1. Interpersonal Problem Solving
Lesson: Interpersonal Problem Solving
Method: Informal Lecture
Time: 30 minutes (Lecture); 15 minutes (Activity)
REFERENCES:
Bedell, JR., & Lennox, SS. (1997). Handbook for communication and problem-solving skills training: A cognitive-behavioral approach. New York: John Wiley.
AIDS/HANDOUTS:
PowerPoint presentation
Student Workbook
Lesson Strategy:
Begin your lesson with an attention/motivation step . A strong attention step should have your participants “curious” or “eager” to hear what you have to say. Here is where you show or explain the benefits/value of the skill (without teaching the entire lesson).
You may choose to share the personal example you crafted in MRTC here in its entirety or in abbreviated format (think, “movie trailer”).

2. Overview Goal/When Core Content Student Activity Skill Review
Types of Conflict
Interpersonal Problem Solving (IPS) Steps
Student Activity
Skill Review
MRT Instructions:
Provide a brief preview of the main points for this lesson. Try not to read each item as if you’re reading a laundry list.
Ask the participants if they have any question so far, then proceed to the next slide.

3. Goal/When
Goal
To address problems in a matter that shows respect for the relationship
To lower the intensity & find a resolution that both parties can live with
When
You need to find a resolution to a problem
MRT Instructions:
MP 1: Goal/When
Goal
This tool is important for building and maintaining strong alliances because it helps address problems in a way that still shows respect for the relationship. This is of course important for all kinds of relationships--at home, at work, wherever.
Interpersonal problem solving also lowers the intensity so that interpersonal problems don’t become full-blown arguments/fights. This makes it easier for the two people involved to find a resolution to the problem, or to come to an understanding each can live with.
When
You need to find a resolution to a problem

4. Core Content Types of Conflict
Constructive
Strengthen relationships
Collaboration increases
Open communication
Destructive
Damages relationships
Decreases productivity
Diverts energy and attention from important tasks
MRT Instructions:
MP : Core Content, Types of Conflict
We often use unhelpful communications styles that harm relationships.
Constructive
Helps to restore equality and strengthen relationships
Collaboration begins to occur more often and overall productivity increases
Open communication, debate and the possibility of producing high-quality ideas and decisions.
Destructive
Produces inequality and an imbalance of power, often damages relationships.
People who feel they are judged negatively lose focus, fail to complete tasks, suffer a decrease in productivity and lose self-confidence.

5. Core Content Unsuccessful conflict resolution
Other unsuccessful (but all too common) strategies for dealing with interpersonal problems
Avoidance
Competing or forcing
Trivialization
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Types of Conflict
This slide introduces the unsuccessful strategies. These three strategies have the potential to result in a destructive conflict.
We often use other strategies in our relationships when we are dealing with problems. Here are three unsuccessful strategies for dealing with interpersonal problems.
Avoidance
Competing or Forcing
Trivialization
While there may be rare times that these strategies are appropriate (eg, if you fear for your safety), generally, we want to focus on more productive methods of conflict resolution.

6. Core Content Types of Conflict
Avoidance
Ignoring a problem and hoping it will go away
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Types of Conflict
Avoidance is a behavior in which one ignores or refuses to engage in the situation. If you tend to “push things under the rug,” the issue is never truly resolved; rather, it just festers and may end up a bigger argument than necessary. Ideally, we want to be more assertive and direct with problems and work them out before they become out of control. Ignoring things won’t make them go away. It only makes it harder to face them when they finally come around.
Examples of avoidance
Physically avoiding something/someone (ex: never walking past someone’s desk because you don’t want to confront them)
Emotionally avoiding something/someone (ex: saying something is ‘fine’ when it is actually bothering you)
Ideally, we should be more assertive and direct in dealing with problems

7. Core Content Types of Conflict
Competing and Forcing
Need to be right and in control; prioritize “right” over the relationship
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Types of Conflict
Competing and forcing is a win or loose communication style. This would be an example of pushing your viewpoint at the expense of another individual or holding firm to your beliefs. You prioritize being “right” over the relationship. Preferably, we should slow down and listen to the other person’s point of view and come to a collaborating (win-win) solution.
Ideally, we should listen to others point of view and slow down

8. Core Content Types of Conflict
Trivialization
Laughing or shrugging off the problem. 
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Types of Conflict
Trivialization is when you down play another person’s feelings, thoughts or ideas causing them to seem less important. One way we trivialize is to make something a joke and laugh it off.
Examples of Trivialization:
A person in a meeting is faced with a powerful counter-argument. They trivialize it by saying that it is nothing new.
We also may trivialize by telling someone “you’re making a mountain out of a molehill” when they bring up an issue that is bothering them.
Ideally, we should learn to respect the other person and take the problem seriously.

