1. WELCOME PARENTS! We’re glad you are back… Loving Solutions for Tough Kids
AKA Parent Project® Jr.
71a

2. Unit 3 Objectives Parents will be able to:
Develop effective I Love Messages
List the components of Active Listening
Discuss the 5 Tips for parents to consider before addressing problematic behavior.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
71b

3. Before We Begin Unit 3: Roles
Group Facilitator:
Group Recorder:
Group Time Keeper:
Group Cheerleaders/ Nurturers:
Each member now takes a minute to explain their assigned job description to their group
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
72a

4. Ground Rules
Active Listening: Only 1 group member speaks at a time. Give your complete & undivided attention. Groups STOP individual conversations when large group activities begin.
Confidentiality: Confidentiality means, What is heard in the group, remains in the group.
Avoid Being Judgmental: Groups are not a place for judgment, criticism or confrontation.
Quantity vs. Quality: The more ideas the better. There are no right or wrong answers in brainstorming activities.
OK to Piggy Back: When a member can add to another member’s idea, they should do so.
Group Ownership: Once an idea or thought has been spoken aloud, it belongs to the group.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
72b

5. Warm Up - Sharing our Progress:
In your support groups, take a few minutes to share your stories from last week’s Home Practice. Facilitator, make sure you hear from each group member.
What was your child’s response to your new rules?
Were you able to develop a Negotiable Rule w/ your child? Please describe.
Did you find it necessary to use a Set-Time Out? Please describe it!
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 73

6. Group Activity 3.1 Let’s Focus
INCREASED
Homework ?
DECREASED
Lying ?
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 74

7. Encouraging: 4 Step Process
I Love:
I See (specific behavior):
I Feel:
Listen…
SPECIFIC praise works best!
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 75

8. Group Activity 3.2: Encouraging
Tonya returns home from school on time.
I Love:
I See:
I Feel:
Listen…
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
76a

9. Group Activity 3.2: Encouraging (cont.)
Jim brings home a report card that shows his increased effort.
I Love:
I See:
I Feel:
Listen…
Jim says, NO BIG DEAL. What last step will you add?
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
76b

10. Group Activity 3.2: Encouraging (cont)
Write YOUR child’s positive choice:
____________________________________________.
I Love:
I See:
I Feel:
Listen…
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 77

11. Activity 3.3 Why We Sometimes Don’t
Parent is too busy
Parent feels hopeless 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 78

12. Activity 3.4 Messages 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 79 Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 79

13. 5 Steps to Active Listening
Step 1: Stop what your are doing
Step 2: Look at your child
Step 3: Listen to your child
Step 4: Rephrase or repeat
Step 5: Be empathic
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 80

14. Large Group Activity 3.5 Listening
Maria: Valerie & her friends are such jerks!
Mom: It sounds like your friendship is a little bumpy right now.
Maria: Yeah! They are such creeps.
Mom: Getting along with others does take a lot of work.
Maria: We used to be best friends; and now they just ignore me. It’s like I‘m not even around.
Mom: It is tough. Friends are important & when things aren’t right it is frustrating.
Maria: Sure is. No one to talk to; eating lunch by myself.
Mom: Sounds like being alone is hard on you.(cont.)
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 81

15. Large Group Activity 3.5 Listening (cont)
Maria: I hate it. Having other kids at school see me eating lunch by myself. It’s embarrassing. I know they are all laughing at me.
Mom: Mom says nothing but gives her child a sympathetic look & nods her head.
Maria: I just want to have friends.
Mom: I can understand how you must feel. Friends are important. I too can remember feeling alone at school…
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 82

16. Group Activity 3.6 Willingness to Listen
Brainstorm w/ the large group:
The feelings of the child
The feelings of the parent
Why the role play worked out the way it did
How could the parent do it better
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
83a

17. Group Activity 3.6 (cont) Willingness to Listen
2. With your partner, answer the following:
Would this child likely come to the parent again for advice?
Does the parent know if the child had a similar problem?
Listening encourages open communication; plus, by experiencing active listening, kids are learning a critical life skill!
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
83b

18. Group Activity 3.7
How did it feel to have someone doing nothing but listening to you?
How did you know your partner wanted to understand how you felt?
How did your partner show empathy for your situation and feelings?
How did your partner seek to clarify your meaning & feelings.
Step 5: Switch Roles & complete Steps 3 & 4.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 84

