1. Revising Sentences and Paragraphs
Module Sixteen
McGraw-Hill/Irwin
Copyright © 2014 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. Learning Objectives
LO 16-1 Define good style in business messages. LO 16-2 Demonstrate appropriate tone in business messages. LO 16-3 Differentiate rules from writing habits and conventions.
LO 16-1 Define good style in business messages.
LO 16-2 Demonstrate appropriate tone in business messages.
LO 16-3 Differentiate rules from writing habits and conventions.

3. Learning Objectives
LO 16-4 Apply strategies for sentence revision. LO 16-5 Apply strategies for paragraph revision. LO 16-6 Synthesize style with organizational culture.
LO 16-4 Apply strategies for sentence revision.
LO 16-5 Apply strategies for paragraph revision.
LO 16-6 Synthesize style with organizational culture.

4. What is “good” style? Use friendly, conversational words.
Avoid contractions, slang, and even minor grammatical lapses.
Edit your writing to sound confident, even in uncomfortable situations.
Allow for some individual variation
Good business writing style encourages audiences to read the message. Therefore, choose friendly, conversational words in situations where you’ve spoken with the reader before. Avoid contractions and slang in paper documents to people you don’t know. Be confident, relying on verbs and some individual style, so long as it’s acceptable to your audience.

5. Different Levels of Style
The style of writing that has traditionally earned high marks in college essays and term papers is arguably more formal than good business and administrative writing. (See Figure )

6. Using the Right Tone
Business writing should be businesslike and friendly.
In the past 50 years, social distance in the United States has decreased.
Tone is the implied attitude of the speaker or writer toward what the words say.
Good business writing style encourages audiences to read the message. Therefore, choose friendly, conversational words in situations where you’ve spoken with the reader before. Avoid contractions and slang in paper documents to people you don’t know. Be confident, relying on verbs and some individual style, so long as it’s acceptable to your audience.

7. Are there rules I should follow?
None of the following is necessarily true—decide what is appropriate based on audience and discourse community:
“Write what “sounds” good.”
“Never use I.”
“Use big words.”
Most rules are really guidelines in writing, especially these “half truths.” Always focus on your audience when deciding which style to use.

8. Are there rules I should follow?
Get a clean page or screen.
Try WIRMI (What I really mean is)
Read the draft aloud to someone.
Ask someone else to read it to you.
Read widely and a lot.
Use the techniques on the next slide.
Improving style is a matter of study and experience. To help you, try these techniques. Recognize that your style may change over time and even with different audiences.

9. What should I look for when I revise sentences?
Use active verbs most of the time.
Use verbs to carry the weight of your sentence
Tighten your writing
Following these techniques will help you to make your sentences easier to read. To start use active verbs most of the time, and use strong verbs where appropriate.

10. What should I look for when I revise sentences?
Vary sentence length and sentence structure
Use parallel structure
Put your readers in your sentences

11. What should I look for when I revise sentences?
Use verbs to present the information more forcefully.
Weak: We will perform an investigation of the problem.
Better: We will investigate the problem.
Weak: Selection of a program should be based on the client’s needs.
Better: Select the program that best fits the client’s needs.
Use verbs to present the information more forcefully.
Weak: We will perform an investigation of the problem.
Better: We will investigate the problem.
Weak: Selection of a program should be based on the client’s needs.
Better: Select the program that best fits the client’s needs.

12. Tighten Your Writing Eliminate words that say nothing
Use gerunds and infinitives to make sentences shorter and smoother
Combine sentences to eliminate unnecessary words
Put the meaning of your sentence into the subject and verb
Writing is wordy if the same idea can be expressed in fewer words. Unnecessary words increase typing time, bore your reader, and make your meaning more difficult to follow, since the reader must hold all the extra words in mind while trying to understand your meaning. Good writing is tight. Tight writing may be long because it is packed with ideas.

13. Vary Sentence Length and Sentence Structure
Simple sentences have one main clause
Compound sentences have two main clauses joined with and, but, or, or another conjunction.
Complex sentences have one main and one subordinate clause
Simple sentences have one main clause. Compound sentences have two main clauses joined with and, but, or, or another conjunction. Compound sentences work best when the ideas in the two clauses are closely related. Complex sentences have one main and one subordinate clause; they are good for showing
logical relationships.

14. Eliminate Repeated Words in Parallel Lists
Parallelism is also a powerful device for making your writing smoother and more forceful. (See Figure )

15. Use Parallelism to Tighten Your Writing
Eliminate repeated words in parallel lists. (See Figure )

16. What should I look for when I revise paragraphs?
Begin most paragraphs with topic sentences
Use transitions to link ideas
A good paragraph has unity; that is, it discusses only one idea, or topic. The topic sentence states the main idea and provides a scaffold to structure your document. Topic sentences are not essential, but your writing will be easier to read if you make the topic sentence explicit and put it at the beginning of the paragraph

17. Transition Words and Phrases
Figure 16.4 lists some of the most common transition words and phrases.

18. How does organizational culture affect style?
Use the techniques in this module
Help your boss (or co-worker) learn about writing
Recognize that style may serve purposes other than communication
Ask
Style is often affected by organizational culture, as well as by individual bosses. Just because the style is privileged doesn’t mean it’s the best style, however. To help people in your organization learn a better style, consider these techniques.