1. An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum
SAFE DATES
An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum

2. Goals of Safe Dates Program
Raise students’ awareness of what constitutes healthy and abusive dating relationships
Raise students’ awareness of dating abuse and it’s causes and consequences
Equip students with the skills and resources to help themselves or friends in abusive dating relationships
Equip students with the skills to develop healthy dating relationships, including positive

3. General Info
Between 10 and 38 percent of high school students have been victims of dating abuse.
Among students who are currently dating, as many as 59 percent have experienced physical violence, and 96 percent have experienced psychological or emotional abuse.
Adults who use violence with their dating partners often begin doing so during adolescence, with the first episode typically occurring by age fifteen.
Young women between the ages of 14 and 17 represent 38 percent of those victimized by date rape.
Both boys and girls are victims and perpetrators of abuse.
Abuse almost always reoccurs in a relationship. It doesn’t just go away.
Most abuse gets more severe over time.

4. Session #1 - DEFINING CARING RELATIONSHIPS
Important qualities in a dating relationship
Supportive & caring actions
Treatment from a dating partner
Treatment to a dating partner
Choice in the way treated from a dating partner
Choice in the way to treat a dating partner

5. What is Dating? What activities are examples of dating? List…
What are qualities or characteristics you think are most important in someone you date…identify 4-5? Do not share with others yet!!!
List on board and discuss how they can enhance a relationship.

6. Important Qualities in a Relationship
Funny
Independent
Respected
Trusted
Supported
Encouraged
Loved
Excited
Romanced

7. How I Want to be Treated by a Dating Partner
Bottom Line (Two Most Important)…Must Haves
No relationship is perfect.
If you aren’t getting the things that are most important to you, you have choices to make about the relationship.

8. Session #2 - DEFINING DATING ABUSE
Harmful dating behaviors
Physical & Emotional abusive behaviors
Physical & Emotional abuse in the dating relationship
Abusive behavior identification
Susceptibility to dating abuse
Rejection of abuse in a dating relationship

9. Harmful Behaviors List Physical Harm and Emotional Harm
Additional questions think emotional…
#1 What about threatening or spreading rumors?
#2 What about making fun of a date in front his or her friends?
#3 What other behaviors are emotionally or psychologically hurtful?

10. Physical Harmful Behaviors
Hitting
Scratching
Pushing
Pinching
Choking
Spitting
Shaking
Shoving
Forcing
Biting
Pulling Hair
Using a Weapon
Throwing Things
Keeping a Date from Leaving
Molestation
Rape
Forcing Unwanted Sexual Actions
Damaging Personal Property
Acting in an Intimidating Way
Purposefully Injuring an Animal

11. Emotional Harmful Behaviors
Calling a Date Names
Criticizing Opinions
Ignoring a Date’s Feelings
Isolating Date from Others
Behaving Jealously
Telling Lies
Scaring a Date
Cheating on a Date
Making Someone Feel Guilty
Spreading Rumors
Threatening to Hurt a Date
Threatening to Hurt Oneself
Using Sexually Derogatory Names
Criticizing Beliefs about Sex
Putting Down Family and Friends
Driving Recklessly to Scare a Date
Humiliating a Date in Public or Private
Insulting a Date’s Beliefs or Values
Displaying Inappropriate Anger

12. Harmful Behaviors How do they relate to each of the previous units:
Personal Health?
Wellness, Well-Rounded
Nutrition?
Eating Disorders
Mental Health?
Suicidal, Depression, Self-Esteem
Substance Abuse?
Pain relief through alcohol, drugs

13. Scenarios
Some behaviors seem obviously abusive, while it’s difficult to decide about other behaviors, depending on what else is going on.
Partners Read and evaluate each scenario and discuss…yes/no abusive and why?
Four students read each scenario, class share and discuss…

14. Scenario #1 – Jason and Meg
Is Jason abusive?
Why or why not?
What if scenario had not ended with Jason hitting Megan. Instead Jason got angry and ordered her to get his friends’ drink? When she refused, he “got in her face” and said, “What did you say?” Megan responded by withdrawing and being quiet. Is this still abuse?
If this was the first time Jason and Megan had fought, would it still be abuse?
**Think about the difference (if there is any) between violence that happens one time and reoccurring violence.**

15. Scenario #2 – Christina and Juan
Is Juan abusive? Why or why not?
**Dating may involve difficult and painful experiences, but those experiences aren’t always abusive. Misunderstandings and thoughtlessness may make a person feel bad, but such conflicts can be resolved in a way that allows both people to express themselves.**

16. Scenario #3 – Tyrone and Nicole
Is Nicole abusive? Why or why not?
**All types of people suffer abuse in relationships…males and females; whites, African Americans, Hispanics, and Asians; students born in rich and poor neighborhoods; people who have dated a lot or have just started dating.**

17. Scenario #4 – Tau and Lu Is Lu abusive? Why or why not?
Is Tau abusive? Why or why not?
**Not all controlling behaviors are violent or obvious. By making Tau feel guilty, Lu is isolating her from her friends. Tactics may seem sweet, and it may seem like the problem is with Tau.

