1. Raising resilient children
What families can do

2. reaching Parents/guardians/families
Workshops
Other
Building Resiliency
Responding to Report Cards
Planning for the Future
Preparing for Middle School
What to Do When They Won’t
Friends
MTSS/RTI/SST
Strengths Focus
Asset Maps
Conferences
Newsletters
Info Sheets

3. Responsibility Sharing Values
Personal Factors
Capabilities
Adaptability
Talents
Interests
Creativity
Independent
Family Factors
Stability
Financial
Parenting Style
Attachments
Responsibility Sharing
Values
Supportive Relationships
Caring Adult
Can Be a Friend
Positive Peer Groups
Makes Friends
Socially Adept
Able to Elicit Positive Responses
Community Factors
View of Youth
Safety
Access to Resources
Supportive Networks
Social Bonding Opportunities
Organizations

4. Effective Problem Solving Skills
Socially Competent
Sense of Purpose & Future
Autonomous
The resilient child is one who continues to work, play well, love well and expect well
Bernard, 1991

5. Common Skills of Resilient People
Healthy – exercise, diet, rest
Able to set goals and work toward their realization
Able to problem solve
Able to understanding and communicating feelings – in self and others
Able to identify and effectively manage stress
Able to make and keep friends; Identified by others as a friend
Able to identify personal skills and believing in your self
Able to interpret events/circumstances/situations in a positive way

6. Family protective factors
Caring relationship of a family member
Warm, structured, and positive discipline practices
Parental monitoring and supervision
Support for extended family
Good health & good prenatal care
Opportunity for children to contribute to family goals
Listening & talking to children
Responding to & accepting children’s behavior
Stable environment & home
Providing toys & materials
Providing safe places for exploration & privacy
Providing positive experiences for children in the community
Teaching children effective & appropriate problem-solving skills
Family members who show respect for other relatives & adults
Family quality time with each other

7. 3 main ways families Caring & Support High Expectations
Encouraging Child’s Participation

8. Caring Relationships
Close relationship with at least one adult in family
Affection expressed physically & verbally
Loving Support
Quiet Availability
Fundamental Positive Regard
Simple Sustained Kindness
Respect
Seeing us for who we really are
Value who we are
Compassion
Nonjudgmental love
Convey the message “you matter”

9. High expectations Positive goals for children & their future
Routines and rules in a safe & positive way
Value & encourage education
Help set realistic & positive goals
Belief in child’s innate resilience and self-righting capacities
Challenge-with-support messages
Guidance without coercion/Free with structure
Strengths Focus
Reframing

10. Opportunity for Participation & Contribution
Encourage independence
Cooperative family projects
Reflection, dialog, critical thinking
Responsibilities
Giving a voice in decision-making
Mastery experiences
Creative Expression
Service

11. Coping Skills Coping skills are our efforts to come to terms with problems, frustrations, threats and challenges.
It’s important to…
What can you do?
Talk about feelings
Clearly communicate with children
Support and encourage children to do their best.
Teach children to identify and understand their own feelings
Teach them to tune into feelings of distress and discomfort when they first occur
Encourage ways to express feelings such as using drawings, puppets, play dough etc.
Using children's stories to help talk about problems
Teach them relaxation skills
Use cooperative games
Don't allow put-downs, name calling and teasing and explain why they are not acceptable

12. Problem Solving Skills Strong problem solving skills help kids handle life's problems and promotes their positive mental health.
It’s important to…
What can you do when conflicts occur?
Understand what conflicts can do:
Increase understand that other people have different thoughts and feelings
Raise awareness about the effects of their behaviour on others.
Teach about right and wrong.
Stay calm and avoid blame
Work through the problem
Mediate
Ask for both versions of the problem
Repeat back to the children your understanding of the conflict
Ask them to generate alternative solutions
Persist - don't jump in and solve it for them
Get agreement on one solution
Follow through, check that it happens as agreed
Announce to the children that they have resolved their problem
Congratulate the children on their ability to solve problems

13. Confidence Having confidence helps us to cope with the challenges
It’s important to…
What can you do?
Know some fears and worries are normal
Teach practical coping skills
Teach how to stop negative self-talk
Express confidence child’s ability to cope, while understanding that it’s not easy
Teach appropriate ways to manage stress

14. Self-Esteem Children need to know their strengths so they can live comfortably with their weaknesses
It’s important to…
What can you do?
Understand what it is and isn’t
A child with positive self-esteem
Expects to succeed (eventually)
Is willing to try new things
Is more likely to persist
Demonstrates respect for others and expects the same for themselves
Is able to effectively solve problems or conflicts
Is socially competent
Show them they are valued by giving them your time.
Help them find something they are really good at
Appreciate efforts and persistence (encouragement vs praise)
Give them responsibility
Listen - don't finish their sentences for them.
Say 'I love you'
Let them see your feelings

15. Optimism Having an optimistic outlook on life is an important protection for dealing with life's challenges.
It’s important to…
What can you do?
Include a cognitive component
Thought catching
Evaluating these thoughts in terms of accuracy –
Generating accurate explanations when bad things happen
De-catastrophise
Teach mastery
Break tasks into manageable parts
Allow choices
Allow for exploration
Respond to emotional needs
Encourage imaginative and fantasy play

16. Social skills competency Positive relationships with a range of people are vital to positive mental health.
It’s important to…
What can you do?
Understand social skills
Basic communication skills
Entry skills
Being part of a group
How to be a friend
Understand social competency
ability to make and maintain satisfying relationships with peers
Recognize social difficulties
Explicitly teach – then practice, practice, practice
Encourage “good try” efforts
Be aware of own social interactions (your are modeling)
Teach them to recognize feelings in others

17. Moral Development Having confidence helps us to cope with the challenges
It’s important to…
What can you do?
Understand what’s normal & developmental
Have a repertoire of appropriate consequences
Set rules, expectations, and deliver appropriate consequences
Bob Myers suggests teaching two simple rules:
Everyone has a right to a fair go (physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually).
It is wrong to place people in any sort of danger.
All other rules flow from these concepts of a fair go and safety.

