1. How Not to Use Twitter

2. Dont use it to lose a job offer Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work. @theconner Who is the hiring manager? Im sure they would love to know you will hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web. @CiscoSystems

3. Dont use it for sexytime

4. Dont use the wrong account I find it ironic that Detroit is known as the #motorcity and yet no one here knows how to f*cking drive. @Chrysler Me likey broke girls. @Raul_Labrador, U.S. House

5. Dont say dumb things on rape Poor phrasing, but if you watch the intv @ToddAkin meant to convey that theres less chance of getting pregnant if raped. @davecatanese, Politico Lara Logan had to outdo Anderson. Where was her buddy McCrystal. @nirrosen, New York University

6. Dont offer non-apologies Re last night: Bad idea trying to have a nuanced conversation on highly charged issue on here. Did not intend to take a side. Lesson learned. @davecatanese, Politico

7. Dont praise controversial figures Sad to hear of the passing of Sayyed Mohammed Hussein Fadlallah … One of Hezbollahs giants I respect a lot. @octavianasr, CNN

8. Dont say crass things What?!?!?!? No overnight homicide? WTF? Youre slacking Tucson. You stay homicidal, Tucson. See Star Net for the bloody deets. Arizona Daily Star crime reporter

9. Dont take controversial stands I completely and wholeheartedly support Todd Reynolds and his support for the traditional and TRUE meaning of marriage. Rogers Sportsnet host Damian Goddard I can empathize with everyone I cover except for the anti-gay marriage bigots. In 20 years no one will admit they were part of that. @daveweigel, Washington Post

10. Dont use sloppy language US sees #Israel as key ally in MidEast but no one running for Pres wants to alienate the power and money of the Jewish lobby. @KattyKayBBC

11. Dont criticize your subjects Occupy Wall Street purpose in 140 or less: bang on the bongos, smoke weed. @AlisonKosik, CNN

12. Dont misrepresent reporting Eric Gordon told me this: I strongly feel (the Suns) are the right franchise for me. Phoenix is just where my heart is. @Chris_Broussard, ESPN

13. Dont tweet off-the-record material Pres. Obama just called Kanye West a jackass for his outburst at VMAs when Taylor Swift won. Now THATS presidential. @TerryMoran, ABC News

14. Dont make tasteless jokes Or both @utaustinliberal: Either Ann Romney meant Mitt is flaccid or that when we unzip him well find hes a dick. abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics… @jdub321, Politico

15. Dont RT falsehoods BREAKING: Confirmed flooding on NYSE. The trading floor is flooded under more than 3 feet of water. @ComfortablySmug

16. Dont DM things you wouldnt tweet The fuck I am. That is shirty business what you did. Fix it. Im not fucking kidding. @MajoratNJ, National Journal

17. Dont get in Twitter feuds @kenvogel: At this point youre just being a troll and misleading your Twitter followers about what I wrote. Grow up. @fivethirtyeight, New York Times Anyone who knows this stuff knows Im right & ur wrong, but go ahead with ur ad hominems MT @fivethirtyeight Ur just being a troll and misleading @kenvogel, Politico