9. Core Content IPS Steps Before using IPS, ask yourself:
Am I using a growth mindset?
Do I need to use ABC or CYP?
Do I need to BYT?
Am I ready to use Good Listening?
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Before you start a conversation, you want to make sure you are engaging with an open mind (think, “growth mindset”) and the willingness to listen to the other person or a group of people. While keeping an open mind think about whether or not you are falling into any of the cognitive traps. Do you have an underlying thought or belief already? To find a resolution to a problem or challenge with another person, ask yourself a few questions and consider the following:
“Do I need to balance my thinking?”
”Do I have the evidence I need to be accurate about the situation?”
“What is most important here?”
Make sure, especially in close relationships that you are not mind reading and assuming what the other person is thinking or feeling. Now that you know what the problem is, now is the time to approach the other person.

10. Core Content Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 1: Define the problem/challenge
Start with a positive statement
Be specific
Use “I” rather than “you”
Acknowledge your role
Keep it short and simple
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 1: Define the problem/challenge
Try the “wind-up” approach:
State the problem. Often helpful to start with a positive statement.  “I know we are angry, but I want us to straighten this out for our friendship”
Be specific in stating the problem. 
Be as specific when addressing the problem to help ensure both parties understand where the other person is coming from. Going to the other person and saying “I’m mad” is not specific and does not say what the problem is. You need to say how you feel. “When you did (Fill in the blank), I felt (Fill in the blank).
Stay away from comments starting off with “You do…” or “You are…”
Acknowledge your part.  Admitting you may have some part in the conflict can defuse some tension and defensiveness from the other person.
Stay focused on the problem at hand, not issues or conflicts that happened in the past which were never resolved. Keep it short, simple and to the point.

11. Core Content Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 2: Ask for the other person’s perspective
Use Good Listening, allow them to express their perspective
Avoid getting defensive
Make sure you understand their perspective
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Allow the other person to express their perspective.
While they are speaking, keep in mind that it is not only verbal communication, but the non-verbal that is shared between the two of you.
Make sure you stay open to their perspective; they may say something that you may not have known or understood.
Once that person is done sharing their thoughts and feelings, make sure you understood their perspective.
Ask questions if you are unclear and reword what they shared. For example, “If I understand you correctly, you said…, is that correct?”
You restate and clarify what you heard in order to make sure you understand the other person’s perspective, not just to show you were listening.
Everyone has their unique set of values, and what you value and what the other person values may be different and that is why it is important for both of you to come up with solutions.

12. Core Content Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 3: Work together to generate solutions
Allow some brainstorming without editing every option
Get several solutions on the table without evaluating or criticizing them
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 3: Work Together to Generate Solutions
During this step, the goal is to produce as many potential solutions as possible without considering whether they are realistic, practical or effective.
The more that you brainstorm and come up with possible solutions you will have a broader range of resolutions.

13. Core Content Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 4: Evaluate the solutions
How realistic is it?
Would the parties achieve their goals?
Is it fair?
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 4: Evaluate the Solutions
How realistic is it?
Would it help the parties involved achieve their goals?
Is it fair?

14. Core Content Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 5: Choose a solution and seal the agreement
Agreed on by both parties
Clearly state what each plans to do and commit to it
MRT Instructions:
MP 2: Core Content, Interpersonal Problem Solving Steps
Step 5: Choose a Solution and Seal the Agreement
Once the solutions are vetted, agree upon an option both parties can live with.
A few things to remember after choosing a solution:
Think about the possible consequences and all who will be affected,
Ensure the solution will produce the desired results
State clearly what you plan on doing to help commit to the solution.
As a last resort, you may need to agree to disagree, but try to find some middle ground.

15. 1. 2. 3. Student Activity MRT Instructions: MP 3: Student Activity
Think of an interpersonal problem or challenge you might be having 2.
Turn to the handout for Interpersonal Problem Solving, and write the issue in the box provided 3.
Work with a partner to role-play (Step 1) how you would approach the problem. Brainstorm some potential solutions to the issue with your partner.
MRT Instructions:
MP 3: Student Activity
As an MRT you will have the student’s think of an interpersonal problem or challenge they might be having. Remember, that this is a problem with someone with whom they have a relationship—not the random cashier at the grocery store.
It may be helpful to have students brainstorm of list of people with whom they have interpersonal relationships. Write this list on a dry-erase board or someplace where everyone can see. Identify common relationships: spouse, child, sibling, coworker, other family member, and recurring customers.
Students should write down the issue they are having—think about it as an activating event, so make sure you are unbiased in the way you recount the issue.
Have the students role-play STEP ONE, using participants real-world problem. And, work with your partner to brainstorm some specific solutions to the problem.
DB : What key points did you learn?
What was the most helpful part of Interpersonal Problem Solving? Was it helpful to hear your partners perspective and possible solutions?
Was there anything challenging about Interpersonal Problem Solving?

16. Interpersonal Problem Solving
Skill Review
Interpersonal Problem Solving
Goal
To address problems in a manner that shows respect for the relationship, lowers the intensity and makes it easier to find a resolution both parties can live with.
When
You need to find a resolution to a problem.
How
Define the problem
Ask for the other person’s perspective
Work together to generate solutions
Evaluate the solutions
Choose a solution and seal the agreement

17. Interpersonal Problem Solving