1. Clear, Forceful Sentences
Lesson 2

2. All good sentences are clear and forceful.
WEAK:
The city of Hollywood, which is in the highly populated state of California, is seen as the very local point of the film industry in the country.
FORCEFUL:
Hollywood, California, is the heart of America’s file industry.
Why is the first sentence weak? (After all, it is a complex sentence!)
Why is the second sentence clear and forceful?

3. Conciseness in writing means expressing yourself as simply and directly as possible.
To make your writing concise, avoid these five common errors:
Useless words
Duplication
Wordy construction
Elaborate language
Piled-up modifiers

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Useless Words
Which sentence is better?
Most movie previews make use of a film ratings system.
Most movie previews use a film ratings system.
These ratings specify a film’s suitability for young viewers.
These ratings are for the purpose of specifying a film’s suitability for young viewers.

5. Duplication Which sentence is better?
Parents can refer back to a film’s rating when deciding the question as to whether a movie is suitable for their kids.
Parents can refer to a film’s rating when deciding whether a movie is suitable for their kids.
Redundant!
But I repeat myself.

6. Wordy Construction
Do not use too many words to express an idea. The result is writing that sounds padded, pretentious, rambling or “flabby.” Be a ‘which’ hunter and eliminate every unnecessary which or that.

7. Wordy Construction Which sentence is better?
In the households of many, teens under the age of seventeen may not watch R-rated movies do to the fact that they contain violent images and profane language.
In many households, teens under seventeen may not watch R-rated movies because they contain violence and profanity.

8. Wordy Construction Which sentence is better?
The rating of G, which means General, designates a movie as suitable for general audiences that include children.
The G, or General, rating designates a movie as suitable for general audiences.

9. Elaborate Language
Do you want to sound smart or do you want to sound self-important, ostentatious, or pompous?
Elaborate language examples:
Please render your remuneration at the door.
My what?
Is everyone cognizant that refreshments will be served pursuant to the movie?
What about my purse?

10. Piled-up Modifiers
AKA: adjectives upon adjectives upon adjectives; adverbs upon adverbs upon adverbs.
Kinda’ like homework upon homework upon homework.
It gets overwhelming!
PILED-UP: Everyone loves a funny, delightful movie in the comedy category, such as one of Jim Carrey’s many numerous films.
CONCISE: Everyone loves a comedy, such as one of Jim Carrey’s many films.

11. Piled-up Modifiers
PILED-UP: In Liar, Liar, Carrey’s character tries really really hard to deal with his sudden and unexpected inability to tell a lie. CONCISE: In Liar, Liar, Carrey’s character struggles with his sudden inability to tell a lie.

12. Complete Activities 1-2 (handout)

13. Clarity and Specifity