18. Defining Abusive Dating Relationships
Based on the four scenarios.
Harmful behaviors are abusive when…
They are used to manipulate;
They’re used to gain control;
They’re used to gain power over someone;
They make you feel bad about yourself or other people you’re close to (friends, family, etc.)
They make you afraid of your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Both physical and emotional attacks can occur and both are equally serious.

19. Important!!!
Emotional actions (jealous behavior, guilt) if happen once may not be abusive. It becomes abuse when these actions…manipulate, gain power, control, etc.
ANY use of physical or sexual violence, however, is abusive, even if it’s done ONLY ONCE!!!

20. Advocate against Dating Abuse Assignment
Design/Create a website that informs the public about dating abuse using information currently learned within this unit and through self-discovery.
Follow assignment hand out for details.
You will use to design your website. You need to sign-up for a free account.
Go to and sign-up and choose your template.
Assignment is due the day of the test.

21. Session #3 - WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?
Controlling & Manipulative functions of dating abuse
Identification of abusive behaviors
Misperceptions about dating abuse
Dating abuse as a serious matter
Abuse is not a victims fault
Short & Long term consequences of abusive relationships
Warning signs of an abusive relationship

22. Scenario #1 - People Abuse to Control the Way Someone Acts
How does Michael want Sara to act?
-Not talk to other guys, be committed, she is his possession
Why might Michael want Sara to act this way?
-He is insecure, he’s arrogant, feel he has power
How is Michael getting Sara to act this way?
-accusing her, taking her roses, arm around and pulling her away, saying it’s embarrassing, make behavior inappropriate

23. Scenario #2 – People Abuse to Control the Way Someone Feels
How does Mario want Cassie to feel?
-bad about herself, dependent, insecure, helpless
Why might Mario want Cassie to feel this way?
-less likely to leave, he feels powerful
How does Mario get Cassie to feel this way?
-putting her down, saying he’s there for her, convince her no one else wants her

24. Scenario #3 – People Abuse to Control the Way Someone Thinks
How does Alison want Joe to feel?
-bad, responsible for her actions, confused, guilty
What does Allison want Joe to think?
-abuse is his fault, she needs him
Why does Allison want Joe to think and feel this way?
-she doesn’t have to feel bad about what she does, doesn’t want him to leave her
How does she get him to think and feel this way?
-blaming him for abuse, making him feel sorry for her, threatening to hurt herself

25. Short-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up
Fight
Resentment
Frustration
Anger
Scared/Fear
Insecurity
Pain
Suffering
Physical Injuries

26. Long-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up
Arrested
Death
Suicide
Depression
Chronic Physical Injuries
Trust Issues
Lose Friends/Family
Damaged Relationships

27. Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship)
Being Physically Hurt
Feeling Afraid of you Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Feeling Isolated
Losing Friends
Changing behavior due to girlfriend/boyfriend jealousy
Feeling embarrassed, ashamed, put down or guilty
Being Threatened
Feeling Manipulated or Controlled
Feeling Nervous, Sick to Stomach when boyfriend/girlfriend is Irritated, Frustrated or Angry

28. Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship)
Feeling a pounding or fluttering in chest when boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t happy
Not being allowed to, or being afraid to, make decisions for yourself
Noticing that your girlfriend/boyfriend has very traditional (stereotypical) beliefs about women and men
Feeling as if your date gets too personal or touches you in an unwanted way
Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal space respected

29. Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be Abusing their Partner)
Physical Assaulting partner
Intimidating partner
Angry if partner spends time with other people
Asking partner to change behavior because you’re jealous
Verbally threatening partner
Using “guilt trips” to get partner to do something
Feeling unable to control your own feeling of anger
Making partner afraid of you
Forcing partner to do sexual things that he or she is not comfortable doing

30. Session #4 - HOW TO HELP FRIENDS
Complexity of decision making in leaving an abusive relationship
Difficulty & fear of asking for help from the victim
Ways to support a friend that is a victim
Community resources for abuse
How to find help if a victim of abuse

31. Why It’s Hard to Get Help?
Barriers:
Fear of hurting dating partner’s feelings
Fear friend confide in will tell them to end relationship
Fear of losing independence from parents
Fear of getting into trouble with parents
Fear that people will not understand, will blame, or won’t believe what’s happened
Not knowing how or where to get help
Fear of retaliation from the abusive dating partner

32. Helping a Friend – Friends Wheel
Believe Story
Make Sure They are Safe/Safety Plan
Tell Person They Don’t Deserve to be Abused
Ask Many Questions to get them to Think about Problem
Ask them their Options (leave, stay, get advice from professional, etc)
Let them know Abuse gets Worse if Ignored
Encourage them to Seek Help (Hotline; Legal, Medical, Counseling resources)
Don’t Gossip
Let Victim Make Own Decisions (Let make decision when they are ready)

33. Session #5 - HELPING FRIENDS
Confronting a friend about dating abuse
Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship

34. Greg and Michelle’s Story
2 Volunteers Read – 1 Boy, 1 Girl
Stay or Go
Red Flags in Greg’s Story: attitude he can teach girlfriend, insulting her, tell her how to act, force her to fit an image, make afraid of his anger, intimidate her, make her cry, restrict her behavior, hit her, leaving bruises
Red Flags in Michele’s Story: feeling like Greg anger her fault, Greg extreme jealousy, Greg attempt to isolate, keep her from friends, embarrasses her, yells at her, hits her, expects her to wait around for him

35. Love is Respect Quiz
How would you help quiz?

36. Sessions #6 - OVERCOMING GENDER STEREOTYPES
Specific images of dating relationships
Images influence on interactions in relationship
Harmful consequences of gender stereotyping
Role of gender stereotypes in dating relationships

37. List for Boys and Girls
Go around room and boys give examples for girls, girls give examples for boys

38. Gender Stereotypes Boys Pay for Dates Boy makes physical advances
Only boys can ask girls out
Girls should play hard to get
Women should be caretakers
Women should do work in the kitchen
Women should always obey and listen to men
Men should be in control
Men should be waited on
All men are violent
Women are emotional and irrational

39. Gender Stereotype Handout
How does Jason view females?
Hostesses, caretakers, do work in kitchen, listen and obey
How does Megan view males?
Men are violent
How does Jason’s friends view females?
Wait on men, man needs to take control
How does Nicole view males?
Rich, provide for women, financially support, show love by giving things
How does Tyrone view females?
Emotional, irrational, demanding, this behavior is normal

40. Breaking the Silence (Video)

41. Session #7 - EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION
Eight communication skills for resolving conflict
Non-violent responses to partner that does not communicate fair and equal

42. Eight Basic Skills for Equal Communication
Secure your center (respond when thinking clearly)
Ask clarifying questions (honest/open questions, avoid misunderstanding)
Find out partner’s feelings (feels about situation)
Express feelings (be honest and specific)
Determine what’s important to you (can’t compromise)
Acknowledge what’s important to partner
Think about similarities and differences (determine where agree/disagree and why disagree)
Exchange ideas for possible solutions (brainstorm)

43. Session #8 - HOW WE FEEL, HOW WE DEAL
Expression of feelings and emotions
Acknowledgment of feelings
Situations that trigger anger
Physiological & Psychological cues of anger
Non-violent responses to anger
Choice of response when angry

44. Hot Buttons Handout
Identify a few hot buttons you might have.

45. Hot Buttons (Triggers)
Someone who is always late
Someone who doesn’t follow through on promises
Someone being loud and obnoxious
Someone does something that hurts your feelings

46. Diffusing Anger Talking to myself (positive self-talk) Walking/Running
Counting
Controlling my breathing
Crying
Walking Away/Removing self from situation
Hitting pillow
Exercising strenuously
Asking someone for advice
Explaining to the person why I’m angry
Playing with my pet
Listening to music

47. Session #9 - PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT
Sexual assault victims never to blame
Rape is unacceptable
Understand & interpret “NO” cues
Protecting yourself in potential rape situation
Establish clear sexual boundaries with dating partner
Tips to decrease chance of being a victim of sexual assault

48. Sexual Assault Quiz Take 2 minutes to answer the 10 questions.
Review Myths about Rape

49. Matt and Lisa Scenario
What tactics did Matt use to force Lisa to have sex?
Verbally threatened, made her feel bad, made her feel scared, said he’d take care of her, lode him if didn’t have sex
What were the cues Lisa didn’t want to have sex?
Scared, didn’t think she was ready, crying, she froze

50. Eight Dating Tips Things to do to protect self:
Double-date, go out with group of friends
Date in public places
Decide boundaries on sex, be firm and clear
Trust feelings and instincts
Be careful if date holds strong gender stereotypes
Things to do to respect partner:
Respect dates feelings and wishes about being sexual
Pay attention to date’s body language
Be aware of own gender stereotypes
Stop physical advances if date says NO

51. A Thin Line

52. Overexposed Sexting Pre-Assessment Warm-up Introduction
-Self-Disclosure in Relationship
-Sexting: Risky Self-Disclosure
-How Should It End?
Closing
Review Assessment

53. Self-Disclosure
Sharing private, sensitive, or confidential information about oneself with others
Examples: Telling secret about one’s self, sharing information about family, childhood, hopes, dreams, fears and feelings

54. Reciprocate
To give in return

55. Sexting
Sending or receiving sexually explicit photos or videos by text message or other digital technologies

56. Sexting Why Riskier than Face-to-Face
Because another person has a record of what you shared. They can copy, paste, forward, alter, tag or share this information with others, even if you believe they won’t.

57. Negative Consequences
Forwarded to other’s who you don’t want to see or read it.
Embarrassed
Humiliated
Someone might harass you
Get in trouble at school, home or work
Feel like shamed family
Might have broken the law

58. Sexting Article

59. Summary Topics
Sexting- What is it? Why is it riskier than face to face? Negative consequences?
Hot buttons & Diffusing anger

60. PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT
SUMMARY TOPICS
DATING ABUSE & CONSEQUENCES
“RED FLAGS” FOR ABUSE
EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION
PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT