1. Tom Wells Money Map Coach and Trainer, Crown Financial Ministries
Seminar Instructor, Crown Financial Ministries
Referral Coach, Compass-finances God’s Way
NANC Certified Biblical Counselor

2. Review of what you will learn
How To Have a Healthy Marriage
How To Communicate Well With Each Other
What God Says about Handling Money Wisely
How to deal with Conflict and Crisis
What both engaged and long-married couples need to know
Help for situations from step-families and stay-at-home moms
16:27 – 25:41

3. Marriage: Once and for All
The Cheering Section: Whys and Hows
Money: Ins and Outs of Income and Outgo
Snags: Common Problems and Complications
Times of your Lives: Engagement through the Empty Nest
Creating Your Own Home Sweet Home

4. The Bible tells us how to handle 100 percent of our income Go
God intends married couples to use
money – even challenges with
money, even crisis with money, to
bring them closer together — not
to separate them.
There are 2,350 verses dealing with money and possessions and 15 percent everything Jesus said had to do with it.
He loves and cares for us deeply. God wanted to equip us to handle money in such a way that pleases Him, and is smart for us.
The Bible tells us how to handle 100 percent of our income Go

5. All things (good and bad) are used by God to make us more Christ-like
Romans 8:28-29:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

6. God did not give you your spouse to frustrate you; but to bless and complete you!
Genesis 2:18 - And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
“A life long, one man, one woman, strong bond, one flesh, God-made, no divorce union.” - John MacArthur

7. Jesus Confirmed this
(Note: Tom Burkett’s Sunday School Class
Harmony of the Gospels:
Marriage: A Sacred Permanence "Mark 19:1-12; Mark 10:1-12“)
Matthew 19:5 - And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh

8. Husband’s Role in a Marriage
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
“The question is not, ‘Do I love my wife?’ The question is, ‘Does she know I love her?’” --- Robert Fraley
Ephesians 5:23 – (Delegated Authority, middle management) “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:”
Husband, does your wife know you love her? If not, how can you better express your love?

9. The Wife’s Role in a Marriage
The wife should help her husband. Genesis 2:18 – “…I will make him an help meet for him.” Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Her husband’s leadership style allowed for the full expression of his wife’s talents. (Proverbs 31)

10. “One Another” Relationship Principles
Philippians 2:3-4 – “…esteem one another better than themselves…”
Romans 12:16 – “Be of the same mind toward one another. …”
Romans 15:7 – “ … accept one another, as Christ also received us …”
Galatians 5:13 – “… by love serve one another”
Galatians 6:2 – “Bear ye one another's burdens, ...”
Ephesians 4:2 “… with longsuffering, forbearing one another…”
Ephesians 4:32 – “… be kind one to another, … , forgiving one another, ...”
Colossians 3:9 – “Lie not to one another …;”
Hebrews 10:25 – “… exhorting (encouraging) one another …”
1 Peter 4:8 – “… love one another fervently for love covers a multitude of sins”
Tired husband comes home to house full of kids. He wants to plop on couch and read newspaper or watch sports or news.
Wife is tired of being with kids all day, she wants him take over.

11. Homework:
Review the “One anothers.” Which one will you concentrate on first, second, and third?
Memorize Romans 8:28-29

12. All things (good and bad) are used by God to make us more Christ-like
Romans 8:28-29:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

13. Marriage: Once and for All
The Cheering Section: Whys and Hows
Money: Ins and Outs of Income and Outgo
Snags: Common Problems and Complications
Times of your Lives: Engagement through the Empty Nest
Creating Your Own Home Sweet Home

14. Viva La DIFFERENCE!

15. Spender vs. Hoarder 30 Question Test in Pre-marital counseling
Example Questions
I pay all my bills on time
I am sometimes late in paying my bills
When I see something I really want, I charge it to my credit card
I usually put off buying something in order to think about it for a while
I save before I spend
I save what I have left over after I spend

16. Gender Differences Antique Roadshow or New England vs. New York
Security
Women generally more security oriented
Men willing to take more risks and debt

17. Gender Differences
Risk vs. Security

18. Gender Differences Antique Roadshow or New England vs. New York
Security
Women generally more security oriented
Men willing to take more risks and debt
(Wade and Patty Harrell story)
Provision
Husbands feel the burden of providing
Wives need to be sensitive when husbands struggle with this

19. Background Differences

20. Background Differences
Sunday Dinner
Checkbook
White Collar / Blue Collar
Republican / Democrat
Who takes out the Trash?

21. Background Differences
Discuss your background differences
How have you been influenced by your parents financial attitudes?
Healthy?
Not Healthy?
How can you maximize positive influences?

22. Personality Differences
Savers vs. Spenders
Careful Budgeters vs. Impulse buyers
Givers vs. Hoarders
See Personality Tool at:

23. Spiritual Differences
Saved vs. Unsaved
Committed believer vs. indifferent believer
Scriptural Guidance on how the committed believer is to “win” their spouse
1 Peter 3:1-2

24. Communication Works Four Laws of Communication
Good relationships aren’t automatic
Not immune from problems.
All men are sinners Romans 3:10-12, 23
selfish and finite
Good marriages built by Christ followers
Key is put off / put on principle

25. Four Laws of Communication
Ephesians 4:22-32
22 - That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
23 - And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
24 - And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

26. Four Laws of Communication
Ephesians 4:22-32
25 - Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.
26 - Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
27 - Neither give place to the devil.
28 - Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.

27. Four Laws of Communication
Ephesians 4:22-32
29 - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30 - And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
31 - Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 - And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

28. Four Laws of Communication
1A - Be Honest - Speak
1) Greek imperative- i.e. a command- "You speak!"
2) People cannot read our minds. "For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man, which is in him?" (1 Corinthians 2:11).
3) Clamming up is out for the Christian!

29. Four Laws of Communication
1B - Be Honest - Speak Truth
1) "Speaking the truth" in 4:15 is a verb form that involves continuous action. We are to always speak truth!
2) Examples of dishonesty
a) Outright deceit
b) Incongruency: when "halo" communication and "content" communication conflict
c) Disguised communication: when the real message is masked; innuendo
3) Honesty is more than not lying—it is being open and truthful.
4) "Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices" (Col. 3:9)
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

30. Four Laws of Communication
1C - Be Honest - Speak Truth Lovingly
1) You can be brutal with the truth!
2) Christians are to speak the truth with the other person's best interests in mind. Care must be given to not only what you say but also how you say it. (e.g. tone of voice; volume; facial expressions, etc.)
3) "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned as it were with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person" (Colossians 4:6).
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

31. Four Laws of Communication
2 – Keep Current
A. "Be angry and sin not. Do not ever let your wrath—your exasperation—last until sundown. Leave no such room or foothold for the devil." (Amplified Version)
 B. Failure to solve each day's problems that day means you are:
1) Guilty of sin - you're commanded to do it!
2) Opening the way to resentment and hatred
3) Distorting subsequent problem5
4) Endangering your sexual relationship
C. "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34).
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

32. Four Laws of Communication
3. ATTACK PROBLEMS – Not People (vv. 26,27)
A. “Unwholesome words” (“corrupt communication” – KJV)
by-passes the real issue
zeroes in on the person’s character (cf. Matthew 5:21-22)
tears down or rips apart (cf. James 3:5-12)
grieves the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30)
B. “Edifying” communication
encourages or builds up
zeros in on the real issue
centers on personal responsibility (cf. Matthew 7:1 f f).
gives “grace” (i.e. the desire and ability to do God’s will) to those who hear.
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

33. Four Laws of Communication
3. ATTACK PROBLEMS – Not People (vv. 26,27)
A. “Unwholesome words” (“corrupt communication” – KJV)
by-passes the real issue
zeroes in on the person’s character (cf. Matthew 5:21-22)
tears down or rips apart (cf. James 3:5-12)
grieves the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30)
B. “Edifying” communication
encourages or builds up
zeros in on the real issue
centers on personal responsibility (cf. Matthew 7:1 f f).
gives “grace” (i.e. the desire and ability to do God’s will) to those who hear.
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

34. Four Laws of Communication
4 - ACT! DON’T REACT! (vv )
A. Reaction (v. 31) – attitudes and actions you must “put off” completely
1) Bitterness – the inability to treat someone as if they never hurt you
2) Wrath – flaring outbursts of rage
3) Anger – settled indignation of hostility that frequently seeks revenge; the “slow burn”
4) Clamor – harsh contention and strife; public quarreling; brawling
5) Slander – speech that injures; abusive speech
6) Malice – the desire to harm others or to see others suffer
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

35. Four Laws of Communication
4 - ACT! DON’T REACT! (vv )
B. Actions (v. 32) – attitudes/actions to “put on” to replace the reactions
1) Kind – benevolent; helpful; courteous
2) Tenderhearted – lit. “of good heartedness”; compassionate; sympathetic
3) Forgiving – to pass over an offense; to free the offender from consequences. “just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
*Firstly: before you confessed
*Freely: without merit on your part
*Fully: for every offense
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

36. Four Laws of Communication
4 - ACT! DON’T REACT! (vv )
C. Arguments are possible only if there are two people who react.
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

37. Four Laws of Communication
CONCLUSION
A - Changing habits is not easy, but can be done (1 Corinthians 10:13; Philippians 4:13)! It is much easier than the “way of the transgressor” (Proverbs 13:15b ).
 B. No matter how ungodly others are in their attitudes and actions, you must communicate biblically! Their sin does not justify your sin!!
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

38. Other Points About Communication
Money Dates
Prayer
Enjoying Humor
Small Group Participation
Seeking Your Spouse’s Counsel
Setting Goals
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

39. Long-term goals: With that in mind, write down your long-term goals for each of these areas.
Relationship with God: _____________________
Family and Friends: _______________________
Service to others: _________________________
Career/Skills/Education: ___________________
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

40. Long-term financial goals Giving: _____________________________
Spending/Lifestyle: __________________
Saving and Investing: ________________
Debt: _______________________________
Other: ______________________________
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

41. This year’s goals: With that in mind, write down your long-term goals for each of these areas.
Relationship with God: _____________________
Family and Friends: _______________________
Service to others: _________________________
Career/Skills/Education: ___________________
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

42. This Year’s financial goals Giving: _____________________________
Spending/Lifestyle: __________________
Saving and Investing: ________________
Debt: _______________________________
Other: ______________________________
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

43. Complete the Goals Form Memorize Ephesians 4:29
Homework
Complete the Goals Form
Memorize Ephesians 4:29
29 - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Col. 3: 9 - Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

44. Q & A Tom Wells Money Map Coach for Crown Financial Ministries
Seminar Instructor for Crown Financial Ministries
Referral Coach for Compass-finances God’s Way
NANC Certified Biblical Counselor