19. Activity 3.8 Clarifying Questions & Feelings
Missy is caught with tobacco at school.
Questions:
Parental Feelings:
2. The school principal just informed you that Justin cursed at his teacher.
3. Bobby is caught stealing a candy bar at the corner store.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 85

20. Planning our Response Timing Location Minimize Interruptions
Develop a Plan
Prepare for your Child’s Reaction
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 86

21. Activity 3.9:Planning Timing: Choose a Private, Neutral Location:
What will you do to calm yourself?
When will you talk to your child?
Choose a Private, Neutral Location:
Where will you talk to your child?
Minimize Interruptions:
What will you do to ensure that you are not disturbed?
Develop a Plan/Outline (Organize thoughts)
What do you want to say to your child?
What questions do you want to ask?
What are your feelings about the behavior?
Prepare yourself for your Child’s Reaction:
What are the possibilities?
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 87

22. Redirecting 6 Step Process:
I Love: tell them how much you care
I See: name a specific behavior
I Feel: watch out - if you use more than one word, it’s probably a lecture vs. a feeling
LISTEN: Shhhh….
I Want: clarify the specific rule
I Will: list all the things you’ll do to help them be successful following the rule
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 88

23. Group Activity 3.10 Putting it Together
Scenario: Henry receives a Progress Report for not turning in homework.
True Problem Parent Feelings Effect on Parent
? ? ?
I Love Message to Henry:
I Love…
I See…
I Feel…
LISTEN/QUESTIONS
I Want…
I Will…
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 89

24. Group Activity 3.11 Problems
Scenario at my house regarding a problem behavior:
True Problem Parent (MY) Feelings Effect on (ME) Parent
? ? ?
I Love Message to MY child:
I Love…
I See…
I Feel…
LISTEN/ Clarifying QUESTIONS
I Want…
I Will…
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 90

25. Our Child’s Reaction Examples:
Anger: Why are you always picking on me?
Denial: I didn’t do that!
Blame: It wasn’t my fault. He started it.
(cont.)
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
91a

26. Our Child’s Reaction Parents Should: Remain calm & listen
Return to the original reasons
Clarify your expectations & rules
Identify the consequences &/or provide more structure
End on a Positive Note: I know you are capable & can do this. (cont.)
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
91b

27. Our Child’s Reaction Parents Should NOT:
Insist their child look at them
Apologize for the confrontation
Judge the child
Preach or lecture
Try to scare the child
Compare the child to others
Use sarcasm, ridicule or pressure
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
91c

28. Group Activity 3.13 The Entire Process
Step 1: Timing
Step 2: Neutral Location
Step 3: Minimize Interruptions
Step 4: Develop a Plan/Outline: organize thoughts; what will I say - identify & list the:
True Problem
Parent Feeling
Effect on the Parent
(continued)
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr.
92a

29. Group Activity 3.13 The Entire Process (cont.)
Step 4, continued
I Love Message to Keri…
I Love
I See (specific behavior)
I Feel (limit to 1 or 2 words)
LISTEN/ASK (listen first and then list clarifying questions you will need to ask)
I Want (specific Rule)
I Will (all the things you’ll do to support your child’s success)
Step 5: Prepare yourself for your Child’s Reaction: What are the possibilities?
List how the child might respond to your conversation.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 93

30. Group Activity 3.14: She Refuses…
Working w/ your support group, help Andrea’s mom develop a plan to encourage Andrea to clean her room.
Now working w/ your group, decide whether getting Andrea to clean her room will be
easy stuff or tough as nails?
Why?
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 94

31. Review Activity 3.15 Children are generally driven by ___________.
Parents should ______ themselves before they address problematic behaviors with their children.
Parents should always be calm when they _________ their children about problematic behaviors.
Children may need a _____ - __________ Time Out, before they complete a task they see as work.
Parents should use _____ Love __________, to BOTH encourage their children’s positive choices as well as redirect negative choices.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 95

32. Most Powerful Ideas Learned in Unit 3:? ?
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 96

33. Home Practice
Find an opportunity to give your child an “I Love Message” for a positive choice.
If you need to redirect a negative choice, use an “I Love Message.”
Find an opportunity to practice Active Listening w/ your child or your spouse.
Make sure you bring back your success stories to share with your support group next week.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 97

34. Next Week … Structuring for Success
Learn how to make life easier around the house and help your child improve school grades.
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 98

35. PARENTS, pay attention to
Words of Wisdom
Children often forget what we say, but they never forget how we make them feel.
Author Unknown
PARENTS, pay attention to
what we are “telling”
our kids!
Loving Solutions
Parent Project, Jr. 99