1. The 4 “C’s” Be clear, concise, considerate, and correct!

2. Warm Up! Revise the following sentences to make them more direct and concise. Revise the following sentences to make them more direct and concise. This is to inform you that a great percentage of employees are of the opinion that it is preferable to save their money in the event that they may want to retire early. This is to inform you that a great percentage of employees are of the opinion that it is preferable to save their money in the event that they may want to retire early. It was decided by the director to cancel the program. It was decided by the director to cancel the program. A revision of the program will result in increases in our efficiency in the servicing of our customers. A revision of the program will result in increases in our efficiency in the servicing of our customers. There are five car alarms that are blaring in the parking lot. There are five car alarms that are blaring in the parking lot.

3. Getting rid of the words... Original: This is to inform you that a great percentage of employees are of the opinion that it is preferable to save their money in the event that they may want to retire early. Original: This is to inform you that a great percentage of employees are of the opinion that it is preferable to save their money in the event that they may want to retire early. Revision: Revision:

4. Some General Rules Consider your reader! Use “you” and “we” centered language. Consider your reader! Use “you” and “we” centered language. Focus on the real subject of the sentence. Focus on the real subject of the sentence. Draft: The implementation of the plan will occur on April 6. Draft: The implementation of the plan will occur on April 6. Revision: The plan will be implemented on April 6. Revision: The plan will be implemented on April 6. Write in active voice Write in active voice Who or what is the subject of the sentence? What are they doing? Who or what is the subject of the sentence? What are they doing? Consider a basic subject + verb sentence Consider a basic subject + verb sentence Cut the clutter! Cut the clutter!

5. Work on your own... Find three clunky or overly long sentences Find three clunky or overly long sentences Cross out any unnecessary words Cross out any unnecessary words Begin by crossing out adverbs, or –ly words. Begin by crossing out adverbs, or –ly words. Put brackets around prepositional phrases Put brackets around prepositional phrases Common prepositions: of, in, to, with, for, with, on, from, by, about Common prepositions: of, in, to, with, for, with, on, from, by, about

6. Work on your own (con’t) Circle the subject of the sentence (usually the first noun in the sentence.) Circle the subject of the sentence (usually the first noun in the sentence.) Is the subject the most important noun in that sentence? Is it truly the word that you want to emphasize? Is the subject the most important noun in that sentence? Is it truly the word that you want to emphasize? If not, move the most important noun to the front of the sentence. If not, move the most important noun to the front of the sentence. E.g. The idea originated from class members who believed that we could have better cafeteria food. E.g. The idea originated from class members who believed that we could have better cafeteria food. Look at the verb. Look at the verb. Is it active? That is, is the subject of the sentence performing the verb? Is it active? That is, is the subject of the sentence performing the verb? Could it be more direct? Could you replace many words with one direct verb Could it be more direct? Could you replace many words with one direct verb E.g. “people are under the impression that...”? E.g. “people are under the impression that...”?