SENTENCE LEVEL THE MECHANICS OF STYLE FIRST YEAR SERIES WRITING CENTER UNIVERSITY OF NORTH FLORIDA

WORKSHOP OVERVIEW  What keeps you from sounding confused?  Where do people look for the take-away—the point—of your document?  How do you make your point memorable?  Emphasis

GUIDED PRACTICE  Which sentence would you rather hear describing your new roommate?  A. He’s rather strange, but people like him.  B. People like him, but he’s rather strange.  Which sentence would you rather hear from your boss?  A. You deserve a raise, but times are hard.  B. Times are hard, but you deserve a raise.  Which sentence is more likely to sell you lawn fertilizer?  A.Although the blades of grass will brown and die, the roots will remain alive and capable of regenerating the plant when moisture returns.  B.The roots will remain alive and capable of regenerating the plant when moisture returns, though the blades of grass will brown and die.

GUIDED PRACTICE  Which sentence emphasizes American generosity?  Of all countries, the US gives the largest dollar amount to foreign aid, but in fact this represents a much smaller percentage of GDP compared with other nations’ giving.  In fact, it represents a much smaller percentage of our GDP compared with other nations’ giving, but of all countries the US gives the largest dollar amount to foreign aid.

INDEPENDENT PRACTICE  Cut out any unnecessary words in these sentences. Reword the sentences to emphasize each main point. Change as much as you want, but don’t repeat yourself needlessly – and don’t leave out important information.  Emphasize that the problem originates with state governments:  With the tightening of state funding for education, budget cuts seem inevitable for schools nationwide these days.  Now, emphasize that the problem is national (not just local).  With the tightening of state funding for education, budget cuts seem inevitable for schools nationwide these days.

INDEPENDENT PRACTICE  Take out any unneeded words. Then rewrite for emphasis.  Emphasize that the schools are public (not private). Some public schools across the United States have signed contracts with advertisers for various reasons.  Emphasize that the group being affected is children. Due to the influential quality of advertising, it can be utilized with children as a powerful tool to promote healthy behaviors and lifestyle choices.

INDEPENDENT PRACTICE  Take out any unneeded words. Then rewrite for emphasis.  Emphasize what Dr. Salk gave up: By refusing to put a patent on his polio vaccine, Jonas Salk forfeited a profit that Forbes has estimated at seven billion dollars, but he was hailed as an international hero for valuing the health of all people more than a boost in financial status.  Finally, rewrite the same sentence to emphasize what Dr. Salk gained.

INDEPENDENT PRACTICE Schools are cutting budgets across the country, but the problem originates with individual states’ budget cuts. As more states cut education funding, schools are cutting budgets across the U.S. Now, advertisers are signing contracts with schools – many of them public schools. Because advertising influences children, it can promote healthy behaviors and lifestyle choices. Sacrifice: By refusing to put a patent on his polio vaccine, Jonas Salk was hailed as an international hero for valuing the health of all people – but he had forfeited a profit estimated at $7 billion (Forbes). Legacy: By refusing to put a patent on his polio vaccine, Jonas Salk forfeited a profit estimated at $7 billion. But because he put people first, he is hailed as an international hero.

WORKSHOP SUMMARY  Move less important information away from the end of your sentence, leaving the Position of Emphasis open  Put key information in the Position of Emphasis, at the end  The Position of Emphasis “scales up”: the end of your paragraph should nail down the main point  The “bottom line” of your paragraph should be its bottom line—at the end.