CHAPTER ELEVEN Relationships

CHAPTER ELEVEN Relationships
Adulthood and Aging, 6e John C. Cavanaugh Fredda Blanchard-Fields CHAPTER ELEVEN Relationships

Relationship Types and Issues
Learning Objectives What role do friends play across the adult lifespan? How are siblings important, especially in late life? What characterizes love relationships? How do they vary across cultures? What are abusive relationships? What are elder abuse and neglect?

Friendships Friendships in Adulthood Three broad themes underlie adult friendships: Affective or emotional basis This includes self-disclosure, expressions of intimacy, appreciation, affection, and support. Based on trust, loyalty, and commitment Shared or communal nature Friends participate in or support activities of mutual interest. Sociability and compatibility Friends keep us entertained and are sources of amusement, fun, and recreation.

Friendships Online Friendships Trust develops on the basis of four sources: Reputation Performance Precommitment Situational factors What makes a friend? Psychological and Sociocultural forces result in marked differences in how people define friendship. Vancouver, Canada Mostly on affective (feelings) and cognitive processes (what they think about the relationships) Greensboro, NC Rely on behavioral, relational qualities, and being like themselves Sibling friends Women place more importance on sibling ties than do men; for both the ties are greater in adolescence and late life.

Figure 11.1 Strength of sibling ties across adulthood

Developmental Aspects of Friendships and Socioemotional Selectivity Why are friends so important to older adults? Concerns about being a burden to their families Friends help each other foster independence. Older adults tend to have fewer relationships that people in mid-life and young adulthood. Socioemotional selectivity Social contact is motivated by a variety of goals. Information seeking Self-concept Emotional regulation Men, Women’s, and Cross-Sex Friendships Men tend to have fewer friendships than women. Men’s friendships tend to be based on shared activities. Women's friendships are based on intimate emotional sharing. Cross-gender friendships tend to be very difficult to maintain.

Men, Women’s, and Cross-Sex Friendships Men’s and women’s friendship tend to differ in adulthood. Women's friendships are based on intimate emotional sharing. Men’s friendships tend to be based on shared activities and interests. Women tend to have more friendships than men. Friendships between men and women Beneficial effect, especially for men Similar to cross ethnic friendships Cross-gender friendships tend to be difficult to maintain. Why?

Love Relationships Love through adulthood Sternberg has identified three components of love: Passion Intimacy Commitment Ideally, good love relationships have all three components. Combinations produce seven types of love. Assortative mating does the best job explaining the process of forming love relationships. Selecting a mate works best when there are shared values, goals, and interests. Homogamy – degree to which people share similar values and interests

Love Relationships On-line dating Provides a way for people with social or dating anxiety to meet people Not without problems - what are they? Three filters that are applied when meeting someone new: Stimulus Values Role The degree that two people find each other physically attractive is more important than people realize. Women choose a more masculine-looking man for short term affairs and a more feminine man as a prospective husband or that their parents would want them to date.

Love Relationships (continued) Cross-culture issues Buss and colleagues found men and women in each culture displayed unique orderings of their preferences for a mate. Traditional cultures: China, India, Iran, and Nigeria Men place high value on chastity, desire for home and children, being a good cook and house keeper Women look for a man’s ambition and industry, being a good financial prospect, and holding favorable social status Western-industrial cultures: Netherlands, UK, Finland, Sweden Value the above qualities to a lesser extent and place more value on Western ideals Education, intelligence, and social refinement, for both men and women, are more important than pleasing disposition in Spain, Colombia, and Greece. People in Indonesia place a greater emphasis on pleasing disposition. Chastity has the most variability across cultures, having high value in some culture and little import in others. The power of culture in mate selection must not be underestimated.

Figure 11.2 In research across 10 global regions

Violence in Relationships Abusive relationships occur when one person becomes aggressive toward the partner. Levels of aggressive behavior range from verbal aggression to physical aggression to murdering one’s partner. People remain in abusive relationships for many reasons. Including low self-esteem and the belief that they cannot leave Battered women syndrome The causes of aggression become more complex as the level of aggression increases.

Violence in Relationships (continued) Many college students report experiencing abuse. One study: 7% reported physical abuse; 36% reported emotional abuse Sexual assault rates declining, acquaintance (date) rape is experienced by 1 in 4 college women Roughly 40 to 50% of women injured during a sexual attack Separated or divorced women more vulnerable to physical abuse. Latina women less likely to be abused across all age groups.

Violence in Relationships (cont.) Culture issues Cultures that emphasize honor and portray women as passive supporters of men’s activity with sacrifice for family tend have higher rates and to tolerate abuse. Common cause of women’s murders in Arab countries is brother or other male relatives killing the victim because of honor.

