1. Introduction to Verbal Judo Founded by George J Thompson
Presented By
Frank Owens
Presented with permission from the Verbal Judo Institute

2. Class Objectives Define Verbal Judo What can verbal judo do for you?
Identify the five universal truths that verbal judo is based on.
How to take crap with dignity and style.
Identify the three types of people in conversations.
Empathy vs. sympathy
The power of paraphrasing
The 11 phrases never to use and how to handle them.
Effective words and phrases.

3. Dr. George J. Thompson Founder of Verbal Judo
Officer with Emporia police department
Received masters and Doctorate from University of Connecticut
Post-Doctoral work at Princeton.
Trained more than one million LEOs
Achieved 2nd dan in Judo
Passed away in 2011

4. What is Verbal judo? In Japanese Ju=Gentle Do=Way Judo=The gentle way
Verbal-relating to or in the form of words.
Judo-a sport of unarmed combat derived from jujitsu and intended to train the body and mind. It involves using holds and leverage to unbalance the opponent.
Dr. Thompson observed that there were many similarities between the art of conversation and the art of defense and created a communication method that has helped thousands of officers communicate better.

5. Five Universal truths
All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.
All people want to be asked rather than told to do something.
All people want to be informed as to why they are being asked or ordered to do something.
All people want to be given options rather than threats.
All people want a second chance when they make a mistake.
Instead of focusing on how people are different, we should focus on how they are the same.

6. What can verbal judo do for you?
1) Develop in you habits of thinking and acting.
2) teach you to respond, NOT react.
3) learn to speak with anybody without causing or escalating conflict.
4) learn to praise without sounding manipulative.
5) learn to criticize so people will remember what was said.
6) learn to deal with people under the influence of alcohol, drugs, anger or stupidity.
7) learn to move a disagreeable person to voluntary compliance.

7. Goals of verbal judo
1) Ensure your personal safety. 98% of all assaults on LEOs had conversation prior to the assault.
2) enhance your professionalism. Agencies actively training and using verbal judo have seen a reduction in citizen complaints as high as 80%.
3) increase your efficiency by improving your performance level.

8. What is the most dangerous weapon on the street today?
A cocked tongue.

9. Taking crap with dignity…and style
“Never use words that rise readily to your lips, or you’ll make the greatest speech you’ll ever live to regret.” -George Thompson

10. Taking crap with dignity…and style
In Law enforcement we will deal with countless people that want to one up you, don’t respect you or try to outsmart you. How you deal with that speaks volumes about you.
If your antagonist can upset you, he owns you.
Scoring an immediate “victory” with an insult is not as important as the long term goal.
Talk with people in a way where neither of you loses face.
Use phrases to establish empathy.
Use phrases to establish credibility.
remember an ill conceived phrase can stall or ruin a career.
It’s not easy!
But it is worth it!
In order to get results in a conversation you have to be willing to humble yourself for sake of the win!

11. Taking crap with dignity…and style
Step One: Acknowledge that you will be criticized
Crap will be flung your way.
Admit it is flung at you.
Congratulate yourself!!!!
The only way to avoid this happening is to play it safe and live in a bubble. That will never get you anywhere.

12. Be mindful….. Our voice has four elements: Proximics is important
Tone-conveys your real message
Pace-speed
Pitch-how high, low, or soft you speak
Modulation-your rhythm and inflection
Proximics is important
Watch that body language. It can undo everything you say.
For verbal judo to work 90% is delivery and less than 10% is actually what is said.

13. Learn your audience
Many Hispanics are taught not to look someone in the eye…it is snooping into their soul.
Some native americans see a handshake as a sign of deference and see a strong handshake as a sign of aggression and superiority.
Some Asian countries believe silence is a strong show of respect.
When dealing with some middle easterners stepping away from them may be telling them that they are unworthy of your respect.
In thai or laotion homes you do not stand on the threshold as they believe the spirits of departed ancestors reside there and they have the right to slap anyone standing there.
With America becoming more and more diverse how do we keep this all straight?
Ask
“May I…” “Do you mind if i…”
How do we keep everyone and everything straight? It is nearly impossible. So we break everyone into three groups.

14. The three types of people
1) The nice people
2) the difficult people
3) the wimps

15. Nice people Will do what you tell them to…usually the first time.
Don’t complain.
Have a hard time saying no.
These people are not your problem.
You still have to treat them well or you will lose credibility with them.

16. Dealing with nice people
Treat them as a person.
Show you care.

17. Difficult people Will never do what you ask the first time.
Persnickety.
Eager to argue.
Are constantly asking, “why?”
But here is the key. They don’t care about why. They care about what’s in it for them.
Difficult people built this country. We have to adopt a certain mindset to deal with them.

18. Dealing with difficult people
Control your irritation.
Don’t avoid their questions…jump into them.
First principle of physical judo…do not resist your opponent.
They will use four questions:
“why?”
“who do you think you are?”
“where do you get your authority?”
“what’s in it for me?” ---usually focus on this
When reminding them of what is in it for them try positive things before going negative.
Accept them. I am one.

19. wimps
The toughest bird to crack. They sound like a nice person but are closest to difficult people.
Will be nice to your face but behind your back is another story.
These are the people that will file complaints, hire attorneys, act like everything is fine in a relationship…..etc.
They do not like authority.
Hate being told what to do.
Don’t have the guts to challenge you openly.
Will often be the people in the back of the room.
Snipe from the corner.
Make comments just barely loud enough to be heard.

