1. Friendships, Relationships and Sexuality Michelle S. Alkon Adult Services, AANE michelle.alkon@aane.org 617.393.3824 ext. 25 DDS Training January 29 2016

2. Agenda: Friendships, Relationships and Sexuality Friendship How ASD Impacts Friendship Friendship Strategies Relationships How ASD Impacts Relationships Relationship Strategies ©Asperger/Autism Network 2

3. 3 The Friendship Algorithm

4. How ASD Impacts Friendship Aspects of Communication – Non-verbal Communication – Verbal Communication ©Asperger/Autism Network 4

5. How ASD Impacts Friendship Environment Home College Workplace Social Media Mode of Socialization Phone Email Texting/Messaging In person/Face-to- face Socialization Platform Facebook Twitter Instagram Snapchat Video Games Movies/Video Internet Forum Online Chat Groups Frequency Rarely Randomly Regularly Annually Monthly Biweekly Once a week Daily ©Asperger/Autism Network 5 Socialization Pattern

6. How ASD Impacts Friendship Areas of Difficulty Figures of speech/proverbs Humor Sarcasm Hidden Curriculum Socializing Social interactions Social anxiety Processing speed ©Asperger/Autism Network 6

7. Friendship Strategies Expectations Social rules in various environments Define a friend How to make friends Friend or acquaintance Maintaining friendship Boundaries Content and context of speech ©Asperger/Autism Network 7

8. Friendship Strategies Example: scheduling social interactions ©Asperger/Autism Network 8

9. Friendship Strategies Teaching Tools Observe in various situations List specific issues List perceived issues Provide conversation starters Topics for small talk Watch videos/film clips Schedules, scripts, etc. Role-play Real life situation practice Comprehend generalized situations ©Asperger/Autism Network 9

10. Amy Seducing Sheldon ©Asperger/Autism Network10

11. 11 Romantic and Sexual Relationships “Not only are friendship and closeness valuable in and of themselves, but they are also prerequisites for healthy romantic and sexual relationships in adulthood.” (Bolick) ©Asperger/Autism Network

12. 12 How ASD Impacts Relationships AS Characteristics Social skills: Communication abilities: verbal and non verbal Theory of Mind: Emotions: Detecting Reading Expressing Sensory issues Developmental Profile Socio-sexual development: self- stimulation, exploring sexuality, lack of experience and guidance Frustrations and inappropriate behaviours Gender identity, fluidity & role definition Sexual Orientation Social imitation: context, consent Experience Interpretation of emotions: Black & white thinking Interpersonal relationships: couples, empathy, intimacy Confusion & anxiety Less experience Fear of rejection Sexual drive, desire, curiosity

13. ©Asperger/Autism Network 13 How ASD Impacts Relationships Information Basic knowledge Experiences Social support Limitations of the environment Gender segregation Social network Rules Sex education Intimacy Interests and limits: steps in a relationship Private and public setting Quality time Medication Secondary effects Synergic effects Influential Factors

14. How ASD Impacts Relationships Safety Recognition of dangerous or abusive/unfriendly relationship Online dating skills Reading people’s intention Qualities of a healthy relationship Sharing Communication Pleasure, interest Respect, communication and much more… ©Asperger/Autism Network 14

15. How ASD Impacts Relationships Late developer in social/emotional maturity Not sexist, ageist or culturally biased Wants to be a friend/lover but little intuitive knowledge or experience Women with AS may prefer a relationship with a man with AS* Extreme NTs more likely to fall in love with an Aspie* ©Asperger/Autism Network 15 *Goldsworthy & Stokes, 2011

16. Relationship Strategies Safety Issues The first date Maintaining the relationship Emotions Reading facial emotions, Mind-Reading Expressing emotions Emotion management (intensity, anger, rigidity, empathy) CBT Social Behaviors Support groups Various activities and interests Neuro-typical friends, group, family Pleasure List Quality time: for individual and couple Relaxing activities Physical activities Social activities On a weekly schedule: make it happen! Communications Skills ©Asperger/Autism Network 16

17. Relationship Strategies Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies* Pursuing a diagnosis Accepting the diagnosis Staying motivated Understanding how AS impacts the individual Managing depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD Self-exploration and self-awareness Creating a Relationship Schedule Meeting each other's sexual needs Bridging parallel play Coping with sensory overload and meltdowns Expanding Theory of Mind Improving communication Co-parenting strategies Managing expectations and suspending judgment ©Asperger/Autism Network 17 Eva Mendes, M.A., Psychotherapist & Couple's Counselor

18. Resources: Articles, Webinars, Websites Articles General information about relationships http://www.aane.org/about_asperger_syndrome/living_asperger_syndrome_partner s.html http://www.aane.org/about_asperger_syndrome/living_asperger_syndrome_partner s.html Eva Mendes’ Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical StrategiesMarriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies Dania Jekel and Grace Myhill's article, Asperger Marriage: Viewing Partnerships Through a Different LensAsperger Marriage: Viewing Partnerships Through a Different Lens Elsa Abele's article Tips for Couples to Improve Social InteractionTips for Couples to Improve Social Interaction Webinars: Puberty, Dating and Healthy Sexuality for Individuals with ASD and Asperger’s Syndrome by Dr. Isabelle Hénault: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/31531/119915502https://vimeo.com/ondemand/31531/119915502 Viewing Marriage and Long-Term Relationships through an Aspergers Lens by Grace Myhill and Eva Mendes: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/22898/108290855https://vimeo.com/ondemand/22898/108290855 Websites for social skills and connections: www.succeedsocially.com www.meetup.com www.toastmasters.org wrongplanet.net ©Asperger/Autism Network18

19. Resources: Books Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome by Eva Mendes Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships: What People With Asperger Syndrome Really Really Want by Sarah Hendrickx Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships: What People With Asperger Syndrome Really Really Want Socially Curious, Curiously Social A Social Thinking Guidebook for Bright Teens & Young Adults by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke Socially Curious, Curiously Social A Social Thinking Guidebook for Bright Teens & Young Adults Safety Skills for Asperger Women: How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life by Liane Holliday Willey Safety Skills for Asperger WomenLiane Holliday Willey Social Skills Picture Book for High School and Beyond by Jed BakerSocial Skills Picture Book for High School and Beyond Look at the Recommended Reading List at: http://aane.org/asperger_resources/recommended_reading_spou ses.html http://aane.org/asperger_resources/recommended_reading_spou ses.html ©Asperger/Autism Network19

20. About AANE 20 The Asperger/Autism Network (AANE) works with individuals, families, and professionals to help people with Asperger Syndrome and similar autism spectrum profiles build meaningful, connected lives. We do this by providing information, education, community, support, and advocacy, all in an atmosphere of validation and respect. AANE provides support and community to: Adults and their families Families of children and teens Educators and professionals Diverse leadership includes adults, family members and professionals Advocate for appropriate quality services for people with AS profiles.