1. Nesli Güner Nihan Nur Çakır
Men, Women and Infidelity Sex Differences in Extradyadic Sex and Jealousy written by Bram P. Buunk and Pieternel Dijkstra
Nesli Güner
Nihan Nur Çakır

2. Infidelity: considered as a serious betrayal of one’s spouse that may evoke strong jealousy
Adultery
Cheating
Unfaithfulness
The same

3. Some Statistics from the USA
20% of men and 10% of women admitted to engaging in extramarital sex
Among people who cheat
44% of men want sex more often
40% of men want variety in their sexual partners
40% of women want more emotional attention
35% of women want to be reassured they are still desirable
11% of women cheated for revenge
80% of women and 98% of men have frequent fantasies about someone other than their partner

4. Attitudes towards Infidelity
Generally disapproved and condemned
Relaxation in 1970s for some countries
“Sexual Revolution”

5. Infidelity of Men Men are more open to often fantasize about
willing to engage in
infidelity than women
(especially for extradyadical sex without emotional involvement)
No difference in extradyadical long-term affairs

6. Q: What is the driving force of infidelity for men?
Sexual variety
Desire for sexual experimentation
Sexual excitement
Novelty and change
Sexual deprivation in primary relationship

7. Q: Among men, sexual deprivation in primary relationship is more strongly related with extradyadical sex than among women. Why?
Men think
Lack of sexual interest of their partners shows an interest in other men
Thus, looking for alternatives
Men, who experience sexual deprivation from their partners, may also have strong sex drive

8. Infidelity of Women Q: What is the driving force of infidelity for women?
Dissatisfaction with the current relationship
Desire to find a new partner

9. Gap between the number of men’s and women’s infidelities decreases
Increase in the amount of extradyadical sex the liberated young women engage in
Men are losing power over women

10. Double Standards
In China and Japan, only women’s extramarital sex defined as adultery
In France, crime passionel was acceptable only for men
In Belgium, only wife’s infidelity contributes to divorce
In North America, women’s adultery percieved more negatively than men’s

11. Q: Why do you think the laws are harsher on women in case of infidelity?

12. Q: What does double standard result in?
Women focus on the costs of their infidelity
Strong guilt feeling
Negatively affected marriage
Men focus on the pay-offs
Sexual variation

13. Q: What does double standard result in? (cont’d)
Stigmatization Theory
The individuals perceive their behavior of infidelity as rare
Among women
Justification Theory
The individuals perceive their behavior of infidelity as common
Among men

14. Q: What does double standard result in? (cont’d)
Upon breaking up, men perceive their partner’s infidelity more often than their own infidelity as a reason.
Women perceive their partner’s infidelity as much as their own infidelity as a reason.

15. Q: What does double standard result in? (cont’d)
Since women who engage in extradyadic sex have to transgress a moral barrier more than men do, they are less well-adjusted than men who engage in the same behavior

16. Q: Men seem to be more concerned about their partner’s infidelity
Q: Men seem to be more concerned about their partner’s infidelity. What do men do to reduce the chances of their partner’s infidelity?
Being possessive
Spending as much time as possible with their partners
Display controlling forms of jealousy
Threatening their partners
Desertion
Violence
Example?

17. Q: What are the reasons for Vaukhonen to suggest that men are more jealous than women?
Possesive urge
Competitive urge
To prevent a violation of their exclusive sexual access to a woman

18. Q: According to Symon, how do men and women differ based on their jealousy towards their partners’ infidelity? Do Symon’s thoughts support Kinsey’s thoughts on the response towards partners’ infidelity?
Symon
Jealousy is
Obligated response for men
Flexible and facultative response for women
Kinsey
Women are more tolerant than men towards spouse’s infidelity

19. Q: What can be considered by a jealous husband as a proof for his wife’s infidelity
Can be anything
Independent behavior
Lack of sexual interest
Unfamiliar brand of cigarette in an ashtray
Being friendly to a man
Daydreaming
Intense denial of infidelity
So on...

20. Q: Who are the victims of murder when husband or wife get so jealous about their spouses?
Victim of wife: her husband
Victim of husband: other man, not his wife

21. Q: Why do Bohm and Mead think women are more jealous than men?
Penis envy
Narcissistic libido
Mead
Woman’s social position depends on her husband

22. Q: According to empirical studies among college students and adults, neither sex shows more negative response towards infidelity of their partners although theories suggest jealousy levels are different for both sexes. What may be the reason of this difference?

23. During the assesment of jealousy in general, the specific conditions that results in jealousy are ignored.
Although women show more negavite responses, such as aggressive action towards their rival, in case of men’s infidelity, men do not acknowledge their jealousy, and repress and deny it.
Men and women have different reproductive biology that affects the perception towards jealousy.

24. Q: In a study on sexually open marriages, Knaap and Whitehurst found that wives generally complain that their husbands back away from the emotional discussions on extramarital involvements. How do you link it to “female demand/male withdraw” pattern?

25. According to female demand/male withdraw pattern, since husband sees conflict as an opportunity for trouble, he avoids discussion on extramarital involvements while wife sees disagreement as an opportunity for being close to her husband and as a result tries to resolve it.

26. Q: What does evolutionary psychology suggest about men’s and women’s different ways of jealousy? What are the two types of infidelity that primarily elicit to men’s and women’s jealousy?
For men, there is an uncertainity for the paternity of the offspring
Causes stronger jealousy toward sexual infidelity
For women, there is no uncertainity for the maternity of the offspring, but sharing men’s resources with someone else is the main problem
Causes stronger jealousy toward emotional infidelity

27. Q: Can you link the previous finding to the two concepts that we mentioned at the beginning of the semester while talking about men and women’s selection of mates based on different criteria? How?

28. While selecting mates, men look for fertility cues
While selecting mates, men look for fertility cues. Therefore they feel more jealousy toward sexual infidelity. On the other hand, while selecting mates, women look for provider cues. Therefore, they feel more jealousy toward emotional infidelity which may result in losing the partner and his resources to another woman.

29. Q: Sexual and emotional infidelity are not independent since occurrence of one generally implies the occurrence of the other one. If so, how could researchers find out there is a gender difference between infidelity types?
Two types of infidelity are considered as mutually exclusive, meaning that the statement says that “your husband is emotionally unfaithful, but not sexually unfaithful” and then, they try to measure the response level.

30. Q: Does the pattern about sexual and emotional jealousy change among homosexuals? How?
Lesbian women show more sexual jealousy than gay men, and gay men show more emotional jealousy than lesbian women
In addition to this, there is no difference between a “butch” and a “femme”