1. Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting
- A child rights based approach to parenting
Expert meeting Tallinn 17th April 2017
Eva Bellander
Susanna Nordh

2. Foundation of the Programme
The PDEP Program was built on two foundational pillars
the research on the impact of physical and emotional punishment on children, and
the human rights imperative to end it.

3. Foundational Pillars Research on physical and emotional punishment
poorer mental health (depression, anxiety)
poorer social relationships (aggression, bullying)
weaker parent-child relationships
slower cognitive development (IQ, language)
higher risk of physical harm
Let’s look at the research pillar first.
Over 30 years of research has demonstrated that even common, ‘everyday’ forms of physical punishment are not helpful for healthy child development. This research has shown that children who are exposed to physical punishment have an increased risk of:
Poorer mental health such as depression and anxiety – both in childhood and adulthood
Poorer social relationships with a strong association to increased aggression - both physical and verbal
Weaker parent/child relationships
Slower cognitive development
and
Higher risk of physical harm
Increasingly, studies on emotional punishment are showing similar outcomes.
Clearly, the punitive strategies often employed by parents or caregivers to control children’s behaviours are NOT conducive to healthy child development and can have life long social and emotional costs.

4. Foundational Pillars Recognition of children’s rights to Protection
Dignity
Optimal development
Communication (to be heard)
The fact that physical and emotional punishments increase the risks of poor developmental outcomes for children should be enough justification to call for an end to their use. Even if these actions were effective – which we can clearly see they aren’t – they still cannot be justified as they are violations of children’s rights – rights that all but 2 of 192 member countries of the UN have pledged to uphold by enshrining these rights in all their laws, policies and legislations to ensure that the most vulnerable of citizens are protected.
This second foundational pillar of PDEP, therefore, is the Convention on the Rights of the Child which states that all children have the right to protection from violence, the right to dignity and the right to the care and attention they need for optimal development.
[NOTE: in case of question – the countries who have not ratified the convention are Somalia and the United States of America – check prior to presentation in case of change.]

5. What is Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting?
Interactive, non- behavioral, community-based parenting program
Founded on developmental research and child rights standards.
Designed as a universal violence prevention program that could be delivered in a wide range of cultural and social contexts,
PDEP aims to transform parents’ beliefs about punitive violence by gradually shifting their focus from control to mentorship, and from reactive punishment to proactive problem solving.

6. But why another programme?
Triple P, Comet, Five times more love
Nanny programmes
Some people may ask, “But why another program – don’t we have enough?” While the PD approach does resonate with several existing parenting approaches and programs, it is fundamentally different from others – particularly from “Parent Training” programs.
Tripple P for young children,
COMET,
COPAK,
Sweden let your child cry for 10 minutes,

7. Comparison with “Traditional” Parent Training Programs
Positive Discipline
in Everyday Parenting
Theoretical Basis
Behavioural
Developmental
Target Group
At-risk parents
All parents
Targeted Outcome
Increased child
Compliance
Reduced parental punishment
Child Age Range
Early childhood
Birth through adolescence
Practice Approach
Prescriptive
Non-prescriptive problem-solving
Lens
Adult centered
Child-rights based
Finally, most traditional ‘parent training’ programs view parent-child conflict through the eyes of the adult. Their aim is usually to shape the child’s behaviour, rather than understanding conflict from the child’s perspective.
PDEP views parent-child conflict through a different lens. It is based on principles of child rights, namely the right to protection, the right to dignity and the right to be heard. We help parents to understand the child’s perspective and generate responses that teach the child while respecting the child’s point of view.

8. Positive Discipline Is Not Positive Discipline Is
helping children develop self-control over time
communicating clearly
respecting children and earning their respect
teaching children how to make good decisions
building children’s skills and confidence
teaching children respect for other people’s feelings
letting children do whatever they want
having no rules
quick reactions to situations
punishments other than hitting and shouting
When people ask “What is Positive Discipline” it is sometimes easier to start with what it is NOT.
[Read the “Is NOT Section first, then the “IS” section. Read each point clearly, ensuring that the audience understands that Positive Discipline is NOT permissive – but it also is not punitive. It is a long-term approach to building children’s skills and teaching them about conflict resolution in order to interrupt the transmission of violence across generations.]
SELF REGULATION ….. 7 7

9. PFA for parents needing extra support and Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting
Addresses common issues that arise in ‘everyday’ parenting between birth and adolescence.
Parents of children who have complex needs such as developmental delays, extreme levels of distress etc. are advised to seek specialist advice and additional support
Explain that the PHP Module of the CSP training is loosely based on the PDEP parent programme. PDEP is aimed at parents of children of all ages. It addresses common issues that arise in ‘everyday’ parenting between birth and adolescence. Some children have particular challenges that are not typical for their age. Parents of children who have complex needs such as developmental delays, extreme levels of distress etc. are advised to seek specialist advice and additional support.
PDEP is based on child rights, research on healthy child development and research on effective parenting.
Show the group the Discipline Passive picture and ask them what they see. After a couple of responses, explain that positive discipline is not letting children do whatever they want and having no rules.
Show the group the Discipline Aggressive picture and ask them what they see, explain that positive discipline is not shouting, hitting, belittling.
Show the group the Discipline Positive picture and ask them what they see, explain that positive discipline is teaching children, communicating clearly, respecting children and earning their respect, building skills and confidence.
Section B:

10. how children think and feel
PDEP Building Blocks
Identifying your
long-term goals
Providing warmth
Providing structure
Understanding
how children think and feel
Problem solving

11. What is Warmth? Making sure your child feels safe
Making sure your child feels loved, no matter what
Showing love in words and actions
Thinking about how your child thinks at this age
Thinking about what your child needs at this age
Thinking about how your child feels
Using the PowerPoint slide and Warmth Poster, explain what Warmth is:
making sure your child feels safe
making sure your child feels loved, no matter what
showing love in words and actions
thinking about how your child thinks at this age
thinking about what your child needs at this age
thinking about how your child feels
Key message: Warmth is one of the two most powerful parenting tools because it promotes learning. We will refer back to this definition of Warmth throughout the orientation and how this can be provided to children of different ages. Warmth is not spoiling or being ’soft’, it is support to keep children emotionally and physically safe, which is critical in emergencies.
Ask participants to work in small groups to think how parents can concretely demonstrate warmth to children; what can parents do to show warmth, e.g. comfort them if they are hurt or afraid, sings lullabies, praise them, hug them etc.
Section B:

12. Is not spoiling or being ’soft’
Warmth = Safety
Promotes learning.
Is not spoiling or being ’soft’
It is support to keep children emotionally and physically safe, which is critical in emergencies
Reinforce that warmth is safety and it promotes learning. When we feel safe our thinking brain is in control and we are able to learn. Remember, when the emotional part of the brain is in control, maybe we are afraid, we are not able to learn. You can use your hand to demonstrate the thinking outer part of the brain and the feeling inner part of the brain.
Place the Providing Warmth poster above the left hand half of the Long-Term Goals poster (see PDEP model for how this should be placed).
Section B:

13. What is Structure? Giving clear guidelines for behaviour
Clearly explaining your reasons
Supporting and helping the child to succeed
Being a positive role model
Encouraging the child’s own thoughts and ideas
Problem solving together
Using the PowerPoint slide and Structure Poster, explain what structure is:
giving clear guidelines for behaviour
clearly explaining your reasons
supporting and helping the child to learn
being a positive role model
encouraging the child’s own thoughts and ideas
problem solving together
Key message: We will refer back to this definition of Structure again throughout the program and how it can be provided at different ages. Structure is information, guidance and teaching—not punishment. Problem solving is a learned skill. When children are young, we do the problem solving, but we need to share problem solving with children as they grow. When we model and teach problem solving when children are small, they learn to use it as they grow older.
Ask participants to work in small groups to think how parents can provide structure to children. E.g. developing family rules together, explaining the reasons for rules, ask the child what they think and involve them in decision-making etc.
Section B:

14. Structure = Information
Structure is information, guidance and teaching—not punishment.
Problem solving is a learned skill.
When we model and teach problem solving when children are small, they learn to use it as they grow older
Reinforce that structure is information

