1. Professional Workplace Writing

2. Anticipatory set: Circle the answer that you think is correct
In business writing it is important to…
A) use Jargon and technical terms
B) use correct spelling and grammar
C) use figurative language
D) use consise and clear sentences
E) use sophisticated and complex vocabulary

3. Answers: In business writing its important to…
A) use Jargon and technical terms
B) use correct spelling and grammar
C) use figurative language
D) use consise and clear sentences
E) use sophisticated and complex vocabulary
High level vocabulary, figurative language, and technical jargon makes writing confusing for the reader.
Good grammar and spelling are necessary for the reader to understand what the message is. Consise clear writing also helps the reader better understand your message.

4. In business writing it is important to get the main points across as clearly as possible. This means that in business writing “bigger is NOT better". Often students are too occupied with how much they have to write, when in the real world people care about what you write. If they can not understand your message, it is game over.  

5. In workplace writing you must be clear and concise (short and to the point).

6. How to make my writing clear and concise
Directions: While watching the video, follow along and complete your notes for numbers 1-3.

7. Practice Time: Rewrite the following statements
Practice Time: Rewrite the following statements. Be sure to make them more clear and concise.
1. Original statement: There is one company that provides really good service to their customers. It’s Goodwin’s Wholesale Foods. Rewrite:

8. Answer:
1. Original statement: There is one company that provides really good service to their customers. It’s Goodwin’s Wholesale Foods.
Suggested Rewrite:
One Company that provides great service to their customers is Goodwins Wholesale Foods.
Wow! The rewrite sounds so much clearer!
Oops! I can’t use so! Oh no I can’t use can’t either!!!

9. Practice Time: Rewrite the following statements
Practice Time: Rewrite the following statements. Be sure to make them more clear and concise.
2. Original Statement: I realize that customer service is very important. There are several things I am competent at when dealing with customers.
Rewrite:

10. Practice Time: Suggested Answer
2. Original Statement: I realize that customer service is very important. There are several things I am competent at when dealing with customers.
Rewrite:
I realize that customer service is important. I am competent at several things when dealing with customers.

11. Watch the second half of the video and complete notes for number 4-5.

12. Practice Time:
 1. Original Statement: Our team has come up with a solution to our production problem.
Rewrite:

13. Practice Time: Suggested Answer
 1. Original Statement: Our team has come up with a solution to our production problem.
Rewrite: Our team has solved our production problem.
Explanation: “has come up with” is a weaker verb phrase in this sentence. Replacing this phrase with the stronger verb “solved” makes this a clearer sentence.

14. Practice Time:
2. Original Statement: Payroll was submitted on time by all the employees.
Rewrite:

15. Practice Time: Suggested Answer
2. Original Statement:
Payroll was submitted on time by all the employees.
Predicate Subject
Rewrite: All the employees submitted their payroll on time.
In active sentences the subject comes before the predicate. So to make the sentence more clear, the subject, “All the employees” needs to be moved to the front of the sentence.

16. Practice Time:
3. Original Statement: He will tell us the explanation during Friday’s meeting.
Rewrite:

17. Practice Time:
3. Original Statement: He will tell us the explanation during Friday’s meeting.
Rewrite: He will explain it to us during Friday’s meeting.
Replace the weak verb “tell us” with the stronger one “explain”

18. Practice Time: Rewrite the following statements
Practice Time: Rewrite the following statements. Be sure to make them more clear and concise.
4. Original statement: There is a bank that gave my business the loan we needed for the project.

19. Practice Time: Suggested Answer
4. Original statement: There is a bank that gave my business the loan we needed for the project.
The bank loaned my business the money we needed for the project.
Notice the verb was replaced with a stronger one. There is was also crossed out.

20. Practice Time:
5. Original Statement: The accounts were closed by Judy. She also finished her review of the company’s finances, and she says that we are in a lot of trouble.

