1. Funerals

2. What to know before
going to the funeral.

3. Funerals are for the living!
People don’t travel to see the deceased
They come to show they care
They come to comfort the family
They come to see family and friends
They come to be “part of the show”
To see “the show”
Even though they will hate “the show”

4. How to dress Come dressed in your “better” clothes
Remember people cannot hide poverty
Shorts are NOT appropriate
Black is the usual attire

5. Be Yourself Your behavior should be natural
But coupled with good sense
Don’t “pretend” sadness for the deceased
Saying things like below could be hurtful:
They are now in a better place
They aren’t hurting anymore

6. Family The family usually is together Most will stand in a line
So you can “meet” with them before the service
So you can “meet” with them after the service
Please be respectful of their needs
Are usually in various states of grief

7. Stages of Grief Denial or Numbness – not believe it
Emotional Release - crying
Anger – feelings of powerless, lash out
Bargaining – promises to change
Depression – isolation, alienation, hopelessness
Remorse – what could have done
Acceptance – facing reality
Hope – remembering is less painful, can look ahead

8. An easier way to understand the grieving process:

10. Actions of attendees Somber behavior Keep jokes to a minimum
Keep mouth closed
Keep your chin down
Keep jokes to a minimum
Can be a natural escape mechanism for some
Crying – Be prepared
with tissues
with other items
gum
hard candy

11. More Actions
Support
Concern for the family is natural
Be sure to show concern with
Service
Symbol of concern
Flowers
Card
If you genuinely care – go a week or more after the funeral to provide some symbol of service

12. Do’s and Don’ts Don’t avoid the bereaved
Don’t offer an embrace unless it is wanted
Allow others to grieve in their own ways
Keep jokes outside
Don’t “run the chapel down” while you’re there – belittle the building
Wait until you get home to belittle anyone

13. What usually occurs during the funeral.

14. The Wake This is usually before the funeral service
Might be the night before
You don’t have to stay an inordinate amount of time
Might be open casket or closed casket or the deceased may have been cremated
If you wish to go to the casket
You may touch the deceased
You may leave something, but don’t take anything
It is appropriate to offer a prayer at the casket

15. The Funeral Is the actual service
It could be at a church, funeral home, or at the cemetery.
Please be respectful of religions

16. The eulogy Usually given by family or friends or both
A spoken or written laudation (praise) of a person’s life or character.
Usually given by family or friends or both
Displays of the person’s life
Reciting of accomplishments
Memories of the person’s life

17. Going to the Cemetery The family usually rides in the “limo”
Friends and family members follow the hearse
Be sure to turn on headlights
Signs and signals
Only the first must obey
All the rest follow along – like tied together with a “string”

18. At the Cemetery Park vehicle along “roads”
Go to the grave site immediately
Don’t stand on tombstones
After service it is appropriate to visit other gravesites

19. The meal after the service
The family usually eats first
Wait for prayer to be said
Don’t plan on this being your only meal
Try to keep conversations light
Again you don’t have to stay a long time

20. Above all else: Be
Respectful!