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An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum

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1 An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum
SAFE DATES An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum

2 Goals of Safe Dates Program
Raise students’ awareness of what constitutes healthy and abusive dating relationships Raise students’ awareness of dating abuse and it’s causes and consequences Equip students with the skills and resources to help themselves or friends in abusive dating relationships Equip students with the skills to develop healthy dating relationships, including positive

3 General Info Between 10 and 38 percent of high school students have been victims of dating abuse. Among students who are currently dating, as many as 59 percent have experienced physical violence, and 96 percent have experienced psychological or emotional abuse. Adults who use violence with their dating partners often begin doing so during adolescence, with the first episode typically occurring by age fifteen. Young women between the ages of 14 and 17 represent 38 percent of those victimized by date rape. Both boys and girls are victims and perpetrators of abuse. Abuse almost always reoccurs in a relationship. It doesn’t just go away. Most abuse gets more severe over time.

4 Session #1 - DEFINING CARING RELATIONSHIPS
Important qualities in a dating relationship Supportive & caring actions Treatment from a dating partner Treatment to a dating partner Choice in the way treated from a dating partner Choice in the way to treat a dating partner

5 What is Dating? What activities are examples of dating? List…
What are qualities or characteristics you think are most important in someone you date…identify 4-5? Do not share with others yet!!! List on board and discuss how they can enhance a relationship.

6 Important Qualities in a Relationship
Funny Independent Respected Trusted Supported Encouraged Loved Excited Romanced

7 How I Want to be Treated by a Dating Partner
Bottom Line (Two Most Important)…Must Haves No relationship is perfect. If you aren’t getting the things that are most important to you, you have choices to make about the relationship.

8 Session #2 - DEFINING DATING ABUSE
Harmful dating behaviors Physical & Emotional abusive behaviors Physical & Emotional abuse in the dating relationship Abusive behavior identification Susceptibility to dating abuse Rejection of abuse in a dating relationship

9 Harmful Behaviors List Physical Harm and Emotional Harm
Additional questions think emotional… #1 What about threatening or spreading rumors? #2 What about making fun of a date in front his or her friends? #3 What other behaviors are emotionally or psychologically hurtful?

10 Physical Harmful Behaviors
Hitting Scratching Pushing Pinching Choking Spitting Shaking Shoving Forcing Biting Pulling Hair Using a Weapon Throwing Things Keeping a Date from Leaving Molestation Rape Forcing Unwanted Sexual Actions Damaging Personal Property Acting in an Intimidating Way Purposefully Injuring an Animal

11 Emotional Harmful Behaviors
Calling a Date Names Criticizing Opinions Ignoring a Date’s Feelings Isolating Date from Others Behaving Jealously Telling Lies Scaring a Date Cheating on a Date Making Someone Feel Guilty Spreading Rumors Threatening to Hurt a Date Threatening to Hurt Oneself Using Sexually Derogatory Names Criticizing Beliefs about Sex Putting Down Family and Friends Driving Recklessly to Scare a Date Humiliating a Date in Public or Private Insulting a Date’s Beliefs or Values Displaying Inappropriate Anger

12 Harmful Behaviors How do they relate to each of the previous units:
Personal Health? Wellness, Well-Rounded Nutrition? Eating Disorders Mental Health? Suicidal, Depression, Self-Esteem Substance Abuse? Pain relief through alcohol, drugs

13 Scenarios Some behaviors seem obviously abusive, while it’s difficult to decide about other behaviors, depending on what else is going on. Partners Read and evaluate each scenario and discuss…yes/no abusive and why? Four students read each scenario, class share and discuss…

14 Scenario #1 – Jason and Meg
Is Jason abusive? Why or why not? What if scenario had not ended with Jason hitting Megan. Instead Jason got angry and ordered her to get his friends’ drink? When she refused, he “got in her face” and said, “What did you say?” Megan responded by withdrawing and being quiet. Is this still abuse? If this was the first time Jason and Megan had fought, would it still be abuse? **Think about the difference (if there is any) between violence that happens one time and reoccurring violence.**

15 Scenario #2 – Christina and Juan
Is Juan abusive? Why or why not? **Dating may involve difficult and painful experiences, but those experiences aren’t always abusive. Misunderstandings and thoughtlessness may make a person feel bad, but such conflicts can be resolved in a way that allows both people to express themselves.**

16 Scenario #3 – Tyrone and Nicole
Is Nicole abusive? Why or why not? **All types of people suffer abuse in relationships…males and females; whites, African Americans, Hispanics, and Asians; students born in rich and poor neighborhoods; people who have dated a lot or have just started dating.**

17 Scenario #4 – Tau and Lu Is Lu abusive? Why or why not?
Is Tau abusive? Why or why not? **Not all controlling behaviors are violent or obvious. By making Tau feel guilty, Lu is isolating her from her friends. Tactics may seem sweet, and it may seem like the problem is with Tau.

