1. Interpersonal Conflict

2. Conflict

3. Issues In General In Intimate Relationships Goals to be pursued.
Allocation of resources.
Decisions to be made.
Behavior.
Intimacy issues
Power issues
Personal flaws
Personal distance issues (absence, job/school commitments)
Social issues (politics, parents, values)

4. Issues Content conflict—centers on objects, events, persons
Relationship conflicts—center on nature and meaning of relationship

5. Conflict Can be negative Can be positive Leads to hurt
Can lead to violence
Can be positive
Solves problems
Demonstrates an investment in the relationship

6. Conflict styles Competing: I win, you lose Avoiding: I lose, you lose
Compromising: I win and lose, you win and lose
Accommodating: I lose, you win
Collaborating: I win, you win

7. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) What is the cause of the conflict?
How do the characters in the conflict escalate the conflict? Identify phrases that contributed to the conflict.
What was each party’s orientation towards the conflict?
Did they view conflict positively or negatively?
Did they work to escalate or deescalate the conflict?

9. The Harvard Model In any conflict, there are three conversations:
The “what happened” conversation
Explore each other’s stories
Disentangle intent from impact
Map the contribution system (and abandon blame)
The “feelings” conversation
Frame feeling back into the conversation
Express your feelings
Don’t evaluate—just share

10. The Harvard Model The “identity” conversation
Be aware of your identity issues
Complexify your identity—adopt the and stance
Find the courage to ask for help.

11. The Harvard Model Know thyself and take care of thyself.
Clarify personal needs threatened by dispute.
Establish an appropriate communication climate for negotiation.
Take a listening stance into the interaction.
Assert your needs clearly and specifically.
Approach problem solving with flexibility.
Manage impasse with calm, patience, and respect.
Build an agreement that works.

12. Communication Climates
A communication climate is the emotional tone of a relationship between people.
Recognition
Acknowledgment
Endorsement

13. Communication Climates
Defensive and supportive climates
Evaluation vs. description
Certainty vs. provisionalism
Strategy vs. spontaneity
Control vs. problem orientation
Neutrality vs. empathy
Superiority vs. equality

14. Communication Climates
Guidelines for creating and sustaining communication climates
Communicate in ways that confirm others.
Communicate in ways that confirm yourself.
Respect diversity among people.
Time conflict effectively
Commit time
Be flexible
Bracket peripheral issues
Show grace when appropriate—grant forgiveness, put aside your own needs, and help other save face even when no standard says we should do so.

15. Frameworks for Negotiation
Distributive—zero-sum
Integrative—non zero-sum
Performative—acting out of intense emotion; goal is not outcome oriented

16. Violence and Conflict