1. George Carlin George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian. He was also an actor and author, and he won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.Carlin was noted for his black humor as well as his thoughts on politics, the English language, more.. more..

2. “ George Carlin:The last thing they need is for you to stop and get out of your car and go over to the fire, because by now it is a fire, and start bothering them with a lot of stupid questions. "Are you hurt?" Of course they're hurt; look at all the blood! You just ran over them with a ton and a half of steel! #Writers and Writing#Writers and Writing

3. “ George Carlin:When they say "right to life", they're talking about their right to decide which people should live or die. #Life and Living #Life and Living

4. “ George Carlin:If I should be out driving around looking for a little fun and I see an accident, one that I am not involved in, I stop immediately! Well, I want to get a good look at what's going on. I'm never too busy that I can't stop to enjoy someone else's suffering. #Business#Business

5. “ George Carlin:There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them. #Marriage #Marriage

6. “ George Carlin:I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. #Government#Government

7. “ George Carlin:I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. #Photography#Photography

8. “ George Carlin:Hobbies cost money but interests are free. #Money #Money

9. “ George Carlin:Life.....is a series of dogs. #Life and Living#Life and Living

10. “ George Carlin:I decided to look around for something else to worship, something I could really count on. And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that: overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning. Several reasons: first of all, I can see the sun, okay? Yeah, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something – I don't know, kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So every day I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need: heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake – an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us. Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word; treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite. … You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. #Marriage#Marriage

11. “ George Carlin:Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. #Stupidity#Stupidity

12. “ George Carlin: May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.- #Evil#Evil

13. “ George Carlin:So why is it they allow a guy with big, powerful hands to get on board an airplane? I'll tell you why: they know he's not a security risk, because he's already answered the three big questions. Question number one: "Did you pack your bags yourself?" No, Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to the house last night, fixed me a lovely Lobster Newberg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four-way Around-The- World, and then they packed my bags. Next question. "Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?" No. Usually the night before I travel, just as the moon is rising, I place my suitcases out on the street corner and leave them there, unattended, for several hours. Just for good luck. Next question. "Has any unknown person asked you to take anything on board?" Hmm … well, what exactly is an "unknown person"? Surely everyone is known to someone. In fact, just this morning, Kareem and Yusef Ali Ben Gabba seemed to know each other quite well. They kept joking about which one of my suitcases was the heaviest. #Food and Eating#Food and Eating

14. “ George Carlin:This one is my current favorite. Go into the dry cleaners' and ask them if they can remove the stains from one pair of pants and put them in another pair! They ought to be able to do that for the same amount of money. #Money#Money

15. “ George Carlin:Catholic – which I was, until I reached the age of reason. #Catholicism#Catholicism

16. “ George Carlin:People who make quote marks in the air with their fingers: Are you tired of these people yet? "He said he was 'sober'." Hey lady, "eat me"! #Quotations#Quotations

17. “ George Carlin:"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. #Addiction #Addiction

18. “ George Carlin:Some of you might be familiar with some of my more famous tips from the past. How to get rid of counterfeit money? Put it in the collection plate at church! #Fame#Fame

19. “ George Carlin:I drive kind of recklessly, I take a lot of chances, I never repair my vehicle, and I don't believe in traffic laws. So I tend to have quite a high number of traffic accidents. #Courage#Courage

20. “ George Carlin:Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight They never mention that part to us, do they #Freedom#Freedom

21. “ George Carlin:If my car should be in such a position where I can't quite see what's going on, can't get a good enough look, I'm not the least bit shy about asking the police to bring the bodies over a little closer to the car. "Pardon me, officer, would you mind dragging that twisted-looking chap over here a little closer to the car, please? My wife has never seen anyone shaped quite like that. Look at that, Sugar Lips! That's his ribcage sticking out the glove compartment. That will be all, officer. You can throw him back on the pile." #Life and Living#Life and Living

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