1. Break Through with Forgiveness
Slide
Break Through with Forgiveness
Play the Break Through (Forgiveness) video here, then skip ahead to slide 44 (Forgiveness Activity)
If you can’t get the DVD to work, you can use the following slides.
Video
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

2. pain Time Heal… it just gets us used to the doesn’t Slide
Time doesn’t heal
[click to start sequence]
Wounds become like a deep bruise – it may not be visible, but it is easily hurt again if someone brushes too close.
Time doesn’t really heal, we just get used to living with the pain.
It’s a mistake to think, ‘I’ll just get over it’.
pain
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

3. Resentment prison warden… trapped own making It keeps us is like a
Slide
is like a
prison warden…
It keeps us
trapped
Resentment (ie lack of forgiveness)
[click to start sequence]
Unhealed wounds breed resentment. Love and joy cannot coexist with resentment. So allowing resentment to grow is punishing ourselves as much as punishing the one who hurt us.
Resentment is like a prison warden; it keeps us trapped in a prison of our own making. It’s not our fault that we got hurt, but if we want to get better, get free of the pain of the hurt, we have to accept that our resentment is keeping us imprisoned.
in a prison of our
own making
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

4. ourselves Resentment is a poison to get sick we take
Slide
we take
ourselves
expecting the other person
Resentment (ie lack of forgiveness)
[click to start sequence]
“Resentment is a poison we take ourselves expecting the other person to get sick” (author unknown)
to get sick
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

5. Forgiveness requires letting go of our righteous indignation Slide
Forgiveness is letting go of your resentment against your spouse.
requires letting go of our
righteous indignation
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

6. Forgiveness… is a choice
Slide
It is not a decision to trust the offender, or to feel ok about what happened
Forgiveness is a choice…to let go of our case against the other.
It is not a decision to trust them, or to feel ok about what happened.
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

7. Forgiveness is… …surrendering our desire for retribution Slide
Forgiveness is essentially about surrendering our desire for retribution.
Retribution may not be as aggressive as, ‘I want him/her to suffer like I’ve suffered’… it could be as simple as ‘I want him/her to understand how he/she hurt me’.
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

8. Forgiveness… is NOT forgetting… Slide Forgiveness is not forgetting
is NOT forgetting…
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

9. …wasn’t important happened to us OR pretending that what Slide
Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending that what happened to us wasn’t important.
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

10. Forgiveness… makes healing possible Slide
Forgiveness makes healing possible and one of the things that comes with healing is a dulling of the memory – we might still remember the incident, but recalling it, doesn’t bring up the pain with the same intensity that it did before healing.
The desire for our pain to be understood is natural. Ideally, a couple would mutually work through their pain, sharing how each has hurt the other, forgiving each other.
However, sometimes this is not possible or realistic.
Sometimes one spouse is just not capable or not willing to meet the other half way. At least at that stage.
It’s insanity to hang on to your resentment waiting for the other to be ready to understand your pain.
[Sharing – 1 min: Share how you did this, and how it exacerbated the situation by sustaining your spouse’s fear and defensiveness. When you forgave, he/she, sensing your softness was more ready to hear you, though you didn’t have the same need for them to understand it.]
makes healing possible
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

11. Forgiveness and freedom restores wholeness Slide
Forgiveness is necessary for healing.
It’s the only way to break the power of resentment.
Forgiveness is a vital step to the restoration of your emotional wholeness and freedom to love.
[END Video substitute]
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

12. Forgiveness Activity Part 1: Write about your emotional injury
Slide
Part 1: Write about your emotional injury
State what happened
How you felt then, feel now
How it impacts you
Part 2: Forgiveness Self-Dialogue
Left: ‘I forgive you (name)’
Right: Your response/objection
Repeat until you feel peace
Instructions for Activity 5. [This is the principle activity for the workshop. Make sure that the instructions are clear.]
For the next 30 minutes you will work on processing your emotional injury. [click for points]
Part 1: Write about your injury using your answers to Activities 3 & 4 (Emotions and Needs)
Simply state what happened (1 sentence)
How you felt then, how you feel now
How it impacts you (your self-esteem, your confidence, your relationships)
Part 2: Forgiveness Self-dialogue:
Write ‘I forgive you’ and your spouse’s name in the left column
On the right, write your objection. Don’t overthink it. Just right down the first thing that comes into your mind.
Keep going till you run out of objections and your response is peace. It’s important to write “I forgive you” each time.
This is a bit like having a dialogue with your injury. When someone hears and acknowledges us, it validates our experience and we can more easily let it go.
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides

13. Forgiveness Self-Dialogue 30 mins
Slide
Breaking Through
Activity 5
Forgiveness Self-Dialogue
30 mins
Before you start…
Go to a quiet space by yourself to write. Please go separately from your spouse if he/she is here.
We’ve allowed 30minutes for this activity, so take your time. Do it thoroughly and thoughtfully.
We will be praying for you, that God’s presence and mercy will be powerfully available to you.
Play quiet background reflection music. Avoid music with lyrics.
SmartLoving BreakThrough | Presentation Slides