1. Boundaries in Relationships

2. Infatuation vs. Love
Infatuation is an a short-lived passion about someone or something.
Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

3. Examples of Infatuation
Is common during teen years
Grows rapidly-“love at first sight”
Does not last long
Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone – known as “on the rebound”
Is centered on a few admire traits in the other person
Is often based on physical traits of feelings
Does not see or acknowledge the other person’s weaknesses
The relationship stays the same for a long time – does not “do anywhere”
Selfish and possessive of the other person – jealousy
Disagreements are common
Daydream – cannon concentrate on necessary tasks
May lose your appetite
Is easily influenced by the person they are infatuated with
Creates a selfish relationship – “How can he/she help me get what I want?”
Other people’s opinions matter too much
May be based on physical enjoyment – a couple who finds themselves bored without physical stimulation is definitely in the infatuation stage.
Feelings of insecurity
Lack of trust in partner
Feels a real need to marry
Causes lack of ambition and to disregard problems

4. Examples of Love Grows slowly, beginning with friendship
lasts over along period of time
Involves the entire character and personality of the partner
The relationship grows and matures as time passes
little jealousy- accepting of one another’s feelings
Work harder at assigned tasks
Less emotional and moody- more happy and kind
Opinion of other people are not as important
Fun times and friendship are more important than a physical relationship
Share common interests
Enjoy being together without need of expensive entertainment
Trust and have confidence in self and in the relationship
Trust the partner
There is no rush to make decisions – the future is planned with confidence
More vital, more energy

5. Intimacy Funnel
Holding Hands
Kissing
Making Out
Petting
Intercourse

6. Commitment Funnel
Dating
Going Steady
Courtship
Engagement
Marriage

7. The Funnel Problem (Young Ladies)
Young ladies are not always comfortable moving all the way through the intimacy funnel, but may willing do so in hopes that their relationship pours into the commitment funnel
Intimacy
Funnel
Commitment
Funnel

8. The Funnel Problem (Young Men)
Young men who are not interested in committed relationships may convince young ladies that moving through the intimacy tunnel will lead to commitment.
The reality is that the end of the intimacy funnel is as far as the “relationship” will ever go.
These young men are only looking for sex, not relationships
Intimacy
Funnel
Commitment
Funnel

9. Consent Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS5wYFtfaeU
Running Time: 2:49

10. Affirmative Consent
“Affirmative consent” means affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity. It is the responsibility of each person involved in the sexual activity to ensure that he or she has the affirmative consent of the other or others to engage in the sexual activity. Lack of protest or resistance does not mean consent, nor does silence mean consent. Affirmative consent must be ongoing throughout a sexual activity and can be revoked at any time. The existence of a dating relationship between the persons involved, or the fact of past sexual relations between them, should never by itself be assumed to be an indicator of consent.
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11. If you are considering when to have sex…
You should feel comfortable with your decision.
Talk with your partner about safe sex practices, like getting tested for STIs and considering birth control options.
Be honest with yourself and your partner. If you’re not ready, that’s ok and your partner should respect it.
If something scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you can say no at any time.
You have the right to talk openly and honestly about your fears, worries and feelings.
If your partner tries to threaten or pressure you into having sex, it can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You deserve better.
No matter how long you’ve been with someone or how many times you’ve done something, you have the right to say no at anytime for any reason.
If someone won’t take no for an answer and repeatedly pressures you verbally, emotionally or physically it can be a sign of abuse.
You have control over your body, and no one else has the right to tell you what to do with it.

12. Where will you draw the line?
Sex Continuum
Where will you draw the line?
No Sex Before Marriage
“Free” Love
In Love
Married

13. Establishing Boundaries
Good fences make good neighbors, and nowhere is this more true than in your romantic relationship. But many people hide their stance on a subject, or at least soften it, to be more likable at the start of a new relationship.
“I like hanging out with your family every weekend.”
“Your vegetarianism is no problem for me. I hardly eat meat now anyway.”
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14. Establishing Boundaries
Over time, it becomes too difficult to move that boundary back to where it feels right for you.
It’s confusing to your partner, who thought you liked things this way because you always went along with it before.
Oddly, you make your life less desirable in order to be more desirable to your partner.
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15. Walls vs. Fences
Walls are built to keep people out, figuratively and literally.
Fences, on the other hand, are built to maintain a peaceful coexistence with others. You can usually see right through a fence. It is simply a demarcation of the boundaries of your property. It’s a public statement on where you stand on issues.
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16. Fences Define Relationships
Fences establish what you are willing to allow into your relationships and what you wish to keep out.
Fences are your bondaries
“Everyone pushes a falling fence.”
~ Chinese proverb
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17. Establishing Boundaries
1. Know where you stand on the important issues. When you know for sure how you want to be treated, it makes it easier to clearly state this to another person. Begin by asking yourself every day if you’re okay with what’s going on around you. If not, why? If it’s not clear to you, it won’t be clear to your partner.
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18. Establishing Boundaries
2. State your boundaries along with a consequence. “I understand you are really frustrated at work right now, but I’m not okay with you taking it out on me when you get home. The next time it happens I’m going to suggest you burn it off at the gym and I’m going to leave the room.” You can’t control the other person’s actions, but you can control your response.
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19. Establishing Boundaries
3. Test your boundaries. As you evolve as a human, your priorities and feelings will change. It’s important to question yourself on a regular basis to make sure the beliefs and ideas you hold are still true. When your boundaries change, it’s time to move your fences and let the other person know.
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20. Conflict Resolution Strategies
Focus on the problem, not the person.
When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem without
placing blame on your partner. If a disagreement becomes personal, you should pause the conversation.
Source: TherapistAid.com

21. Conflict Resolution Strategies
Use reflective listening.
Before responding to your partner, restate what they have said to you in your own words. Continue this process until your partner agrees that you understand. Next, share your side. Your partner should reflect back your ideas in their own words until they too understand.
Source: TherapistAid.com

22. Conflict Resolution Strategies
Use “I” statements.
When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with “I”. For example: “I feel hurt when you don’t tell me you’ll be late”. With this sentence format we show that we are
taking responsibility for our own emotion rather than blaming our partner. The
alternative sentence—“You never tell me when you’re going to be late”—will often
cause a partner to become defensive.
Source: TherapistAid.com

23. On Your Own