1. How to Shape Conversations for Change
Prepared by: Janice Bradley
Utah Education Policy Center

2. By the end of the hour, you will be aware of…
Two patterns of conversation
Polite Fights and Gripe Cycles
Strategies for changing each pattern

3. The Reason Conversations Fail
All communication breakdowns can be explained in terms of one common factor: BEHAVIOR. The specific combination of words and voice tones people are using
Change your behavior, change your results

4. How Negative Conversations Turn Positive
One Way: Verbal Actions Just listen….

5. Example of a Polite Fight
Do we take time to plan or not?
Starting opinion: We should take more time to plan.
Yes, but #1 – That may be true, but our schedule doesn’t allow for time.
Yes, but #2 – When I plan a lesson, it goes much better for me and the kids.
Yes, but #3 – I see your point, still I want to have a life outside of school.
Etc.

6. Polite Fights Sound Like
Yes, but….the great divider
Yes, buts send a mixed message
People only hear the ”but”
Any difference can become a conflict

7. YES, BUT VARIATIONS VARIATIONS OF YES
I understand where you are coming from…..
I see your point…
That may be true…
I know that seems obvious…
You could say that…
That’s one way to look at it..
You are right…
Sure…
VARIATIONS OF BUT
…however…
…nevertheless…
…on the other hand…
…still…
…only then…
…have you considered…
…it’s just that…
…and yet…

8. Turning Around Polite Fights
BUILD AWARENESS: Build three things you genuinely like, agree with or can add to.
EXPLORE NEW BEHAVIORS
PRACTICE TURNING ACTIONS INTO HABITS
What does it feel like to shift from yes-butting to building?

9. Gripe Cycles Sound Like
COMPLAINT, PROPOSAL, COMPLAINT, PROPOSAL, ETC.
The message coming through is that life is unfair, too much, not enough, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
The voice tone is whining, frustrated, and resentful.
A gripe cycle is not bad. The problem is the repeating, unproductive pattern that both speakers are contributing to.
A grip cycle blocks problem solving and change of any kind.
If the pattern continues, both persons will be increasingly frustrated.
Two issues underlying any complaint: the person wants something and they feel powerless to get it.

10. Turning Around Gripe Cycles
AWARENESS: What do is your underlying want? What is the other’s person’s underlying want?
ACTION: Ask what you (they) want, then ask how you(they) can get it? Agree of make a new proposal.
TAKEAWAY IDEAS
Sometimes when a person is complaining, they are not interested in problem solving or wanting help, they just want someone to empathize with them.
When you help someone who is complaining to discover what they want and how they can get it, you empower them to start solving their own problems.

11. Reflections/Insights
What are you taking away?
What ideas/insights have been sparked for you in the last hour?
INVITATION - Make a SMART goal.
Example: I will become aware of a conversation pattern in 3 conversations this week.