18 Defining Abusive Dating Relationships
Based on the four scenarios. Harmful behaviors are abusive when… They are used to manipulate; They’re used to gain control; They’re used to gain power over someone; They make you feel bad about yourself or other people you’re close to (friends, family, etc.) They make you afraid of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Both physical and emotional attacks can occur and both are equally serious.

19 Important!!! Emotional actions (jealous behavior, guilt) if happen once may not be abusive. It becomes abuse when these actions…manipulate, gain power, control, etc. ANY use of physical or sexual violence, however, is abusive, even if it’s done ONLY ONCE!!!

20 Advocate against Dating Abuse Assignment
Design/Create a website that informs the public about dating abuse using information currently learned within this unit and through self-discovery. Follow assignment hand out for details. You will use to design your website. You need to sign-up for a free account. Go to and sign-up and choose your template. Assignment is due the day of the test.

21 Session #3 - WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?
Controlling & Manipulative functions of dating abuse Identification of abusive behaviors Misperceptions about dating abuse Dating abuse as a serious matter Abuse is not a victims fault Short & Long term consequences of abusive relationships Warning signs of an abusive relationship

22 Scenario #1 - People Abuse to Control the Way Someone Acts
How does Michael want Sara to act? -Not talk to other guys, be committed, she is his possession Why might Michael want Sara to act this way? -He is insecure, he’s arrogant, feel he has power How is Michael getting Sara to act this way? -accusing her, taking her roses, arm around and pulling her away, saying it’s embarrassing, make behavior inappropriate

23 Scenario #2 – People Abuse to Control the Way Someone Feels
How does Mario want Cassie to feel? -bad about herself, dependent, insecure, helpless Why might Mario want Cassie to feel this way? -less likely to leave, he feels powerful How does Mario get Cassie to feel this way? -putting her down, saying he’s there for her, convince her no one else wants her

24 Scenario #3 – People Abuse to Control the Way Someone Thinks
How does Alison want Joe to feel? -bad, responsible for her actions, confused, guilty What does Allison want Joe to think? -abuse is his fault, she needs him Why does Allison want Joe to think and feel this way? -she doesn’t have to feel bad about what she does, doesn’t want him to leave her How does she get him to think and feel this way? -blaming him for abuse, making him feel sorry for her, threatening to hurt herself

25 Short-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up Fight Resentment Frustration Anger Scared/Fear Insecurity Pain Suffering Physical Injuries

26 Long-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up Arrested Death Suicide Depression Chronic Physical Injuries Trust Issues Lose Friends/Family Damaged Relationships

27 Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship)
Being Physically Hurt Feeling Afraid of you Boyfriend or Girlfriend Feeling Isolated Losing Friends Changing behavior due to girlfriend/boyfriend jealousy Feeling embarrassed, ashamed, put down or guilty Being Threatened Feeling Manipulated or Controlled Feeling Nervous, Sick to Stomach when boyfriend/girlfriend is Irritated, Frustrated or Angry

28 Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship)
Feeling a pounding or fluttering in chest when boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t happy Not being allowed to, or being afraid to, make decisions for yourself Noticing that your girlfriend/boyfriend has very traditional (stereotypical) beliefs about women and men Feeling as if your date gets too personal or touches you in an unwanted way Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal space respected

29 Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be Abusing their Partner)
Physical Assaulting partner Intimidating partner Angry if partner spends time with other people Asking partner to change behavior because you’re jealous Verbally threatening partner Using “guilt trips” to get partner to do something Feeling unable to control your own feeling of anger Making partner afraid of you Forcing partner to do sexual things that he or she is not comfortable doing

30 Session #4 - HOW TO HELP FRIENDS
Complexity of decision making in leaving an abusive relationship Difficulty & fear of asking for help from the victim Ways to support a friend that is a victim Community resources for abuse How to find help if a victim of abuse

31 Why It’s Hard to Get Help?
Barriers: Fear of hurting dating partner’s feelings Fear friend confide in will tell them to end relationship Fear of losing independence from parents Fear of getting into trouble with parents Fear that people will not understand, will blame, or won’t believe what’s happened Not knowing how or where to get help Fear of retaliation from the abusive dating partner

32 Helping a Friend – Friends Wheel
Believe Story Make Sure They are Safe/Safety Plan Tell Person They Don’t Deserve to be Abused Ask Many Questions to get them to Think about Problem Ask them their Options (leave, stay, get advice from professional, etc) Let them know Abuse gets Worse if Ignored Encourage them to Seek Help (Hotline; Legal, Medical, Counseling resources) Don’t Gossip Let Victim Make Own Decisions (Let make decision when they are ready)

33 Session #5 - HELPING FRIENDS
Confronting a friend about dating abuse Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship

34 Greg and Michelle’s Story
2 Volunteers Read – 1 Boy, 1 Girl Stay or Go Red Flags in Greg’s Story: attitude he can teach girlfriend, insulting her, tell her how to act, force her to fit an image, make afraid of his anger, intimidate her, make her cry, restrict her behavior, hit her, leaving bruises Red Flags in Michele’s Story: feeling like Greg anger her fault, Greg extreme jealousy, Greg attempt to isolate, keep her from friends, embarrasses her, yells at her, hits her, expects her to wait around for him

35 Love is Respect Quiz How would you help quiz?

36 Sessions #6 - OVERCOMING GENDER STEREOTYPES
Specific images of dating relationships Images influence on interactions in relationship Harmful consequences of gender stereotyping Role of gender stereotypes in dating relationships

37 List for Boys and Girls Go around room and boys give examples for girls, girls give examples for boys

38 Gender Stereotypes Boys Pay for Dates Boy makes physical advances
Only boys can ask girls out Girls should play hard to get Women should be caretakers Women should do work in the kitchen Women should always obey and listen to men Men should be in control Men should be waited on All men are violent Women are emotional and irrational

39 Gender Stereotype Handout
How does Jason view females? Hostesses, caretakers, do work in kitchen, listen and obey How does Megan view males? Men are violent How does Jason’s friends view females? Wait on men, man needs to take control How does Nicole view males? Rich, provide for women, financially support, show love by giving things How does Tyrone view females? Emotional, irrational, demanding, this behavior is normal

40 Breaking the Silence (Video)

41 Session #7 - EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION
Eight communication skills for resolving conflict Non-violent responses to partner that does not communicate fair and equal

42 Eight Basic Skills for Equal Communication
Secure your center (respond when thinking clearly) Ask clarifying questions (honest/open questions, avoid misunderstanding) Find out partner’s feelings (feels about situation) Express feelings (be honest and specific) Determine what’s important to you (can’t compromise) Acknowledge what’s important to partner Think about similarities and differences (determine where agree/disagree and why disagree) Exchange ideas for possible solutions (brainstorm)

43 Session #8 - HOW WE FEEL, HOW WE DEAL
Expression of feelings and emotions Acknowledgment of feelings Situations that trigger anger Physiological & Psychological cues of anger Non-violent responses to anger Choice of response when angry

44 Hot Buttons Handout Identify a few hot buttons you might have.

45 Hot Buttons (Triggers)
Someone who is always late Someone who doesn’t follow through on promises Someone being loud and obnoxious Someone does something that hurts your feelings

46 Diffusing Anger Talking to myself (positive self-talk) Walking/Running
Counting Controlling my breathing Crying Walking Away/Removing self from situation Hitting pillow Exercising strenuously Asking someone for advice Explaining to the person why I’m angry Playing with my pet Listening to music

47 Session #9 - PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT
Sexual assault victims never to blame Rape is unacceptable Understand & interpret “NO” cues Protecting yourself in potential rape situation Establish clear sexual boundaries with dating partner Tips to decrease chance of being a victim of sexual assault

48 Sexual Assault Quiz Take 2 minutes to answer the 10 questions.
Review Myths about Rape

49 Matt and Lisa Scenario What tactics did Matt use to force Lisa to have sex? Verbally threatened, made her feel bad, made her feel scared, said he’d take care of her, lode him if didn’t have sex What were the cues Lisa didn’t want to have sex? Scared, didn’t think she was ready, crying, she froze

50 Eight Dating Tips Things to do to protect self:
Double-date, go out with group of friends Date in public places Decide boundaries on sex, be firm and clear Trust feelings and instincts Be careful if date holds strong gender stereotypes Things to do to respect partner: Respect dates feelings and wishes about being sexual Pay attention to date’s body language Be aware of own gender stereotypes Stop physical advances if date says NO

51 A Thin Line

52 Overexposed Sexting Pre-Assessment Warm-up Introduction
-Self-Disclosure in Relationship -Sexting: Risky Self-Disclosure -How Should It End? Closing Review Assessment

53 Self-Disclosure Sharing private, sensitive, or confidential information about oneself with others Examples: Telling secret about one’s self, sharing information about family, childhood, hopes, dreams, fears and feelings

54 Reciprocate To give in return

55 Sexting Sending or receiving sexually explicit photos or videos by text message or other digital technologies

56 Sexting Why Riskier than Face-to-Face
Because another person has a record of what you shared. They can copy, paste, forward, alter, tag or share this information with others, even if you believe they won’t.

57 Negative Consequences
Forwarded to other’s who you don’t want to see or read it. Embarrassed Humiliated Someone might harass you Get in trouble at school, home or work Feel like shamed family Might have broken the law

58 Sexting Article

59 Summary Topics Sexting- What is it? Why is it riskier than face to face? Negative consequences? Hot buttons & Diffusing anger

60 PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT
SUMMARY TOPICS DATING ABUSE & CONSEQUENCES “RED FLAGS” FOR ABUSE EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT


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