20. Dealing with wimps Strip them of their camouflage (confront them).
Many think it is best to ignore them but ignoring is a form of resistance. Remember we do not want to resist.
“excuse me. What did you say?” “Please tell me so I can speak to it.”
By doing this you have put them in a spot to either make a legitimate point, ask a question, or shut up. Either way you win.
In public you want them to save face. In private you may even be more direct…
“I understand what you are doing. If you continue this we are going to have a problem. I won’t put up with this.”
Wimps do not like exposure.

21. During a conversation:
Know when to take LEAPs
During a conversation:
Listen-The appearance of listening is crucial, watch your eyes!
Empathize- You don’t need to agree….just see.
Ask-Fact finding who, what, where, when, why, and how
Paraphrase-shows them you have listened
Summarize-Be brief, concise, and inarguable.
Next slide will begin the 11 Things not to say. 1st one is YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND. GUYS never use this in a relationship.

22. The most powerful word in the English language.
Empathy
Empathy is not sympathy.
You do not have to like a person, agree with them or approve of them but you will not fair well in getting compliance if you cannot see from their view.

23. The power of paraphrasing
1. by paraphrasing you have hooked the other person
2.now you are talking and he/she is listening.
3.you are clarifying what they said to ensure understanding.
4.you have forced the other person to be a better listener because people listen best to their own point of view.
6. you have created empathy.
7. It has a clarifying effect for onlookers.
8. avoids having inaccurate words put in your mouth.

24. Supervisors Taking Leaps
1. ASK-Ask your people what they feel, want or think.
2.LISTEN ACTIVELY-repeat steps 1 and 2 as many times as necessary
3.Reevaluate your position- Be sure of where you stand. Don’t change your mind unless you believe it is right. Don’t be afraid to change your mind. Your people will admire you.
4.Deliver the information-deliver your decision. You should not have to remind them you are in charge.

25. Five step hard style for gaining compliance
1. Ask (Ethical appeal)
2.set context (reasonable appeal)-One of our country’s great urges is the need to know.
3. present options (personal appeal)
4. confirm (practical appeal) 5. act (determine appropriate action)

26. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“you wouldn’t understand”
Sounds insulting
Almost can hear the word stupid
“this might be difficult to understand.”
“let me try to explain this.”
“I hope I can explain this.”
NEXT COME HERE the one that literally screams get out of there.

27. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“Come here.”
Actually is heard as run like hell.
Vaguely threatening.
“excuse me, but I need to chat with you for a second.”
“Could I chat with you for a second?”
What do you want me to do about it?

28. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“what do you want me to do about it?”
Evasion of responsibility-cop out
Creates a second problem. The initial one and the one you just created to avoid the responsibility.
Work towards a solution.
Find someone who can help.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to tell you or recommend. I wish I did. I’d like to help but I can’t.”
Make sure your tone is concerned and not sarcastic
Calm Down. This has never worked in human history.

29. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“calm down.”
Does not work
Many times makes people more upset.
Sounds critical, like they don’t have a right to be upset.
“it’s going to be all right.”
“talk to me.”
“Please focus”
“What’s the trouble?”
Because those are the rules.

30. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“because those are the rules.”
Sounds insensitive
More concerned with your own authority.
Also sounds like you may not know yourself.
Explain the benefits of the rules or why the rule was created.
Its none of your business

31. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“It’s none of your business.”
Angers people
Makes them feel like outsiders
Makes it seem like you can not support your position.
“the parties involved would not want me to say anything and I want to honor that.”
“I am not at liberty to discuss that.”
“I really do not want to share that at this point.”
What’s your problem

32. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“what’s your problem?”
Snotty
Turns a problem back on them
Makes it you vs. me.
Elicits a defensive reaction.
May insinuate that they have failed somehow.
“what’s the matter?”
“how can I help you?”
“can I be of assistance?”
You never….you always….

33. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“you never….” “You always….”
Absolutes are lies.
Indicate you have lost perspective.
Invites the other to tell you about an instance to prove you wrong.
Put the burden on yourself in a way that seems as if you are seeking their help.
“when you are late without calling it creates problems for me such as….can you help me resolve this?”
I’m not going to say this again.

34. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“i’m not going to say this again.”
Almost always a lie.
Invites challenge.
Pins you down to action when you may not be ready to take action.
If you are ready to act this could tip off your adversary.
“it’s important you understand this, so let me say it again and listen carefully.”
I’m doing this for your own good.

35. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“I’m doing this for your own good.”
No one believes this.
Instant cynicism.
Show them how it is for their own good.
“if you come with me now and give me no problems you can be out before work tomorrow.”
“We don’t want to upset their children. Let them see their dad being cooperative with the police rather than seeing dad possibly get hurt.”
Last one…why don’t you be reasonable.

36. 11 things never to say to anyone….and how to respond to them.
Don’t Say
suggestion
“why don’t you be reasonable?”
Inviting conflict.
“ let me see if I understand your position.”
Than paraphrase their own words.
Absorbs their tension.
Gives them the view that you are listening not just demanding.

37. Effective words and phrases
I appreciate that
Sir or Maam
I understand…..
Let me see if I understand this correctly
Please allow me to explain……
Thank you….
Summarize what the other person said….This let’s them now you were listening.
Maintain eye contact
Watch body posture
Show them what is in it for them…even negatives can be turned positive.

38. Questions???