18. Specific things to do
Provide unconditional love and express love both physically and verbally.
Enforce rules for the child and use removal of privileges and other forms of discipline that do not belittle, harm, or reject the child.
Model behavior that you would like the child to display.
Recognize accomplishments.
Encourage the child to try things and do things on his or her own with minimal adult help.
When language is developing, acknowledge and label the child’s feelings and encourage the child to express his or her own feelings and to recognize feelings in others (for example: sad, glad, sorry, happy, mad).
Use developing language to reinforce aspects of resilience to help the child face adversity:
“I know you can do it” encourages autonomy and reinforces a child’s faith in his or her own problem-solving skills
“I’m here” comforts and reminds the child of the trusting relationships that he or she can rely on.
Offer explanations and reconciliation along with rules and discipline.
Encourage the child to demonstrate empathy and caring, to be pleasant, and to do nice things for others.
Encourage the child to use communication and problem-solving skills to resolve interpersonal problems or to seek help with them.
Communicate with the child by discussing, sharing, and reporting on the day’s events, ideas, observations, and feelings.
Help the child begin to accept responsibility for his or her own behavior and to understand that his or her actions have consequences.
Accept errors and failures while providing guidance toward improvement.
Provide opportunities for the child to practice dealing with problems and adversities through exposure to manageable adversities and fantasy.
Encourage communication so that issues, expectations, feelings, and problems can be discusses and shared.

19. Specifically for teens
Make connections
Teach your child how to make friends, including the skill of empathy, or feeling another's pain.
Encourage your child to be a friend in order to get friends.
Build a strong family network to support your child through his or her inevitable disappointments and hurts. At school, watch to make sure that one child is not being isolated.
Connecting with people provides social support and strengthens resilience.
Some find comfort in connecting with a higher power, whether through organized religion or privately and you may wish to introduce your child to your own traditions of worship.

20. Specifically for teens
Help your child by having him or her help others
Children who may feel helpless can be empowered by helping others.
Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work, or
Ask for assistance yourself with some task that he or she can master.

21. Specifically for teens
Maintain a daily routine
Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children.
Encourage your child to develop his or her own routines.

22. Specifically for teens
Take a break
While it is important to stick to routines, endlessly worrying can be counter-productive.
Teach your child how to focus on something besides what's worrying him.
Be aware of what your child is exposed to that can be troubling, whether it be news, the Internet, or overheard conversations, and make sure your child takes a break from those things if they trouble her.

23. Specifically for teens
Teach your child self-care
Make yourself a good example, and teach your child the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise and rest.
Make sure your child has time to have fun, and make sure that your child hasn't scheduled every moment of his or her life with no "down time" to relax.
Caring for oneself and even having fun will help your child stay balanced and better deal with stressful times.

24. Specifically for teens
Move toward your goals
Teach your child to set reasonable goals and then to move toward them one step at a time.
Moving toward that goal - even if it's a tiny step - and receiving recognition for doing so will focus your child on what he or she has accomplished rather than on what hasn't been accomplished, and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges.

25. Specifically for teens
Nurture a positive self-view
Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges.
Help your child learn to trust himself to solve problems and make appropriate decisions.
Teach your child to see the humor in life, and the ability to laugh at one's self.

26. Specifically for teens
Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Even when your child is facing very painful events, help him look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective.
Emphasize that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good.
An optimistic and positive outlook enables your child to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. In school, use history to show that life moves on after bad events.

27. Specifically for teens
Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Tough times are often the times when children learn the most about themselves.
Help your child take a look at how whatever he is facing can teach him "what he is made of."

28. Specifically for teens
Accept that change is part of living
Change often can be scary for children and teens.
Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable.
Point out how your child has changed as they moved up in grade levels and discuss the impact of those changes.

29. A lagniappe
Resiliency in the classroom

30. The Resilient classroom
Academic Efficacy – influences persistence, effort, willingness to try, & general behaviors
Behavioral Self Control – behavior is appropriate regardless of presence of authority figure in the room
Academic Self-Determination – identify importance of academic learning and regulate their time & effort; positively related to quality engagement in learning activities, higher levels of conceptual learning, & increased retention of learned knowledge.
Effective Teacher-Student Relationships - warm, engaging, responsive; associated with increased academic engagement and student satisfaction with school
Effective Peer Relationships - all children in a class have supportive peer friendships and when classmates know how to resolve conflicts with one another quickly
Effective School-Home Relationships - increases student achievement and reduces school drop-out and suspension rates

31. The Resiliency Route to Academic Success nan Henderson
Step 1: Always communicate The Resiliency Attitude of student success
Listen with compassion
Validate struggles
Provide thoughtful & nurturing gestures
Step 2: Use strengths to overcome problems or weaknesses
Highlight strengths, positive qualities, & talents
Let student know he/she is valued & important
Focus on student strengths & environmental supports
Step 3: Build resiliency-fostering conditions around each student
Provide unconditional positive regard
Set & communicate high expectations
Provide opportunities for meaningful participation
Increase prosocial bonding
Set clear & consistent boundaries
Teach life skills
Step 4: Never give up!
Start somewhere
Complete the asset map

32. Questions?

33. Shameless Self Promotion