1. Revising and editing

2. Write focused sentences
Use significant subjects
Unfocused sentence from an essay entitled Should you try to get a tan
You run the greatest risk if you expose yourself
to a tanning machine as well as the sun.
Because both of them can damage the skin.

3. The reader’s response
Why are the most important subjects (the sun and machines) obscured in the middle of the sentence
Possible revision:
Either the sun or a tanning machine can
damage the skin and you run the greatest
risk if you expose yourself to both of them.

4. Avoid unnecessary nominalisation
When you create a noun from some other kind of word
Example from an essay entitled How to get a good night’s sleep
Stimulation of the production of serotonin by a glass of milk causes sleepiness.

5. The reader’s response
The sentence draws attention to the nominalised word stimulation rather than to milk and snack important to how to
Possible revision:
A glass of milk stimulates the production of serotonin and causes sleepiness.

6. Use clear and specific verbs clearly related to the subjects
Clear, specific verbs make sentences forceful and easy to understand
Example:
Our agency is responsible for all aspects of disaster relief.

7. The reader’s response The sentence is too vague and weak
Possible revision:
Our agency plans, funds, delivers and monitors disaster relief.

8. Use expletive constructions sparingly
They are used in indirect sentences (there is, there are, it is)
Example:
It is important for us to raise more capital in order to continue developing new products.

9. The reader’s response The sentence is too wordy an hard to understand.
Possible revision:
We must raise more capital in order to continue developing new products.

10. Using passive voice with care
You de-emphasise the doer and create wordier versions of sentences.
Example:
The explosion and fire at the refinery were caused by poorly trained contract workers.

11. The reader’s response The emphasis is on the result Possible revision:
Poorly trained contract workers caused the explosion and fire at the refinery.
The emphasis is on the cause

12. Creating emphasis
Take into account the following ’normal’ patterns for the English language
End-weighting (what you want to highlight comes at the end of the sentence)
Given vs. new information (the new information is introduced towards the end of the sentence)

13. Examples:
Alice saw the things.
Alice saw the things then.
It was Alice who saw the things.

14. Create emphatic sentence patterns
Use inversions
Examples:
Normal
The lecturer’s voice thundered from the back of the auditorium.
Inverted
From the back of the auditorium thundered the lecturer’s voice.

15. Use climactic order sentences that build to a climax to the last element
Example:
What every true modern home has is a dishwasher, a gas grill, a Jacuzzi and a divorce.

16. Create periodic sentences – by piling up phrases and clauses, delaying the main clause
Example:
Because she loves perfection yet fears failure, and because she believes that risk-taking does not eliminate attention to detail, Sarah is working eighteen hours a day to finish her project.

17. When you revise and edit make sure you focus on:
Writing effective sentences
with the appropriate focus
with appropriate nominalisation
With clear, specific verbs
Create emphasis where appropriate
Inversion
Climatctic sentences
Periodic sentences