1. “P LEASE O BEY M E ” All Things Family 1/19/14

2. I S IT B IBLICAL ? Proverbs 22:6: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 29:17: “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” Ephesians 6:4 “ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” I. Setting Up Our Kids for Success Parent in times of non-conflict Require first-time obedience Be prepared to follow through

3. F IRST TIME OBEDIENCE IS B IBLICAL !! Genesis 22:2-3: Abraham is called by God to take his son Isaac to the mountain and sacrifice him to the Lord Abraham does so (a) immediately, (b) completely, (c) without challenge or complaint God, seeing Abraham’s complete and from-the- heart obedience, tells Abraham no, and spares his son’s life

4. J ESUS IS A FIRST TIME OBEDIENCE GUY Jesus says, “take up your things and follow me” to several disciples They each do so immediately Jesus tells Peter to walk out of the boat "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.” (Matt. 14:22) When Peter is obedient, all is well When Peter doubts Jesus’ commands, he gets wet Jesus tells many sick people to get up and walk, hear, talk, and they all do what He says in faith

5. T AKING THE B IBLICAL M ODEL TO Y OUR H OME Require First Time Obedience from your children!! Our kids’ response to our instructions should be the same as Abraham’s: Immediate Complete Without argument or complaint

6. W HAT G ETS IN THE W AY OF F IRST -T IME O BEDIENCE Inconsistently expecting first-time obedience Different standards for each parent Threatening and repeating parenting Bribes Negotiating at the point of conflict Results in obedience that was not complete In a child’s mind, this = disobedience

7. P ARENT I NSIDE T HE F UNNEL 7 18 9 5 2 13 Age (arbitrary breaks) Inside: Kids’ Freedom to Choose Parents’ Boundaries

8. L OVE AND L OGIC Goal of Love and Logic is to develop cause-and-effect thinking to consider how her choices will impact your child’s life and guide them toward better decision-making skills and resistance to peer pressure. Lead with empathy " is their catch phrase. The key is to protect the parent-child relationship of trust by establishing that you recognize how hard this situation is for him and are there to help him figure out how to solve his problem, if he wants your help. Rules without relationship equal rebellion Problem Solving: "So how do you think you are going to solve that problem ? Avoid anger, lectures, threats and warnings. Offer an array of choices about small issues to give your child practice at decision-For example, " Would you like to wear your coat or carry it?" Handle dawdling by saying, " My car leaves at 7:30 a.m. sharp. Would you like to go to school with shoes on your feet or in your backpack?"

9. L OVE AND L OGIC O NE -L INERS " I will be happy to talk about this with you as soon as your voice is as calm as mine." "I love you too much to argue," "Kitchen is open for dinner until 7:00 p.m. Eat all you need to last you until breakfast," "I'm not sure how to react to that. I'll have to get back to you on it." "I'll let you know what will work for me." “I bet it feels that way." "What do you think you're going to do." "I don't know. What do you think?" "Bummer. How sad."

10. M AKE YOUR CONSEQUENCES LOGICAL A natural/logical/related consequence is basically allowing your child or teen to experience a consequence that relates most closely with the action. Employ the generic Love and Logic consequence when your child's rule violation or misbehavior defies natural or reasonable consequence. This involves your child paying you back for the time and energy drain he caused you in dealing with the problem he created. At your discretion, he may do some of your chores or pay you in toys, allowance or savings or in special acts of kindness and respect.

11. W AYS TO F IX O UR T ENDENCIES “Say what you mean and mean what you say” Matthew 5:37 – “let your yes be yes and your no be no” Don’t say things that are never going to be followed up on; this undermines you Expect your kids to meet this standard!! Our kids will live up to the standards we set “1……..2……3!!”: why not just “1”?? Have your kids say, “yes mommy” or “yes daddy” and come to/look at you Get a handshake on the deal

12. W AYS TO F IX O UR T ENDENCIES, CONT. Provide a 5-minute warning when appropriate Colossians 3:21 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart”. Compliment our kids when they demonstrate first-time obedience Encourage the right behavior!!

13. T HE U LTIMATE O UTCOME With consistent parenting that expects first-time obedience, the child chooses whether or not to disobey his/her parents This is the first step to teaching our kids to be responsible for their actions Having first-time obedience knocks out a huge % of your parenting conflict Kids like it; provides structure Parents like it; provides sanity

14. T AKEAWAYS FROM T ODAY Getting “first-time obedience” is a key to resolving stress and strife in your home Achieving first-time obedience is usually harder for the parents than for the child