Figure 11.3 Continuum of progressive behaviors in abusive relationships

Elder Abuse, Neglect, and Exploitation
Elder abuse is difficult to define and has several categories: Physical Sexual Emotional or Psychological Financial or material Abandonment Neglect Self-neglect Risk factors and causes of Elder Abuse, Neglect, or Exploitation: Spouses or partners who have a history of being abusive tend to remain that way in late life. Unscrupulous businesspeople take advantage of cognitively disadvantaged older adults.

Lifestyles and Love Relationships
Learning Objectives What are the challenges and advantages of being single? Why do people cohabit? What are gay male and lesbian relationships like? What is marriage like across adulthood? Why do people divorce and remarry? What are the experiences of widows and widowers?

Singlehood Most adults between 20 and 24 are single. Approximately 80% of men and 70% of women in the 20 to 24 age bracket are single. People remain single for a variety of reasons. Gender differences Men tend to stay single longer. However, fewer men remain unmarried throughout adulthood. Ethnic differences in singlehood Nearly twice as many African Americans are single during young adulthood as European Americans. Three distinct groups of young singles: Those who suffer distress at being single. Those who are experiencing a continuum of desiring to remain single and wanting to be married. Others that are quite happy being single.

Cohabitation Becoming an increasingly popular lifestyle choice 523,000 couples in 1970 5,500,000 couples in 2000 Couples cohabitate for three main reasons Convenience, sharing expenses, sexual accessibility – part-time or limited cohabitation Couples are engaging in a trial marriage with an intent on marrying – premarital cohabitation. Long-term commitment that is a marriage in fact, but lacking official sanction – substitute marriage.

Figure 11.4 There has been a rapid growth in cohabitation in the United States

Gay Male and Lesbian Couples On many relationship dimensions gay male and lesbian couples are similar to married couples. Including finances and household chores Gender differences are more important that sexual orientation. Gay men, like heterosexual men, tend to separate love and sex and have more short-term relationships. Lesbian and heterosexual women are more likely to connect sex and emotional intimacy in fewer, longer lasting relationships. Gay and lesbian couples often report less support from family member than do married or cohabitating heterosexual couples.

Marriage The median age at first marriage is increasing and has done so over the last few decades. Factors influencing marital success Maturity of the two partners at time of marriage Homogamy Marriage based on similarity Feelings of equality Exchange theory - each partner contributing something to the relationship that the other would be hard pressed to provide

Figure 11.5 Median age at first marriage in the United States

The Developmental Course of Marital Satisfaction Marital satisfaction is highest at the beginning of the marriage, falls until children leave home, and rises in later life. The Early Years Marriages are most intense in the early days. As couples settle in a routine, marital satisfaction tends to decline. Marriage at Midlife Most marriages improve when the children leave home. For some middle-aged couples, however, satisfaction remains low. Married Singles – emotionally divorced and living as house-mates Older Couples Reduced potential for marital conflict and greater potential for pleasure.

Figure 11.6 Marital satisfaction is highest early on and in later life

Keeping Marriages Happy Most long-term marriages tend to be happy. Couples in long-term happy marriages show an ability to adapt to changes in their relationships. Couples realize that expectations about one's marriage change over time. Seven Key Things to Keep a Good Marriage Make time for your relationship Express your love to your spouse Be there in times of need Communicate constructively and positively about problems in the relationship Be interested in your spouse’s life Confide in your spouse Forgive minor offenses, and try to understand major ones

Divorce and Remarriage Divorce Who Gets Divorced and Why Divorce in the U.S. is common and rates are higher than in many other countries. Ethnicity African American couples tend to remain married longer. Ethnically mixed marriages are at greater risk. Men and women agree on the reasons for divorce Infidelity Incompatibility Drug and alcohol use Growing apart Gottman and Levenson’s two models to predict divorce early (7 years) and late (when first child reaches 14)

Figure 11.7 The United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the world

Effects of Divorce on the Couple Divorce may impair well-being even several years later. Divorce Hangover: inability to “let go” Divorce in middle- or late-life If the woman initiates the divorce, they report self-focused growth and optimism. If they did not, they tend to ruminate and feel vulnerable. Financial problems faced by middle-aged divorced women

Figure 11.8 Many factors on different levels enter into the decision to divorce

Remarriage Despite adjustment problems, the vast majority of divorced people remarry. Usually men and women wait about 3.5 years. Rates differ somewhat across ethnic groups. Few difference between first marriages and remarriages. Second marriages have 25% higher risk of dissolution than first marriages (except African American marriages). Second marriage rates are lower for older divorced women. Remarriage in late life appears to be very happy, especially if the partners were widowed. In this case, the biggest problem is usually resistance by adult children.

