1. Positive Discipline: Helping children develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and problem-solving skills By Angie Studer

2. What we want kids to believe: I am responsible and motivated I can handle life’s ups and downs I belong and contribute in meaningful ways I can influence what happens to me I can listen, communicate, and cooperate I am adaptable and flexible in everyday life

3. I have integrity I can evaluate situations I can solve problems I understand my emotions and can respond with self-control and self- discipline ( Adapted from Raising Self-Reliant Kids in a Self-Indulgent World) What are your goals in parenting? Picture your child at age 25. What do you want them to be like? As a husband/wife? As an employee?

4. If raising kids was going to be easy, it wouldn’t have started with something called “Labor”!

5. Positive Discipline: What is it? Freedom with order Limited choices Kindness and firmness at the same time Where did we get the crazy idea that in order to make children feel better, first we have to make them feel worse? Based on the principles of Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline and Positive Discipline in the Classroom.

6. Kindness and firmness at the same time? Kindness shows respect for the child Firmness shows respect for ourselves and the needs of the situation If we want kids to control their own behavior, is it too much to ask that adults control their own?

7. “ The child who has not been disciplined with love by his little world, will be disciplined, generally without love, by the big world.”

8. Routines and Chores Routines help avoid morning and bedtime hassles Teaches children responsibility Have child help plan their routines; post it! Use a non-verbal to keep on track or “What are we supposed to be doing now?” Be sure to take time for training!!

9. Oops! I made a mistake! Mistakes are opportunities to learn Kids become sneaky if they are worried about making mistakes Recognize: I’m so sorry. Reconcile: Will you forgive me? Resolve: Let’s work on a solution together. Or, next time I will….

10. I’ve “flipped my lid”! Brain in the palm of your hand… Positive time-out: –Teach your child the value of cooling off –Develop a plan in advance –When your child feels better, follow up by making amends or working on a solution

11. Misbehavior Child’s primary goal is to feel significant and have a sense of belonging A misbehaving child is a discouraged child Don’t do anything for a child that he can do for himself. It robs a child of the chance to develop the belief that they are capable. How many things are you doing that your child could do by himself?

12. I’ve got a problem… Ignore it Talk respectfully with the other person Create a win-win solution Put it on the family agenda

13. Just talk with me… Lecturing: Children resist or rebel Questioning sets the tone for respectful language Ask curiosity questions. What happened? What do you think caused that to happen? What ideas do you have to solve the problem now? What did you learn that will help you next time?

14. Talk some more… Express understanding of their feelings. Show empathy. (this doesn’t mean you agree or condone the behavior) Share your feelings and perceptions. Invite the child to focus on a solution.

15. Your turn is coming. I know you can say that in a respectful way. I care about you and will wait until we can both be respectful to continue this conversation. I know you can think of a helpful solution We’ll talk about this later. Now it is time to get in the car. You are a good problem solver. Let me know what you come up with tonight. It really bugs me when… and I wish you would…

16. Family Meetings Creates a chance for kids to practice problem-solving skills Enhances family cooperation and closeness Eliminates many discipline hassles Held once a week: “family night” Decisions are made by consensus or tabled Review next week’s activities

17. Plan a fun activity for the week End by doing something fun together Sit at the table or in the family room; somewhere everyone can stay on task! Begin with compliments or gratitude Follow the agenda Solve any problems

18. Problem-Solving The goal is to find a solution for the problem, not consequences or punishment Solutions should be related, respectful, reasonable, and helpful! Brainstorm any possible solutions. Choose one to implement. Check back at next meeting to see how if it worked!

19. Have fun! Keep a list of fun things to do. Children take turns planning the family night. Also discuss chores, meals, date nights, etc.

20. “ Children need encouragement, just as plants need water. They cannot survive without it.” Encouragement is different than praise Praise=glory or approval Encouragement=inspires or spurs on Encouragement inspires self-evaluation not dependence on the approval of others Look for improvements, not perfection!

21. A few final notes… Open your arms and close your mouth. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. High point/low point The “talk” Decide what you will do, not what you will make a child do.”