21. Practice Time: Suggested Answer
5. Original Statement: The accounts were closed by Judy. She also finished her review of the company’s finances, and she says that we are in a lot of trouble.
Rewrite: Judy closed the accounts. She also reviewed the companies finances, and she believes that we are in trouble.
The first sentence needed to start with the subject, Judy, to make it active. I also took out the linking verb.
The weak verb “finished” was replaced by the stronger verb “reviewed”
Remove words “a Lot”

22. There are MORE ways to make your writing more clear and concise!

23. 6. Avoid technical language (Jargon)
Technical language is confusing, so try to leave it out
If you must use technical language, define it or explain it while using it.
Confusing: I administered the Analgesic to the patient.
Better: I gave the patient a painkiller.
Confusing: I used the GIS to analyze CO2 levels in my neighborhood.
Better: I used GIS, a program that allows you to record information on maps, to analyze the CO2 levels in my neighborhood.

24. 7. Use clear words and eliminate unnecessary words
Confusing: I will address the basic fundamentals to my employees.. Better: I will discuss the basics to my employees. Confusing: I will be calling a meeting in the near future. Better: I will be calling a meeting soon.

25. clear word ideas
• advise (tell) • commence (start) • complete (fill in) • comply with (keep to)
• consequently (so)
• ensure (make sure) • forward (send) • in accordance with (under, keeping to)
• in excess of (more than)
terminate (end)
• in respect of (for) • in the event of (if) • on receipt (when we/you get) • on request (if you ask) • particulars (details) • per annum (a year) • persons (people) • prior to (before) • regarding (about) • should you wish (if you want)

26. 8. Use pronouns to make your writing clearer
In business you must communicate directly with others. That means you will have to write in 2nd person and 1st person. It is also okay to use the pronoun “we” when talking about the company as a whole. Confusing: Georgia Pacific Hospital will inform patients before we bill them. Better: We will inform you before we bill you.

27. Practice Time- Rewrite the following statements
Practice Time- Rewrite the following statements. Be sure to make them more clear and concise.
1. Original statement: Our customer satisfaction is guaranteed. If our customers are not elated with a purchase, they can return it within 30 days for a full refund.

28. Practice Time- Suggested Answer
1. Original statement: Our customer satisfaction is guaranteed. If our customers are not elated with a purchase, they can return it within 30 days for a full refund.
Rewrite: Your satisfaction is guaranteed. If you are not happy with your purchase, return it within 30 days for a full refund.
Using the pronoun “you” to talk directly to the customer makes this message more clear and concise.
Replacing the word “elated” with the simpler word “happy” also makes the message clearer.

29. Practice Time
2. Original statement: We will postpone the meeting until later. Currently we need to focus on circumventing any more damage to our company.

30. Practice Time- Suggested Answer
2. Original statement: We will postpone the meeting until later. Currently we need to focus on circumventing any more damage to our company.
Rewrite: We will postpone the meeting. Right now we need to focus on avoiding any more damage to our company.
The statements “postpone” and “until later” mean the same thing, so eliminating one of these makes the sentence clearer.
Replacing the word “circumventing” with the simpler word “damage” also helps with clarity

31. Practice Time
3.Orginial statement: We will be in a position to expand our programing this fall.
Rewrite:

32. Practice Time-Suggested Answer
3.Orginial statement: We will be in a position to expand our programing this fall.
Rewrite: We can expand our programming this fall.
Replace the overly wordy phrase “will be in a position” to the word “can”

33. Practice Time
4. Original statement: I will advise the board regarding the incident that occurred last week.
Rewrite:

34. Practice Time
4. Original statement: I will advise the board regarding the incident that occurred last week.
Rewrite: I will tell the board about the incident that happened last week.
Replace the word “advise” to the word “tell”
Replace the word “regarding” to the word “about”

35. Practice Time
5. Original sentence: Someone with a BMI of 30% or more is considered obese.
Rewrite:
Hint: BMI is a health/medical term. BMI is an acronym for body mass index. It measures a persons body weight in relation to their height.

36. Practice Time
5. Original sentence: Someone with a BMI of 30% or more is considered obese.
Rewrite: BMI, or Body Mass Index, is a way of measuring a person’s body weight in relation to their height. Someone with a BMI of 30% or more is considered obese.
Notice this jargon was an important part of the main message, so instead of getting rid of it, we defined it for the reader.

37. Practice Time
6. Original statement: We must give consideration to all the applicants before we make a decision.

38. Practice Time- Suggested Answer
6. Original statement: We must give consideration to all the applicants before we make a decision.
Rewrite: We must consider all the applicants before we decide.
Replace the weak verbs give and make with the stronger ones in the sentence.