15. It’s all in the brain! Thinking brain Emotional Brain Brainstem
Responds thoughtfully when stress is low
Emotional Brain
Responds impulsively when stress is high
Brainstem
Controls basic functions of our body
We will now look at the stress response- what is happening in the brain?
Explain that this is a picture of the inside of a person’s brain. This brain has been cut in half from front to back. The left side of the picture is the front of the brain, so the person is “facing” toward the left. Stand in front of the slide, facing in the same direction, so the parents can see how this brain would fit inside your head.
Explain that there are three major parts of the brain. The outer covering is the wrinkly part that you see when you look at a brain, this is the cortex. This part allows us to think and reason, to predict what will happen next, to weigh things out when we make decisions. It is our “thinking brain”.
Deep inside the brain there is another part that you can only see if you open up the brain. This is the limbic system and contains our emotional centres that allow us to feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, excited, joyful, etc. It is our “feeling brain”.
At the very bottom of the brain is the most primitive part. This is the brainstem, it controls the most basic functions of our body - breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, reflexes.
You can also use a balloon to draw on the three key parts of the brain involved in the stress response and keep this on the table to keep referring back to in the training.
What happens to the brain when we are stressed?
Explain that:
When we are calm, our “thinking brain” is in charge, we think things through, solve problems, respond thoughtfully, and consider the impact of our actions.
When we are stressed, our brainstem and “feeling brain” take over our heart rate increases, our blood pressure rises (brainstem functions), and we respond impulsively, aggressively, emotionally (limbic system functions). These responses are not thought-out, they are primitive automatic reactions to stress.
Section B:

16. Understanding how children think and feel
0-6 months- Young babies communicate through crying. They need to know that they can trust us to listen and respond. Attachment
6-12 months- Older babies don’t understand that things exist when they can’t see them. They cry when we leave because they are afraid we won’t return. They need to know that they can trust us to be nearby. Communication
1-2 years- Toddlers learn by exploring thing and by touching, tasting and dropping things. They need us to make their environment safe so that they can explore and
develop their skills. Non-Violent Conflict Resolution and Independence
As you present each age range, ask if any participant has a child of this age and ask them how their child thinks and feels at this age. Then build on this by presenting the brief information in the handout and PowerPoint.
Remember: All children are unique! They will develop at different rates and have different temperaments and personalities.
The UNCRC also highlights the importance of recognising that parental care should be in line with the ‘evolving capacities’ of the child (article 5), meaning that the care of the parent/ caregiver should be appropriate for the age, development and level of understanding of the child that typically changes as the child gets older.
Explain that the PDEP model recognises the importance of Understanding How Children Think and Feel so that parents can understand that it is normal for children to behave in certain ways and that punishment will not help children to learn.

17. Problem Solving THINK! What’s the problem?
Why is my child behaving like that? How can I provide safety and information?
What kind of person do I want my child to become?
Place the Problem Solving Poster above the Understanding How Children Think and Feel poster (see PDEP model for how it should be placed). Using the PowerPoint slide and poster of the Positive Discipline model, tell participants that while we learn the Positive Discipline components from the bottom up (demonstrate pointing from the bottom to the top of the model), we apply them from the top down. Times of stress are a prime time for using problem solving and positive discipline as our feelings of stress are a signal for us to pause and think of ways to calm down.
To be an effective problem solver, we must first recognize that our feelings of stress are a signal for us to pause and calm down (review “flip the lid” and ways to bring the thinking and feeling brain back in touch with each other – take deep breaths, repeat the Positive Discipline Mantra, visualize yourself as a calm problem solver). Identify what the problem is (point to Problem Solving box), then think about all the possible reasons why a child that age might be behaving the way he or she is and also consider whether the child is showing signs of distress (point to the How Children Think and Feel box). Keep in mind where we want to go (point to the Long Term Goals box) by using warmth and structure (point to the Warmth and Structure boxes) to eventually reach our Long-Term Goals (point again to the Long-Term Goals box). This is Positive Discipline.