Widowhood Experiencing the death of one's spouse is a traumatic event, but one which is highly likely. More than half of women over 65 are widows, but only 15% of same-aged men are widowers. Reactions to widowhood depend on the quality of the marriage. Widowed people are vulnerable to being abandoned by their couples-based friendship network. As a result, they may become socially isolated. Gender differences Widowhood is more common among women because they tend to marry older men. Widowed men are typically older than widowed women. Men are more likely to die soon after their spouse. Either by suicide or natural causes

Family Dynamics and the Life Course
Learning Objectives What is it like to be a parent? What are the key issues across ethnic groups? What forms of parenting are there? How do middle-aged adults interact with their children? How do they deal with the possibility of providing care to aging parents? How do grandparents interact with their grandchildren? What key issues are involved?

The Parental Role Today, couples have fewer children and have their first child later than in the past. Older mothers are more at ease being parents. Parenting skills do not come naturally. In general parents manage to deal with many challenges. Ethnic Diversity and Parenting African American Husbands are more likely to help with household chores. Wives do more of the cooking and cleaning. Parents buffer their children from involvement with drugs. Provide a cohesive, loving environment within a context of strong religious belief Native American Because of generations of oppression parenting skills have been lost. Tribalism promotes strong ties to parents, siblings, and grandparents.

The Parental Role (continued) Ethnic Diversity and Parenting Latino Less likely than European or African American to be two parent families because of: Higher rates of cohabitation Cultural values Out-of-wedlock births Mexican parents adopt authoritative behaviors in dealing with preschoolers. Key values are familism (well-being of family takes precedence over the concerns of individual family members) and extended family Asian Values familism Higher value on extended family Key values Good grades in school Discipline Concerned what others think Conformity

Single Parents Single-parent households have remained constant since 1994 at 9 percent. Proportion of births to unmarried mothers is at an all time high at 37%. Single parents are mostly women. 70% - African American 48% - Latina 25% - European Reasons Decision to keep the child Fertility rates across ethnic groups Desire for single adults to adopt How are children affected with only one parent to provide child care?

Single Parents (continued) Single-parents face considerable obstacles. Financially less well-off Integrating work and parenthood difficult Concerns of the single parent Dating

Adoptive parents, foster parents, and stepparents A major issue is how strongly the child will bond with them. Gay and lesbian parents These parents face numerous obstacles, but are usually very good parents with well-adjusted children. Evidence is clear that children raised by gay or lesbian parents suffer no adverse consequences compared to heterosexual parents. Sandwich generation Middle-aged parents caught between their children and their parents as caregivers

Midlife Issues: Adult Children and Parental Caregiving Adult Children: Becoming Friends and the Empty Nest Middle aged parents experience two positive developments. Suddenly their children see them in a new light. The children leave home. Only 25% report negative emotions when their children leave home. Difficulties emerge when children were a major source of a parent’s identity. However, most parents typically report distress if adult children move back home.

Midlife Issues: Adult Children and Parental Caregiving Caring for ones parents Filial obligation: to care for one’s parents when necessary 44 million Americans provide care for older parents, in-laws, grandparents. Caregiving Stresses Two main sources Adult children have trouble coping with parents declining cognitive ability, problematic behavior, workload burnout, and loss of previous relationship with parent. When the caregiving role infringes on the adult child’s other responsibilities

Grandparenthood How do Grandparents Interact with Grandchildren? Grandparents pass on skills, religious, social, and vocational values. Grandchildren give to grandparents by keeping them in touch with youth and the latest trends (computers, iPods). Being a Grandparent is meaningful. Kivnick has identified five meanings of being a grandparent: Centrality Value as an elder Immortality through clan Reinvolvement with one’s personal past Indulgence

Figure 11. Whether a care recipient perceives care to be good depends on interactions . . .

Grandparents, Grandchildren, and Divorce Grandparents raising their grandchildren Grandparents are increasingly being put in the position of raising their grandchildren. Approximately 800,000 U.S. households include a grandparent raising a grandchild under the age of 18. Grandparents who raise their grandchildren face many special problems. Reasons for raising grandchildren are varied. Ethnic Differences Grandparenting style varies with ethnicity. Latino vs. Nordic

Great-Grandparenthood Increasing numbers of people are living long enough to become great-grandparents. Which brings additional status and meaning to one's life Being a great-grandparent is an important source of personal and family renewal.

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