1. Emotional Messages

2. Principles of Emotions and Emotional Messages
Emotional communication, emotional intelligence, social intelligence
Feelings are a part of communication and meaning
Dyssemia – inability to engage in emotional communication

3. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
-How would you feel in each of the following situations?
-You won the lottery.
-You got the job you applied for.
-Your best friend just died.
-Your parents tell you they’re getting divorced.

4. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
You would feel very differently in each of these situations. Yet, there are some similarities, too.

5. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
Emotions may be primary or blended
Primary emotions of joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation
Blended emotions combine primary emotions
Emotion wheel model
Emotions close in meaning are close together
Emotions opposite in meaning are opposite
Shades show blended emotions

7. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
Emotions are influenced by body, mind, and culture
Emotions and emotional communication may be adaptive or maladaptive
All basic emotions can be adaptive or maladaptive. 
Adaptive emotions help you adjust appropriately
Maladaptive emotions get in the way of adjusting and accomplishing goals
Negative emotions are maladaptive if they are under-regulated, chronically accessible, have low thresholds, and lead to problematic behaviors that increase suffering and impairment

8. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody's power; that is not easy.”
(Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, 1109a25)

9. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
Emotions can be used strategically
Strong and honest expression of your feelings
Used for personal ends to control or manipulate (crying, screaming, ranting)
Emotions are communicated verbally and nonverbally

10. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
Emotional expression is governed by display rules
Cultural display rules
Gender display rules
In a survey, a woman’s anger was most often attributed to her personality (“she’s unstable”) – therefore, unjustified
Man’s anger was more often attributed to external factors (“the report was inadequate” or “the work was late”) – therefore, justifiable

11. Principles of Emotions (cont.)
Emotions are contagious
Emotional contagion (intentional “mimicry” or unintentional)
We imitate people; if someone smiles at you, you smile back.
You mood changes even when we “fake it.” If you smile you feel happy, if you frown you feel bad.
Mimicry seems to be one foundation of emotional movement between people.
Emotional appeal (ads for starving children = pity)

12. Emotional Competence
Emotional understanding or self-awareness of your feelings and their effects
“What am I feeling and what made me feel this way?”
“What exactly do I want to communicate?”
“What are my communication choices?”

13. Emotional Competence (cont.)
Emotional expression
Be specific
Describe the reasons for your feelings
Address mixed feelings
Try to anchor your emotions in the present
Own your feelings, take personal responsibility for them with I-statements
Ask for what you want
Respect emotional boundaries

14. Emotional Competence (cont.)
Emotional responding
Look at nonverbal cues to understand feelings
Look for cues about what the person wants you to do
Use active listening
Empathize
Focus on the other person
Remember communication is irreversible

15. Emotional Competence (cont.)
Grieving communication
Confirm the person and their emotions
Give them permission to grieve
Avoid trying to focus on the bright side
Encourage them to talk about their feelings and their loss
Be sensitive to leave-taking cues
Let them know you care and you’re available