18. Parent’s theory of learning Parent’s emotional response
The Punitive Approach
Parent’s theory of learning
Respect must be enforced.
Misbehaviour must be deterred.
Parent’s attribution
He’s disrespectful.
He was being bad.
Parent’s emotional response
Offended.
Angry, frustrated.
Parent’s response
Punishment.
I will illustrate these principles with an example:
Imagine that a 3 year old boy drops his father’s toothbrush into the toilet. His mother sees this happen. How will she respond? Her response will depend on her attribution for his behaviour.
If she interprets his behaviour as a sign of disrespect for his father, she is likely to feel offended. If she believes that respect is something to be enforced, she is very likely to respond with punishment.
Alternatively, she might interpret his behaviour as ‘bad’. In this case, she is likely to feel angry and frustrated. If she also believes that misbehaviour must be controlled and deterred, she is very likely to respond with punishment.
In both of these cases, the mother might spank or scold the child, or take something away from him to punish him.
But what will he learn from these reactions? He isn’t likely to learn why he shouldn’t drop toothbrushes into the toilet, or how to be healthy, responsible or respectful of other peoples things.

19. The Positive Discipline Approach
What is my long-term goal?
What is he thinking and feeling?
How can I help him listen and learn (warmth)?
What information does he need? (structure)
To teach him why - so he learns empathy, respect and to care about others.
He loves to experiment.
He doesn’t understand about germs or plumbing.
Stay calm. Let him know he’s safe.
Explain germs, cost, inconvenience.
Explain how to fix a mistake.
Help him take responsibility.
In PDEP, we take parents through the model step-by-step so that they better understand the real reasons behind children’s behaviour.
So if this mother is helped to become aware of her long-term goal, she is likely to say that she wants him to be respectful, to care about others, and to have empathy for others. She will begin to see that hitting, scolding and taking things away won’t teach him any of these things.
If this mother is helped to understand how 3-year-olds see the world, she will realize that children this age love to experiment, particularly with water. She also will realize that children this age don’t have an understanding of germs and how disease is spread. They don’t understand how plumbing works, or how much it costs to repair plumbing. So she will start to see the child’s behaviour differently – not as ‘bad’ or as an affront, but as typical 3-year-old experimentation.
If this mother now considers how she can best help him to learn what is important in this situation, she will realize that she needs to stay calm. If she shouts or hits him, he will be scared and anxious, which will interfere with his learning. If she speaks to him calmly, he is more likely to hear and process what she’s saying.
If this mother thinks about what he needs to understand in order to learn from this experience, she will realize that she needs to explain how germs make us sick, how objects in the toilet can cause damage, how the toothbrush can’t be used again. She can encourage him to think about how he could fix the situation.
So this mother wouldn’t scold or hit him because she wants him to listen and learn - not pull away from her. She would think about what he needs to know in order not to do it again. She would calmly explain why we don’t put toothbrushes into the toilet. She would encourage her son’s early understanding of taking responsibility for mistakes.
At 3 years old, this little boy has an opportunity to learn useful information that he can use in other situations. His mother has an opportunity to help him learn how to solve problems and fix mistakes. And she has an opportunity to build his trust in her, rather than creating fear of her.
This is the foundation of PDEP.

20. Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting has been delivered in a variety of countries worldwide since 2006:
Latin America (10 countries)
Kosovo
Palestine
Rwanda
Kenya
Bangladesh
Mongolia
Thailand
Japan
The Philippines
Vietnam (2018)

21. Continuous consultation and adaptation cultural issues
communication of concepts
Adapted delivery formats for low-literacy and under-resourced settings
Feedback from all of these trainings has been used to enhance the training approach and materials, as well as the delivery of the parent program.

22. Monitoring and evaluation
Data collection
Pre- and post questionnaires assessing attitudes, subjective norms and self- efficacy of the parents and caregivers
Questionnaires data from a number of countries collected in a global database
Findings
PDEP reduces parents’ approval of PHP of children
PDEP is relevant across a range of culture contexts
Evidence able to claim that behaviour change has taken place not been systematically collected
Next steps
Impact evaluation in Kosovo to be carried out
During 2017 collect data, recruit extern evaluator,
Kosovo follow up 3 months,
Difficult to interview children.
2018 evaluation research team
2019 Presentation of evaluation in Stockholm

23. THANK YOU