1. Men and Women in Conversation
Conversation rituals
Neither “right” or “wrong”
Must be understood by both
When not, both feel not getting sufficient credit, not listened to, not getting ahead

2. Men and Women from Different Cultures
Lessons of childhood: Boys
Compete
Relate through competition/conflict
Posture aggressiveness
Winning is all
Take a loss, learn, drop
Spend lives in a hierarchy— “do what the coach says”
Leadership—push enough, but not too hard
Play with people you don’t like
Take risks
Mask emotions
Focus on goal line
Differential power

3. Lessons from Childhood: Girls
Play one-on-one
Develop one-on-one relationships
Play with best friend(s), people you like
Avoid conflict, don’t compete
Preserve the relationship
Process focus
Negotiate differences
Fair for all, not winning
Less accustomed to losing
Expect equality
Leading is bossy
Don’t take risks
Crying, emotion is OK

4. Main M-F Cultural Differences
Hierarchy vs. flat structure
Goal focus vs. process focus
Linear vs. multi-tasking focus
Giving the answer vs. talk it over
Chopsticks vs. silverware

5. Differing Conversation Strategies - MEN
Oppositional strategies
Banter, joking, teasing, put-downs, avoid one-down position
Seen as hostile and arrogant, when they are not
Asking for help = one-down
Must be avoided
Less likely to ask questions
Will look it up themselves

6. Differing Conversation Strategies - WOMEN
Equality strategies
Appearance of equality, effect of exchange on others, downplay authority, avoid boasting
Balance their interests and those of others
Seen as less competent and confident
Asking for help = connecting with others
Good way to associate, seem interested
Ask questions
Seem less knowledgeable

7. M-F Conversation Styles
Men
“Strong”
Do sound certain, aggressive, or self-confident whether or not you feel it
Boast
Jockey for center stage
Challenge, give orders
Opinions in strong terms
Impress others
Women
“Caring”
Don’t sound certain, aggressive, or self-confident even if feel it.
Don’t boast, be modest
Avoid the limelight
Offer suggestions, not orders
Do play down own knowledge, skill, abilities,
Hesitate

8. Women’s Conversation Rituals
Taking half the blame
“I’m sorry”…“I’m sorry”
Taking partial credit
“Thanks”…“thanks”
Don’t leave others in a one-down position
Self-depreciate
Promote others
Questions, not statements
“I’m not sure, but…”
Tag lines (“…isn’t it?”)
Complaining as solidarity
Giving sugar-coated criticism
Praise early and often
Conversation smoothing, expression of understanding
Personal chat is vital
Disagreement is personal
Decisions by consensus

9. Stereotyping
A distortion of the perceptual process where one individual assigns attributes to another solely on the basis of the other’s membership in a particular social or demographic group.
Recognizing differences is NOT necessarily stereotyping.
E.g., “Men are taller than women.”
Means “Comparing the average height of men to the average height of women, the average height of men is greater than the average height of women.” This is a true difference, it is not a stereotype.
Does NOT mean, “John is a man, therefore he is taller than most women, and also he’s better for the job.” This is stereotyping.

10. Types of Stereotyping Individual variance around a mean
Though men are taller than women, there are many men who are shorter than many women and many women who are taller than many men.
Inaccurate measure of mean
The average height of men is 5’8” and women 5’4.” But is that data correct, old, skewed by ethnicity?
Bundle
If men are taller, does that mean they are therefore also more aggressive?
Evaluation of stereotyped characteristics
Is it better to be tall or short?