicate directly with one another.

20. Types of Communication:
Passive: giving in and saying yes when you don’t want to; keeping your concerns to yourself
Aggressive: using threats or force; dominating others; putting yourself first at the expense of others
Passive-Aggressive: giving in or keeping your concerns to yourself but will later get back at the person in a sneaky way
Assertive: standing up for your rights without denying the rights of others; asking for what you want in a straightforward manner

21. How to be Assertive:
In order to communicate in an assertive manner, it is important to make eye contact and to speak in a clear, firm voice. Try using “I” messages.
I feel _______ when ______ and I want ______.
Try using an “I” message for these situations:
A friend keeps asking to copy your homework and you don’t want to give it to him/her.
Your partner tells you that he/she wants to have sex, but you just don’t want to.

22. Dating & Intimate Relationships

23. Dating Situations Class Activity
Adapted from: White Ribbon Campaign in a Box: Promoting Healthy, Equal Relationships.
Toronto: White Ribbon Campaign, 2007.

24. When You Decide to Date:
A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself and your partner.
You have fun together and you and your partner can be yourselves.
All relationships are different, but healthy relationships share at least five things in common - the S.H.A.R.E. qualities.
S = safety
H= honesty
A= acceptance
R= respect
E= enjoyment
Source: Healthy Relationships. SexualityandU.ca, 2010.

25. Bad Reasons for a Relationship:
Because many of your friends have girlfriends or boyfriends
Because you are lonely
Because you want to seem more mature
Because you want to prove something
Because your friends are pressuring you into dating someone
Because someone is pressuring you about having sex

26. Creating Boundaries in Relationships:
These are like invisible lines that you set around yourself to separate “you” from others (your romantic partner included). They also set limits to protect ourselves physically and emotionally. They let us and others know what we are comfortable with and what we are uncomfortable doing.

27. Relationships and Sexual Activity:
There is no simple answer or checklist to tell you that you are ready to have sex.
You need to look inside yourself to know if you are ready to have sex. You also need to be comfortable talking to your partner about sex, risks and how to have safer sex.
If you’re not comfortable talking about sex and/or preparing to have safer sex, you’re not ready for it.

28. Always Ask Yourself:
Before deciding to have sex, look at how you feel about yourself and about your partner.
Do you trust your partner?
Do you enjoy being around them?
Do you want to be intimate with them?
Would you feel comfortable being naked with them?
Remember…
If you don’t feel like you can be yourself with your partner, or you feel pressured into doing things you’re not comfortable with or that you wouldn’t normally do, always talk to someone you trust and get help if you need it.

29. Reasons for Not Engaging in Sexual Activity:
It is normal and okay to wait as long as you want before having sex.
The decision is yours to make, and it is going to be yours to live with.
Make sure it is the right decision.
Sex is a personal issue. It’s something that you should discuss with your partner, yourself and maybe your doctor. It’s your choice, and that’s all that matters.
Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing; independence is a sign of maturity…having sex is not.

30. Other Reasons to Wait: Religious beliefs Concerns about reputation
Possibility of pregnancy
Possibility of sexually transmitted infections
Personal belief in abstinence
Waiting for the right partner
Lack of trust in your partner or the future of the relationship
Not feeling ready